All comics by dopearmy101

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by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Hey hey man what is going on, your that new kid right? so what do you think of this new job?
this tie hurts my neck, this suit sucks, i dont have money and this building reeks of paper and pisswater
Oh well i suppose you live with your mommy and she tooks you breakfast, and rubs your belly til you fall asleep
Whoa....
....How did you know,,, no no no I got it!!!! YOU'RE PSYCHIC!!!!! what color are my ass hairs?

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Hehehe, oh wow an owl, that is very strange can i please have some space so i can just uhhhhh meet my girlfriend in the stall overthere and put these rubbers on?
Hmmmm, i see that you do not have no girlfriend, you do not have any skills of any kind in the sexual category and you were gonna make balloon animals from those condoms
Wait...no what? no way man i swear i do have a girl that...
...Don't fool yourself cause there is no fooling me, i am the source of all that is true, you arent cool, you are a pathetic mamas boy that doesnt work and still in elementary school and you are 24
I... i ok ok i admit it, everything, goddamn you are one smartass owl, ok well i see what i have done wrong THANK YOU owl!!!
My pleasure sir, dont let me catch you in this awkward position again, now if you dont mind I HAVE a girl in that stall waiting for me, a REAL girl, may i take a rubber...since you wont be needing it

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Hello mr postal man, i have a bone to pick with you
Uhh cant i just give this to you man i have alot of mail to drop off, so can ya just take it and ill be seeing ya again tomorrow?
NOOO!!!! bullshit man! hell no this has gone far enough, i forgot my password on myspace so i requested myspace to send me a new password through mail its been a week and i dont have it still!!!
Umm i am pretty sure that it was through e-mail, not usps mail my man....
Oh well, since that is all said and done, how about i bring you a cup of joe
I take it black with one packet of splenda, thank you and yes i forgive your retarded ass

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Hello there sir how are you today?
Great!! wow thats pretty cool, an arm without anything else, yeah thats tough...see i am nothing more than a pencil...
I know that kinda pain man, but i just got a lightbulb idea man, your a long and pretty thin piece while i am a gripping piece....put that together we can do...
.....Uhh before we go any further what can i do with this bottle of lubrication?
This idea gets better and better
???

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Oh sure lets do all the fucking things YOU wanna do...you damn robot speaking robot, what about the things I wanna do!?
bleep bloop bloop beep
*Sigh...your right i cant stay mad, well ok i wont be mad, so what do you wanna do?
beep blomp
DAMN YOU!!!! what did i just fucking say? WHAT ABOUT ME? when is it my fucking turn to make decisions!!!???
bleep?

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Look bub ahhh it has nothing with your gayness i respect that but you raped my son and you must die so i am sorry i hate to gay bash but i need your blood
Oh you dirty little sluts always turn me on with them sexy threats....Oooh i am gettin hot baby
Baby? bitch this is really steaming me, now get over here so i can draw blood!!!
You are such a tease, im gonna get the whip and handcuffs cause i sense the kink within you darling
You don't get it do you? i am here to destroy you man, to absolutley shove this blade of mine where the sun don't shine
Oooh like i said....I sense the kink within

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Sir there are thousands of cases of our older coca cola, the formula that contains cocaine, we discovered it in the basement, it must be 50+ years old, what do we do?
Heck son, use your noggin, we should ship all of that stuff to the starving children in wherever they are nowadays, problem solved
But...sir that formula contains drugs and it may be far to old to sell it to anybody
But i never said "sell" i said give it to the starving children
Hmmmm, well you have a point there
And you ask why the chairman put me in charge

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Arrrrrrrrr
Goddamn it boy, YOU ARE NOT A PIRATE
Arr and yur may not be a piece of bacon, Yarrrrrr
You....bastard how dare you
Hurts....doesnt it? Arrrrr
That...that hurt man, that .....Im sorry...

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Doomy doomy doomy doomy doomy doomy doomy dommy...
Why are you singing that for man?
Uhhh so i can remember the song in my head when the world ends....
Ohh ok then continue
DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY DOOMY....

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
Well c'mon pa...what you wanna ate for dinner?
Uhhhh...uhhh
its just a coon that we caught n such...so pick a part that you vanna ate, the foot, tail, arm
Uhhhhh
*SIGH*
The asshole and balls!!!

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
ill get you one of these days you bastard and when i do i will have my revenge you rat...
Pshh yeah right buddy you are gonna be here for a long, long time my friend, so the chances of you getting revenge is slim to none...
My arms may be tied but i can walk to you and bash my fucking head into yours until you die right here....right now
Huh...
...Never thought of that one....

 

by dopearmy101
10-07-10
most people believe that all of this bullshit that is going in the world is just a way to get our minds off of the war, which would make sense
Oh really? well what about all of the crazy ass hurricanes we have been having lately, was katrina planned by the government?
Hey hey man, the government may have more power than you thought my friend
wow it all makes sense now, damn government why? why??????
Cause they are assholes thats why, now finish your mac n cheese
Mmmmm it is soo much better with the hotdog chopped in it then on the side as a whole hotdog ya know?

 

by dopearmy101
10-07-10
Well i prefer to be the pitcher than the catcher...ya know?
I dont know... i like the feel of the balls in my hand
Well holding that long solid piece of wood isnt so bad either man that can be really fun
yeah you are right
Gee... baseball is such a great sport
ill drink to that brother

 

by dopearmy101
10-07-10
Oh man you know what the hell is awesome? cannibal corpse on high fucking blast it..it is just so goddamn amazing it brings a tear into my eye
I know dude, i love that shit and also, the giant octopus that keeps appearing in the shower in my bathroom, ya know it isnt so scary once you get to know it...
3 hours later....
Oh DAMN!! my cellphone bill is due! i am so FUCKED!!
I am late for my dentist appointment!! DAMN IT!!!
Oh wow..what? well....we know when we are sober now don't we? shall we revisit wonderland?
Hellyeah i want to talk about shit that is cool man, take it to the head bitch....

 

by dopearmy101
10-07-10
Damn it kid...okay one more time...
A, B, C.....uhhhh... 6?
Uhhh no that is yet wrong again...what the hell is wrong with you
Don't you know, i am diagnosed with uhhh... GetMyabc'sWrong-Tillia yeah it is a very rare and deadly persian virus that i have
Well...sounds like bullcrap but hey, the school boards believe anything so take a seat kid, you get a B+ for trying....

 

by dopearmy101
10-08-10
Sonny there you are, ok come on you are already late for your chuck e. cheese suprise party lets go
But gramma i dont wanna go im to old for that shit
Listen you little prick you will shut up and listen to me, i dont give a fuck how old you are you will listen to me if your fucking 80 and i am in an iron lung, now MOVE YOUR ASS bitch, please
Yes gramma
I love you snook-ums
I...love you to gramma

 

by dopearmy101
10-08-10
Ok ok we need to get to New York bitch...
Pshh your not gonna get there on my dime asshole
Well how much do you have?
a dime
Your useless to me....what kinda whore are you?
Hey you try to get some business in front of that baptist church...

 

by dopearmy101
10-08-10
What do you want?
Your son, is uhhhh dying....
Pshh that would be good news.... Whats the badnews?
......Your son turned your thermostat up a few degrees....
WWWWHHHHATTTT!!?? oh he is sooooo fucking DEAD!!!!!!!!

 

by dopearmy101
10-09-10
Hey before i go and suck your cock....shouldnt we do something, i mean it was horrible last time, that odor, that death defying odor
Uhhhhh okay
How about you use some damn mouthwash

 

by dopearmy101
10-09-10
BLEH!!!! boogey boogey!!!
Ahh man i feel bad for ya dude, you cant seem to scare me, tell me something, who is your inspiration? what made you want to become a zombie?
Well...
C'mon man tell me...
prom night
well there is your problem man

 

by dopearmy101
10-09-10
Hault! who goes there?
It is i...commader spork and i am here to take thy over!!!
You must defeat me in combat first....rock paper scissors go!
go! ROCK!!!
....Paper...
Damnit!!!

 

by dopearmy101
10-11-10
HEY!!! great job yesterday melv, you nailed that interview and you are on your way to success my friend!!
you said that exact same thing to me 20 years ago and i am still in the same job position and the same salary, are you just suppose to kiss ass for the company?
......great job melv you are on your way man i swear you will become something of this business
....kiss my ass chuck, kiss my ass
will do sir

 

by dopearmy101
10-11-10
i love the house and i love the neighborhood it is perfect for us!! thank you you sweety you were right honey this is the perfect place for our new family!
uhhhh well thats all well and fine but uhhh there is no starbucks down the street from us and the mcdonalds is about 2 miles away from us, will that be a problem?
whhhaaatt??? damnit baby you know i cannot live without starbucks 2 steps from me...
but its 2 streets over
no, no to late put up that 'for sale' sign we are out of here!!! get your ass in that car NOW!!
yes dear

 

by dopearmy101
10-11-10
yeah yeah yeah, what do you want?
i am selling adorable kittens will you please purchase one? only 40 bucks a kittie
whoa whoa budday i smell a scam here, what are your kittens so damn expensive?
because...they are... uhhh... they can grow endless supply of beer and they can fling ninja stars....
oh man that is a relief! for a second i thought you were selling me dead kittens, because it reeks of pure corpse in here, ill take 5...
uhh yeah just get past the smell, its that new kittie smell nowadays

 

by dopearmy101
10-11-10
oh dear my kid is in the road and is about to get killed by a car, he is only an infant, what the hell should i do?
ah man dont worry about that i see it too, it isnt real, its just that new weed fucking with your mind man
ah thank god, i was worried, look now theres my son's blood all over the pavement, hahaha wow this is some crazy shit you gave me!!
wait a tick i can feel the blood on my feet.....
....so my son really is dead
hahahahaha yeah im guessing so, thats another side effect of this weed, it will have you 2nd guess yourself, oh and uhh sorry for your loss man

 

by dopearmy101
10-11-10
Hello virginia do you know why i called you over here to my home?
uhhh..no why father?
well you havent been to church in over 4 months now so i am just concerned so what is going on?
well its just that i cant really afford the offering and its complicated
GIMMIE YOUR FUCKING MONEY NOW!!!!!! oh i mean that isnt a problem my dear, well just give me a check and i will put the cost of what you owe me!!! i mean god...
imma gonna go now...

 

by dopearmy101
10-11-10
uh what exactly do you plan on doing to those poor trick or treaters?
damn it man they keep comming and comming for the candy like its free and shit so im putting an end to all of this, im going to ask them nicely
ok then
6 minutes later...
ok that was awfully fast so what happend? what is that red liquid dripping off of you
oh well i spooked those kids which would explain the screaming and one of them were on their period and out of fear she queefed her blood on me

 

by dopearmy101
12-05-10
Ehh... I dont know man this whole holiday season gets old, I mean same old songs, traditions, family gatherings, they all seem so boring, an endless cycle...
Yeah but you really need to know what christmas is really about, it isnt about family or christmas songs or even decorations, its about....
...drunk whores in santa outfits?
Heavens no it is all about candy canes my good friend...
...Then comes the drunken whores in santa claus outfits.

 

by dopearmy101
12-05-10
Hey baby you've been doing that frontierville facebook app for 5 hours, c'mon time to get off now!
I'm almost done justa couple more hours...
Fuck woman why the hell you need this dumb shit anyways?
Listen fucker, I swear I will go under my profile RIGHT NOW and switch my status from "In a relationship" to "single"
Oh god you wouldn't!!! I'm sorry ok ok I will give you more time.
See the magic of facebook?

 

by dopearmy101
12-05-10
Oh dude that chicks gonna do it, shes gonna take it all off brother!!! hellyeah tits galore!!!
Damn those are some knockers!
Uh-oh, now time to see abit of no pants action ooohhhh.......
Its..... its a penis.
Oh jesus what the hell? there are trannys in India too? FML.
Hmmmm.... interesting indeed!

 

by dopearmy101
12-06-10
HELP! ive fallen and i cant get up!!
Your fine gramma, your not on the ground, quit saying that!
y'know something? one of these days your poor old gramma will fall and there wont be anyone around and i will die and it will be purely your fault for not buying me life alert.
gramma thats a terrible thing to say, you know you've given me money to purchase one of those things, but theres no point because i will always be around
well if what you are saying is true then wheres that money i gave you to buy life alert?
i kinda purchased a shotgun, listen, when it is your time, that shotgun will make it quicker and easier and it will make your grandson happy! :D

 

by dopearmy101
12-06-10
What the hell is wrong with you now? we've been driving for 6 hours and you still look all depressed and shit, you just got a new xbox 360 game WHY ARE YOU STILL SAD!!???
well the new game you got me is amazing and all but i need extra money to buy more downloadable maps from xbox live
you dont need that, 60 dollars went into that game and those maps should just wait til you get your own cash man.
but if i dont have them right now then all of my friends online will call me poor and i wont be cool, ill be a loser
trust me, even with all of those fancy ass maps and such, you will always be a loser, no matter what, your always gonna get picked on and be labeled as a loser
so are you saying you'll buy me those maps?

 

by dopearmy101
12-06-10
I love coffee man
hellyeah man so do I
its the only thing i can slip anything into to drug my hot ass wife up and have my way with her, coffee is an amazing thing my friend, an amazing thing
Oh man that is a horrible reason to like coffee...
....but hell that is one good idea.

 

by dopearmy101
12-06-10
I kissed a girl and i liked it
oh my god enough wiss the annoying song
what? thats a song?
why else would you say that?
ooooh well, to sing the song ofcourse hahaha, yes, very, very good song
Hmmm, you know what if my balls werent in such a tight vice right now, i'd say you were a fag

 

by dopearmy101
12-06-10
Hmmm what to say what to say....
Fuck this crowd they suck ass..
Oh this mic is on isnt it?

 

by dopearmy101
12-06-10
Oh hi i will take the double BEEF burger with extra long and veiny beef please
Oh and can ya add some extra cum on there please
...Mayonnaise, extra mayonnaise i meant please
Hey, you wanna wait for me? i get off in 10 minutes.

 

by dopearmy101
12-06-10
What the hell kinda business are you running bitch? let me talk to the fucking manager!!!!!!!!!!!
Uhhh.... okay, one sec.
What the fuck!!??
Yeah yeah yeah what the fuck do you want why the fuck are you fucking COMPLAINING!!??
Its al fucking most like we are fucking identical or some fucking shit like that!!!
I fucking know huh? what the fuck is up with that shit??

 

by dopearmy101
12-06-10
daddy daddy daddy!! i want to play with my new barbie bike please pretty please!!!!
Ugh, shit kid can't you take a hint!? daddys busy with bills right now sugar shit plum
but daddy my bike is locked and you haves the key to it puh-lease!!!!????
ALRIGHT!!!!!!!
The pistol is in daddy's file cabinet and daddy's knife is the car glove box, have fun and leave daddy the fuck alone!!

 

by dopearmy101
12-06-10
...IN A 7-UP COMMERCIAL...
Oh, yeah and the smooth taste as the clear fizzy flavor runs down my throat, the lime and lemon taste of disire, get a 7 up today, other wise you WILL miss out...
(DIRECTOR)::: And.....CUT!! good thats it, thanks to everyone!!!
So uhh yeah man great job on that 7-up commercial man people will eat at this!!
No, not really, i highly doubt that
Why not, your the new face of 7-up isnt that something to be proud of?
No, actually, the new face of 7-up would like to tell the truth, 7up taste like shit, why the fuck do you think i am drinking sprite???

 

Pssss... sir hey i have something to tell you, ready? are you ready, okay, MY BALLS HURT from your bullshit lectures
My my my...
by dopearmy101, 12-06-10

 

by dopearmy101
12-08-10
Hohoho so who am i buying for this year man? got my check and i am ready to go out and buy!!!
Okay well theres that orphanage filled with 250 orphans, your family, my family, the in laws and their family, and theres the st. judes hospital and
Ok ok ok ENOUGH i cannot possibly spend THAT much cash on all of those people!! hell no
Huh!? okay then what do you suggest we do?
ill go take shits in abunch of tiny boxes, put a pretty ribbon on it and give everyone one of my turds, merry fucking christmas assholes!!
Brilliant and very cunning plan santa!!!

 

by dopearmy101
12-09-10
Alright bub, im writing you a ticket
What for if i may ask?
Well....you uhhh didnt push your chair in at the food court, and you are in the middle of the hot topic aisle, this is a violation of some sort...
Uhhh damn you fucking mall cops have nothing to do huh?
Hey someones gotta eat the left overs from that crispy cream donut shop over there

 

by dopearmy101
12-10-10
Hmmm I wonder why they refer this as the "boob tube"...
G4... Nick at Nite, HBO boorriiing.....Hmmmm Cinemax after dark huh?
Oh now I see why

 

by dopearmy101
12-10-10
MMMM you look so nice and oh so flexible!
Uh huh thank you so very much
Oh and you fill that oufit so nicely
Listen buddy if you are going to hit on me and compliment my body then you might as well say it dirty and try to be a gentleman
Thankyou I was just about to snap there to... so uhh them tits a size c?
Yes

 

by dopearmy101
12-10-10
Hmmmm what is there to do man? we're stuck here, detention sucks ass man what do we do? we're trapped!!!!
Dude i dont know its just another 15 minutes and theres no one even around, you can simply sneak out the back way
ARE YOU MAD!! that is suicide man, SUICIDE!!!!!
Oh really dude? we got detention for lighting a cat on fire with our farts for science class and it died!!! and you are complaining about this!?
Hahaha that cat no chance of survival it was all stiff and burnt and it reeked of rotten burrito hahaha
Ah yeah to bad it was your mom's cat... you might be in deeper shit than you thought

 

by dopearmy101
12-11-10
MMMM.... everything looks oh so yummy here what to get what to get
Im not sure but hey hey look at this they serve goat here, it can very much be one of your brothers maybe that one with down syndrome hahaha
Uh huh well i might get the chicken, maybe ill be sinking my teeth into your whoreish mother that never gets off her lazy feathered ass
Oh you son of a bitch
It will be like a family reunion huh?
Bust out the camera

 

by dopearmy101
12-11-10
Well uncle gilroy, you ugly son of a bitch i havent seen your gay ass since Namm brother what the fuck happened to you?
Your to kind
Holy shit mom you look as though you can use a damn facial, look at those hairs on that upper lip.... damn youve gotten ugly
Thank you son
What the fuck? your not apart of this family, well fuck it, welcome and dont touch a goddamn thing you bastard
ACCEPTED :)

 

Umm excuse me but i accidently gotten peanutbutter smeared all in my vagina, i still want the peanutbutter though
Show me what you got and i wont charge you a thing
by dopearmy101, 12-11-10

 

by dopearmy101
12-12-10
Hey, hey brother, go fetch me my pussy, i need to speak to her shes been eating at my bone.
sure thing.
There you are, why did you eat at my bone for?
Uhh.. what?
My CHICKEN bone!! i was saving the bone part for myself but you ate all the meat off of it!!
Oh... well ok, "sorry"?

 

ALRIGHT!! ill stop jerking off inside the snow machine...SORRY!
by dopearmy101, 12-12-10

Showing page 4.

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