All comics by Hatrix

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by Hatrix
5-28-07
So you haven't made any comics in a while. Why not?
Oh I don't know. Because chronically depressed people aren't funny?
Sure they are...
...
...if you hit them hard enough.
You're right. Violence is always hysterical. Let me get my comedy sledge and I'll be right with you.

 

by Hatrix
5-28-07
Seriously though... you need to try and cheer up.
Cheer up. You're right! My GOD why didn't I think of that before?!?!
You're a fucking GENIUS! Have you informed the media about this incredible earth shattering bit of information you have hit upon? I'm CURED! Thank heavens you came along in the nick of time.
You're right. You aren't funny.
Told you.

 

by Hatrix
5-28-07
Ok so I can't cure your fucking mental problems but I'll bet you any money I can do something to help.
You're on. I'll try anything at this point.
Later...
Was I right?
I'm buying Dr. Freud.

 

by Hatrix
5-29-07
Well Red I've decided to take your advice
You're going to stop using that ridiculous tan-in-a-can that makes you look like a ganguro girl?
No I'm going to try and be more cheerful in the hopes it will improve my mood.
Hey that's a great idea...
Wait. What?

 

by Hatrix
5-29-07
So how's the new mood attitude going?
I gave up.
What? Why?! You just started?
I know. But it already made things worse.
How could it possibly...?
I was online chatting and I got flamed for being too nice.

 

by Hatrix
5-30-07
They call them school yard 'chums'...
Hey I'll bet you're too chicken to say a swear! C'mon if you're so big! If you're so tough. Go ahead! I dare you!
Fuck you.
Aaaaa! She did it! Hey everybody she did it! She said a swear! I made her say it!
So are you guys doing anything after school?
...because you'd like to bloody the water with their carcass.
Not with YOU. We don't like you. You swear too much.

 

by Hatrix
5-30-07
Alright you worthless little bastards get in your chairs and SHUT UP! After you do the prayer PROPERLY you're going to repeat it FIFTY TIMES!
*knock knock*
Oh Good Morning Principal Freak.
Good Morning Sister. Just doing the rounds checking on how everyone is dealing with the new curriculum. Carry on.
I thought this was a public school now...
Just because the school can't force you to pray doesn't mean I can't force you to pray.

 

by Hatrix
5-30-07
What?
Um uh... excuse me sister. I uh.. I'm having trouble with my math and I was wondering if you could show me how to do that again before I have to go to the board.... please.
Of course dear.
Thank you! I was ready to fall apart. I didn't want to humiliate myself in front of ....
ATTENTION CLASS: Stupid here is going to do her entire worksheet at the board. Be sure to throw things at her if she gets something wrong. Otherwise she'll never learn.
!^$*&@#@!(*&^!

 

by Hatrix
5-30-07
1973
Sure I'm deliberately cruel all the time and enjoy making kids cry. Especially when I can make them wet their pants. Hysterical! What are YOU going to do about it?
.....
2003
Hello Lily. Remember me?
You pushed her down the church steps?
What's she gonna do about it? Especially now that her jaw is wired shut.

 

by Hatrix
5-30-07
Class of OMG I can't believe I ever
I teach here now.
knew any of these freaks how the hell
I SAID I'm in GOVERNMENT . What's it to ya?
Because if you're a NARC you have to tell me.
did I make it out of this place alive?
You haven't changed a bit!
Tee hee! Sure I have! I cost more than a burger and movie now.

 

I'll take it any way I can get it.
by Hatrix, 6-06-07

 

Have you seen the other sisters?
Worst !!#$&@# cruise ever.
by Hatrix, 6-06-07

 
by Hatrix, 6-06-07

 

by Hatrix
8-16-07
Would you believe I paid off my house AND started a great new job today?
Yup.

 

Flip This House...Iraq
A new coat of paint will fix that right up.
No need.
by Hatrix, 8-16-07

 

by Hatrix
8-16-07
You know, I think about you all the time. In fact sometimes all day. I find myself fantasizing about how I'll die and what comes after.
When I have to deal with horrible people and stressful crap I remind myself that eventually I'll be dead and none of this will matter.
Glad to know I can help.
It gets me through the day.

 

by Hatrix
8-16-07
Hey people I'm baaaahhholy shit!
Welcome back Sir, how was your vacation?
Steve. It looks like there are about 5 billion intake forums here.
Uh...Yessir.
Did someone start an apocalypse while the boss was away?
Maayyyyyybeeeee....

 

Fire supression successful. Thank you for not smoking.
by Hatrix, 8-16-07

 

by Hatrix
8-17-07
Hey Red. It's been two weeks since you quit smoking. How's that working out for you?
The urges are horrible! It takes every ounce of my strength to fight them.
Smoking addiction is hard to beat.
Oh I'm doing ok with that. It's the urge to KILL I'm struggling with.
On the other hand the tobacco companies say smoking may have health benefits....
Hey Troy! I see you were in my tools again. You needed a screw driver? I've got one right here....

 

by Hatrix
8-18-07
Ok where do you want to put the next ...
Ennui! The walls! Do we have to use the WALLS? I've trapped my creation in a box OH gods help me!
Uh..
I think we decided it should go there...
Off the meds again dear?
Fuck it I'll slash my wrists and spray the damn walls! Art I bleed ART!

 

...and I'm glad I didn't see the rest of the movie.
Why does my ass hurt? Hey is that an egg?
You ARE the chosen one! Now how do we get your soul out of that body?
by Hatrix, 8-18-07

 

by Hatrix
8-19-07
Ok who's goin' for a smoke brea...Oh hi. Uh... hmmm akward
Later dude. [cough *luser* cough]
*sob*
Red! Wake up buddy you're hallucinating again.

 

by Hatrix
8-21-07
I'm very excited about having you speak today dear. It's not often we get a former parishoner return to us in earnest.
Thanks father. Big crowd. What'd you tell them, that I was going to strip?
Hehehe.. hmm. Ladies and Gentlemen I want to introduce our 'prodigal' daughter who has returned to us today and wanted to address the congragation.
Thanks padre.
Ahem. ...Religion is crap. You're all idiots and there is no god.

 

by Hatrix
8-21-07
Stop STOP! What are you DOING!
Addressing your congregation of sheeple.
I thought you were here to announce your return to god!
Leave it to a superstitious god-fobber to fill in the blanks with whatever he believes.
Why in the hell did you come back HERE then?
Figured I'd piss the whole town off at once and get it over with.

 

...so in the end the impenetrable security wall was built to contain this building and society was saved.
Wow. And not one successful escape. I guess a wall WAS a good idea.
by Hatrix, 8-22-07

 

by Hatrix
8-27-07
Sweet zombie jesus!
The second coming was a lot messier than expected.
It's great to see you!
Blarrrg?

 

by Hatrix
8-29-07
Hi. Welcome to the after life!
Go away go away go away go away go away go away... I'm not seeing you just go away...
Hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmm hhmmmmm not looking at yoooouuuuu.
Would you like some coffee? Uh... hello?
fuck!
I don't care what kind of crap you used to believe, nobody buried our bones just to "test" your stupid faith now GET OVER IT!

 

by Hatrix
8-29-07
The lord is just testing me. You are a hallucination.
No. You're dead and I'm the welcoming committee.
HA! What kind of sense does THAT make? Why would the LORD send an abomination to greet me at the gates of heaven?
First of all I am NOT an abomination and secondly...
...who said this was heaven?

 

by Hatrix
8-29-07
I am not dead. If I were dead I would be in HEAVEN where all the faithful go. The LORD will show me the way I am SURE of that.
Why do I get all the crazies?
Fine, believe what you like. I'm just a greeter. No one said anything about sticking around to help you with your mental illness.
It's not a mental illness it's called FAITH.
Potato, poTAHto...

 

by Hatrix
8-29-07
Oh hi. Still looking for those pearly gates?
I don't know who you are or what you've done to me but I DEMAND you let me leave IMMEDIATELY!
Oh you can check out any time you like... but you can never leave.
What?
Sorry. I've always wanted to use that line. I love the Eagles.
!#%*#@!

 

by Hatrix
8-29-07
Look I'm a minister. A loyal servant of GOD. If I have passed on then I SHOULD be in heaven!
Well I'm sorry to burst your 'holier than thou' bubble, but heaven is a myth. So is god. The afterlife is a neutral place.
There MUST be a final judgement! There simply MUST be.
There isn't. And I can prove it.
Oh?
Well you got in didn't ya?

 

by Hatrix
8-29-07
How can this be? No heaven? No hell? What happens to the truly evil people when they die? Is there no justice at all?
Just because there's no god doesn't mean there isn't any justice.
How is that possible?
Everyone gets the afterlife they deserve.
So hitler... ?
...is the most popular toilet we've got.

 

by Hatrix
8-29-07
Sarge is it really necessary to keep reinacting my arrest of the senator?
Yes it is. Now get back in that stall and drop your pants.
Fine.
But I'm warning you. This time.. no dry hump!
Mmmm such a pretty mouth.

 

by Hatrix
8-29-07
Caught you red handed this time Dr.Strangely. But I need to know.. why did you take only the vaginas of the victims?
You fool! I bring them to life! I grow them! Sometimes six feet or more! I train them to talk and move on their own! MUAHAHAHAHA!
WHAT? What in the hell do you do with a six foot talking cunt?
Do you know how fast you were going?
Not fast enough ya stupid twat.

 

by Hatrix
8-29-07
I'm hoooome and you would NOT believe the DAY I've had!
I'm in here...
You first.

 

Think anyone heard that?
by Hatrix, 8-29-07

 

by Hatrix
9-01-07
Well I'm glad you came in for pre-marital councilling, Red.
Cause religious eunuchs give the best marriage advice. Look we're just doing this to keep the bride's mom happy.
These meetings are supposed to help prepare you to have a successful christian marriage.
Yeah. Religion and marriage...
Like sand in the KY.

 

by Hatrix
9-01-07
*CHIME* Welcome Dave. All spam deleted. Hard drive optimized. IP masked. Porn site hacked. Ready for input:
I'm dead right?
Is that a problem?
Not if it's good porn.

 

by Hatrix
9-06-07
*Beep* Email received.
Looks like Pavarotti died.
You get email alerts from the obituaries?
No...
...from the rotten.com dead pool.
Ahh.

 

by Hatrix
9-06-07
So you're playing the rotten dead pool huh? That's kind of morbid not to mention insensitive.
Yeah.
So why did you join?
I'm not into fantasy football.

 

by Hatrix
9-06-07
So was Pavarotti on your deadpool list?
Yup. Two more points for me.
I didn't even know who he was until I read his obit.
Me either.
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ Injokester/405695/
So why did you choose him?
I thought I was picking John Rhys-Davies.

 

by Hatrix
9-06-07
Presidential Debate? Right this way gentlemen.
Is this catered?
I should have brought the chimp.

 

by Hatrix
9-06-07
Go.
Stop.
Go like hell so you don't get the red.

 

by Hatrix
9-06-07
Are we supposed to tip?

 

by Hatrix
9-07-07
And the number five has left the pack behind!
Damn!
Yes the five has sailed ahead and ...
Hit the wall hit the wall Hit the wall hit the wall Hit the wall hit the wall Hit the wall hit the wall Hit the wall hit the wall Hit the wall hit the wall hit the damn wall!
Oh my GOD did you see THAT? The five is STILL flipping and OH! DAMN! Wow! Ok they're putting the fire out. He's ok but that car is done for the night.
Sweet.

 

by Hatrix
9-07-07
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ TheGovernor/401906/
Hehe. Do you believe in Murphy's Law, Trix?
Believe in it?
I've got a Phd in advanced Murphology.
I've seen the diploma.

 

by Hatrix
9-08-07
DADDY! I finally found you!
HUH? Where the hell did you come from?
The Porkwell's bacon company. You know... "Bacon so thin the pig won't feel it comin' off his ass"
What the...
Yeah. Sorry about that.
HEY!

 

by Hatrix
9-09-07
Wake up! You were screaming!
THAT'S IT! Tomorrow we're taking that thing down and burning it.

 

True tales from my life...
I need 1,883,805 rubber bands to achieve true happiness.
by Hatrix, 9-13-07

 

by Hatrix
9-15-07
Who can tell me what hideous diseases infect this horrible sexual deviant, class?
AAA HA HA HA HA HAH hha ha ha hHA HA HA HA HA HA loser!! ha ha ha HA HA HA HAHAAHA HA ha ha hah HA HA AH AHA HA HA h aha h a hah ha!!!!
It's ok if you don't know the medical terms, just shout it out!
oh god.
HA ha HA ha hahahaha dick In mouth disease! ah ahahaha he he he he He's got COOTIES! hehehehehe ha he HA he's got a gaping anus! AHA haaaa!!!!
We play this game at the clinic all the time! Right son?
Next 'Career Day' I'm bringing mom.

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