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The further adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
So, you say he's got big floppy ears...
Yes.
...and, he can fly?
Yes.
I'll believe THAT when I see it!
Uh...

 

Man... That bus really nailed him! He must have flown thirty feet through the air...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
...and landed with a thud like a big piece of clay!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Say, Gumby... Wasn't that your pet horse, Pokey?
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

 

...and in that far corner, I want you to build a rec room for the altar boys.
Yes, father...
Make sure that there's enough room for a pool table, TV and DVD player, convertible sofa, sunken tub with jacuzzi jets, candles...
?
...and, a fountain that dispenses "Jesus Juice" on demand!

 

Check out the size of this room, Honey!
I must be out of my mind!
Ooooh... And, it's got one of those vibrating beds!
Why did I ever agree to spend the weekend with this geek-ball!
Hurry up and get ready, honey! The "Jerry Lewis Retrospective in Mime" starts in fifteen minutes...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

 

Hmmm... This doesn't look good!
Uh... Honey? Did you remember to call the Orkin Man like I asked you?
Honey..?
*BUUUUUUURRRP!*

 

Hey... Who are you?
My name is Pongo, from the planet Mongo...
Mongo? How far away is that?
Two million light years...
Really? You must be horny! Wanna fuck..?
I swear to God there's nothing but a bunch of faggots on this planet!

 

LISTEN UP, PEOPLE OF SEAGATE COLONY HOMEOWNER ASSOCIATION!
AS NEW PRESIDENT OF HOA, TOBOR RAISING THE MONTHLY DUES BY ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS PER MONTH!
ANYONE NOT LIKING DUES HIKE, MAY FILL OUT COMPLAINT FORM AND TURN IT IN TO MAIN OFFICE. THEN, PREPARE TO BE CORNHOLED!!

 

[glub, glub]
Wow! I never seen anything like that in all my days!
Why?
And, the strangest part is...
WHY?!
...I could swear I had that bull fixed last winter!

 

Oooh! This can't be good if HE shows up at an accident scene...
"And, yea, though I walk through the Valley of Death, I will fear no-"
Hey, Jesus! Want a fresh cup of coffee? I brewed it myself...
Ah, dammit! You made me lose my place! Now, I gotta start from the beginning again! And, no, I don't want any of your stupid-ass coffee!!
Well, then he can go fuck himself!
I heard that!

 

I COMMAND YOU TO GO OUT AND KILL ALL HUMANS!!
Yes, your Supremeness!
Oh, and while your out...
...can you pick me up a Double Quarter-pounder with Cheese Meal Deal, and super-size it with a Diet Coke!
I love it when these dipshits order fast food with all those calories and grams of fat, and then wash it down with a diet drink... STOOOOO-PID!!

 

YOU READY TO TAKE IT ALL IN, BITCH?!
Honey? Who's that talk-
BRACE YOURSELF...
Whoa...
...'CUZ BIG DADDY FEET-FOR-EARS IS COMING FOR YA!!
Talk about being in the wrong place, at the wrong time!

 

First, check victim's throat for anything that may be blocking the air passage way...
Then, position yourself behind victim, reaching around and clasping hands in front just under victim's thorax...
Please...hurry...dude... I...can't...breathe..!
Hold on! There's a diagram on the next page...

 

"Dear Melty... I have written you several times, asking for your advice regarding my love life (or lack there of)..."
"...and you have yet to respond back. I don't get it! YOU FUCKING SUCK!!"
I don't have arms!

 

Boo!
Goo!
BOO!
GOO!
BOOOOOOOOOO!!
GOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

I am Valdar from the planet Mongo! Take me to your leader!
You mean my master!
Okayyyy... Then, take me to your master!
Oooo... Not good timing. He's asleep right now...
AAARRRRGGGHH! You are making it so HARD!
I am? SEXY!

 

"Nightmare on Elm Street, Part 33"
Can Bobby come out and play?
Can Bobby come out and play?
Can Bobby come out and play?
Can Bobby come out and play?
Can Bobby come out and play?
Can Bobby come out and play?

 

DING! DONG!
Hello?
I don't think anyone's home, J.C...
Ring it again, Timmy!
DING! DONG!
Nope! Nobody home!
Dammit! Where are they? This is the third Sunday in a row they've missed Mass!

 

PEOPLE OF EARTH! LISTEN THE FUCK UP! IT WAS NOT OUR WISH TO DESTROY YOUR CITIES, AND KILL YOUR CHILDREN!
WE WERE ONLY TRYING TO LIBERATE YOU FROM THAT EVIL MAN NAMED "DUBYA"! HE MUST HAVE BEEN EVIL BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOUR LEFT-WING MEDIA WOULD SAY ABOUT THE GUY!
WE WILL NOW HELP YOU REBUILD YOUR INFRASTRUCTURE AT GREAT EXPENSE TO THE TAXPAYER'S BACK ON MY HOME PLANET! ELECTIONS WILL BE HELD AS SOON AS WE DEEM...

 

Hey, John...
Hey, Bill...
Heard the lastest?
No...
A family of Chinese beetles moved into apartment C!
Goddamn slopes are everywhere!

 

I am Voltar, Lord of the Undead, and caretaker of the haunted mansion!
Wow! You're a real-live SPOOK!
Look who's calling the kettle BLACK!

 
Hey, Brad! Did you forget to pay Stripcreator.com's electric bill?

 

OUCH!
You punched me right in the nuts, Santa!
What the hell d'you do that for?
Well, Gabe... Last year I gave you a lump of coal because you were bad. Since your behavior hasn't improved this year, I decided to take a more direct approach! Merry Christmas, asshole!

 

Damn! What's that horrible smell?
I just took a dump on your new, expensive Persian rug...
Why the hell did you do that?
What can I say... "Life's a bowel movement"!
I thought it was a "Beef Lindstrom" with two dots over the "o"...
SHUT THE FUCK UP, GENE!!

 

Good evening, ladies and germs! Welcome to the Improv in Hell...
On tap tonight we have a bunch of untalented, unknown comedians to torment you with lame jokes about their ex-girlfriends...
...and, if that isn't torture enough, we'll be screening a Pauly Shore film restrospective immediately afterwards... Everyone's required to watch!

 

Check one! Check two!
Can you all hear me? No..?
Will somebody come lower this fucking mic stand?

 

Hey, Rush... [hic] What's up? [burp]
You're drunk again!
Don't be shilly! [burp] I'm shober as a pushycat! [Braaaaapppp!]
I don't understand you! Things were going so well for you since you went on the wagon: a new career, a new girlfriend, and a new Hummer! What happened?
My job shucks, my girlfriend won't, and my H2 only gets nines miles to a gallon!
Drink up, pal!

 

Do I hear two packs? Three packs? Five packs?
Damn...
Five packs? Do I hear six? Okay... Five packs going once. Five packs going twice...
I really need to take a long, hard look at my life...
SOLD! To Bubba in Cell Block "C" for five packs of cigarettes!
...and figure out how the fuck I ended up in here as the jailhouse sissy!

 

OUCH!
You kicked me right in the nuts! Why the fuck did you do that?
I didn't mean to! I was just having a little fun and lost control of my big, floppy shoe!
Then, do me a favor and QUIT CLOWNING AROUND!!
But... But...

 

CRACK!
Ouch!
CRACK!
Yee-OUCH!!
Are you feeling the burn, bitch?!
Oh, yes, Madame Penguin! I FEEL IT!!

 

...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
Oops! I take that back, Gumby...
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
It reads, "Here Lies POOKEY"...
...AAAAAAAAAAAA...
Sorry...

 

OUCH!!
You bit me right on the nuts!
That's funny... They didn't TASTE like nuts!
Cocksucker!

 

So... Your first time on a farm?
Yes...
Um... Can you do me a favor and put that thing away..?
You're making the horses jealous, Shaq!
Sorry...

 

OUCH!
I'm soooooo sorry!
You nailed me in the nuts...AGAIN! Why did you do that...AGAIN?!
It was an accident, dude! I'm new at juggling, and I guess one got away from me!
Yeah? If, your so new at it, then why are you practicing with bowling balls?!

 

Boy! The stars are shining bright tonight, eh, Lizzy?
Yeah, Frank... It's really nice out!
I think I'll keep it out...

 

...and, the next time you see that fat-ass in the red suit, I want you to tell him to BACK OFF!
But, why, Jesus?
BECAUSE IT'S MY FUCKING HOLIDAY!! GOT IT?!

 

Psssst! Hey, Lenny...
Yeah... Wazzup?
Can you do me a HUGE favor..?
Name it...
OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!!
Give me a minute... I checking out the new skank in 3-C!

 

YAY!
YAY!
YAY!!
Um... What are we "YAY-ing" about?
I just got the test results back... I'M NOT PREGNANT!! YAY!
YA- huh?

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
Is there a problem, officer?
Not really... Have you seen anything unusual today?
You mean besides me..?
Whaaaat? I don't understand...
Are you blind?
Um... Yeah! Helloooooo!!

 

GASP!!
Look, everyone! I'm not dead!!
Sure, I'm a little banged up, and all my skin is peeled off...
...but, I'm fine! Sorta. Anyhoo... If you'd be so kind to stop the press conference and call me an ambulance, I'd much apreesh, if you know what I mean...

 

"My queen seven to your king three. Checkmate!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Cocksucker!

 

You didn't listen to me, did you?
No, I didn't...
I told you that if you stay out in the open for too long, this would happen, didn't I?
Yes, you did...
Dude... This the seventh cruise I've been on. I know these things...
Fucking sea gulls!!

 

Hey, Bob!
Do seasoned fries come with the number two combo?
Oh... And, do we have any surgical tape in the first-aid kit?

 

The 2008 Olympics is just around the corner...
And, the competition is going to be stiff, so I'd better train harder than ever!
Hopefully, I'll have access to a pool soon!

 

Whoa, doggie!
This is fine right here...
Thanks for the lift!

 

What's with the saddle, Dubya?
My pappy said I'm gonna get a new pony for Christmas!
But, that's four months away...
I can wait...

 

HEE HEE HEE HEE ...
HEE HEE HEE HEE ...
Please (HEE HEE) stop (HEE HEE) tickling (HEE HEE) my (HEE HEE) feet! HEE HEE HEE HEE...
Not until you go get me another brewski, clown!

 

...and, as an added signing bonus, I'll throw in four extra years of playing time!
Cool!
And- will you please put that thing away?
It's really distracting, Shaq!
Sorry...

 

Don't do it, man!
But...
I'm begging you! DON'T!!
But...
YOU'LL BRING DOOM AND GLOOM TO ALL OF US IN STRIPCREATOR.COM!!
But, I just want to touch the edge of the frame... What harm could that bring?

 

OUCH!
You horned me right in the nuts! What the fuck, Sven?!
I TOLD YOU ALL SALES WERE FINAL!!
I didn't think it'd hurt to ask... Boy, was I wrong!

 

Great party, Pumpy!
Thanks, Melty!
I just took a look in the toilet bowl, and...
...were you planning on us "bobbing for corn" later on..?
?

Showing page 4.

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