All comics by Speez

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by Speez
9-18-02
Alright, I am really leaving the bathroom now!
Umm, I dunno why I just announced that. It's not like you guys are gonna roll out the red carpet for me.
But hey, if you have the time in the next three seconds, go for it.

 

by Speez
9-21-02
Yes, Speez is about to step into my sig and be sucked away forever!
Elsewhere...
I think I will turn off sigs at UBCS.
NO! Without my sig I can't no longer live in this plane of reality!

 

by Speez
9-21-02
Where...where am I?
Who are you?
I am AotD, the forgoten UBCS mod. Welcome to LAP's bag where all the ban people are placed.
Can this get any worse?
I now have someone to read my 3438439483 fics to.

 

by Speez
9-22-02
Hey DJ, have you seen CP and Speez? I haven't seen them for like a week.
The two have been in CP's room since Tuesday.
What the heck can they be doing alone in CP's room for four days?
Oh, I think you know what those two are doing. *wink*
My god, have the two seen the light and have gone gay two?
I like pickels.

 

by Speez
9-23-02
Well, there is CP's room where he and Speez have been locked toghter for five days now.
I wonder if they really are gay now or if that is a rumor.
Did I just hear a moan?

 

by Speez
9-23-02
Ian enters CP's room.
Umm, why is it so dark in here?
It gets me and Speez in the mood?
Umm, ok. So, where is Speez?
He is placing his ball in a hole.
Whoa, it is true!
That is some mighty fine ball placing Speez!

 

by Speez
9-23-02
Wait, your two have been playing some game called Animal Crossing for the last five days?
Yeah, it is a mighty addicting game. Speez is having fun digging a hole and pushing balls into it.
What is the game about?
Hard to explain. You live in this town and you have to buy stuff for your house. Also, everyone is animals. Also, you have to fish.
That sounds gay.
Oh my god, Speez caught a butterfly! Go Speez!

 

by Speez
9-24-02
CP, you won't believe this, but in Animal Crossing, I got a pineapple!
Dude, that is so rad! We have to trade now!
Ok, but I want some peaches from you.
Dude, peaches are like gold in this game. A pineapple will give you a bowtie I dug out of the ground.
Let me get this strait. You convinced Speez to give you the pineapple if you gave him a dirty sock?
I know, isn't Animal Crossing great!

 

by Speez
9-24-02
Ian tries to get CP to stop playing Animal Crossing with lies.
CP, UBCS is being hacked!
Can't do it right now, playing Animal Crossing.
CP, your crotch is on fire!
Can't do it right now, playing Animal Crossing.
CP, there is some lady that wantws you right here, right now!
JESUS MAN, I can't fish with your distractions.

 

by Speez
9-25-02
Hey Speez, anything new in Animal Crossing?
I got the GBA-GC connector and I can go to GBA Island now. You wouldn't believe all the cool stuff I got there now.
My god, you went to GBA Island? Did you get coconuts? I WANT YOUR COCONUTS!
Trust me ILC, they haven't turned gay.
Dude, CP wants Speez's coconuts! They are gay!

 

by Speez
9-25-02
Give me your nuts now or I will rip you a new one!
I can take your women, and then some!
That's it, I am ripping your controller out of my slot.
You wouldn't dare! That it, I am taking your disc out of the cube!
They are not gay, they are playing a Gamecube game!
Dude, you didn't hear what they said. They are the gay way now.

 

by Speez
9-25-02
Speez...please take the gun away from the Animal Crossing disc...
No, you threaten to have my nuts!
Speez shots the game!
No! You shot my disc into two!
Dude, what is going on now?
I think Speez just shot CP in the wang!

 

by Speez
9-25-02
CP, I learned that we shouldn't let a game ruin our relationship. In the future we will forget the game, but we will still be together.
Your right, it is only a game. I should call off my ninjas now.
I love you man!
I love you too!
There is no way they just declared their love for each other!
Dude, I can't make this stuff up!

 

by Speez
10-07-02
CP makes an annoucement...
All you UBCSers, I have gotten a letter from Ace saying he will be leaving the board forever!
Oh my gawd!!!!
It reads, "God bye all you ****. I hope you **** eat ****ing **** and go to **** you dumb ****s.
My gawd, that is a lot of cursing.
No, I wasn't censoring it, he wrote those out.
My gawd...

 

by Speez
10-08-02
CP asks Speez to do some research since Ace left...
Speez, I want your results now!
Yes sir, just don't beat me again. Morale is up by 9999% and the serve beatings have gone been reduced by 1200%.
Whoa, that is a big change.
There is more. Beating by sacks of doorknobs are down by half, the phrase "your mom" has been used 619 less times a day, and good thoughts of pickles are up by 15%
I could go for a pickle right now.
Also, Ian beatings are down by 9000 a day, but have been steady at 14,000,000 a day.

 

by Speez
10-08-02
Ian dances because Ace is gone.
Woo! Go me! No more Ace! Happy dance! Happy dance!
Hey Ian, I decided to come back!
I
No, your gonna beat me with a sack of doorknobs now, aren't you?
No Ian, in the week I was gone, I have changed.
Changed?
Yes and I have come to realize that deep down, that we are friends.

 

by Speez
10-09-02
Ace makes an announcement.
My fellow UBCSer. I have decided to return because I was bored, but there is more! I decided to be really nice now! No more making fun or people, doorknobing or Ian beatings.
I will fly strait from now on! I will drink my milk, take my vitiams, and god help me, be friends with Ian. I am now Ãœber nice Ace! Now, I will think good thoughts of pickles.
Man, pickles are so good.

 

by Speez
10-10-02
Ace, it is not the same without your abuse. Come on, hit me with a big stick!
No, my days of beating people with big sticks is over.
Please, I feel so empty without it.
I am sorry my friend, but I am Ãœber nice now. And I just want to say, I love you.
This is a fate worse than death.

 

by Speez
10-12-02
And the UBCS comic presents "Denza saying something that makes no sense."
I am not gonna do a U-ie in at 50 miles an hour in a chinese parking lot.
And that was "Denza saying something that makes no sense."

 

by Speez
10-14-02
CP tries to join into a converstation with Denza and someone else.
I think I will join this converstation Denza is having with someone.
...and then came my court case with the sexual harrassment of a rubber duck.
My god, I think he's talking to the wall.
Hey, that rubber duck said it was ok for me to touch it there.

 

by Speez
10-14-02
Once again folks, I bring you "Denza says a random phrase".
She was kind of drunk and I was a disfigured burned freak that walked through hell fire and brimstone to get to the party, so I decided to drive her home
This great segment was sponsored by....umm...I forget.

 

by Speez
10-14-02
CP, come quick! I made a whole in space and time!
That is great! Where is it?
It's in the bathroom. Come quick, I don't know how long it will stay open.
Wait....in the bathroom? How did you make it?
Well, I just ripped one major fart and then I heard this ripping sound behind me.
I think I will go over here now.

 

by Speez
10-14-02
CP, you want to see my kids?
Sure, I didn't know you had kids.
At the bathroom...
Look at them swimming around in that white pool. They are twins you know.
Umm...I noticed that seem to have brown skin while your's is white.
Moments later...
Come on, don't you want to hold Little Spe and Speez Jr.? It would be a great photo!
You are one very sick man!

 

by Speez
10-15-02
More Random phrases from Denza.
It has been known to grow from one to six inches in three seconds.
Now, a word from our sponsor.
Banana.
Now back to our regular schedule program.
Life is about 2 things; testicles and peanut butter.

 

by Speez
10-17-02
Once again we return to "Denza says random quotes."
I don't want to toot my own horn but I handed them all their asses. I was like some kind of goddamned ass handing machine sent back in time to hand people their asses.
Now, a word from our sponsors.
Stick shift. Wait, isn't that two words?
Now back to the show.
As everyone filed in we all got a chance to fondle the joystick and run our hands across the console, lightly tickling the knobs and switches while we made low guttural noises.

 

by Speez
10-18-02
Ok, let's try this experiment again.
I want it to be a normal day at UBCS! NORMAL!
CP, a giant two headed Pamela Anderson who can breath fire is attacking UBCS....again.
2.4 seconds. New record.

 

by Speez
10-18-02
Only two good things came out of the 1980s.
The song "We Didn't Start the Fire" and me.
Wait, I was born in the 80s too.
My statement still stands.

 

by Speez
10-18-02
RazorRoller, have you heard of the new Contra game? It looks so bad ass.
What is Contra? And isn't this one sexy butt?
You never heard of Contra? It was like the best game...umm...back in the 80s.
Eww, the 80s! Get the oldness off me and my sexy butt!
Speez, why are you crying?
I feel so old and dirty.

 

by Speez
10-19-02
Here is FeetForEars, sworen enemy of UBCS.
Because he has tried to destory UBCS twice, he has been banned to a place worse than LAP's bag.
Idaho.
Oh god, kill me now.

 

by Speez
10-19-02
Meanwhile, back at UBCS...
Speez, why do you still refuse to put me in the comic? I will do anything. Anything. I have no shame.
LAP, I told you that your whole gimmick was that you wanted to stuff ILC in your bag because he was a squrriel, but he is not anymore.
Well, think of something different than! I will do anything. ANYTHING.
Then you tried to have Ariel kill me with her big sig.
Dude, how did you know I sent her?
Because....I made the comic.

 

by Speez
10-21-02
Darn that Speez! He won't put me in the comic because ILC is no longer a squirrel, and I can't chase him now!
Wait, that gives me an idea.
Ouch, I got a headache now. I was thinking too hard.

 

by Speez
10-23-02
I got it! If I can somehow turn ILC back into a squrriel I will be used in the comic again!
And I know just the man who can do it. It will be a long walk there. About one strip worth of walking.
Elsewhere, ILC tries to get lucky with the ladies.
Hey baby, how bout me and you go out?
Get lost loser! You're no where as cute as that squrriel who disappeared about 85 strips ago!

 

by Speez
10-23-02
While LAP takes his journey other stuff happens at UBCS...
I hate people who tell too much info about their bathroom stuff.
CP, out of the way! I have to take a dump!
CP, you should see it!
Shut up Speez!
Man, it set off the smoke alarm!
Shot me now...

 

by Speez
10-24-02
LAP makes his long journey.
Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, left, oh fudge, where was I?
It is a long journey to find the person he wants to find.
Where am I now? Is this Mexico or Canada?
And he finally reaches Idaho.
Mr. FeetForEars I presume.
No, I am FeetforBellybutton! YES I AM FEETFOREARS!

 

by Speez
10-27-02
Evil music plays....
So, you are the person who turned half the UBCS into squrriels back in the middle of 2001?
Yes, Mr. FeetforEars who was banned here to Idaho by UBCS.
I will free you if you do one thing for me.
Let me guess, you want me to turn you into a pretty pony.
Dude, you can do that? Well, maybe later...
...that was a joke...

 

by Speez
10-27-02
Thanks for freeing me. Ok, you want me to turn some guy named ILC back into a squrriel for you.
Yes, so I have a reason to be in the comic again.
Ok, go to UBCS and get this Mr. Cheese and bring him to my castle. Don't forget.
I won't.
Oh fudge packe....I forget.

 

by Speez
10-27-02
Back at FeetForEar's secert hideout...
I can't believe but my evil book about the future is right.
It says if I turned the one called Cheese into a squrriel and keep him a squirrel by midnight Halloween I will gain the ultimate power.
And this evil book of the future is called TV guide.

 

by Speez
10-27-02
W00t! My plan is unstoppable! That LAP guy will bring ILC right to me, I will turn Cheese into a squrriel and then I will throw them both in the bottomless pit.
Then midnight on Halloween I will gain ultimate power! Nothing can stop me!
Fudge, I know I was suppose to get something at UBCS. A cheese sandwich maybe?

 

by Speez
10-27-02
Hey ILC.
Hey LAP, what is up?
I was suppose to do something, but can't remember. Maybe you can jog my memory.
Were you gonna kidnapp me, take me to FeetforEars, and have him turn me back into a squrriel?
No, that wasn't it.
Well, I want you too!

 

by Speez
10-27-02
What? You want to be a squrriel again?
Yeah.
Why?
Dude, I got so many chicks when I was a squrriel.
Ok, fair enough. Off to FeetforEar's castle.
Yeah, and also when I am a squrriel I have an excuse to play with nuts.

 

by Speez
10-27-02
At FeetforEar's castle!
Squrriel are you!
Argghh, it burns.
My plan is working. End Game is almost upon us!
Yes! I am a squrriel again! And do you have any three's?
HAHAHA! YOU FOOLS DON'T RELEALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.
Jesus, I just asked for a three.

 

by Speez
10-27-02
The ritual of End Game has started! It was written in TV guide that if I turned ILC into a squrriel, and he stays a squirrel by midnight on Halloween, I will get ultimate power.
Damn, I knew TV Guide was evil!
Now I will throw you two into the bottomless pit so my plan goes though! And no one knows your here! HAHAHAHA!
Dude, I am a flying squrriel remember? I can fly.
You were one before, but now you are a regular one.
Sweet mother of peanut butter, he is right.

 

by Speez
10-27-02
Pretend there is a bottom less pit on the lower right and FFE just threw LAP into it.
Ha, that takes care of the stupid guy with the bag.
The pit is NOT in the next two pannels.
Ok, time for Mr. Squrriel!
Just tell me one thing, what will you do with the powers?
I will use the powers of End Game to ends this comic, forever!
Noooo! That means I can't play Go Fish no more.

 

by Speez
10-31-02
Hahahah, no one can stop me!
Don't be so sure about that!
Oh my god, it is you...
Yes, it is me!
Your Trojan man!
Well, yes, but now I am UBCS man!

 

by Speez
10-31-02
What ar e you gonna do, Trojan Man!
When I am at work I am Trojan man, but now I am UBCS man! Don't get me mad...
What are you gonna do, hit me with a box of condoms?
That's it, you made me mad.
I told him not to make me mad...
My god, you stuffed him into a condom!

 

by Speez
10-31-02
Ok ILC, drink this stuff so your not a squrriel no more.
I don't want to.
Umm, you have to or FFE will get the powers of End Game and destory us all.
But being a squrriel is so badass.
Ummm, but we will all be dead...
Well, them are the breaks.

 

by Speez
10-31-02
Hey, I remember reading the issue of TV Guide about End Game. I think it had a way to stop it. Do you happen to have the issue?
Yep, I have everything in the world up my butt.
What?
Come on little squrriel dude, reach in and search for it.
Ok, I am thinking about becoming human again.
No, you can't stop now.

 

by Speez
10-31-02
ILC just finished the issue of TV Guide he got from...well...you know.
Ok, we can defeat FFE, but there is only one person that can do this. Keep an eye on FFE for me.
Ok, be quick, it is almost midnight.
Arrggh!
Take this Mr. Trojan man!
This isn't funny.
I find it quite funny.

 

by Speez
10-31-02
So that is the story and you the only one who can do it.
It is written that the one that someone has to say "Your mom" 1000 times before midnight tonight.
Ace, you are the only one who can do it.
But I am Uber nice now!

 

by Speez
10-31-02
Why did you bring me here? I told you I am Uber nice now, I can't do it.
Come on Ace, it will save all of UBCS. You must go insult FFE and use the phrase your mom 1000 times before midnight.
Dude, that is like a half hour for now. Get Denza or someone to do this, I am Uber nice now!
Ace, it has to be you! Back in the old days you use to use that phrase non-stop.
Elsewhere...
Come on, entertain me clown!
Kill me now.

Showing page 6.

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