All comics by RizzleMcIzzle

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by RizzleMcIzzle, 10-11-05

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
10-13-05
But Sarah...
No 'buts', Ryan. Now I want you to go out there and give all the girls your business card.
Ok...
That's better.
"Pimpin' since 1987"?! You fucking sick bastard.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
10-18-05
Ryan, do you like me?
With every boner in my body...
I said 'bone', right?

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
11-05-05
Rawr!
Ahhhhhhhh!
Ahhhhhhh!
Ahhhhhhh!
People don't understand me...
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
11-17-05
Ok, here comes the big bucks...
Any day now...

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
12-23-05
Hey Terry! Merry Christmas!
Go fuck yourself.
Terry, I think I know what you need. I watched the Charlie Brown Christmas special the other day and all the shitty tree needed to be great was some love.
I'll tell you what I need, Ryan. I need my hard wood cock in a cheap hooker and even cheaper whiskey.
Well that just so happens to be what I got you for your pollyanna gift!
*sob... thanks.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
12-25-05
Merry Christmas, Sarah!
Merry Christmas, Ryan!
Merry Christmas, Dee!
Merry Christmas, Ryan!
Merry Christmas, whoever-you-are!
*sigh...

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
12-28-05
I'm thinking about becoming a rapper.
Then start kickin' it old school, bitch!
That night at the rap battle...
Old lady, give it a rest, you messin' with the best, god damn i'm so ferocious, all you got is osteoporosis!
Old enough to be your grandmother but i don't want to, damn ugly waste of space nobody wants you, this bling bling round my neck be jinglin', my right arm be tinglin'...
Later that night at the hospital...
I'm sorry, son. It looks like she freestyled her way to heaven.
By viciously fighting in that rap battle, she won our hearts...too bad hers stopped working.

 

Sorry, folks. The rapping old lady said her "right arm" was tingling, when it should really be a person's left arm in regards to heart attacks. Sorry, old people.
by RizzleMcIzzle, 12-28-05

 

I tend to speak as though I know everyting, but I clearly don't know what I'm talking about...
by RizzleMcIzzle, 12-28-05

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-08-06
You dumb fairy! When I said I wanted a suit, I meant a dress suit. I don't want this damn space suit, you bitch!
Fuck you! Next time, be careful what you wish for.
I wish you'd die...
Wish granted I suppose.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-13-06
Hey Mikey.
Hey Ryan, what's up?
Not much, man. I'm kinda sad.
I'm sorry to hear that. Why are you sad, Ryan?
Because I really want to be heard, you know? The only way I can do comedy is to go to an Open You Night, Mike.
Yeah, meanwhile any dumb dickhead who can barely play guitar, bass, drums, or sing can put together a shitty band and play any school auditorium, church basement, or awful venue they want. Go figure.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-25-06
"There once was a boy named Ryan, who was always sad and cryin',"
"so he boarded a flight, to a land far from sight,"
"and now he thinks he's Hawaiian."
Oh my god! We're going to die here!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-25-06
So it looks like I've been making comics for over a year now!
That's really quite an accomplishment.
Really? I don't know...I mean, I happen to think it reflects the emptiness of my life.
Well, stop letting it be so empty. Do something.
Last time I told myself that, I ended up making comics.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-30-06
Look at me over there...I'm so fucking boring. Well, nobody really seems to care anymore. Until you prove me wrong, I'm done with comics. Bye.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
2-09-06
Channel 3...
We talked to Gwen Stefani about her pregnancy...
Oh, Gwen Stefani's having a baby. That's nice.
Channel 4...
She said she's naming the child "Love Angel Music Baby: the Baby"...
Oh, Gwen Stefani's still having a baby. Wonderful.
Channel 5...
GWEN STEFANI IS HAVING A BABY. A BABY GWEN STEFANI IS HAVING. IS A GWEN STEFANI BABY HAVING. HAVING BABY IS GWEN A STEFANI...
So people will bomb abortion clinics, but they won't bomb Entertainment Tonight?

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
2-14-06
My Valentine's Day dream...
<3
<3
But the reality...
Check please...
Please! I don't want people to see me like this!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
2-17-06
DATE MOVIE!
Looks fucking stupid.
BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE 2!
Looks fucking retarded.
This TV's much better when it's off.

 

*sigh...
by RizzleMcIzzle, 2-24-06

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
2-25-06
Fuck! I'm going to make a comic about how I have no life again!
I'm going to title it "What I did instead of going to the dance or something...". Yes, this is brilliant!
I don't think anybody's going to appreciate how well thought out this comic is. It's one of those "making a comic about how I'm making a comic" comics.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-09-06
H
E
L
L
O
!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-23-06
Hey, what are you jumping this week?
My own legs. I'm going to have them ripped off and then I'll just ride my rocketcycle without them.
Hey, what are you jumping this week?
Some guy in an alleyway. My friends and I are going to beat the shit out of him and steal his wallet.
Hey, what are you jumping this week?
Your mom.

 

Ashlee Simpson gets arrested...
But officer, I'm telling you: I didn't steal that boyfriend...
Tell it to the judge, you selfish, untalented cunt.
by RizzleMcIzzle, 3-24-06

 

The lead singer of Fallout Boy is a perfect example of how fat fucking nerds with little or no talent can get laid in a cinch just because they're in a successful, yet mediocre band.
I'm scribbling on a piece of paper and I'm not surprised to see that it closely resembles their lyrics.
by RizzleMcIzzle, 3-24-06

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-26-06
Hey lady! Check this out!
Bye.
?
God Damnit! I gotta stop wearing clothes under this fucking thing!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-28-06
(singing) Look at your screen, and what do you see, It's the adventures of Terry, the Christmas Tree! Yeah!
Hey Terry, check out MY decoration!
No fair! I want Jesus hung on me, too!
(singing) Look at your screen, and what do you see, It's the adventures of Terry, the Christmas Tree! Yeah!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-28-06
(singing) Look at your screen, and what do you see, It's the adventures of Terry, the Christmas Tree! Yeah!
Terry, you're being excommunicated!
I don't care! God's not real anyway!!!!
(singing) Look at your screen, and what do you see, It's the adventures of Terry, the Christmas Tree! Yeah!
Don't listen to him, children!
Shut your mouth, father fuckface!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-28-06
(singing) Look at your screen, and what do you see, It's the adventures of Terry, the Christmas Tree! Yeah!
Wanna go have sex?
Pfft, shit no! I'm not putting my hardwood cock in your pixelated cunt! Fuck off, bitch!
(singing) Look at your screen, and what do you see, It's the adventures of Terry, the Christmas Tree! Yeah!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
3-28-06
(singing) Look at your screen, and what do you see, It's the adventures of Terry, the Christmas Tree! Yeah!
Terry...it's your son. He was brutally murdered by a group of lumberjacks.
Those heartless bastards...
(singing) Look at your screen, and what do you see, It's the adventures of Terry, the Christmas Tree! Yeah!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-01-06
Well Ryan, it looks like you're going to have to get a cast on that busted up arm of yours.
Okay, doctor.
So what color cast do you want?
I want one of those ones with all the names on it.

 

Ahhhh! Help!
by RizzleMcIzzle, 4-03-06

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-15-06
God damn, I'm so fucking glad Lent is over! I can finally have a beer again! I don't know what I was thinking giving this shit up! Bartender, get me crunked!
Sure! I love getting paid for drowning people's judgment in cold, delicious alcohol!
After partying...
Whew, I'm so wasted... where are my keys?! Oh yeah, they're in my pocket.. Fuck, those stupid ass Roman soldiers took my clothes!
Don't worry buddy...*hic*. I'll get you home. I feel *hic* fine...
After the arrest...
Terry...
What?! I normally hit five parked cars and never get pulled over!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
5-11-06
Nice cowlick, baby.
Suck my balls, Ryan.
They haven't even dropped yet, shitface.
Well, maybe you should suck my recently circumcised dick instead, asswipe.
You seem to have me confused with your pedophile uncle, cunt turd. Don't get mad at me because your family fucking sucks.
Once I learn how to walk, I'm gonna curb you, you fucking fartface.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
5-11-06
Did you hear about that new pirate movie?
It's rated "R", right?
*sigh...god damnit.
I'm sorry.
I know. It's just there's not that many of them I can tell now that don't involve ninjas.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
5-24-06
Salve!
Salve et tu!
Quid agis?
Nihil...
Noli irritare leones!
Cave canem!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
5-25-06
You guys are color blind, right?
Yeah.
So does it bug you when you're watching TV and a bull decides to attack a guy with a red shirt or something?
I wouldn't know... I'm color blind.
Oh yeah...
Jesus Christ, Ryan. Your comics fucking suck.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
5-25-06
I'm a computer. I help people learn things.
People can type things up on me, and I allow them to jerk off to porn on my face (by which I mean the porn is on my monitor "face", not that they're getting cum on me).
I pinch.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
5-25-06
Hey, Wilson.
Oh! Hi-di-ho there, Jill.
Listen, um... Mark said he was playing back here and you... this is hard for me to say... he said you touched him.
Um...
Wilson...
Jill...please help me.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
5-30-06
At a 'Television Stars Convention'...
...My Name is Earl.
Yes, you've already introduced yourself several times, Earl. However, I'm asking you, "what show are you from?"
My Name is Earl.
No! What SHOW ARE YOU FROM?!
My Name is Earl... third base!
Third base!... damn, you beat me to it. Slow down, idiot.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
5-30-06
Aren't you gonna have sex with me?
Yeah, hold on. Just a few more minutes, Sweetheart.
Awwww! You take too long. What are you doing?!
I'm trying to turn this into a threesome!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
5-30-06
I can't believe people are still making jokes about us molesting kids.
I know! People need to stop pigeonholing us priest as a bunch of kiddie lovers. It's tired and totally not funny.
Yeah. If they want to accuse us of something, they should accuse us of being a bunch of close minded guys who blindly follow a church that has bred ignorance, and encouraged...
...violence and discrimination, and has changed many of its core beliefs to make it more appealing to others and therefore has contradicted itself many times over the course of its history.
Yup!

 

Fred, please believe me! I wasn't cheating on you with Joe! Honest!
That's a bunch of me shit, honey!
by RizzleMcIzzle, 5-30-06

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-14-06
All right. I just beat another Super Nintendo game!
I'm checking out my favorite sites on the internet...
Now I'm making a comic that implies I have no social life...

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-16-06
"Houston, we have a problem..."
"Tastes like chicken!"
"That's gotta hurt!"
"I'm too old for this..."
"I'm your worst nightmare..."
Please stop using all of these lines so much!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-17-06
Cowboy Dillard runs over to his friend, the Carolina Kid...
*huff* *puff*... Shit! Am I too late for the Brokeback Mountain jokes?!
Yeah, way too late.
God damnit!
It's okay. They were fucking awful anyway. EVERYBODY was making them!
Really?!
Yeah...that's odd. I thought there'd be a joke here...maybe a cheap shot on homosexuality or something... hmm...oh well. [Comic Complete!]

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-17-06
So if Michael Jackson wanted to have sex with someone from the Ol' West, who would he fuck?
Hmm... this is a toughie...
Need a hint?
No, no, I'll get it. Just let me think a bit more...
BILLY THE KID!
Aww, you fuckface! I almost had it! Fucking hate you! And it wasn't even that good anyway.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-17-06
I'm gonna shove my six shooter into her holster...
I'm going to put my carrot into the horse's mouth...
She's gonna suck some buckshot out of my double barrel...
I'm gonna put a saddle on her and ride her to the next boomtown...
I'm gonna put my dick into her vagina and have intercourse...
Good, because I ran out of them too.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-17-06
What's the deal with the ten gallon hat? Does it really hold ten gallons? Why would you measure stuff with your hat? I mean c'mon! Who are these people?
What's the deal with six shooters? Do they really shoot six bullets... oh, wait. Nevermind. What's the deal with boomtowns? Honestly, I don't see very much boom anywhere!
I'll tell you what's going "boom" dudes...my set! Why?! Because I'm "bombing"! G'night folks. Tip your prostitutes and ride safe tonight!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-17-06
*sniff*...
Dillard, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine. I guess.
Dude, don't worry about it. That crowd was awful. They just don't understand good comedy. That was a solid set.
Thanks. You're right. They're probably home right now watching Caroline Rhea's HBO special!
Caroline Rhea?! Man, and I thought cow poop stunk! She's terrible!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-17-06
A young immigrant seeks a job from the Carolina Kid...
Sorry. The Chinese Exclusion Act was put in place for a reason.
Racist bastard.
Oh and you're a woman, so that doesn't help either.
Sexist Bastard.
Say... you got any opium?
Fuck yeah!

Showing page 6.

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