All comics by fuzzyman

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by fuzzyman
12-01-01
Captain Underpants
I have to wash my Indestructible Underpants on the surface of the sun to get out the Super Skidmarks! It's a dangerous place, but Tightey Whiety Boy helps me out!
I always keep a lookout for evil villains, though sometimes I peek at Captain Underpants’ secret Super Birthmark.
Super Britainman
When an arch enemy infects me with Norwegian Laughing Sickness, my Super Pub Sense gets all bolloxed up, but The Glasgow Kid keeps me from doing anything I'd regret.
Once, Super Britainman got really drunk and touched me in a naughty place, and I gave him a real mouthful, all right.
Doctor Megabrain
According to Einstein’s Theory of Relative Idiocy, my Mega Brain seems even smarter when I'm near stupid people, so I surround myself with idiots! Isn't that right, Awfully Brain Damaged Boy?
Poop stinky!

 

by fuzzyman
12-02-01
Bill Gates, I am here to liberate Christmas from your evil monopoly!
Oh my! A floating head! We can sell lots of those! Elves! Come quickly! Take this away and make more of them!
RAAAR! AQUA TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!!!
Oh my! A floating talking fish! We can sell lots of those! Elves! Come quickly! Take this away and make more of them!
I say, old chap. Would you fancy a pint down at the pub? Me and the Glasgow Kid got a nice stout waitin' for ya.
Oh no! Super Britainman! I cannot resist your Pub Powers

 

by fuzzyman
12-02-01
HELLO?
Ummm... RedHot_30? It's NiceGuy_89. We Met on the Internet. I'm here for our date...
I'LL BE DOWN IN JUST A MINUTE!
I hope she's cute. I hope she's cute. I hope she's cute.
HEY, YOU'RE CUTE!
eep.

 

by fuzzyman
12-02-01
NICE RESTAURANT. GLAD WE GOT A TABLE OUTSIDE.
Ye Gods, I hope no one I know see me with this girl.
SO... YOU'RE SO QUIET! TELL TOBOR... WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
Oh, I don't know... "Lawrence of Arabia," I guess. Or maybe "Star Wars." What's yours?
TOBOR HAS A HARD TIME DECIDING BETWEEN "THE CRYING GAME" AND "ANAL ASSAULT 2."
eep.

 

by fuzzyman
12-02-01
NICE RESTAURANT. GLAD WE GOT A TABLE OUTSIDE.
Ye Gods, I hope no one I know sees me with this girl.
SO... YOU'RE SO QUIET! TELL TOBOR... WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
Oh, I don't know... "Lawrence of Arabia," I guess. Or maybe "Star Wars." What's yours?
TOBOR HAS A HARD TIME DECIDING BETWEEN "THE CRYING GAME" AND "ANAL ASSAULT 2."
eep.

 

by fuzzyman
12-03-01
Super Britainman? Where are you?
Over here, Glasgow Kid! Next to the Super Britainmobile!
Here?
That's the Super Britaincycle. A little to your left.
There you are! Why is it so foggy in here?
Dry ice. I miss London.

 

by fuzzyman
12-03-01
The secret base of Super Britainman and his sidekick, the Glasgow Kid...
Are you sure moving from London to Connecticut was a good idea?
Connecticut has always lacked a super crimefighter. Super Liverpudlian can protect the Queen.
Perhaps. But will your Pub Powers be as potent here?
True, good pubs are seldom found here! But I have planned for this contingency!
How so?
I installed a tap in the Super Britainmobile. Care for a pint of stout?

 

by fuzzyman
12-03-01
Well, Super Britainman! Shall we fight some crime?
Yes, Glasgow Kid! Warm up your Scotch Sense and I'll warm up my Pub Powers!
Let's sing our theme song! "Evildoers have much to fear..."
"We shall fight crime..."
"...with a shot..."
"...and a Beer!"

 

by fuzzyman
12-04-01
So I said, "Well, these babies won't generate spittum by themselves!"
Ha, ha!
Heh.
So what do you do, then?
Spinning them around by ther feet seems to work.
Ah, the power of centrifigul force!

 

by fuzzyman
12-05-01
NEVER WEAR WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY.
THE BLOOD STAINS WILL SHOW.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, DON'T WEAR WHITE BEFORE LABOR DAY, EITHER.

 

by fuzzyman
12-05-01
So I says, "Well, the canvas chaps are appropriate for Sunday brunch, but for an evening event, always wear the leather chaps!"
Ha ha!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by fuzzyman
12-05-01
Thank yoush for washing Comic Cup... Cup... Six! Our Key Grip wash Spankling.... Best Boy wash... uh.... Spankling... Hee.
Sorry, I'm... a little... tipsy! Hee hee!
I guessh I should lay off the catnip.

 

by fuzzyman
12-06-01
So I says, "That head of dark green leaves on thick white stalks ain't gonna cook itself!"
Ha ha!
Sucky, sucky!
*ahem*
Sorry. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

 

by fuzzyman
12-07-01
So I says, "Bessie, inter-species sex is morally okay because you can't get pregnant. Now rub them udders up against me!"
Ha ha!
Man, you are really starting to worry me.

 

by fuzzyman
12-07-01
So I says, "I got a heart as big as Texas. And if only you had a heart as big as Texas, you'd be happy too." And that's my advice to you, kiddo!
Ha ha!
Gene Autrey, you're a great singing cowboy, but as a psychologist you really suck ass.

 

by fuzzyman
12-07-01
Ho! Ho! Ho! Gather 'round children while Santa tells you about the true meaning of Christmas! Christmas is about the spirit of giving!
Not true! Christmas is about the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Santa Claus is just a pagan story!
Ho! Ho! Ho! Who are you to say this? Jesus is nothing but a myth! You'd better worship me, or you'll burn in hell!
Liar! I am Jack T. Chick and I rebuke you! Nothing will turn me from Jesus Christ!
Later...
You should have turned from Jesus Christ, Jack.
Aiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!! The pain! The pain!

 

by fuzzyman
12-07-01
The mean streets of Hartford, Connecticut...
See any crime yet, Super Britainman?
Nothing of note, Glasgow Kid! A few robberies and murders. Nothing that warrants our attention.
Those crimes don't warrant our attention?
We have bigger fish to fry!
Such as...?
Insurance fraud!

 

by fuzzyman
12-07-01
We moved from London to Connecticut in order to protect the American insurance industry?
That sums it up nicely, yes.
By Robert Burns whiskers...! Why?
Free insurace.
FREE INSURANCE?
Have you seen what full glass coverage costs for the Super Britianmobile? Outrageous!

 

by fuzzyman
12-07-01
So are we looking for any insurance fraud in particular?
Actually, yes! I'm on the lookout for a fellow named "Tentaclor."
Hey, watch out for that little green fellow, you're going to bump into--
Whoops! Hey!
Tentaclor!
Ow! My neck! I hope you have pedestrian insurance, because boy are you going to need it, bucko!

 

by fuzzyman
12-08-01
Now, now, Tentaclor! No reason to nasty! Why don't you join me for a pint of stout, eh?
No. I don't think so.
I said... *ahem* why don't you JOIN ME FOR A PINT OF STOUT?
Your Pub Powers have no effect on me, Super Britainman!
Goodness, why not?
Can't touch the stuff. The foam makes my tentacles all sticky.

 

by fuzzyman
12-08-01
Stand back, Super Britainman! Let the Glasgow Kid have a shot at this one!
Oh, please. You are no match for me, little one!
Oh yeah? My Scotch Sense tells me that there is a fine single-malt nearby! Join me for a drink?
I think I'd prefer a wine spritzer, thanks.
By the Qeen Mum's left buttock mole! You ARE evil!
On second thought, maybe I'll have one of those giant frozen margaritas.

 

by fuzzyman
12-08-01
Now, now, Tentaclor! No reason to be nasty! Why don't you join me for a pint of stout, eh?
No. I don't think so.
I said... *ahem* why don't you JOIN ME FOR A PINT OF STOUT?
Your Pub Powers have no effect on me, Super Britainman!
Goodness, why not?
Can't touch the stuff. The foam makes my tentacles all sticky.

 

by fuzzyman
12-08-01
It's no, use Glasgow Kid! Our powers have no effect on Tentaclor?
And so we slink back to our secret headquarters with our tails between our legs?
I only came back here to signal for help.
Who on earth did you signal?
Elsewhere...
Once again the world looks to Dr. Megabrain for help! We'll have to cut our antarctic vacation short, Awfully Brain Damaged Boy!
Penguin poop stinky.

 

by fuzzyman
12-09-01
Thank you for coming so quickly, Dr. Megabrain!
No problem! I must say, you have a marvelous secret hideaway. I never would have considered stout gasses as a power source.
Well, those rotor turbines won't generate gravitons by themselves!
Ha, ha!
I may have a Megabrain, but I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

 

by fuzzyman
12-09-01
Well, let's find Tentaclor!
Thank you for having the Glasgow Kid look after Awfully Brain Damaged Boy while we're gone.
Not a problem! They seem to be hitting it off famously.
Ha! Maybe they'll form a young super team like the Teen Titans!
You stinky.
Yeah, well you smell like you've been rolling around in penguin poop or something.

 

by fuzzyman
12-09-01
The not-so-secret hideout of the evil Tentaclor...
Tentaclor, I know your plan! You will use your ill-gained insurance settlements to take over the world!
Yes, you have figured it out! But not even your Megabrain can think of a way to stop me!
Take THAT, evildoer!
I'm pretty sure that zapping him just plays into his hands, Super Britainman.
Ohhh... I am going to sue you SO bad...

 

by fuzzyman
12-09-01
Super Britainman? Are you there? Where are we?
Right here, Dr. Megabrain. Tentaclor lulled us to sleep with some legal mumbo jumbo. Ah, here's the light...
Oh my! We're in a transparent undersea dome! This must be another part of Tentaclor's secret hideout.
I just hope the Glasgow Kid realizes that we have been gone too long and tries to rescue us!
Meanwhile...
Got any threes?
Go stinky fish.

 

by fuzzyman
12-09-01
Hmmm, they've been gone a long time. They must be in trouble! We're only sidekicks. We can't rescue them alone. Who can help us?
Blart. Cart. Snart. Wal-Mart.
Yes, that's it! Of course!
Farty, fart, fart, fartiddy, fart.
Later...
Thank you for coming so quickly, Wal-Martian!
The Savings Squirrel and I can withstand any lawsuit, Glasgow Kid!

 

by fuzzyman
12-09-01
Tentaclor! Release Super Britainman and Dr. Megabrain. Ceace your evil insurance fraud scheme!
Never, Wal-Martian! And if you hurt me, I'll sue you too! Ha ha ha ha!
Wal-Mart gets sued hundreds of times a day... it's a cottage industry. And do you know what? We'll go through to trial, and you'll lose. We never settle.
No! Don't say that!
WE NEVER SETTLE!
Stop! You win!

 

by fuzzyman
12-09-01
Ummm, Super Britainman?
Grunt! Ummmph! Uh uh uh!!
*ahem* Dr. Megabrain?
Mmmmm!! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Come on guys, I'm here to rescue you!
Savings Squirrel? Hello! Uhh... We were just bored and Dr. Megabrain was showing me some of his... uhhh... oral hygiene techniques.

 

by fuzzyman
12-09-01
Well, that was quite the adventure! Thank you Wal-Martian!
It's just a matter of the right hero for the job. Savings Squirrel and I had a lot of fun!
Maybe we should all work together more often. Maybe if we form a team...?
Yes! Of course! We can call ourselves "The X-Legion of Justice!"
Big Poopers.
You said it, brother!

 

by fuzzyman
12-10-01
RRAARR! NAMWONS WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW WITH HIS BIG CARROT!!
RRAARR! ATNAS WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW WITH A NICE TOY!!
RRAARR!! RECNARP W WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW WITH HIS BIG ANTLER!!
RRAARR! FLE WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW WITH A JUNGLE BELL!!
RRAARR! EERT WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW WITH HIS BIG STAR!!
Guys, give it up.

 

by fuzzyman
12-17-01
It was the winter of 1902, but Lord Roy was not concerned with Christmas. He was planning the English Ore Days festivities, a celebration of the mining industry.
All that remained was to plan the entertainment -- and for that Lord Roy hoped to secure the services of the famous soprano, Lady Mary Anne Bright of London.
Unfortunately, Lord Roy was had financial troubles. He had invested heavily in a venture that he hoped would lead to the invention of powered flight.
On the windy isthmuses of York, his engineers struggled to send their spindly contraptions aloft. As Lord Roy despaired, his brother sent him a message of hope...
“May Ore Days see Mary Anne Bright..."
"...and may all York isthmuses breed flight.”

 

by fuzzyman
12-21-01
I know I shouldn't have borrowed Dad's tools without his permission, Goliath, but I think grounding me for a whole month was too much. Maybe I should talk to him...
I don't think that's a good idea, Daaaavey.
*sigh* I suppose you're right. It's the punishment I deserve. I suppose we can use the time to pray together, Goliath.
No, Daaaaavey... I meant it's not a good idea because your father is such a tool that you should borrow his gun and put him out of his misery. Go ahead. You know you want to, Daaaaavey.

 

by fuzzyman
12-24-01
Hey, Santa! Before you leave for your after-Christmas vacation, try one of my special brownies!
Don't mind if I do!
How do you like them?
HhhhhhOOOOoooo! HhhhhhOOOOoooo! HhhhhhOOOOoooo!
So where are you going on your vacation, anyway?
Well, I was going to Barbados, but now I'm thinking Betty Ford Clinic.

 

by fuzzyman
12-24-01
‘Twas the day after Christmas and the shop was a mess; St. Nick tried to clean up, causing much distress!
Get moving! I want this place to sparkle like the crack of a snowman's ass!
Yes sir, Mr. Santa, sir! Right away!
The elves they ran hither and thither to clean; Polishing knobs, making everything gleam!
Do you know where this goes?
Stuff it under his bed with the Nordic Track. He'll never find it there.
When what should be found hidden under the stoop; But about eighty pounds of brand new reindeer poop!
What is this shit?
Reindeer Local 113 demands a new contract, or there'll be more where that came from!

 

by fuzzyman
12-24-01
‘Twas the day after Christmas and down in the jail; Santa visits his wife ‘cause he couldn’t make bail!
Jaywalking again, eh? Ho! Ho! Ho!
“I’m sorry, I used all the money for gifts; I got Kleenex for Rudolph, and elves got shoe lifts.”
Our Christmas Club is tapped out!
“Now I haven’t forgotten you, so don’t get miffed; press your ass to the bars and I’ll give you your gift!”
Who's your daddy?

 

by fuzzyman
12-25-01
Well, our Christmas work is done. Let's go home, eh?
Yes, sir! It sure was fun delivering those presents to the kiddies!
Not to mention those retroactive tax cuts to big corporations...
...and those vouchers to Christian schools!
Well, George, we're home. We can take off our disguises now.
Sure thing, Mr. Cheney... I mean *ahem* Mr. Vice-President!

 

by fuzzyman
12-25-01
So... now that Christmas is over, I thought I'd reward myself with something a little different, you know? Mrs. Claus isn't all that adventuresome.
Something different, eh? I can dig that!
It has to be really, really, different.
Step in to my parlor my friend, and give me a few minutes to consider your dilemna.
So, my fantasy is to cornhole Santa with the collection of Pope-shaped dildos that I keep in this box. Think you can help?
Funny you should mention that...

 

by fuzzyman
12-26-01
He proposed right after Christmas. In the end, however, they would have to break off their engagement.
Bob had cold feet and Marge was frigid.
Everyone said they would last through March, anyway.

 

by fuzzyman
12-26-01
He proposed right after Christmas. In the end, however, they would have to break off their engagement.
Bob had cold feet and Marge was frigid.
Everyone said they wouldn't last through March, anyway.

 

by fuzzyman
12-26-01
Now that Christmas is over, it's time to start planning for next year. What toys to we have on tap?
Let's see... We have the Teddy Kennedy Bear: "He's big and cuddly. Why not let him buy you a drink? Need a ride home? He's going your way. Water resistant."
Hmmm. Anything else? What about video games?
Ah, we have Immortal Kombat: God vs. Nietzche. When Nietzche wins the voice processor says "God is dead!"
And for the girls?
We're still trying to decide among Baby RuPaul, Heroin-Addict Barbie, and Kevorkian Kitchen.

 

by fuzzyman
12-26-01
Now that Christmas is over, it's time to start planning for next year. What toys do we have on tap?
Let's see... We have the Teddy Kennedy Bear: "He's big and cuddly. Why not let him buy you a drink? Need a ride home? He's going your way. Water resistant."
Hmmm. Anything else? What about video games?
Ah, we have Immortal Kombat: God vs. Nietzche. When Nietzche wins the voice processor says "God is dead!"
And for the girls?
We're still trying to decide among Baby RuPaul, Heroin-Addict Barbie, and Kevorkian Kitchen.

 

by fuzzyman
12-26-01
So you say that if I record a Country Christmas album now, right after Christmas, it will be ready for next Christmas?
Exactly! We have lots of great songs for you like "I'll be Home for Christmas If the Truck Don't Break Down," and "We Three Kings Beat Your Two Pair."
How about "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town So Hide The Grits" or "Go Tell It On The Mountain Cuz Ya Ain't Welcome In The Valley?"
Yes! And also, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Shot Him" and "Silver Bells Hangin' From My Cow."
My favorite is "Silent Nights Are Really Depressing Since My Wife Left Me And I Burned Down The House."
I'm partial to "Carol Of The Bells Killed Zamfir Of The Pan Flute," myself.

 

by fuzzyman
12-26-01
It's true, Santa. While you were delivering presents to children around the world, I was having hot, sweaty sex with Mrs. Claus!
But why? You were always such a good little boy!
It was the apple cider.. it went to my head. And Mrs. Claus... well, I've always had a thing for older women.
Hmph! Well, don't expect anything except coal in your stocking next year, young man!
Okay, you can come out now... he's gone.
Thanks for covering for me, man. He'd fire my ass if he knew about me and his missus.

 

by fuzzyman
12-26-01
So then I told Nate, "You are nothing but a worm! You are a nonentity to me! Begone foul, unwanted thing!"
Ha, ha!
Say, have you noticed we have a bedroom background? Shouldn't you be stomping on my head or something?

 

by fuzzyman
12-26-01
TOBOR FEELS LIKE CORNHOLING SOME FLESHLINGS!
TOBOR FEELS LIKE CORNHOLING SOME FLESHLINGS!
TOBOR FEELS LIKE CORNHOLING SOME FLESHLINGS!
TOBOR FEELS LIKE CORNHOLING SOME FLESHLINGS!
TOBOR FEELS LIKE CORNHOLING SOME FLESHLINGS!
You were expecting something else?

 

by fuzzyman
12-26-01
Uh, yeah, great party! Ummm... I'll be... right back.
Yeah, uhh... Whatever. Hey, excuse me, I have to go talk to Crabby...
Dude, here's a clue for you. You're supposed to put just the lampshade on your head, not the entire lamp.

 

by fuzzyman
12-27-01
Santa Clones! Report!
Mission completed within assigned parameters sir. Gift Division has delivered presents to 1.8 billion children.
Likewise, the Coal Division has delivered 22 metric tons of coal to the bad children of the world.
Excellent! Anything else to report?
Yes, sir. The major news outlets are reporting on your cloning experiments.
Everyone now knows that you have cloned yourself and are using a clone army to reduce your workload.
What? How did this get out?
We're not sure, sir, but we think there's a leak!
A leak? Wait... Damn! Who turned up the heat?

 

by fuzzyman
12-28-01
Ah, Christmas is finally over, but our work is never done. Shall we get ready for the next holiday?
Indeed! Let's change into our alternate forms!
We have three months to paint half a billion eggs. Let's hop to it!
I'll start layin', you start paintin'.

Showing page 4.

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