All comics by mrpoop

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by mrpoop
7-04-05
I just got a new CD. It's called "A Variety of Whimsical Verse," by Of Montreal.
Gay...
Don't use gay like it's an insult.
I'm not. I'm saying that the music is homosexual. It engages in sexual acts with music of the same gender.
Oh...
WHIMSICAL!

 

by mrpoop
7-04-05
I can't help but wonder sometimes... What's the point? Does any of this matter?
Well, you COULD be living in New York City.
What does that have to do with anything?
Good pizza.
How does pizza solve anything?
Get me a fucking pizza.

 

by mrpoop
7-04-05
I just logged into an internet chatroom. Some guy said that he slept with my mom. Is that true?
You can't believe everything people tell you on the internet.
Oh. I read this post on a forum that said Jesus hates homosexuals. Is that true?
Well that's up for debates.
It was on foxnews.com.
Now THAT'S Fair and Balanced!

 

by mrpoop
7-05-05
I'm took a class called communication 101.
Amazingly facinating. And what did you learn in this class?
I learned how to portray a message through verbal or non-verbal means with the intention of comprehension reached through auditory or visual reception.
STOP BULLSHITING ME! EVERY SECOND OF LISTENING TO YOU IS LIKE A LAVA ENIMA.
...but what exactly are you trying to say?
Exactly.

 

by mrpoop
7-05-05
Want to go get Indian food?
Nah, Indian food is for hippies.
No man, ethnic cuisine is totally in these days. You're nobody unless you eat Indian food.
Oh, my mistake... What should I eat?
I dunno, some crappy beef in some crappy sauce.
Should I bring the tomahawk?

 

by mrpoop
7-05-05
Do you ever wonder if we smoke too much pot?
I wonder a lot of things.
Sometimes I get so high... like so high... Really high.
Thought provoking.
Lets go play X-Box Live and tell everyone how high we are.
I'll get the cheetos.

 

by mrpoop
7-05-05
Coming to you live...
Good evening ladies and gentlemen!
And now, for your pleasure and amusement, my friend here will tell a joke!
For fat people, there are no see saws, only catipults.
Thank you! Try the veal!

 

by mrpoop
7-05-05
So what did you think of Batman Begins?
It sucked.
Did you see it?
No.
Yea, me neither.
Lets go post about it on an internet forum.

 

by mrpoop
7-05-05
I just went and saw Rent on broadway. It was totally kick ass.
Oh yes, such thought provoking lyrics. "We're not gonna pay rent. Rent rent rent rent rent."
Don't you see? That's an allegory for things being "messed up" or "torn". Their lives are "rent".
Okay, the fact that you know what an allegory is and like Rent proves my point.
I'm not gay.
Your boyfriend's butt is totally rent.

 

by mrpoop
7-05-05
Did you hear about Johnson?
What happened?
Apparently his wife left him and he jumped out of the 7th story window.
Oh no! How horrible!
Dibs on the children!
I'll get the KY.

 

by mrpoop
7-06-05
You have been banned from this forum. Please contact the webmaster or board administrator for more information.
I got banned from another forum.
Is it Tuesday already?
I know, the week goes by so fast.

 

by mrpoop
7-06-05
So I think that I have a drug problem.
I always knew you did.
All I do is snort crack and smoke heroin.
You can't smoke heroin, dumbass.
Aha! Caught you. YOU have a drug problem.
Do we have any crack left?

 

by mrpoop
7-06-05
Meow.
Your cat is so fucking cute, I just want to kill it. Can I kill your cat?
No... please... don't.
I'm just gonna go kill your fucking cat.
Well I tried.

 

by mrpoop
7-07-05
I've got a date tonight.
Hot. Is she gonna touch your penis?
Hey, listen, alright? This is a lady. Don't talk about her that way.
Oh, I'm sorry... I mean wilst she toucheth thy penis of yore?
If she doesn't I'll force her.

 

by mrpoop
7-07-05
So how did the date go?
She didn't show up. I'm so embarassed. I hate women.
That's okay, buddy. I'm here for you.
Well, I can't have SEX with you...
I was really hoping you would fail miserably anyways.
...can I?

 

by mrpoop
7-07-05
So did you hear about Tom Cruise busting on Brooke Shields for using anti-depressants?
Oh, you want to get all topical on me, huh? I'm listening.
Bless that Tom Cruise for deciding what other people should believe in.
Amen!
I wonder if he got the inspiration from the aliens that infested the planet twenty thousand years ago, or if it was from the super space god known only as Zork.
Nanu nanu!

 

by mrpoop
7-07-05
Hm... Naomi wants me to make a comic about her.
It has to be well thought out, tactful, and flattering...
I have a terrible urinary tract infection.
Hi Naomi!

 

by mrpoop
7-08-05
So this whole London terrorist thing has gotten everyone in an uproar.
With good reason.
Lets just fucking invade Iran already. Stop teasing us Bush! You're like a cheap slut that keeps rubbing our cocks then stops right before we cream ourselves.
Like every girl you've ever dated.
Just fuck the American people already!

 

by mrpoop
7-08-05
Omigod omigod omigod!
Get a hold of yourself man!
They're coming out with a Rent movie. I'm so excited.
Thus compounding the aforementioned homosexuality that courses through your veins.
I'm so fucking psyched, I'm gonna go kill your kitten.
Done and done.

 

by mrpoop
7-08-05
Whoa! Buffy_chic wants me to do her. That's so hot.
What can I say? I'm totally a chic magnet. Heh, chic magnet. I'm so witty.
Oh... my lord...
Oral sex is great. But only when you do it on me.

 

by mrpoop
7-08-05
Wow, TorontoGirl wants me to make her a comic too. That's like having the Jennifer Aniston of xanga asking you to make her a comic.
Hey! We're in Canada. Look at those verdant fields, the crisp beautiful sky.
I've seen crisper.
I can't wait to meet some locals. G'day mate!
That's AUSTRIA, idiot. You better not say that. They're a very violent and savage people around here.

 

by mrpoop
7-08-05
Mmm.. this is so delicious. I can't believe it's not butter.
Well it isn't.
No, seriously, I refuse to believe this is not butter.
What's the matter with you? It says it's not butter on the damn spray. It's not fucking butter.
I feel so betrayed.
Well... I left a little surprise in your bed. I hope you don't say "I can't believe it's not dog shit."

 

by mrpoop
7-09-05
Hi everyone! I thought it'd be important to give my thanks to Bonnie.
She was there in the beginning and she convinced me to keep making these retarded cartoon strips.
Aw, Dave, you're so sweet.
Um.. I guess you didn't read the strip about oral sex, did you...

 

by mrpoop
7-09-05
So it's been almost two weeks since I stopped smoking.
Quitter.
I think I'm beginning to lose touch with reality...
...Why are you looking at me like that?
Oh, you dirty slut you, come let daddy give you a puff...

 

by mrpoop
7-10-05
...So then he says "Well, you can't have your cake and eat it too."
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
What else are you going to do with your cake unless you eat it?
Well that's when I took the cake and shoved it down his throat until he stopped breathing.
...I hear sirens.

 

by mrpoop
7-10-05
www.xanga.com/ give_em_the_southpaw/
Oh my lord... Look what I just found.
...the hell?
It's a militant group of left handed folk! Will these lefties stop at nothing? Have they no shame?
Hey, fuck you man, don't get on the bad side of the left handed resistance.
...Damn Taxachussets liberal lefties.
...Damn ignorant close-minded righties.

 

by mrpoop
7-11-05
In A.D. 2101, war was beginning.
What happen?
Somebody set up us the bomb.
We get signal.
What
Stay tuned...
Main screen turn on.
It's you

 

by mrpoop
7-11-05
How are you gentlemen. All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.
What you say
You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha Ha Ha Ha.
Oh no! What will happen??
Captain...

 

by mrpoop
7-11-05
Take off every 'Zig'. You know what you doing. Move 'Zig'. For great justice.
Your mom's a whore.

 

by mrpoop
7-11-05
Ok, let's finish up this interview with a few questions. Do you smoke?
Nope.
Do you drink?
Sometimes.
Do you have a problem with exploiting children?
Maybe applying for a job at Phillip Morris wasn't such a good idea...

 

by mrpoop
7-11-05
VANITY_ROMANCE on xanga...
Like, oh my GAWD, some guy I don't know posted something on my site. WTF? Like, oh my GAWD!
...Decides to post a comment on give_em_the_southpaw's site...
Ur probly 1 of ppl wants attention so they can get feautured ... Thank you for wasting mine and ur time
...and then decides to spend her valuable time.
Walking home at 3AM to get food almost 5 miles away haha i love you girls <3333
Oh hell, I gotta make a comic about this...

 

by mrpoop
7-11-05
I really hateTaco Bell.
Every time they come up with another delicious product, my heart sings. I fall in love. Then, they take it away. Where are you, oh Cheesy Gordita Crunch? Oh scrumptious Ranch Taco?
And now... the Crunch Wrap Supreme. I don't know how much more I can take.
Fuck it, they're all made from the same ingredients anyways. Lets go to the supermarket and make our own Cheesy Double Wrap Chicken Fucking Amazing Gordita Supreme and Friends.
They don't have grade X ass meat at the supermarket though...

 

by mrpoop
7-12-05
I don't know what happened. She made a joke and I said "Oh Sally, you are the living end."
That doesn't sound so bad.
...but then I said "OH YE, BRINGER OF THE END OF OUR LIVES, YOUR MIGHTY POWER ENGULFS THE WORLD AND BRINGS DEATH TO US ALL!
Wow, that's a really sexy poem.
WHAT HATH THE LORD WROUGHT???

 

by mrpoop
7-12-05
There is a hurricane warning for Florida. Hurricane Melvin should arrive early next week.
Heh heh.. Huricane Melvin. What a lame hurricane.
Stay tuned for reports on hurricane APOCALYPSE.
Eh?
Well, it's more of a swirling vortex than a hurricane, really.

 

by mrpoop
7-15-05
Your adventure begins in your dimly lit house in the small mountain town of... mountaintown.
Cool. I'm an elf.
You hear a knock on your door. It thunders loudly throughout your entire house!
Oh no! I answer the door, with my magic missile and fireball and lightning and icy cone all ready to be launched from mine fingers!
It is your boss. He says "You're two hours late for work, bitch."
This game sucks.

 

by mrpoop
7-15-05
With cat like agility I deftly move through this small town in search of my prey...
With my ruthless efficiency, I sneak in unnoticed, ready to pounce within a moment's notice. I sneak under cover of shadow...
MAKE ME A FUCKING COMIC BITCH!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Subdued, my victim has no other choice than to submit to my greater will...
My... heart.... Call.... 911....

 

by mrpoop
7-17-05
Children, we're here to teach you about a very dangerous new disease that can affect you at a young age.
This disease can be known to cause rectal hemorage, increased risk of heart attack and stroke, and birth defects.
This disease is, of course, known as Harry Potter.
If you buy this book, you're a fucking anti-social loser nerd.
LOL u totally pwned them.
ROFLMAO ya they r noobs.

 

by mrpoop
7-18-05
Attention Everyone.
Testicles.
Thank you.

 

by mrpoop
7-18-05
What if "Nutsack" meant that the plight of the proletariat far outweighs catering to the comforts of the bourgeoisie if this results in a great seperation between the "haves" and the "have nots".
That this class should one day rise up to remove the shackles of oppresion and help create an unfettered and unrestricted government ruled by the people, for the people.
Nutsack.
Agreed.

 

by mrpoop
7-19-05
Did you hear that, in France, President Chirac has officially raised the French terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide"?
Oh no!
There are only two higher alert levels in France, which are "Surrender" and "Collaborate".
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory - effectively crippling the French military.
I want a criossant. Not croissant, Naomi. A Criossant. The little known cousin of the croissant.

 

by mrpoop
7-20-05
...So then he said to PM him to get a comic idea.
Fuck that shit.
Well... then we should act out a comic about him and Roman Polanski.
Okay.
VERE ARE DE JUDEN, POSSUMS!?!
NEIN AND GUTTEN TAG! LET ME PLAY VITH MY PIANO UND EATEN DE GERMAN SNARSAGE!

 

by mrpoop
7-21-05
You Nazi bastard! Say "hi" to Hitler in HELL!
NEIN YOUST AMERICAN SMACKINLOGIN FARFIGNUUTEN, YOU EATEN DE SNARSAGE WITH DE PORK PORK YAVEN FLAVEN.
...What the fuck did you just say?
YOUR VEAPON IS POWERLESS TO YA GERMAN SUPERIOR ARMS AND CARS AND BEER!! AND SNARSAGE!
...Do you have to say "snarsage" in every sentence?
Germans love themselves some snarsage.

 

by mrpoop
7-24-05
So I figured out Hardee's. It's not a crappy restaurant, it's a GOOD fast food joint.
What about Arby's?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Horse turds...

 

by mrpoop
7-25-05
Welcome, Pirate, to this Narcotics Anonymous group. We're a place of love here.
Hi, I'm pirate, and I love drugs.
Me too.
Want to go do some drugs?
Now this is MY kinda 12 step program!

 

by mrpoop
7-25-05
Yee Haw! I got electorated president... President of Amurica.
September 11th.
Yee Haw! I got re-electorated as president of Amurica.
Satan on line two, sir.

 

by mrpoop
7-28-05
Well, I guess I should write something making fun of Democrats too... you know, to balance out the whole thing.
This just in, John Kerry has won the presidency... and... what's this, a bit of breaking news.
It seems like there's World Peace, no starvation, and millions of puppy dogs for everyone!
Jesus loves Democrats.

 

by mrpoop
7-31-05
Today, the part of the "lovely girl" will be played by Bobbie, and the part of "guy" will be played by Pirate.
Oh Pirate, the time we've spent has been so great, but what I really want is a commitment.
Okay!
Oh Pirate, this commitment is so nice, but what I really want is for you to say you love me!
I love you!
Oh Pirate, now I want to manipulate you into a hollow corpse of your former self and tell you it's your fault!
I'm a tool!

 

by mrpoop
8-02-05
Do you think you can smoke catnip?
Well, yea, you can smoke anything.
Yea, but do you think it does anything?
Well, it gets cats high as hell.
Cats. Cats are animals.
You smoked catnip, didn't you?

 

by mrpoop
8-03-05
This comic strip is in the style of the movie "Momento."
That will be $35.95. You're two weeks late with the package.
What are you talking about? WHO ARE YOU!?
I can't let you leave. I won't let you leave.
No! I do not trust your lies!
This movie sucks.

 

by mrpoop
8-04-05
They brought back the Cheesy Gordita Crunch! I'm so happy. "I got full last night!"
Remember that slogan? Remember that? "I got full." Ha ha. Priceless.
I got laid last night.
Oh.
Loser.

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