All comics by PrimoOoze1138

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by PrimoOoze1138
4-04-06
A little help down here, dad?
Shut up, boy.
Thanks a lot.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-05-06
"Last call, people!"
Oh geez, the bar's closing soon and I still don't know what I want!
Come on, dad! We've been here for hours, I'm hungry!
Shut up, boy. It's 5 AM, almost time for breakfast.
Ok...
Hmm...screwdriver? No, maybe a caucasian. Margaritas are good...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-05-06
Ok, now, you get off to bed, I'll keep a lookout for your mother.
...But we're already IN my room.
Son, what's the first rule of love?
*sigh* The family that watches each other's backs together doesn't get chopped up to pieces together....
That's right.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-05-06
Dad, what are you doing in the bathroom? I'm trying to make pee.
I'm watching out for any coal miners. You'll be in the bathroom one day, minding your own business, brushing your teeth maybe, and then
"BAM!"
those damn coal miners are digging a hole straight up your ass.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-13-06
...But the good news is, the victim's gonna be A-OK!
...Um, Dr. West...you just declared her dead five minutes ago.
I fixed her.
Braaaaiiinnnsss...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-13-06
Your asshole souffle, madam.
What? No, I ordered the chicken parmesan.
Are you sure? I've got "asshole souffle" written right here on this order.
No, I said Chicken Parmesan, not some French piece of crap sandwich!
Look madam, I can tell you're upset. How about a shepard's mudpie, compliments of the house?

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-17-06
Aqua-Abe says:
Remember kids: Having mob ties will leave you swimming with the fishes.
Isn't that right, Hawk?
bbl bblalb.
So please, help keep our oceans clean and stay out of the Mafia.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-20-06
Yo, snailman...
What?
You gonna go down to the Brine Pit tonight and check out Depeche Mode?
Fuck you.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-28-06
TEH iPODS R COMING!
OH NOES!
TEH iPODS R COMING!
OH SNAP!
TEH iPODS R COMING!
Go fuck yourself.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-28-06
*knock knock*
This will all end in tears.
And now we enter what must the most beautiful concert hall of all the universe. A perfect replica of the old opera house... But who cares!
Alan-Rickman-Tron, meet the Chris-Tucker 9000!
I'd make a suggestion, but you wouldn't listen.
C'mon! You got everybody excited about something being blowed up, and look at your little punk British ass.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-29-06
...And we'd like to remind our viewers. Please stay out of San Diego.
Did ya see that? I was on TV! SPRING BREAK IN SOCAL, WOOOO!!
Awesome............... So now what do we do?
52 card pickup?
>sigh< - might as well ...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
5-01-06
So what're we doing out here?
What the Pope don't know won't hurt me.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
5-08-06
Yo, baby...You wanna come check out my tricked out PHONE BOOTH?
I'd rather smother myself in a fat woman's car seat.
Ok then.... Goin' BACK to my PHONE BOOTH...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
5-09-06

 

It doesn't matter, they all suck.
by PrimoOoze1138, 5-11-06

 

You want me to what?
by PrimoOoze1138, 5-12-06

 

by PrimoOoze1138
5-17-06

 

by PrimoOoze1138
5-17-06
Home again...
Hey, little brother, what's up?
Shut up.
Home again...
Jeez, will you clean up this pit, what do you want for dinner, I've got ham, steak, pizza, do you need some new pants?
No mom, I'm fine.
Jiggity Jig.
Same as it ever was...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
5-23-06
From the creators of the superhit "The Librarian" comes the ultimate in thrilling TV!
Hey, they don't serve your kind in here!
No, jackass. I work here. And MY kind serves THIS kind in here. It's a french roast.
Adam Goldberg is...
Oh.
"Coffeeshop Douchebag!"
*sip*

 

by PrimoOoze1138
6-02-06
Uh oh...
Betty, I need to tell you something, so I wrote you a poem about it.
Ok, Bruce, what is it?
I feel so bad, please don't be sad, I Hulked again, and killed some men. New York is toast, and so's the coast, I ate Freddie Prinze, but I'll buy you a Benz...

 

Give it to me straight, doc, how is my wife?
dead, lol
by PrimoOoze1138, 6-03-06

 

by PrimoOoze1138
6-05-06
Alright, babe, you ready to shoot?
Is this lead bikini really necessary?
*SNAP* *SNAP*
Hey guys, is this porn? If it is, is it hot? I can't tell.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-08-06
Did I mention that every meal comes with a free baby seal?
I'll take it!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-11-06
'ep.
What's your problem, smacky?
What is it with you guys and 'Con Queso'?
That means 'with cheese.'
...Con queso.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-14-06
20 years later
*sigh*...Can I take your order, dad?
You look like a pink nightmare.
What'll it be mom?
Oh, isn't that sweet...
Shut up, Randy...
hehehehehehe...

 

There you go. Enjoy your movie.
Thanks, you too.
by PrimoOoze1138, 8-18-06

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-20-06
*pfft*
Ugh. Sorry, I think I pooted.
You "pooted"?
What? Would you rather me call it something else?
Hmm, let's see... You could say you "Farted, cut the cheese, busted your manners, passed gas, passed ASS gas, ...
"...Broke wind, pinched one off, SQUEEZED one off, or tore a new hole in your ass letting the naughty air slide through..."

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-20-06
tag, you're it!
i called no tagsies
give me all the money in the register!
i called no robsies
Yes, God?
I called no Disneys.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
9-16-06
OK, ma'am, that'll be $13.25.
Say what?! For two large dranks an' some popcorn?
*sigh* Yes.
You know what? Hell with that piratin' movies shit, the real piracy's out here in the lobby. I ain't payin' no $13 for that crap.
Ghar...but ye'll be payin' that debt to me, else we toss ye to them dogs we like to call managers!
Piracy, I'm tellin' ya..

 

by PrimoOoze1138
9-16-06
Arr...What'll ye be havin' this evenin'?
Yeah dude, can I get...um...a frizzle...?
I'm not understandin' ye boy, kindly repeat.
Um...a freezie?
Aye, they be called Icees in these waters. So the landlubber wants an Icee?
Totally.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
9-16-06
Ahoy there, gent! What can a pirate get fer ya this fine evening?
A bottle of water. That's all.
Arr, the fee comes to three dollars, and a half!
Alrighty, can you break a fifty?
That I can, kind sir. Ye'd best leave in a hurry, lest another pirate stick a shiv in ye for the rest of yer paper monies!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
9-17-06
Ahoy there, matey!
Ahoy, Cap'n. How can I be of service?
Arr, ye'd best not be leanin' on the counter.
Indeed, but why?
Arr, it makes ye look lazy, it does.
Aye-aye, Cap'n. But this pirate be nothin' if not lazy...

 

Can I interest you in a Tetanus shot with your deluxe fried chicken platter?
by PrimoOoze1138, 11-10-06

 

The body of Christ?!
...broken for you.
by PrimoOoze1138, 12-27-06

 

Merry Christmas, stranger.
Go to Hell!
by PrimoOoze1138, 12-27-06

 

Mom, my Alan-Rickman-Tron just keeps kicking me in the nuts!
"Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho..."
by PrimoOoze1138, 12-27-06

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-01-07
4!
3!
2!
1!
*sigh*...

 

Yo momma so old, she dead.
by PrimoOoze1138, 1-06-07

 

"Dear sir, yo momma so stupid, she wrote this letter herself. Love, Yo Momma." What?
by PrimoOoze1138, 1-06-07

 

Oh yeah? Well YO momma so ugly, yo daddy made her put on a second hood before he tap dat ass! Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
by PrimoOoze1138, 1-06-07

 
by PrimoOoze1138, 1-12-07

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-21-07
Debbie--your blind date is here.
Oh, boy! Yay!
So where are we going? The movies? A fancy restaurant?
"Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history. "

 

umfumdisi, for "Kramer VS Remark"!
by PrimoOoze1138, 1-26-07

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-28-07
How went the vasectomy?
Good and bad. The best part is no more condoms!
What's the worst part?
All these leftover condoms.
So I can come back and get more later, right?

 

So it's settled. The new song is titled "Toxic." What do you think, Ms. Spears?
I love it.
by PrimoOoze1138, 2-25-07

 

OK, John, how about "Up in the Air Where the Buffalo Stare?" "Greener Pastures in My Head?" "Mighty Buffet of Jolene?"
Geez, just let it be, Paul.
by PrimoOoze1138, 2-25-07

 

We've been up all night, man, what are we gonna call this one? Geez, I'm so tired.....zzzzz........zzzzzzz............
Aaand enter Sandman. Hey now...
by PrimoOoze1138, 3-14-07

 

by PrimoOoze1138
6-03-07
Whatcu lookin' at, Funboy?

 

I'll take it any way I can get it
by PrimoOoze1138, 6-06-07

 

by PrimoOoze1138
11-26-07
I man the front desk at one of the buildings on my school's campus.
Hey dude, the 'puters er all fucked up.
I'm sorry, what?
I can't get the 'puters to werk. They're fucked up.
Huh. That's kinda weird. They were running fine last night.
It's not like these are the only computers on campus. We have hundreds.
Not now, dude. I needa print sum shit fer my bizness class. ...Dude, yers werks. Can I uze it?
It doesn't work that way, sir.

Showing page 4.

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