All comics by HCRoyall

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Deadly Sin #69: Charging too much for sex.
Five grand for a hand job.
by HCRoyall, 6-22-05

 

Are we funny yet?
by HCRoyall, 6-22-05

 

by HCRoyall
6-22-05
I used to have a dog as a kid.His name was Dingo. Man, I loved that dog.
Why did you call him Dingo?
You know, I don't really remember...

 

by HCRoyall
6-22-05
Foolish mortal! Your selfish wish for beer has doomed all of mankind! What have you to say for yourself?
Cheers!

 

This game is kinda lame. It would be better if it had a darker soundtrack to fit the storyline.
Try putting it in Depeche Mode then.
by HCRoyall, 6-23-05

 

by HCRoyall
6-23-05
Bowling For Soup made that girl go Toad the Wet Sprockett.
If it weren't for her best friend Jamiroquai...
She'd still be Fighting Gravity. Only by caring can you Eve 6 teen suicide!
I'm never going to understand Australian TV...

 

by HCRoyall
6-23-05
I can't believe I never made special entries for my 100th and 200th comics.
You didn't even check how many comics you had until just now, did you?
Shut up.

 

Welcome to Los Lonely Boys Mexican Restaurant! May I take your order?
I'd like an enchilada special with some extra Red Hot Chili Peppers.
by HCRoyall, 6-23-05

 

Hi! It's me, OJ Simpson. I just wanted to let everyone know how glad I am to have been found not guilty. Yep, sure is great to not be assraped all the time. Sure do love my privacy, too.
by HCRoyall, 6-23-05

 

by HCRoyall
6-23-05
What a horrible day in Hell! Nothing could spoil my mood today. Heck, I even feel like starting another World War! But first, the news!
This just in! Congress has removed George W. Bush from office and replaced him with Ralph Nader!
I stand corrected.

 

by HCRoyall
6-24-05
Fire in the Disco! Fire in the Disco!
Fire At the Taco Bell!
What? The Electric Six on the motel sign next door sparked it.

 

by HCRoyall
6-24-05
I get the feeling that your roommate doesn't like me too much, Jim.
What, Butch? Why do you say that?
It's the letters written in blood, threatening gestures with various weapons, and the bloody pig's head left outside my door with nails hammered into it and a note that just said "You".
Okay, the pig's head was really me.

 

by HCRoyall
6-24-05
Why would you leave a bloody pig's head on my doorstep?
It's just something I do.
What?

 

by HCRoyall
6-24-05
I seriously feel like my life is in danger here, sir!
We'll send a squad car over right now. *click*
Knock knock knock
That must be them...
Well, THIS is certainly awkward...

 

by HCRoyall
6-24-05
Black, lifeless eyes...
Like dolls' eyes!

 

by HCRoyall
6-24-05
So there's nothing wrong here? I'd like to remind you that false emergency calls are a crime.
It was just a big misunderstanding, officer, I'm really sorry.
Wait, I remember you. You're that asshole I caught with my daughter last month!!
I was drunk! She told me she was 22! She even admitted she only did it to make you mad!
Disturbing the peace, statutory rape, making false emergency calls, and resisting arrest. Mr. Taser doesn't like people like you.
Argh!

 

by HCRoyall
6-24-05
Add public obscenities and **drops bag of marijuana** drug possession to that. Are you ever in for it now...
Hey, officer! Look over there! Free Donuts!
With the chocolate frosting and colorful sprinkles?
Er... Yes.
Whoopee!! My lucky day!

 

by HCRoyall
6-25-05
There ya go. You all right?
Did you really kill that cop?
Yes. Were you telling the truth about his daughter?
Fuck no. But if she knows what's good for her she won't tell anyone that.

 

by HCRoyall
6-25-05
So now that that's over with, what do you guys want to do?
You thinking what I'm thinking?
Oh yeah...
Gang Rape a Co-Ed!
Gang Rape a Co-Ed!
Karaoke! I mean... Gang Rape a Co-Ed!

 

Deadly sin 26: Replying to a comic contest without your entry being in comic form.
Dur?
[save]
by HCRoyall, 6-25-05

 

by HCRoyall
6-25-05
So this is your aprtment, huh?
I've never been big on furnirue. I don't have many visitors, so I only have what I need.
I thought you lived alone, though. Who's that guy?
What the?
Who the fuck said you were allowed to get out of the Box?!

 

by HCRoyall
6-25-05
So who's that guy?
That's my new Gimp. I'm sure he'll be better behaved once I break him.
You mean break him in.
No... I mean he'll learn not to wander around after I break his spine.
... That and cripples can't fight back as hard.

 

by HCRoyall
6-27-05
Mommy! Bobby just told me that ADOLF HITLER was my real daddy! That's not true, is it?
Yes, honey...I'm afraid it is.
WAAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAAA!!! I DON'T WANNA BE SALLY HITLER!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!
But we're all Hitlers, dear. I'm Mrs. Hitler...Bobby is Bobby Hitler...and Woofy...he's Woofy Hitler.
Is Terry a Hitler too?
No he just comes to family meetings for the cornbread.

 

by HCRoyall
6-27-05
Hey...
What was that Bill said?
I'm sorry, can I help you?
I'm just here to test out a theory.

 

by HCRoyall
6-27-05
Bill was right! Cripples are a LOT easier to molest than healthy victims!
I could have told you that. I've known for a long time.
When did you find out about it?
I think it was right after your sister got into that motorcycle accident...

 

Many scientists agree that there are alternate dimensions. I'm waiting for them to find one where GW is a hippy and Bill Clinton is a celibate priest.
by HCRoyall, 6-27-05

 

by HCRoyall
6-27-05
Where am I?
A void of nothingness that is the author's imagination. Your actions are subject to his whims.
Is that why I suddenly have a hammer and nails?
And you have no control over what happens next.
Nuts.

 

by HCRoyall
6-28-05
As far as politics goes, I'm a Populist. That means I'm for a lot of Liberal policies like Welfare, Pro Choice, and more money to schools.
But I also support things like the Death Penalty and stronger minimum punishments for violent crime.
It also means I'd rather see a trained monkey in the White House than any candidate put forth by the Major Parties.
Eek? Ook...

 

by HCRoyall
6-28-05
How can you say you support Welfare when you made comics about killing people on Welfare?!
I support the idea, but I believe it should be a Capitol Offense to take advantage of a system set up to help the underprivileged. I'd rather see it abolished than abused.
Yeah? What would you expect those of us on the system to do if you shut it down?
How about this: GET A FUCKING JOB INSTEAD OF MOOCHING OFF THE GOVERNMENT!!!

 

by HCRoyall
6-28-05
Help! He's after me!
Who?
Eeeyyarrrgh!
Help me... hospital... please...
Shut up, Gene.

 

The Red Light District! I'm gettin' me some tricks tonight!
Silly Rabbit! Tricks are for kids!
by HCRoyall, 6-28-05

 

Someone once told me that the key to making money was to be sure you'd be paid for the work you did. Politicians have the getting paid part down, but the 'working' part still confuses them...
by HCRoyall, 6-29-05

 

by HCRoyall
6-29-05
Explain to me again why you needed ME to kill the squirrel again?
I have an intense phobia of bushy-tailed rodents. And you kill with much more style than I do.

 

by HCRoyall
6-29-05
Your move.
Queen to G-6. Checkmate.
Err... I mean, I forfeit.

 

by HCRoyall
6-29-05
*Ding Dong*
*Ding Dong*
About time you showed up! Where's my alimony?
I've got yer alimony RIGHT HERE!

 

A doctor once diagnosed me as having Multiple Personality Disorder, but I think he's wrong. You don't think I'm crazy, do you?
You're talking to yourself, you fucking nutball.
by HCRoyall, 6-30-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-01-05
...so if there are any questions, just ask so we can avoid confusion later on.
Sir, I've got a quesion about...
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET BACK TO WORK!!

 

Sergeant? Could I possibly---
No.
by HCRoyall, 7-01-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-01-05
Sergeant? Why'd you wake me up two hours early this morning?
Because we're doing organized physical training from now on.
I'm on medical profile Sergeant. Doc's orders, no PT for the next two weeks.
Shut up and beat your face like everyone else!

 

by HCRoyall
7-01-05
With all due respect sir, why are we out picking up other people's trash when we pay third-country nationals to do it for us?
Shut up and fill that damn trash bag.

 

by HCRoyall
7-01-05
Just a reminder, everyone. All websites other than the Army homepage and the Army Knowledge Online email are prohibited on work computers.
But in order to do my job I have to access other --
NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

 

by HCRoyall
7-01-05
From now on there is to be no kissing, hand-holding, or any other display of affection between male and female soldiers, niehter in uniform NOR in civilian clothes.
If you don't want fraternization to happen, why are you encouraging it by giving out free condoms at the clinic?
Was there a point to that question, soldier?

 

by HCRoyall
7-01-05
Hey, Sergeant! Why're we unloading this stuff instead of the contractors?
Because it's new issue safety gear and some stuff went missing from the last shipment.
Oh. Thanks, Sergeant.
Wait, these are just boxes of office supp---
GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK!!

 

by HCRoyall
7-01-05
Submit your leave forms by Friday. You can only choose dates between March 25th and October 15th.
But you're going on leave in Novem--
BETWEEN MARCH 25TH AND OCTOBER 15TH!!

 

There was an Army Colonel who just recently got a sex change operation right after retiring from the military. Twenty-five years in the military and then became a woman.
I guess he liked it up the ass both literally AND metaphorically.
by HCRoyall, 7-01-05

 

by HCRoyall
7-01-05
Oh Great Hazunda, I offer this bucket of extra-crispy KFC as tribute to you! Share with me your Wisdom of the Ages!
BEWARE THE SHIMMERING YELLOW MAGIC! IT IS HOT TO THE HAND AND BLACKENS ALL IT DOES TOUCH!!
Is that all I get?
PRETTY MUCH.

 

by HCRoyall
7-02-05
OooOOOooooOoo! I am the Ancient Ghost of Johnny Cash, come to avenge my murder!!
Okay, one, Johnny Cash died of Natural causes. Two, he's only been dead for like a year or so. And three, you're that stupid ghost that bothered me a while back about me killing you.
I just want somebody to like me...
Get the fuck out of my house.

 

by HCRoyall
7-02-05
What's with the new promotion policy, Sir?
Since deployed soldiers can't go to required schools for promotion eligibility we're just promoting them and requiring that they go to the schools within a year after returning from deployment.
What about promotion points and time in service?
Everything else about the promotion system will work normally.
So the reason I was passed over for promotion in favor of junior soldi---
Because I hate you.

 

by HCRoyall
7-02-05
You're selling life insurance? Tell me, do YOU subscribe to this policy as well?
Of course! Why I wouldn't feel safe that my family would be provided for should somthing---
EEEeyyaaaargrrggh!
*slam*
*twitch*

 

by HCRoyall
7-02-05
Dammit, Jim! Put this thing away when you're done. It's tacky as hell!
WHO DARES TO MOCK THE GREAT HAZUNDA, LORD OF BOILED CHICKEN?! PITIFUL MORTAL, YOU KNOW NOT OF WHOM YOU SPEAK!!
"Lord of Boiled Chicken"? What kind of title is that? Were you at the back of the line when the brainless natives were assigning duties to their statue-gods?
BOILED CHICKEN IS MERELY PART OF THE TITLE, FLESHLING. I AM THE LORD OF ALL THINGS CHICKEN REGARDLESS OF PREPARATION!!
Hold up. Does that mean you can start a plague of salmonella?
YOU KNOW, I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE...

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