All comics by The_Kingpin

Profile

 

by The_Kingpin
12-17-04
Dear Mr. Stickly, I have a problem. I believe my girlfriend is cheating on me. What do I do?
The solution is easy. Allow me to show you.
You need to nail her harder!

 

by The_Kingpin
12-18-04
I hope you enjoyed the dinner, my dear.
Oh Neal... This has been such a romantic Christmas night. You shouldn't have!
I'm afraid I should have... Because tonight is the night I must tell you my dark secret!
What is it?
Actually, I don't. I just wanted to get some suspense going.

 

by The_Kingpin
12-28-04
I'm Barry Well with jolly old St. Nick.
Hello world.
Santa, now that Christmas is over for another year, what are your plans for the upcoming year?
Well, my elves are going to make toys while I rest until next Christmas Eve.
You lazy bastard.
This is Barry Well, signing off!

 

by The_Kingpin
12-29-04
Congratulations, you are the next kidnappee for the great Allah!
You will be tortured by being forced to watch television and do nothing else all day and night!
We only get one channel and it's the 24 Hour Reality Tv Series Channel.
You monster.

 

by The_Kingpin
1-02-05
So, how was your new year?
Wait....what's this about there being a new year!?
Yesterday was January 1, 2005.
What happened to 2004!?
It went away.
Oh no! That's terrible! But, never fear, I shall find 2004!

 

by The_Kingpin
1-06-05
As president of the RIAA, I further decree. all your money are belong to us.
You have no chance to sur----AHHHHH!!
Good shot!
Thanks.

 

by The_Kingpin
1-14-05
A poll was taken recently.
11% of people who took it stated they would have an abortion if there was a CHANCE of their child being obese.
I hope I never meet that 11% freaks.

 

by The_Kingpin
1-18-05
Hi! Welcome to the graveyard.
Thanks. I hope I'll enjoy this place.
You will. It's a great place.
That's good. I guess it's true what they say. People are just dying to get in here.
Get out. Now!

 

by The_Kingpin
1-26-05
You know what I hate about America?
What?
The fact that all you have to do to become famous is appear on film.
What's wrong with becoming famous for acting?
Acting? I'm talking about Paris Hilton's sex tape.

 

by The_Kingpin
1-26-05
Past
I hate my job.
Present
I hate my job
Future
I hate my job.

 

by The_Kingpin
1-28-05
Hey, aren't you John Kerry?
Yes, I am.
How could you lose to President Bush?!?
I don't know.
I guess the election flip flopped more than I do.

 

by The_Kingpin
3-07-05
Where am I?
You're in hell.
Oh no! I don't deserve this!
Relax, I'm here to take you to the babe sex room. I hope you're ready to have sex with babes for eternity
Babe sex? Hey, hell isn't so bad after all!
And, of course, by babes I mean decaying monkey bodies.

 

by The_Kingpin
3-20-05
Me As A Seven Year Old
Yay, Beethoven's 2nd! I liked the movie, I bet this is going to be pretty good.
A Few Minutes Pass
I'm going to hate myself one day for buying this game.

 

by The_Kingpin
4-24-05
Hey there Lassie!
Farmer John! Timmy's trapped in the well!
Yes, you're a good girl, aren't you? Who's daddy's little doggy?
Look you redneck farmer! I just told you in plain English Timmy is trapped in the well!
You want a doggytreat, is that it?
Nevermind, this'll do.

 

by The_Kingpin
4-26-05
Sunday Morning.....
YES! PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Saturday Night.....
Dude....pass the alcohol. I want to get wasted so much tonight and screw someone!

 

by The_Kingpin
6-01-05
Yep.
I'm not really a girl.

 

by The_Kingpin
6-02-05
God hates you all and you're all going to hell.

 

by The_Kingpin
6-10-05
Welcome tv land viewers to our fifth annual talent show! Let's welcome Dirk with his dancing bumblebees to the stage!
Ok bumblebees, let's do dance move B! Wait, no! Dance move B! Not attack me!! NO! AHHHH!!!!
Wait, Dirk's allergic to bees. Haha...sucker.

 

by The_Kingpin
6-27-05
Mommy! Bobby just told me that Adolf Hitler is my real daddy! That's not true, is it?
Yes, honey....I'm afraid it is.
WAAAAA-HAA-HAAAAA!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE SALLY HITLER! WAAAAAAAAA!!!
But we're all Hitlers, dear. I'm Mrs. Hitler...Bobby is Bobby Hitler....and Woofy...he's Woofy Hitler.
Wait, isn't our next door neighbor named Adolf Hitler?
Duh! Who do you think I'm talking about? Adolf Hitler the German? Don't be silly.

 

by The_Kingpin
7-10-05
This party is totally awesome! Free beer, get as drunk as you want, all the drugs I want, man!
Yeah, I know what you mean.
But, I should be getting home before I get any higher. I've got plans tomorrow and I'll already be hung over from tonight.
What could be more important than this party?
I've got to go to church in the morning.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-05
I don't know why everyone says Jessica Simpson is dumb.
Do you not se how she acts?
Yeah, but I think that's all it is. An act.
She paid $700 for a pair of underwear.
I stand corrected.

 

by The_Kingpin
9-23-05
Oh no! The game won't work!
What do we do????
Quick! Blow into the cartridge! If that doesn't work, press and hold down the reset button! That'll do it!
I love the NES!

 

by The_Kingpin
2-09-06
*knock knock knock*
Ah...trick or treaters. Such a delight.
TRICK OR TREAT!!!
AHHH!!!!
.....
How was I supposed to know?!?

 

by The_Kingpin
4-15-06
Man, I'm drunk like you wouldn't believe! I'm so wasted I don't know if I'll be able to get up and head to where I have to go in the morning.
Where do you have to go?
Hypocrisy, gotta love it.
Church. Duh! I AM a Christian, you know.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-09-06
I need volunteers for our next mission! And since there's only two of us, you'll do.
I'll go!
Great! Everyone grab your phasers. There WILL be fights down below! Some of us might not return.
...Crap.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-11-06
Sir, I'll be right back with your food.
Suddenly, from the kitchen....
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Your hamburger will be out shortly.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-12-06
Wake up with the king!
Creepy freak.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-13-06
The Good
Just the two of us are stranded on the island, these are my only clothes left, and I feel like making out.
Yay!
The Bad
But I'm a lesbian.
Aw.
The Ugly
Your sister and I did it last week.
....

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
The Good
I finally got it on with a girl.
Way to go man.
The Bad
But it was with a hooker.
Well, a girl is a girl I guess.
The Ugly
Tell your daughter I'll have her five bucks tomorrow.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
Man, I'm bored. I think I'll go.....
Yay, I got another rabbit! ...Oh crap, not again.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
Several Hours Later....
Oh man, what happened? My head's killing me.
Who are you?
I'm the Grim Reaper. I've come to pick you up. You were killed a few hours ago.
No I can't be dead! I can't! *sob sob sob*
I love this job.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
Okay, sorry about that outburst there.
It's okay. I've been used to it for centuries.
So you're really the Grim Reaper?
Yes.
I want to ask you something then.
Sure, go ahead.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
Is Elvis dead?
*Sigh* Yes. Secrets of the universe....and people always ask about Elvis.
Come on, enough standing around. Let's get to heaven.
Yes! Wootness! What do I do?
Just follow me through here.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
So, this is heaven?
Yep.
Awesome. Nothing could top getting here!
Just wait to you see the cheerleaders who will obey your every whim, desire, and command no matter what.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
Sorry, I passed out there for a minute.
It's okay. Well, I hope you enjoyed your stay.
Say wha--? Enjoy my stay?
Yeah, it's time to leave.
What?! You mean I have to go back to living now?
Um.....not exactly.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
You told me I made it into heaven!
Yeah, I lied. I love messing with people. Hehe
You're sick!
At least I don't have to spend an eternity down here! Adios amigo!
Wait! Come back you lying bag of scum!

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
Okay, um...I'm in hell. Oh no, is that who I think it is?
Welcome to hell! You won't be enjoying your stay.
Follow me please.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
Where are we going?
To your eternal punishment.
Crap.
This is it?
Yep. All you have to do is just lay there.

 

by The_Kingpin
8-16-06
Well, just laying in bed for eternity doesn't seem TOO bad.
Meanwhile, outside the house...
Yes! Today's the day I get to meet my new bed slave!

 

by The_Kingpin
8-18-06
Hi Mandy, want to go out Friday night?
You're a great guy, but I don't know you well enough. Let's be get to know each other better.
Several Months Later....
It's been awesome being friends. Want to go out now?
Sorry, I just want to be friends.
For the love of God, make up your damn mind!

 

by The_Kingpin
9-08-06
So I read on Yahoo News, Brad Pitt refuses to marry until marriage is legal for everyone.
Really?
Yeah, I didn't care either.

 

by The_Kingpin
11-12-06
Just have to place the presents and I'm all set.
DIE BURGLAR!!!!
....Oh crap.

 

by The_Kingpin
11-16-06
Father Bryant, the Vatican is considering removing the ban on priests having sex.
That is correct.
How does this make you feel?
I support it. I think priests should be allowed to do so.
Especially since a new altar boy joined us this previous weekend,

 

by The_Kingpin
11-18-06
Justin and Brandon meet on a sidewalk...
Man, I can't believe my son and your daughter are getting married. We'll be inlaws!
....My daughter is marrying your son?!

 

*smack smack smack smack smack*
....Is it that hard to keep your mouth closed when you chew your food?
by The_Kingpin, 11-19-06

 

by The_Kingpin
11-22-06
Welcome to Channel 3 News. We have a late breaking story. With us to explain the situation is Dr. Jones to explain his outcome.
It was horrible! He kept bleeding and bleeding! Every which way I turned, he needed more surgery! Here's my patient now.
All I came to the hospital for was to visit a relative.

 

by The_Kingpin
11-22-06
Today is a perfect day to nude sunbathe in my backyard. What could possibly go wrong?

 

by The_Kingpin
2-11-07
*smack smack smack smack*
*smack smack smack smack*
Is it too much to ask for you to keep your friggin' mouth closed when you chew?!

 

by The_Kingpin
3-31-07
Nanny, can I take the bag out to the car?
No, the mosquitos are out and they might bite you. You might get West Nile Virus and die.
Literally right after....
Justin, come take this out to the car!

 

by The_Kingpin
4-08-07
Several years ago when my oldest niece was learning to talk, she walks into my room...
Come here dumbass.
....Wha...???
>_>

Showing page 4.

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