All comics by agnt_M

Profile

 

by agnt_M
12-08-02
Something happened to me this weekend.
What happened?
I can't talk about it.
You already are talking about it.

 

by agnt_M
12-08-02
So something happened, and you can't see me because of it.
Yes.
And you can't tell me what it is.
Yes.
Could you just hit me with a hammer, please? It'd be easier for both of us.

 

by agnt_M
12-08-02
You should probably avoid me for a while.
Can you give me a why? Anything. Make something up.
I'm not going to go in circles with you over this.
Funny... I have a feeling that's what I'm going to be doing for quite a while.

 

by agnt_M
12-08-02
Someone said something, and you can't see or talk to me because of it.
Yes.
But it wasn't about me.
Yes.
Again, I'm not going to go in circles with you over this.
My head is doing some pretty serious circles right now.

 

by agnt_M
12-10-02
Is she still online?
You just asked me that 15 minutes ago. Yes, she's still online.
Why is she staying online all night? She has work tomorrow?
Want to send her an IM?
NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Good. Because she just blocked you.

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
Hmm. "Do not attempt to place chrome bolt-caps on engine while hot."
OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! STUPID ENGINE BLOCK!
Sir, you can't work on your car in the parking lot here at Auto Zone.
I'm almost done!

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
This car humor's gonna get old fast, since there's no "'96 Dodge Stratus" Car prop.
Hmm. "Foaming tire cleanser, cleans, shines, and protects rubber and plastic--hey!
Merry Christmas! I flocked my engine!

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
Mike, dude, is it ghetto to have a turbo-timer if your car's not turboed?
HA HAHAHAHAHAA
Why does everyone always laugh when I say that?

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
I am always at The Spectrum.
Yep.
People here think I have no life.
Yep.
They think that because they don't know I get a lot of Install and Detailing buisiness here.
No, they think that because you're smoking crack.

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
It's Strat-Dude!
Titus, I need something for my car.
Underbody neons, lowering springs, aluminum spoiler--OH. BODY KIT.
Something under $200.00.
Air freshener?
Yeah. And give me a pair of those LED light-up thingeys that go on the windsheild washers.

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
Some of my friends leave their AIM on all night, with an away message that says "Sleeping" or "Unconcious."
It's sad... It's like they're desperate for contact with other people.
Which explains why I've been leaving it on a lot lately...
L-HOO-Z-HER.

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
I wrote a Christmas song last night while you were sleeping.
Oh no
Dashing through the snow! In a beat-up Chevrolet, o're the fields we go...
Stop it
ACTING REALLY GAY! BELLS ON BOB-TAILS RING! MAKING SPIRITS FRY! OH WHAT IS TO LAUGH AND SIN--

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
You didn't write that! People sang that in Third Grade!
JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS, ROBIN LAID AN EGG . . .
That's enough please.
THE BATMOBILE LOST A WHEEL AND JOKER TOOK BALLET!
Hey, I took ballet...
THAT EXPLAINS A LOT OF THINGS TO ME.

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
Are you making fun of me because I took Ballet?
Yup.
Yeah? Well your girlfriend weighs 300 pounds, is angular and LIVES IN OUR BASEMENT.
Hey. That kinda hurts.
SEE?
BUT AT LEAST I DIDN'T TAKE BALLET!

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
Ok, well I may have taken Ballet.
HA-HAHAHAHA
But I have opposable thumbs. And limbs.
That was low.

 

by agnt_M
12-12-02
Besides, you should have seen the women in that Ballet class.
YOU STILL TOOK BALLET.
Oh yeah? Well guess what.
What?
I have a glass of ice-water.
OK OK! SORRY! OK!

 

by agnt_M
12-13-02
Hey, can I bum a cigarette?
Um... yeah, sure.
Are these Menthols?
No... You could chew some gum... Hey can I get your phone number?
haha--No.
...Can I have my cigarette back?

 

by agnt_M
12-16-02
...Are you OK?
Yeah Jess, I'm fine.
You're shaking.
I just saw a Redhead. I told you I like Redheads, right?
Yeah, but you look like you're having an epeleptic seizure.
I REEEEEEAAAALLLY like Redheads...

 

by agnt_M
12-17-02
GNAAAAAAAAARRRGH!

 

by agnt_M
12-18-02
These stupid bubble-tea things keep getting stuck in my throat.
Uh...
Who drinks these? I have a mouth full of sticky balls...
And they're all salty in my throat.
You're baiting me, aren't you.

 

by agnt_M
12-18-02
**Munch, Munch, Munch**
Do you have something stuck to the inside of your cheek?
Nopfh--Wfhy?
Because you keep pushing your tounge into your cheek like...
Likfe wapfth? Whoops, I dribbled.
KNOCK IT OFF!

 

by agnt_M
12-18-02
So, where's Julie?
I dunno. She prolly got something stuck in her throat.
Don't talk about her like that.
Besides. I think her pimp picked her up.

 

by agnt_M
12-21-02
Today we have a special guest, all the way from Arizona. His name is D--uuh, Dirk. How ya' doin Dirk?
You're an obsessive stalker--FROM THE INTERNET.
Riiiiiiiiight.
Does she even know where you live?
I don't think I'm getting through to him.

 

by agnt_M
12-21-02
So, um, C--uh, Dic-- uh... Coc--Dirk! You've been talking to this lady for how long?
For like years, man. She really digs me. We talk on the phone, and I visit her like twice a year!
Sounds like a promising future relationship to me!
LEAVE HER ALONE, MAN. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU.
hmm. I think my parents, relatives, and family friends would have something to say about that...

 

by agnt_M
12-21-02
INTERNET WEIRDO!
Ok! My RPG-playing friend! Basically, if you're telling the truth, we've both been had.
Never, man. She loves me, man. We're gonna like... Be together.
Any idea why she hasn't just moved closer to you, or you closer to her?
I have a reason. BUT IT'S PART OF A PRIVATE CONVERSATION, AND--
While he's finishing his Tirade, you kids at home can go watch some TV or something. This may take a while.

 

by agnt_M
12-21-02
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY?
Me--Hung like Horse. You--Hung like Squirrel.
I'm not going to be brought to your level.
That's ok dude. I understand. It involves a lot of stair-climbing, and you're not all that into exercise.
I'm gonna log your IP address and find out where you live!
Uh huh. No, you need a Phone Number for that.

 

by agnt_M
12-21-02
So I need a phone number to figure out where you live?
Basically.
What's your phone number?
I thought you said you were a Hacker.

 

by agnt_M
12-21-02
She wants you to stop showing up at her house.
Dude.
Huh?
As I remember it, you drove from Arizona and showed up at her house without telling her.
Oh, right. BUT THAT'S OK--she loves me, man.
I think I left my Toaster in the Oven, so I have to be going now...

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
It's like a German Tank! It's fucking awesome!
Max, it's a Volkswagon. Of course it's built like a German Tank.
And I was going 110 on the freeway last night... The only reason I haven't killed myself is there's a hole in the exhaust system that makes it...
What?
Between this and the German Techno, I'm really starting to worry about you.

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
Hellava party. It's too bad no one was gay.
I can't believe I saw Devon last night. That was so weird.
Dude! Leave the ugly chick alone!
She's not ugly, she's cute. And besides, I've wanted that girl since I was like fifteen...
She has acne. Some of those pimples are large enough for you to have s-
OK OK! But she's cute! Did you see that little flannel hat she was wearing?

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
What I was saying is some of those pimples are large enough that you could have sex with her face.
What.
I'm trying to figure out a way to time-delay edit you, like a radio show.
"With the In-Ter-net, I can do Any-Thing."
Ok that was funny. I'm gonna buy you an electric wheelchair so you can impersonate Stephen Hawking at every party.

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
Max.
Huh?
Do you see that girl over there? The Redhead?
The one in the stupid hat that was out last season, with freckles and zits the size of my--
That's... Nevermind.

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
That's Devon, dude.
Who?
Devon? Used to dig me, got tired of me, then I started to dig her?
Oh. Right.
Don't do it.
Don't do what?

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
Ben. Dude. I haven't seen you in ages.
That's because you DON'T COME TO MY PRODUCTIONS.
I know, I know. I've been out to lunch lately.
Good to see you though. Max seems pretty cool.
Yeah. It's good for him that this party turned out to be Cocktoberfest.
For him. I'm gonna start drinking.

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
So how do you know Max?
Huh? Long story. I was friends with his roommates.
What's the story?
Well, I knew his roommate, and we started talking occasionally, but we really got to talking when his roommate went psycho and stole his BMW.
So how do you know Max?I asked for a summary, not your life story.
That *is* the summary.

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
Good party.
Yes and no.
It's not really a good party until something crazy hap--hold on.
What?
Max is gonna kill himself on that Electric Wheelchair...
GET OFF MY GRANDMOTHER'S ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR!

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
. . .But With the In-Ter-Net, I can Do Any-Thing.
STEPHEN HAWKING DOESN'T RAM PEOPLE.
It e-ven cured my e-rec-tile dys-func-tion.
Wait. Yes he does. He gets pissed off at alumni and runs over their feet.
Your friend seems like he's having fun.

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
She's talking to me...?
I'm gonna go outside and have a cigarette.
Now she's getting away from me...
You can come if you like.
Legs not functioning... MOVE, DAMMIT, MOVE!
Or stay. Whatever.

 

by agnt_M
12-23-02
Dude. Max. Why is Devon staring at me?
I dunno. Maybe she likes you, dumbass.
I think it's because this is the first time she's seen me without a tie on.
You're wearing a tie.
I MEANT 'IRL'.
Oh. Yeah. The black hoodie and jeans thing kinda suits you.

 

by agnt_M
1-05-03
What's wrong.
It smells like hippies out here.
Hey!

 

by agnt_M
1-05-03
It's so pretty out here...
Um, honey?
What now.
There's a man in Tie-Dye peeing on the sidewall of my car.
Oh. That's normal here.
JUST BECAUSE IT'S NOT A VW, THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S A URINAL!

 

by agnt_M
1-13-03
What's wrong?
I swear I just saw someone being towed on a skateboard by a guy with a 10-foot bong.
Oh. That's normal here.

 

by agnt_M
1-13-03
What are we going to tell him.
Tell who?
Nevermind.

 

by agnt_M
1-13-03
We're out here on the 5 South . . .
Where apparently the speed limit is DRIVE UP THE ASS OF THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU . . .
I hate two-lane highways.

 

by agnt_M
1-13-03
Wait. I'm an idiot.
The 5 is not a two-lane highway. That's the 46.
SEE WHAT YOU DRIVERS HAVE DONE TO ME??

 

by agnt_M
1-13-03
So apparently the Raiders won.
There was a lot of honking.
. . . Does anyone else just not care?

 

by agnt_M
1-21-03
Your mom's freaking me out.
Why's that?
I've been here two days, and she hasn't tried to kick me out yet.
She likes you.
Yeah, but I'm eating all her food.
...Don't they ever feed you?

 

by agnt_M
1-21-03
Oh noooo...
What now.
My HVAC control panel is PEELING!
See a doctor.
I meant the part where you control the A/C on my car...
Good. You had me kinda worried.

 

by agnt_M
1-21-03
Sar, I need to ask you a really important question.
Humm... Okay...
Am I not Turtely enough for your Turtle Club??
Kehee!
We really need to figure out where that's from.
Yeah, we're pretty lame, huh.

 

by agnt_M
2-13-03
LUCKY, STOP PUTTING SHOTS IN THE CHAI!
You put espresso shots in the chai tea?
Hey, I didn't know. And Mark, why don't you suck on a dishrag.
Lucky, one of our daily customers started jogging because of you. ON THE FREEWAY.
...How many shots were you putting in the chai?

Showing page 6.

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