All comics by FactoryRejects

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by FactoryRejects
7-23-10

 

by FactoryRejects
8-05-10
Jesus, I want more pizza.
Sorry kid, we're all out.
...but I've seen you clone food before!
Well, seeing is believing.
So let me correct you - you believe that I've cloned food before.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-07-10
♫♫ ..so c'mon... ♫♫
♫♫ ..jump in the fi-ya.. ♫♫
♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫
...Did all of the humans jump in the fire?
No, obviously some of them stayed behind and learned to play guitar.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-10-10
Stan, party of one.
Stan, party of one?
Looks like we have a cancellation.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-22-10
Obammer is the worst thing to happen to this country!
Are you sure it wasn't white people in general?
His universal health care socialism is going to bankrupt us!
Well... Universal health care did cause the destruction of Canada in 1984.
He's a MUSLIM
I thought all Irish people were Catholic.

 

by FactoryRejects
9-28-10
♫♫ 1, is the loneliest number that you'll ever 0 ♫♫
Man, this guy just has a window into my soul! He captures the true solitude of being a machine!
Yep.
How do humans express sadness?
Via robot jokes.

 

by FactoryRejects
9-28-10
♫♫ Don't stop, believin'... hold on to that feelin' ♫♫
I'm sorry, but this guy is fantastic! Don't you agree?
I dunno... does he have to use auto-tuner all the time?

 

by FactoryRejects
10-07-10
google.com
So this is the internet.
mazon.com/search?=GOD+ALMIGHTY+
Wow. What a selection.
mazon.com/search?=GOBOTS+truck+r
I can't believe someone is still selling Gobots! ...I'm buying the shit out of these.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-07-10
I found some more of that awesome German sunflower seed rye bread at the discount store.
Why would you do that?
This stuff is great, if it doesn't make you sick.
I see.
If this rye bread is moldy is that a problem?
You aren't really supposed to eat moldy bread.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-21-10
"RUNNING WIND - PROUD INDIAN GRAVE", Scene 1 Take 1.... ACTION!
....Are you sure it shouldn't be "Proud Indian Brave"?
I'm sure.
How does this have anything to do with Indians, anyway?
Well, there's an Indian in the plot.
Yes, I can see that.

 

by FactoryRejects
11-07-10
Look, there's no nice way for me to say this.
At 5:58 pm, every day, you play loud techno music that makes my kids cry.
The annunaki will rise and unleash our mental activation.
Praise the reptilian overlords

 

by FactoryRejects
11-15-10
Welcome mankind, to the end of all things.
Why am I in a trash bin?
Soon the majesty of my great plan will be revealed unto you.
I don't like where this is going at all.

 

by FactoryRejects
11-28-10
Hello and welcome to Ubuntu linux.
Can I play Dwarf Fortress?
Super-fast and great-looking, Ubuntu is a secure, intuitive operating system that powers desktops, servers, netbooks and laptops. Ubuntu is, and always will be, absolutely free.
sudo apt-get remove penguin
./dwarffortress

 

by FactoryRejects
12-18-10
I don't care if you did call the cops, Slayne. You'll never see Santa alive again! Muahhahahaha!
And now, a word from our sponsor
We made all of your gifts this Christmas
Our boss tells us that man was nailed to the cross because he didn't make toys fast enough
...we now return to "A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLAYNE"
You're under Christmas arrest.
CURSES

 

by FactoryRejects
1-14-11
Hello, Mitchell.
...I wish you'd stop randomly showing up this late after Christmas.
It's really starting to fr-
I love you.

 

by FactoryRejects
1-15-11
This last 'Ace Attorney' game was less than impressive. I'm going to complain to Capcom about it.
JAPAN (CAPCOM! NOURITSUTEKI!!!):
Complaints! UNACCEPTABLE!
I'm not the goddamn MegaMan creation machine. If you want a million useless sequels, go ask him. Chuuko shokugyou kame!
Later...
Hey, a new Ace Attorney came out.
GET LAWYER BEAM

 

by FactoryRejects
1-19-11
Why do toddlers need those tiny toilets?
Because they can drown in a big toilet.
Damn. I'd like to think there's something in my genetics that would keep my kid from drowning in a toilet.
I doubt it.
I've put so much of my genetics in the toilet already; I would hope they've learned to swim in there by now.

 

by FactoryRejects
1-19-11
I'm sick of all these rich sumavabitch companies ruining my America!
Don't worry, I've started a company to keep an eye on the other companies.
Bless you, sir.
OCKETS RED GLARE, THE BOMBS BU

 

by FactoryRejects
3-10-11
Hey, check out that guy over there.
Pfffft... What a douche.
Haha. No, no, wait. Look at that guy.
The one with the tits?
That's a woman.
...It takes all kinds, I guess.

 

by FactoryRejects
3-17-11
There are a lot more people in here than usual.
It's Saint Patrick's Day.
Whooooooo damn straight son! You Irish?
I was made in a factory. Even though I'm not Irish, I still fully support your religious drinking holiday.
........you lookin' for a fight, faggot?

 

by FactoryRejects
3-26-11
Uh huh.
So I was playing that demo for like 5 hours. It's amazing. The fatalities are amazing.
Well, that sounds really cool-
The level fatalities are awesome, too. And the character roster seems pretty big. Not as massive as Armageddon but still, I'm excited to see who's in there.
I'm not too sure about how well the x-ray moves work yet, but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it once the game comes out.

 

by FactoryRejects
4-08-11
Welcome to U^b*#tu 10.10! ############### runerror> libomni.so.0 not found
Stop that.
Dwarf Fortress Error. ELF not found. libelf.so.0 error; aborting
Stop it; why are you doing this!?
So I figured I'd just come back here and XP up some Dwarf Fortress.
Oh yeah? Well, I figure you can go fuck yourself right in your DRIVE ACCESS ERROR\\\

 

by FactoryRejects
4-10-11
Joan! I haven't seen you in years! How are you?
I'm better than ever these days.
Good to hear. How's Leonard?
Oh, I divorced him.
Oh.. well, th-
I divorced him into the wood chipper.

 

by FactoryRejects
5-01-11
These temporary quarters are sort of cramped. And dusty. And full of bottles of cleaners.
It will have to do.
...What happened, again?
There was a reactor leak.
I thought this thing ran on saltwater and trans fats.
...All the more reason to be concerned.

 

by FactoryRejects
5-08-11
The humans are celebrating "Mother's Day", sir.
Disgusting. You don't see me flying back once a year to the omega-hen who laid me and making a big fuss of it.
No, I don't.
...I see you do it weekly.
Well that's my moms.

 

by FactoryRejects
5-11-11
♫♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫♫♫
What do you mean you don't have any high-chairs?
♫♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫♫♫
What kind of place are you running here?!
OKAY GUYS... HERE'S CHASTITYYYY!!!
A strip club, actually.

 

by FactoryRejects
5-22-11
DEAR RAPTURE PARTICIPANT:
WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THA
.......maybe he raptured while writing this.

 

by FactoryRejects
6-08-11
We sure have collected some awesome things, hard drive. We're going to be friends for life.
***MOUNT ERROR*
Damn you to hell, you miserable bastard.

 

by FactoryRejects
6-12-11
I_HAVE_TO_PEE
I need to get out of this arctic wasteland before I freeze to death.
I_HAVE_TO_PEE
I_HAVE_TO_PEE
Too bad this robot is only programmed to pee.

 

by FactoryRejects
6-19-11
I thought you said you were going to clean up in here today.
I did. I Febreez'd.
...........
It's just like cleaning, only I can spend the whole day playing Mortal Kombat.
.........No.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-07-11
Can I be an American?
I don't think so. You're an alien.
Could I immigrate here?
Absolutely not!
Well, how about I just kill all of you and take your damn country then.
That sounds pretty American to me.

 

by FactoryRejects
7-17-11
...uh-huh.
S'aiiz like yo muhfuka, giz ma renren fo' I slap da dice-
Look, Jerry... I don't think we can hang out anymore. There's too much of a culture gap.
What you sayin?
I grew up on Hunt's Ketchup, and I will die on Hunt's Ketchup.
Daayyyymmmn

 

by FactoryRejects
8-10-11
............I'm sorry.
You'd better be.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-14-11
I can change!
No one can just "change", Harold. Everyone knows that-
I don't.
I can see this. Is the ball something you've just summoned or is it a part of your physical matrix?
It's part of me. It kind of hurts to be putting all my weight on it like this, actually.
...That's terrifying.

 

by FactoryRejects
8-20-11
Are you still watching He-Man? ...You can't just watch He-Man for the rest of your life.
You can watch He-Man for the rest of your life.
Thanks, Netflix!

 

by FactoryRejects
8-21-11
I guess my life is kind of funny now, like that movie Clerks
There's that hilarious stoner* that hangs around outside at night
gimme dat goddamn casssshhh or i swear im fuckin stab yeh
*meth addict

 

by FactoryRejects
8-21-11
Tonight we will be hearing arguments from both the C-Party and the V-Party.
The V-Party will be given the floor first for opening statements.
FFFFFffffooo
awww shit son

 

by FactoryRejects
8-24-11
Didn't they have evidence of that happening with Nathan draws?
...Nathaniel Drauls?
Are you okay?
Nathaniel Drauls, the first recorded Neanderthal.
Nathaniel Drauls

 

by FactoryRejects
9-30-11
OH THANK GOD! You're alright! I can't believe we left you alone here for a week. I'm so sorry! What happened while we were away?
I leveled a couple times.
....Did you even stop to eat at any point?

 

by FactoryRejects
10-05-11
Uh oh... Steve Jobs.
I'd better choose my words carefully.
Welco-
TOO SOON

 

by FactoryRejects
10-16-11
...leaving 50 people living in shelters. Now we go to Rick with ACTION 3 Sports. Rick?
Tom I'm here live outside of Brungby Stadium and I must say that there are far more important things going on in the world right now than sports. So back to you, Tom.

 

by FactoryRejects
10-20-11
Welcome to Heaven, child!
I thought that bike ramp was a little too high. Is this really Heaven? This place is gay.
.....I thought a child would like this.
Dude! I'm not a child!
You're right. You're an unappreciative pain in the ass.
Do you at least have a 360?

 

by FactoryRejects
11-02-11
God, I'm calling about this Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book you've submitted to us. ...I can't seem to find an ending that doesn't involve dying in sin.
I'm pretty sure I put one in there.
Well, our editors have checked all 1,452 pages. We couldn't find one. You're going to have to rewrite the whole thing.
...The whole thing ?
....Yes, the whole thing.

 

by FactoryRejects
12-23-11
Well, my side is done; let's get out of here.
Your side has the exit, right? You built the exit?

 

by FactoryRejects
12-31-11
♫♫Aw, let's do it; let's dance, dance across the floor♫♫
The humans are celebrating the New Year!
Yes, with alcohol and regrettable decisions.
♫♫With your baby, all night long, doin' the boogie♫♫
...Did you ever make a regrettable decision on New Year's when you were alive?
Yes, I drank so much I tried to have sex with a robot.
♫♫Havin' a ball, y'all♫♫
I totally forgot that I killed you!
Happy New Year!

 

by FactoryRejects
1-08-12
♫♫ Don't bother to call this room ♫♫
Slayne of Turven!
♫♫ there's nobody here who can pick up ♫♫
Hey look! It's Slayne Turven!
...I know who he is.
♫♫ by rocket to the moon ♫♫
He was a silent protagonist before it was cool.
IT WAS NEVER COOL

 

by FactoryRejects
2-19-12
C'mon man, let's hang out.
I've told you, I don't smoke anymore.
Who said anything about smoking?
You're smoking right now.
...........................
........wait, what

 

by FactoryRejects
2-19-12
Well, there he goes.
You know he quit smoking? All saying "buhhh I gotta wife and kids".
Wife and kids? When did that happen?
I traded him mine for the last of his shit when he quit smoking.
Nice.

 

by FactoryRejects
2-20-12
All I said was that I have a strange addiction to stabbing...
I can't help it! It's a strange addiction! I'm on a TV show about it right now!
...you were saying about your TV show?
Yeah, I like to stab people.

 

by FactoryRejects
2-21-12
This is the writer's room.
...I didn't think you had writers.
We don't; most episodes of Big Bang Theory are crapped out by a computer we programmed to make shit jokes via the keyword "nerd".
I see. Well what happens in here?
Drop trou and you'll find out, handsome.

Showing page 6.

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