All comics by Buttonman

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by Buttonman
8-08-06
A recent report stated that kids who watch wrestling on TV tend to be more violent...
That new study in the NEWSPAPER has my nerves frazzled! My kids watch wrestling all the time!
Vince Mcmahon says the study is "junk science" and he's thinking about suing.
But what if it's ALL TRUE? What if I am raising abnormal children? I just want them to be like their father!
I wouldn't worry too much. Speaking of Butch, here he is now.
You have FLOWERS? Oh GOD! What have you done wrong now! Butch, I can't leave you alone for a minute!
But Dear...

 

by Buttonman
8-10-06
You should pay close attention to me because I am going to tell you exactly how to run your wrestling promotion.
Well, I am always willing to listen to experienced people telling me what I need to know. How many shows have YOU run?
Never ran a wrestling show in my life, but I know everything there is to know about wrestling because I watch it on TV.
Ok, son, what is it that you would like to tell me?
Scott Steiner won't draw flies.
SECURITY! Please show this idiot to the door.

 

by Buttonman
8-11-06
Everybody's a critic...
Dude, I HATE your cartoons.
They lack intellectual substance, they frequently victimize other people and are often politically incorrect.
My cartoons are about Pro Wrestling.
Forget I mentioned it.

 

by Buttonman
8-11-06
So all I said was that I think that Rick Steiner isn't a very good wrestler.
Then this cartoon mope pops up into the conversation uninvited and starts ripping on me.
So now I am being caractured endlessly in this stupid cartoon, when I am actually neither unkempt nor inarticulate.
Toon bullies. Can't stand to be around 'em and it's illegal to kill 'em.

 

by Buttonman
8-12-06
OSW promo - Take one...
You know there's going to be a war in Milton on Saturday, Aug 19th.
Yeah, between the former PWA and the current OSW. It's going to be a slaughter... Wait a minute. A DUCK doing a PROMO? Whatup with that?
Listen, wise guy. You're a Security ANGEL, so don't go throwing stones. Anyhow, OSW Champ, MAZE has gone over to the PWA.
And BOBBY DOLL turned against Chief Ironclaw, as well. Lot's of TREACHERY! What's your deal anyway, duck?
I won a toon discriminates against DUCKS lawsuit against Bob. Take it home. OK Angel?
You got it Duck. Listen fans, don't miss the OSW Milton Show on Aug 19th at the Santa Rosa County Auditorium. Got the last word, Donald!

 

by Buttonman
8-13-06
Cutting Promos is HOT work...
Why am I here on this deserted tropical island? My agent said this was going to be a wrestling promo.
The ISLAND is a metaphor for SAMOA. SIKA The Wild Samoan is having a wrestling show on Sept 10 in Atmore Alabama.
I get to play straight man to a talking plant? How does that promote wrestling?
First get their attention. Then tell them the FREE show is at Cotton's Flea Market in ATMORE!
You know, this AX works on talking plants, bub. And I don't see any legs for you to run away on...
HELP ME, SEYMOUR! This guy's INSANE!

 

by Buttonman
8-13-06
Umm. I did a BAD thing.
Maybe not. A talking plant is less believable than I am. Let's just cut a new promo...Go wash up. You are a mess.
GAWF returns to HOSSFORD, Florida on the 19th of AUGUST. The Rainbow Warrior and Mountain Man will be there!
Very smooth. Verry very smooth.
OW...
Want to see that again in SLO MO? They don't call me SLINGBLADE SKIP for nothing.

 

by Buttonman
8-15-06
AWF is about to start a war bigger than Israel in Lebanon...
Yo! Spideyman, are they for serious about Buff Bagwell going to Lucedale Mississippi on Friday August 18th?
As serious as Snakes on a Plane!
Now you know what happened when Wade Garrett got together with the Nightmare, Ted Allen. It was pure red hot war!
As violent as Snakes on a Plane?
Prolly more so. And now Buff Bagwell is going to be in the same state as the Wiggins Axe Murderer?
More deadly than Snakes on a Plane!

 

by Buttonman
8-16-06
At a recent Al Queda meeting in Pakistan...
Well, Osama, the whole exploding airliner idea is pretty much toast now. 24 busted and more arrests expected.
I heard, Osama. Blowing up planes is so "last Year" though. We have to come up with something that will REALLY terrorize Americans.
I know. We could smuggle hundreds of snakes onto an international flight and turn them loose in the cabin...
Osama, you been spending too much time at the cinema, yes.
Well, we could jam the satellite that broadcasts Smackdown, depriving millions of American Wrestling fans news about Rick Flair and Mick Foley...
That's MY BOY! Osama, you da man!

 

by Buttonman
8-17-06
And so roll on the promos as new shows are announced...
Why are you sitting here in the dark?
Because I want to go to a wrestling show, but I got no bucks
That shouldn't be a problem. XW-2000's show is Sept 10, in Atmore, Al at Cotton's Flea Market and it's free.
Really? 'Cause I like XW-2000 wrestlers, especially Chris Cody. Maybe there will be legends there like Ken Lucas or Don Fargo, or Cowboy Bob Kelly...
So now you can come out of the closet, right?
Nah. I think I'll stay here until Sept 10th. Could you get me some potato chips and a Dr. Pepper?

 

by Buttonman
8-19-06
After the show in Lucedale, the critics emerge...
I am going to beat you within an inch of your life, Riki Idol.
But WHY, Mom? I've been good. I ate all my lima beans and most of my broccoli.
It's for what you did to that cute young Rainbow Warrior in Lucedale, Mississippi last Friday.
He kept grabbing my BOOTY, Mom!
Doesn't matter. He's cute and I got the hots for him.
I'm going to go play in traffic now, Mom...

 

by Buttonman
8-20-06
Critics - omnipresent and vocal, speak out.
These comics are vague and unfunny.
These comics are pretentious and self-serving.
These comics are stupid and juvenile.
These comics unfairly stereotype wrestling and wrestling fans.
These comics portray pigs in an unfair light, unjustly lumping us all into a single catagory using questionable humor to wage verbal war.
What's your point?

 

by Buttonman
8-21-06
Fans want to run wrestling shows
I am into Fantasy Wrestling. I want to be a booker some day.
So who would you book as the ultimate Gulf Coast Heavyweight 6 Man Tag Team?
I would say Wade Garrett, Mercury McLoud and Big Nasty VS Chief Ironclaw, Kornbred and Kory Jackson.
Dude, Kory Jackson isn't a heavyweight...
Yeah... That would be really cool wouldn't it?
Um, yeah in a squashed like a pancake sort of way.

 

by Buttonman
8-22-06
Security Angel In Action...
I realize that gals just want to have fun, Ma'am, but I'm afraid that beating McNasty with your walking stick is verboten.
Don't you speak slick foreign languages to me, young fellow. My late husband did that and I buried him in the back yard.
Sometimes wrestlers accidentally fly out of the ring uncontrollably. You have to be at least fifteen feet from ringside, capice?
Of course I understand. I don't want Mercury McLoud hitting ME with a flying body press!
You know, it's a good night when nobody dies.
I disagree, but you're in charge so I have been "chopping to wound."

 

by Buttonman
8-22-06
Hi. I'm the Old School Wrestling Spokesduck. I was just wondering if you are planning to attend the OSW Milton Show on Sept 9th.
ARRRR. I'm guessing I probably will, matey. But most likely i'll be in disguise. I 'm a wanted man, Arrr.
Wait a minute! Aren't you Tom Carter, the ECWA promoter? I saw you in a very early cartoon right here.
Narrrr. You have me confused with that ar-ah Pink Donkey fellow, Duckie. We characters get recycled sometimes. It can be cornfusing.
So you're just a regular pirate now and not representing any real-world person being parodied in this comic strip?
Yar. You got it duck. And on September 9th I am going to drop anchor in Milton and go see a great wrestling show. I won't look like a pirate though or maybe I will. Who knows?

 

by Buttonman
8-23-06
Promos create work for underused characters...
Hey, aren't you the Old School Wrestling Spokesduck?
That would be me.
So what are you doing in a promo for Southern Stars Wrestling's triumphant return to the Chester Pruitt Center in Fort Walton Beach?
It's a cameo appearance. SSW doesn't have a Spokes Creature of its own, so the agency sent me.
So if I say, "SSW Wrestling Action is coming to the Chester Pruitt Center on Sept 2nd, Bell time, 7:30, Doors open at 6:30. See Kornbred, Dorian Payne, Scitty Rayz, Jon Ryker and more, you would...
...pick up my paycheck and go buy tickets for me and Mrs. Duck and the ducklings and get ready for a night of wrestling action.

 

by Buttonman
8-23-06
Trouble in Promo Land...
Listen Duck. you and me are going to rumble and rumble big.
What, prithee, could possibly transpire that would lead to fisticuffs betwen a snail and a duck?
You stole my gig. I am the SpokesSnail for Southern Stars Wrestling. You are a "gig poacher."
That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

 

by Buttonman
8-23-06
Drifting somewhat from the subject of SSW's return to Chester Pruitt in Fort Walton Beach on Sept 2nd, the arguement continues...
Listen. Spokes SNAIL is no more or less stupid than Spokes DUCK. As a matter of fact, I am a better symbol because I am reliable...
...slow, you leave a slimey trail through the dirt, and eat the leaves off rose bushes.
So... It's gonna be stereotypes, eh? Well just so you know it, I am NOT that kind of snail.
And YOU are a SNAIL BIGOT!

 

by Buttonman
8-26-06
Girl talk after Friday Wrestling...
Wade Garrett has a web site now.
Buff Bagwell lost the AWF Championship to Tony Sweatt in a hard fought battle.
Wade Garrett has a new Fan Faction Group called the new WADE order.
Big Bird from Sesame Street challenged Doink the Clown to a Clown VS Bird match. He declined.
My sister says Wade Garrett has a cute butt.
On that we can agree.

 

by Buttonman
8-29-06
Life with Skip Jr. is 4 panels of dialog...
My daddy spent ALL DAY yesterday fishing
My daddy caught so many CATFISH that the DOGFISH had nobody left to chase
My daddy says that fishing is relaxing, especially after a hard week of promoting GAWF Wrestling!
My daddy is the world's BESTEST fisherman!
There's that guy again... and all my friends keep disappearing. Doesn't he know he's supposed to be using a rod and reel?
Fishing... Relaxing ...

 

by Buttonman
8-30-06
The Ex-Promoter has strong opinions about many subjects...
I hate these comics.
They are shallow and meaningless. I don't find them funny. If anything I am offended.
I think Buttonman makes these comics just to pi## me off.
You know... I think it might be working.

 

by Buttonman
9-01-06
The question posed: "How are you going to spend your Labor Day?"
Fishing is vey relaxing. Watch out FISH! I'm coming for you!
Counting the days until the next Hard Core Show in Mossy Head.
Studying the new book I just got, "101 Practical Jokes and How To Pull Them."
I'm going to wear a 3 piece suite at the SSW show in Fort Walton Beach
Eating Hot Dogs with Onions, drinking Boo Koo Energy Drinks and creating a new message board for one of the Gulf Coast Wrestling promotions.
Hating Buttonman. Loathing Buttonman. Dispising Buttonman. Trying not to think about Buttonman. Envying Buttonman......

 

by Buttonman
9-12-06
Getting to the source of the problem, Doctor Z gives The Ex-Promoter the news...
I have good news Mr. Promoter. We have finally tracked down the source of your problem.
So you can fix me up Doc? No more voices in my head whispering "Run a Wrestling Show. Run a Wrestling Show!"
Yep. We are going to have to send you to see a specialist. He should be able to do the job.
So what was the problem, Doc? Give it to me straight.
Buttonman hacked your brain.
I HATE it when my head explodes

 

by Buttonman
9-12-06
I'm glad you're home, Sweetie. What did the Doctor tell you? Did he find out why you have those voices in your head?
Buttonman HACKED MY BRAIN! That's what the Doc told me. I've been trying to figure out how he did it. He's been messing with my brain for years.
Ohhh! Buttonman! If I hear one more word about BUTTONMAN, you will be sleeping on THE FRONT PORCH!
It's not my fault, Lamby Pie. It's that EVIL VILLIAN Buttonman. He's EVERYWHERE!
You need to get a grip, M'love. Quit obsessing over that stupid Buttonman and pay attention to your Red Hot Momma!
Sorry. The little promoter's not working right now. It's Buttonman's fault. Even my Viagra isn't working any more.

 

by Buttonman
9-13-06
Honey, I think you need to get outdoors more. This obsession with Buttonman is making you crazy.
#$%#$ Buttonman hacked my website and defaced one of my pages.
And THAT's why you keep throwing the cat up against the wall? Just look at that blood. I hope you don't think that I'm gonna clean that up.
Of COURSE I expect you to clean it up. GET BUSY WENCH!
I'll give you a WENCH you wrinkled up, viagra-needing CHAUVINIST DOG!
I REALLY got to learn to watch what I say around her

 

by Buttonman
9-15-06
Kory Jackson and CAGE meet for the first time...
The Jackson thinks you look silly in that getup. What are you supposed to be a NINJA or something?
Slicing me completely in half with a razor sharp sword was an unnecessarily violent way to answer a simple question.
Um... Has anybody seen my SPLEEN? Hello? HELLO?

 

by Buttonman
9-17-06
Cage continues to explore the wrestling world...
What are you supposed to be? Some kinda jobroni NINJA or something?
Deja vu...
Note to self: try to have more patience with wrinkled old has-beens...

 

by Buttonman
9-17-06
Later, back at the ex-promoter's exclusive estate...
Honey, have you been fighting again?
I HATE it when you do that! Why are you always fighting with people?
So who have you been fighting with this time and why are you carrying all your internal organs in a basket?
Confidentially, if he listend to me, all you people wouldn't be laughing at him and chopping him up with NINJA Swords all the time.
Teddy Bear, can we have this conversation later? I'm not feeling like myself right now...
I'll go make some chicken soup.

 

by Buttonman
9-18-06
A flurry of activity attracts attention...
WOW! Where are YOU going in such a rush?
Gotta get tickets for HOSFORD! Message Board says they're GOING FAST!
Jeeze! What's all that noise? Sounds like DYNAMITE!
That's wrestling fans breaking the Sound Barrier, rushing around buying tickets for Hossford. I'll snag another one in a minute. Yummy!

 

by Buttonman
9-19-06
Carl Winston Sims Jr. makes his preference clear on the Bama Wrestling Message Board...
I must say the women of wreslting do make you feel warm all over...
I am glad to hear you say that, Sonny Boy, because i am about to ROCK YOUR WORLD!
You are going to take me home with you where we will make wild unbridled and passionate love on a waterbed?
Actually I was going to autograph your shirt.
That's a good second choice.
Thought so.

 

by Buttonman
9-19-06
I hope you realize... Now that you have misspelled "wrestling" I am forced to kill you and spread your smoldering ashes across the surface of the moon.
Ahhh. Really?
I bet you people though I was kidding, right?

 

by Buttonman
9-20-06
So then I misspelled the word "Wrestling" in the cartoon before last and this insane bug-eyed alien zapped me with a death ray and scattered my ashes over the moon.
That must have been painful.
Not as painful as reading "Silver Fox" posts on the message board, but more painful than bumping in a wooden ring.
Huh?
It's a "smark" thing.
Oh. I see.

 

by Buttonman
9-20-06
On being a Wrestling Promoter
Being a Wrestling Promoter is a neat job. It requires a lot of hard work and dedication.
Being a Wrestling Promoter doesn't pay a lot of money, but you get a lot of satisfaction, like when we helped the Volunteer Fire Department
Being a Wrestling Promoter means providing quality entertainment for fans and employment for wrestlers.

 

by Buttonman
9-20-06
Being a Wrestling Promoter is about delivering superior shows with limited budgets and resources, showcasing great Indy wrestlers
Being a Wrestling Promoter is about learning all you can and then deciding whether you should promote, participate or watch, accordig to your abilities.
Greed is good. The acquisition of money at the expense of all others is a religious experience. Money is God.

 

by Buttonman
9-21-06
Message Board Wars - The Commentary...
I'm tired of those two old gomers quarreling all the time on our message board. All of Bobby Wilson's messages read like a divorced redheaded woman wrote them to her ex.
And all of Buttonman's messages read like they were written by a teeange geek who just memorized a dictionary.
The cartoons are pretty funny though.
Yeah. And the gossip is pretty raunchy, even though you can't tell what's true and what's a lie.
The boards have been kinda dead lately. At least it's something to read.
Yeah. You're right. Never mind guys. Carry on. We want to see which one of you snaps and kills the other first.

 

by Buttonman
9-22-06
It's lonely at the bottom of the ladder...
Every night I sit here waiting for the phone to ring.
Every time I watch Smackdown or Raw, I think that Jim Ross or Vince McMahon will be calling me to join them on TV.
It's always the same thing. No phone call. I don't understand. I said my prayers and ate my vitamins. I even said "God Bless The Undertaker." What more do I need to do?

 

by Buttonman
9-24-06
Aggressive practices sometimes lead to bookings, and sometimes don't...
I want to wrestle for the AWF SATURDAY OCT. 14th in Lucedale Mississippi
Them rotor blades ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves you know.
Maybe THIS will help generate the required gravitons, thus allowing me to wrestle for the AWF on OCT 14th.
I think I'll be moving along now. Them rotor blades ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves you know.
Cowboy Billy may not make it on the 14th of October to Lucedale Mississippi...
What the *snip* are you talking about man?

 

by Buttonman
9-26-06
Cage and The Neighbor at the back fence talking wrestling...
So how has the wrestling training been going, Cage?
Every muscle and bone in my body is aching. I never realized that wrestling is real.
Been taking a lot of bumps lately?
With Former Black Sheep Danny Roland as your trainer, life is one big bump.
So you've discovered that wrestling is different than karate or ninjitsu?
Let's just say for the record that GRAVITY is no longer my friend.

 

by Buttonman
9-27-06
How is the refirbishing of your wrestling ring going?
Going fine. Why does The Devil want to know?
I am not technically "The Devil." More like a stand-in, on temporary assignment.
The whole "Devil" image is making me uncomfortable. Why not appear in your "true Form?"
Ok you got me.
Now, Fabian, what do you REALLY want to know?

 

by Buttonman
9-29-06
What's up with XW-2000 Pro Wrestling, Fabian? Haven't really heard much since the show at Cotton's Flea Market.
I have a new MySpace account.
MySpace, eh? That ought to be fun and interesting. Can you tell me anything about the XW-2000 Show scheduled for October 22nd? Back at Cotton's in Atmore again?
MySpace is free you know. I don't have to pay for a web site on MySpace.
And aren't you scheduled for Fort Mims Alabama on the 21st of October? Where is that anyhow?
I wish I knew...

 

by Buttonman
9-30-06
The neighbor takes a turn at wrestling gossip...
I heard that Buttonman and Security Angel are collaborating on a wrestling show in Brewton, Alabama.
That's not true. I, Abe Vagoda am Security Angel's partner. I am the oldest promoter in wrestling. I am 110 years old.
I hear that Abe Vagoda is Security Angels new business partner.
That's not true, Seymour! I am Johnny Angel's new partner. Feed me Seymour! Feed me NOW!
I am confused.
You wouldn't be if you would just quit listening to me. I make things up in my head.

 

by Buttonman
10-02-06
Felicity loves wrestling, but has trouble choosing a favorite...
There are so many wrestlers and so many shows coming up. I am going to have to choose.
So who is close to home, fun to watch, wrestles really well, and would buy a girl a coke and a hot dog in return for a smile?
The name Jerry Reiner comes to mind.

 

by Buttonman
10-02-06
Who are you?
My name is Fabian, but you can call me Bulldozer. I am here to try out for the position of your favorite wrestler.
Actually, I had pretty much settled on Mr. Electricity, Jerry Reiner. I hear he is sensitive, caring and very masculine. What do you have to offer?
I am Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage reincarnated.
But they aren't dead yet.
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.

 

by Buttonman
10-02-06
And you are...
I am Dennis, huggable, honest, energetic, enthusiastic and indispensible referee.
I was actually auditioning favorate WRESTLERS. Don't be disappointed.
Referees are often highly trained wrestlers in their own rite. Look at Archie Brooks or Scott Armstrong.
Scott Armstrong...
DOH!

 

by Buttonman
10-02-06
The choices are tough to eliminate...
Reiner
TWICK At The Mike wants YOU as a fan!
Reiner...
My daddy says Steve Dalton could use a new fan!
Reiner makes my knees weak...
Hi. I'm VORTEX and I wouldn't mind you being my fan... if you feel like it.

 

by Buttonman
10-06-06
We at GAWF are interested in having you RETURN to the Great Town of Hosford for an appearance and resumption of your career.
The Jackson is AWESOME!
We at the GAWF believe that your talents and energy would entertain our fans with high quality wrestling action.
The Jackson is LOVED and APPRECIATED!
We are prepared to offer you a reasonable stipend to cover the expense of your drive all the way from Pensacola
The Jackson craves MORE!

 

by Buttonman
10-06-06
You want MORE? But a small stipend is what every wrestler gets for driving from as far away as Mobile, Al, or even Talahassee!
The Jackson requires 4 bags of Doritos, 4 bags of M&M's, a 6 pack of Barq's Cream Soda Imported from Cincinnati and ...
Hold up a second, Bucko. You are compensated in cash for your performance and you want all this other stuff? What about just water?
The Jackson will accept Perrier in a hand-sculpted porcelain mug held by a Virgin Diva.
Why did Twik At The Mike have to get injured?
I have him where I want him now!

 

by Buttonman
10-08-06
I have decided I can't afford you.
I have decided you can't afford me.
Thanks but no, thanks.
Thanks, but no thanks
How annoying is this?
How annoying is this?

 

by Buttonman
10-08-06
This is the Skipperman residence. No one can come to the phone right now. So leave a message in English...
The Jackson says you have disrespected him. The Jackson says &^%$#$$#%(*&#^ and furthermore, I am going to come and get you all.
*click*
Daddy! Baby needs Kung Fu lessons RIGHT AWAY! Daddy! Where are the KENDO STICKS?

 

by Buttonman
10-11-06
The saga of Skip and Kory continues...
You sent for a hit man?
Why yes. Thank you for getting here so quickly.
It's cool. What's a hundred miles of two-lane back roads compared to a million dollar contract?
Actually, I was thinking more in the range of $50...
Plus gas. I came all the way from Chicago, you know.
OK. Plus an extra $20 for gas. Now about this Jackson fellow. He's gotta go...

Showing page 6.

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