All comics by mrpoop

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by mrpoop
2-02-06
Congratulations to Aimee, the winner of today's "See who can comment fastest" contest!
Oh Dave! Thank God you're here. My two year old got hurt today.
Why? What happened??
Couldn't afford mommy's protection costs.
I... see... Wait, why did you want to see me then?
Because you can't either. C'mere bitch.
OH GOD! FLEE!!!

 

GO METS!
by mrpoop, 2-05-06

 

by mrpoop
2-06-06
Peeing.
Commonly refered to as urination.
Let us examine what urination means.
Urination is comprised of four words. You, Are, A, Nation.
Ladies- Some of you probably don't know what "swordfighting" is... Use your vivid imagination regarding things on a man's body... and enjoy that mental image!
Urination brings together the world.
Lets hold hands and swordfight.

 

by mrpoop
2-13-06
Yo Pirate, Pirate, Pirate, I just realized something!
Gah!
George W Bush is from Texas, Bill Clinton is from Arkansas, George H. Bush is from Texas, Reagan's a fucking cowboy, and Jimmy Carter is from Georgia.
So?
We have officially had 30 years of Howdy Doody for presidents.
You woke me up at 6 a.m. for this?

 

by mrpoop
2-14-06
Valentine's day sucks.
You're just saying that because you're single.
Sure, I may be petty. Am I jealous of couples? Yes. Am I tired of being alone and want to take my anger out on someone? Yes. But... but...
...But what?
Oh go fuck yourself. I'm gonna go masterbate in the urinal.
Don't forget to take that stick outta your ass first.

 

by mrpoop
2-16-06
I like my women like I like my cars.
Blue.

 

by mrpoop
2-24-06
Alright, I insert rod A into Slot B.
Okay, cool, now take out Rod A and insert it into Slot B again.
Alright, this time, I'm gonna do it a little faster. Then I'm going to adhere Rod A to Slot C.
Great, great, you're doing great. Keep on doing it. Keep on doing it!
Cool. We either just had sex, or we built a dresser from IKEA.
Lets wait to see if it falls apart in ten minutes to get our answer.

 

by mrpoop
3-07-06
Hey, did you see that priest... he must have been late for service or something.
Yeah, he was totally bookin' it.
I haven't seen a priest run that fast since... since...
...since?
Since... sex with a choir boy.
That doesn't even make sense.

 

by mrpoop
3-23-06
I'm looking for a religion.
Great! Lets talk business. What are you looking for in your spiritual life?
Well, I definitely want to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.
Rock.
...but I'm also looking for thousands of years of persecution and prejudice.
Perfect! Jews for Jesus is right up your alley!

 

by mrpoop
3-27-06
I'm gonna take a shower.
Don't forget to clean your unmentionables.
But how will I know what to clean if you don't mention them?
They are completely unmentionable.
Didn't you just mention them?
I've said too much already.

 

by mrpoop
3-31-06
Wait, what's this place we're looking for again? Cheng's Kitchen or Chen's kitchen? All these Asian names sound the same.
BOBBY! That's such an ignorant American thing to say.
But... Cheng and Chen really do sound the same.
OF COURSE they do, but it's racist to think so.
I'm... I'm not a racist!
Besides there could be Orientals listening.

 

by mrpoop
4-01-06
Hey Pirate, how about we agree to disagree?
Why don't we just agree to agree.
Because if you agree to agree you don't have to SAY you agree to agree. You just agree.
I disagree.
God, Dave's really stretching for comic ideas isn't he.
I agree.

 

by mrpoop
4-05-06
I'm so excited, I could have sex with a man.
What did you just say?
There's no possible way for me to explain myself out of this one is there?
Alright, keep a 5 meter distance away Liberace.

 

by mrpoop
4-06-06
You know, it's funny. When you look at the earth from so far away, you could never tell how much prejudice and war there is there.
Nope, from here, everyone looks the same.
FOR ME TO POOP ON!
LAWL humor from 5 years ago = funny

 

You know your life is an exercise in monotony when you start to notice things about your underwear.
We meet again, beige boxers with a ripped pee hole!
by mrpoop, 4-07-06

 

by mrpoop
4-10-06
And now, ladies and gentlemen... X-TREME STATISTICS!!!!!!
Alright ladies and gentlemen, round one... Bobby is going to create an ANOVA table...
That cross references GPA regarding SAT scores in exam determination. WHAT IS THE F-VALUE!?!??!?!
2.3.
X-TREME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by mrpoop
4-10-06
Is it a bad thing if the only thing that is keeping you from killing and drinking other people's blood is the possibility of catching a venereal disease?
I feel the same about buttsex.
I think we both learned something about each other today.
I think I dropped something on the floor over there, can you pick it up for me?

 

by mrpoop
4-12-06
...but I found out that you had to jump over the wall to get to the secret safe in order to get the new longsword.
You are such a dork that it's mind boggling. Other people who are huge dorks look at you and wince for the disservice you are doing to them as a group.
You are so dorky that I refuse to even accept you as a possibility, and therefore I deny your existance.
But... I haven't even told you about my bard with 18 charisma yet...
Cool people avoid you for fear of collateral damage.

 

by mrpoop
4-18-06
Hey Pirate, have you ever noticed that whenever anyone says "No offense, but..." It's always followed by the most offensive thing you could possibly imagine?
Heh, yeah, that happened to me the other day from this girl I work with.
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wait a second...
Girls have jobs?
I can't hear you all the way back there in the 1940s Bobby.

 

by mrpoop
4-20-06
Marijuana, pot, weed, buds, grass, herb, Mary Jane, nugs, dope, whacky tobbacky, reefer, shnoochie bootchies, greenery...
Northern Lights, White Widow, Purple Haze, Arizona, BeeCees, Kinebud...
Sensi Star, New York Diesel, Thai Bomb, Sweet Stick, Super Silver Haze, Blueberry, Poison...
Spirit of Amsterdam, K2, Afghan, Ivory, Hawaiian Delight, Punta Roja, Hindu Kush...
Dreamweaver, Crystal Bomb, Raspberry, Mekong, Juicy Fruit, White Rhino...
And Himalayan Gold. Cheers you potsmoking hippies.

 

by mrpoop
4-27-06
Hey, can I get a Yuro?
They're called Gyros, asshole.
No, no, it's pronounced Yuro.
Yea, cause every asshole that goes into a Greek restaurant automatically is a scholar. I bet you don't even know who Demosthenes is!
He went to exile in Rhodes!
That was Aeschines! And you know NOTHING of his work!

 

by mrpoop
5-08-06
The first annual Amway meeting...
Hello and welcome everyone. I'm so glad you've come to join us in this money-making opportunity.
The way it works here at Amway is simple. I fuck you up the ass, and you get fucked up the ass.
It's kinda like a two person pyramid scheme.
Sign me up! Nothing can possibly go wrong with that!

 

by mrpoop
5-13-06
HEY PIRATE WHAT COUNTRY IS YOUR PENIS FROM
I DUNNO WHAT COUNTRY IS MY PENIS FROM
IT IS FROM FRANCE CAUSE IT GOES OUI OUI
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

by mrpoop
5-13-06
Jeez, doesn't it feel like the preceding comic just solely ripped of Squidrabies?
Not really. I mean, there are some striking similarities, but the context is entirely different.
I mean, there are only so many concepts for comic strips before some seem to inevitably follow trends from other ones. That's just how it works.
BUT YOU MELT! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
I KICK YOUR FACE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

by mrpoop
5-13-06
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
CAUSE IT GO OUI OUI HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

by mrpoop
5-14-06
HAHAHAhaha ha... hah... ha...
Ha... hah... woo.
Ahem.
Heh.
Okay, okay, I'm done now.
CAUSHE GOIES OYUI OUI
HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

by mrpoop
5-26-06
You know what's really, really funny?
No.
Me either.
Well, the word "chesticles" is kind of funny, but then again, it's not really a word to begin with.

 

by mrpoop
5-30-06
Michael Jackson molests children.
That's not funny.
What the hell are you talking about? Yes it is!
Oh yeah. Hehehe.

 

by mrpoop
6-20-06
Hey pirate, what are women good for?
Well, they can do anything a man can do, though they are slighter of frame. They are caring and nurturing and can lend an ear when you need it most.
Of course, men and women need each other in a variety of ways. As our gender roles disperse, so to do the stereotypes present in the first place.
Yeah, I think it's cooking and cleaning too.
Heh. Sluts.

 

I tried to sign up for hotmail using the password "Penis." It said my password was too short.
by mrpoop, 7-12-06

 

by mrpoop
8-08-06
Where am I? No, wait, WHO am I? Am I just the brain child of a psychotic twenty-something?
And if I was just created, why do I still hate the Harry Potter books?

 

by mrpoop
8-09-06
Captain's log, star date 223004.
I've yet to make any contact with any hostile beings.
Furthermore, I think I'm starting to lose touch with reality.
Ay de mi! Yo quiero Taco Bell.

 

by mrpoop
8-10-06
Why is it so fucking hot out? I blame global warming. Or El Nino. Or Global Nino.
Yeah, it's this hot all the time in Texas and they don't bitch about it. But you laugh when they shut their schools down for an inch of snow.
That's not why I laugh at Texans.
The big hats, the dumb sounding accents, political affiliations, and use of the conjunction "y'all" are why I laugh at Texans.
touche!

 

by mrpoop
8-15-06
So, Pirate, I was thinking maybe we could go see a movie tonight. Like Step Up.
You mean another movie about teenagers that solve their problems by dancing? I'm busy.
Busy? You're not busy. You're just standing there.
Yeah.. but... I gotta.. uh.. go... mow the laundry.
Mow the laundry?
Yes. While I watch porno in your room.

 

by mrpoop
8-16-06
Oh man, that was great. Hey dude, have you ever gotten like a tingle in your hand after you ejaculate?
I don't even feel like dignifying that with a response.
...and then the tingle moves up your arm, and then into your chest and... oh my God... I think I'm having a heart attack.
Oh my God! Bobby! Bobby! Listen to me!
Unggh...
You made me lose my hard-on you bitch. Now I'm gonna have to start that episode of Hogan's Heroes all over again!

 

by mrpoop
9-19-06
The Arabic version of Bobby and Pirate.
Hey Pirate-al-Shwarma!
Hello Bobby Al-Hommous.
Did you be seeing that the infidel pope says that violence in the name of religion is wrong?
Yes. He mocked our religion for doing so!
Let's go burn down some churchs to prove how fucking peaceful we are.
Don't forget the old nuns.

 

by mrpoop
9-21-06
The active-aggressive depressive.
Ahh, I feel so much better.
OW! You fucking cut ME!
Yeah.. just to see the blood... makes me really feel better. You know, sometimes physical pain is better than emotional.
Yeah, but you fucking cut ME!
This isn't all about you, you know.
I'm feeling faint.

 

by mrpoop
10-11-06
I just got back from seeing that movie "Stay Alive." It was pretty scary.
Cool, come check out this game I just got.
Wow, that's pretty graphic. What's it called?
It's called "Raped by a huge black man."
Hold on a sec, I hear someone knocking on the door.
I already lost like 6 times already.

 

by mrpoop
10-17-06
...And knowing is half the battle!
What's the other half of the battle?
Huh?
...Well?
Murdering Arabs I guess.
They never talk about that half.

 

by mrpoop
11-16-06
Hey Bobby, do you ever smoke weed?
When the situation dictates, yes.
What does that mean?
All day every day.
It hurts to live.

 

by mrpoop
12-03-06
Hey Pirate, these Slim Fast (tm) shakes are actually really tasty. They taste even better with whipped cream on top.
Bobby, I think you're missing the point.
Huh?
...You know what, why not. I'm gonna go eat a salad, you have fun with that.

 

by mrpoop
12-10-06
So what brings you two to relationship counseling today?
Well, she doesn't like my gay movie about AIDS.
That's cause it's totally gay.
Well that doesn't sound so bad...
Oh, also she stabbed me in the face with a fork. You remember that, right honey?
You wouldn't fucking close your mouth while you were chewing.

 

What ever happened to peanut bear?
I was a boring subplot and nobody loved me.
It's true he's a total cocksucker.
by mrpoop, 12-13-06

 

by mrpoop
12-13-06
If Jesus came back today...
Jesus be praised! We've killed all the Jews and you've come back to us!
You did WHAT to my people?
Isn't that what you wanted us Christians to do?
Huh?
You know... Christians. We worship you- It's why I have this chain of you dying on a bloody cross around my neck.
I died for these assholes?

 

by mrpoop
12-14-06
Hey daddy, can I ask you something?
Not now, sweetie, daddy is busy ignoring you.
Well, it's just that most terrible fathers have molested their children at this point and I was wondering when we were gonna get to that.
Sorry sweetie, I can't.
...I'll wear the blue dress you love so much.
Honestly you're just not my type.

 

by mrpoop
1-07-07
Child pornography.
For shame, mrpoop... For shame.
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA

 

by mrpoop
1-08-07
Well, this situation sure is serendipitous.
How is being surrounded by zombies serendipitous? Do you even know what that means?
Don't be such a placenta.
HAHA, pwned. I'm going outside for a jog.
No, YOU don't be such a placenta.

 

by mrpoop
2-12-07
2007 A.D.
...And then the butterflies broke free from the alien's supersonic rays.
We have medication for you.
1950 A.D.
...Out of nowhere this gigantic UFO popped up!
Alright, crazy... Let me go get a straight jacket.
10 A.D.
...And this bush was on fire and it started talking to me!
Hey Steve, are you writing this down? PURE GOLD.

 

by mrpoop
5-03-07
Hey pirate, wanna go play some baseball?
Pfft. I think not.
You see, Bobby, sports are repetitive and boring. They are for simple minds.
...How's the game going?
Only 8,215 more kills until level 206.

 

by mrpoop
5-31-07
Maybe it's meningitis, but it's displaying symptoms of herpes because he's half demon. We should treat him with cow farts.
House, ever since you became a wizard, I trust your medical opinion less.
But shit, knock yourself out.
This oughta be good. Can we get Jennifer to do a topless scene?
I wonder if they've figured out I'm a man yet.

Showing page 4.

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