All comics by cockring9462

 

by cockring9462
6-22-06
I'm surprised a high-tech company hired a full-time nurse. What are your daily duties?
I'm qualified at CPR, medical emergencies, etc...
ok...
You can also bury your face in my chest
hooray!

 

by cockring9462
6-22-06
Your comics suck, but keep making them
But... they suck
Which is why you have to keep making them
...
get it?
uh.. Why that's BRILLIANT! (I don't get it)

 

by cockring9462
6-22-06
'sup?
Whoa man, what's with the hate?
What the hell are you talking about?
Whoa, you said "hell", some sort of christian fundemntalist hate?
Who are you?
You hate so much you forget people, wow, that's a lot of hate!

 

by cockring9462
6-23-06
Goat Thing rules!
Goat Thing is a genetic hybrid, not part of God's plan. Therefore, not allowed to reproduce...
G.T. RULEZ
...and barely be allowed to exist.
He's the freakin' shit!
He should remain in a dark box.

 

by cockring9462
6-23-06
I don't really respond to those critical of my existance...
Some wish to see me side-lined, and prefer Bird Thing. But Bird Thing is just a bird, not a freak. The kids love freaks
Bird Thing is the prettiest, vote for me!

 

by cockring9462
6-23-06
I hear GT is a psychopath
I hear he's a fat-ass, now
I think he's in love with me!
I hear he dosen't clean his moustache
GT eats bacon, he eats us
He eats all the honey I make!

 

by cockring9462
6-23-06
We can't be seen at the same events together!
And why is that, Bird Thing?
You're a goddamn sexual maniac
So?
Stop it!
Just because I'm 1/4 bird dosen't mean I mount every bird I see

 

by cockring9462
6-23-06
Goat Thing's fortune allowed him to visit the happiest places in the world. Like Iceland!
As his popularity went down, he moved into a simple condo and did occasional work, but mostly drugs
His ravenous drug habit (cocaine, heroin, ecstacy, goat shrooms) spent through all his free money. Broke, he moved back to the farm.

 

by cockring9462
6-23-06
You moved back to the farm, too?
No, just back for a few months for detox.
I always thought you were shady
Feeling is mutual
Sex?
No.

 

by cockring9462
6-23-06
Alien Ghost Thing Rules!
*applause*
Goat Thing was just an accident, I am the real shit
He plays sound harmonics from the folds in his brains for six minutes. Half the crowd is left comatose.

 

by cockring9462
6-23-06
Alien Ghost, a.k.a The AG, is the shit! As long as you don't get comatosed...
Goat Thing is so dated, welcome to '06.
I know, I keep up with the times. I deleted all my GT and BT mp3s in rejection.
Aw good for vous!
I still masturbate to Bird Thing
Who dosen't?

 

by cockring9462
6-24-06
I found the entrance, ma'am
Good, pry open his door
prying...
Ok, opening
OMG!

 

by cockring9462
6-24-06
Goat Thing knew she would be breaking into his apartment, so..
..he filled his apartment with manequins in BSDM positions and attire
and 3 gold peices
Bird Thing took it
and became a 2nd level thief
The end!

 

by cockring9462
6-24-06
BSDM is a lot like BDSM
Bull Shit Domino Machine
eh..?
ok, we're lying
haha, what?

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
I write dark poetry about you, using my blood as ink
...
I watch you, from my car, from the bushes, from your webcam, from your apartment window
...
Oh wait, wrong girl, sorry

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
hmm, looks like no one's home
I'll wait
man, that's a big pencil

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
4, we should collaborate to bring back our fading careers
Ok Bird Thing, I hate your music, but I'll sample your vocals
I'm more than just a vocalist, I also like to paint
yes, and knitting and baby making or whatever
You're a bit of a dickhead
Yeah, you love it, biatch

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
I'll always love Bird Thing, her music inspired me
To do what?
Well, dancing and expressing myself
And Dark Poetry?
of course, that goes without saying
We should exchange dark poetry sometime

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
Weird, I could have sworn A4 was, well, a gay band, led by gay men, gay fans, and gay producers
Oh and guess what, Bird Thing is now collaborating with A4
Hey, you're the one with the penis
So?
I just want to touch your penis

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
You know, I have nothing against you, personally, Goat Thing
But your career is over, for the marginal benefit of our careers
She's writing a biography of me?
No, a Lieography of you.

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
I present to you a play of my life with Goat Thing
It's fictional
It's all completely made-up
Yet contains.. truth!
Truth nuggets
heh

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
The play goes on great length about what a terrible person Goat Thing is.
A total of 187 character flaws are pointed out, each indexed and methotically cataloged
All of the people who know of Goat Thing decide one thing
He has to die, soon.
Bird Thing spends the remaining 30 minutes of the play half-naked, with gyrating hips as she speaks
What in the fuck was that?

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
Well, there's a handshake, and a manshake, big diff... hold on
Excuse me
Yes, how can I help you, young woman?
You're going to have to smoke outside. Please don't hate me.
You're pretty hot, so I really quite like you
You make me feel special

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
There, I'm a horse, I met the basic requirements for the competition
You're only a donkey, a genetic freak, an infertile accident of nature, fuck you and the horse you rode in on
You saw me riding the horse?
Um, yeah
Ok, I totally met the requirements of the competion

 

by cockring9462
6-26-06
Aren't you a water buffalo?
No, I'm a hourse
You mean "horse"
No, "hourse"
Fucking donkey
Hourse

 

by cockring9462
6-27-06
cockring9462 crashes the chatroom
'sup, bitches!
Hey don't be a dick, we're like a family here
them bitches love the bad boy, i'm gonna act anti-social
So you're purposely acting like a dick?
No, I really am a dick, and hate myself and love you
ok bye!

 

by cockring9462
6-28-06
Now that your "play" is a commercial failure, what are you going to do for money?
I still have royalties, and my lawyer is looking for rich people to sue
Sounds hopeless, ever consider suicide?
No, I'm starting work on a new sit-com
Oh?
Yeah, no one's read it yet, and I haven't written anything, but it'll be great anyhow

 

by cockring9462
6-28-06
Considering that you don't want me within 100 feet of me at all times, why would you want to date me?
Well, I thought you had polio... my agent had told me that. I think we would get the taboilds talking if we dated
So, sex?
No, you're like a brother to me!
You've leaked to the tabloids that you diddle yourself while thinking about my beard
haha, yeah, only once.

 

by cockring9462
6-28-06
Thank god this date went well. I'm heavily medicated.
I smoked a lot of pot beforehand
Oh, the paparazzi have their camera phone a clickin'
Should I put my tongue in your mouth?
We'll hold hands while we leave
That's a bit insulting considering I only have hooves

 

by cockring9462
6-28-06
GT and BT are a couple!
They're getting all nasty with each other
A porn "tape" will be out by next summer
I can't wait to masturbate to that!
I'd like to see gunk on Bird Thing
Wallet in hand!

 

by cockring9462
6-28-06
After a few dates, the bloggers started talking. As the bloogers blogged, GT and BT blogged, too.
GT & BT put up video blogs, staged dialogue, fake situations
followed by spectacles in public areas to get the paparazzi-camera-phones going
With great fame came great wealth, the once-again famous BT and GT made fortunes by showing up at parties
Oh, and the porn
Ok, they made most of their money through porn

 

by cockring9462
6-28-06
Sorry, you weren't included in the porn, we went with a half-horse
I'm dissapointed but not surprised
We still need you to do the voice-overs, lots of moaning and stuff
So I watch another person have sex with you, and I moan sexy sound recordings?
Pretty much, also whispering sweet nothings into my ear, too
You're a twisted fem-pervert

 

by cockring9462
6-28-06
So now I'm living a lie. I tell everyone I'm having sex with a girl I'm not, we leak a home porno as further evidence. All a pack of lies.
Somehow I'll cope, living this way..
In my bathtub made of money

 

by cockring9462
6-29-06
Welcome to the Republican Party, you chose well
I'm tired of shady accountants
Our goals are now your goals, and vice versa
When do I meet the Reptile Shapeshifters?
real soon

 

by cockring9462
6-29-06
I don't understand, Mr. Sentient Crustacean Alien Being. What should *I* do to rebell against the system?
Well, start with drugs. Do a lot of them, and not the party drugs.
Ok, I can do that
Oh, quit your fucking job and live off the system. OSAP or whatever.
Why am I to do these things?
To bring about global fascism!

 

by cockring9462
7-01-06
I hate you so much that I hope you choke to death on horse semen
What else does the horse do?
He fucks you, you choke on his spooge, and then he puts gernades inside your ass and your asshole explodes
Yeah, yeah? Then what?
Then the horse and I defacate all over your guts
Wow, I'm sorry that you hate me that much

 

by cockring9462
7-01-06
Welcome to Techtronical, let's make some recordings of your voice for our ringtones
Cool. And Virtual Goat Thing?
Yes, VR GT! You'll be fun for hours, you'll dance and sing songs and be a buddy to all of our subscribers
Yeah, great.
Holy fuck you're big, been working out?

 

by cockring9462
7-02-06
You call that a story? Where's the endless fountain of prostitutes?
Hey, I was helping the GDP
touche
Now put the gun down, and love me and my moustache
I obey

 

by cockring9462
7-03-06
Goat Thing trained at his Italian estate, but mostly did drugs and hug out with prostitutes
He lazed the days away with his bong
At some point, he decided he wanted more
He wanted to experience poverty, once again
He gave all of his wealth away
And made lots of people happy

 

by cockring9462
7-03-06
You give away your money because you don't need money, hardly makes you a good person
I love being judged by passive-aggressive aliens who have no comprehesion of the situation
We'll disintegrate all of you when we arrive.. en masse
Until then, you are all talk
You'll make great pets
VIVA CHAVEZ

 

by cockring9462
7-06-06
Bird Thing becomes "spokesperson" for a cigarette company. People smoke more.
Goat Thing sponsors no one, and drinks wine from a human skull
Their fans become chainsmoking winos
Screw you!
Gotta blame you for something!

 

by cockring9462
7-06-06
Goat Thing is left knowing the horrible truth
The alien armada will arrive in exactly a year
The Republicans are their only hope
They are the greatest obsticle to the alien invaders
The Republicans alone, stand against the aliens, the other nations attempt to appease the threat, promising them vast amounts of land
The alien armada fell into silence, they don't reply anymore

 

by cockring9462
7-06-06
Not sure how to say this, but, you can have sex with my horse if you'd like
Um... No.
It's normal for people like you to be attracted to horses, it's quite healthy
Please go away
Fuck, I lost a bet

 

by cockring9462
7-06-06
Hello. Have you ever considered what things may lurk in the stars? Have you ever looked at geology and seen the total lack of respect for life there is?
Meteor strikes, gamma ray bursts, global warming, whatever, if anyone knows of us, they don't care about us.
Well, we care about you. We care about you a great great deal. GO CLONE ARMY!

 

by cockring9462
7-06-06
Have you seen Goat Thing's blog? He's talking about the end of the world and aliens and shit
He's crazy. Always was, always will be.
Well, he's encouraging us not to vote and drop out of school, so I'm not complaining
You're listening to a madman
I know! lol
But is it art?

 

by cockring9462
7-08-06
I told them to waste their money since they won't be needing it
I bought a snowboard
The invaders will judge us by our character, not our snowboards
Ok, they're really aren't any invaders, you're just being eccentric
re-light that bong
ok

 

by cockring9462
7-08-06
I would to show our new masters the people we have on our side. Your arrival will be a celebration for many
Sounds hip
The socially liberal classes of society are all welcoming you
Poontastic!
Lazy stoners are on our side, too
Is this something about getting stuff for free?

 

by cockring9462
7-09-06
Alien invasion? Yea or Nay?
The universe is a hot and cold and dead place. If anyone wanted to invade us, they would have done so by now.
GT says they're using us for entertainment, and will de-fertilize most of the population.
What do you think of Goat Thing?
He's saying racking up debts is a good thing, as it allows more time to do drugs
He's mentally damanged and insane
Is Goat Thing's music career done for?
Yes. He is fucking crazy
GT is broadcasting misinformation on behalf of the Republicans

 

by cockring9462
7-10-06
Goat Thing was looking to get laid, so he recanted his theories on aliens.
Sounding more sane, he re-branded himself as the post-modern freak
He hosted intellegent-sounding talk-shows that no one watched
He applied to Mensa many times, but always failed
Nonetheless, this attracted the attention of his pretend girlfriend
Bird Thing liked "intellegent men"

 

by cockring9462
7-10-06
We'd like to thank our sponsor for producing 200 comics. JIGGERSMAT.COM
What's that?
A website. www.jiggersmat.com
Oh, you trying to raise your google rankings
Yes. I'm that kind of asshole. Once again, visit jiggersmat.com to get a total kick in the balls
You make it sound so mysterious, I'm going to visit

Showing page 4.

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