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by possums
3-24-04
Suddenly! I morbidly-obese hack actor appeared!
Jumpin' jehosaphat! It's Marlon Brando!
That's Colonel Kurtz to you, buster.
This is some great whisky, my boy!
Normally, I would help... but... Dirty Sanchez! Get the camera!
STELLLLAAAAAA!!!!

 

by possums
3-24-04
They were in need of an Oscar-worthy monologue...
Eh... señor...
That head is close... I can smell the dried Cotton Candy and Vicks Vaporub...
Señor!!
There are most certainly what I've identified as "head-prints..." There are faceprints on the ground here, and that can only mean he's rolled to this spot...
Yes, my life has been leading up to this moment. Don't you think so, Sanchez? Sanchez?

 

by possums
3-24-04
Jezum christ! It's the dominatrix dragon of Mastalango-Kay!
You lousy cold-hearted bastard! I bet you ate Dirty Sanchez!
What can I say, man? I'm a sucker for Mexican.

 

by possums
3-25-04
So, why, praytell, are you the dominatrix dragon?
Well, it was one foggy day in Mississippi...
There were yodelling jack-rabbits left and right, and gumbo aplenty.
....
LITTLE OLD LADY WHOOO!?!?
And then... aww god damn it! I lose more and more sex slaves that way.

 

by possums
3-25-04
Things feel so odd here without Dirty Sanchez... he was like a mother that I couldn't understand...
At the Stereotypical Jungle Guide Discount Store...
Howdy, counsler.
Ahoy to you, counselee. It might behoove you to grant me a stereotypical jungle guide to aid me on my travels.
What the fuck are you talking about?
God damn hobos from the 30's...

 

by possums
3-25-04
The Charlie Sheen lookalike finally had a stereotype guide to help him out.
O shiat, Mistah Sheen! We'z gon' die!
Cut that jibber-jabber, Jamal. We've got a severed head to find.
O shiat! That seve'd head 'aint gon' get you nuttin'.
What?!
I said that that severed head isn't going to get you anything.
Oh. I thought you said you stole my girlfriend. Hah! Silly me.

 

by possums
3-25-04
Hay, Mistah Sheen! I think we'z be comin' up to da base wey dat head is!
I thought so! The irony is so thick, if you swallowed it, you'd choke and die.
Jesus Christ, man! You're a complete tard! I'm not gonna be helping out any morons like this anymore! Bye!
Aww, crap.
So he quit, eh?
Can I get a Sicilian this time?

 

by possums
3-25-04
So Sheen and his new Sicilian counterpart took off.
This time, the next comic will have the severed head in it! I know it!
This is all important! Don't you agree, Mario?
Lil' bit, Chuck. A lil' bit.

 

by possums
3-26-04
Suddenly! Marlon Brando rose from the hangover!
The clusterfuck pidgeons of Genesis Park, Mario! It's Marlon Brando again!
That's Don Vito Corleone to you, buster. I'm standing guard at the gates of Castle Mastalango-Kay!
Why?
Well, I owe the severed head a favor.
What did he do for you?
He's Francis freakin' Ford Coppola, he saved my career! Ooh, Canoli!

 

by possums
3-27-04
Somewhere in the depths of Baskalago, Minnesotta...
WHOS YA DADDAY. WHOS YA DADDAY. WHOS YA DADDAY. WHOS YA DADDAY.
Holy christ! It's Assmaggot Malloy: Champion of Doom!â„¢
o/ The BROTHER!!! Of Hobeast Malloy... o/
WHOS YA DADDAY. WHOS YA DADDAY. WHOS YA DADDAY. WHOS YA DADDAY.
o/ Champion of DOOOM!!!â„¢ And owner of a belt.... o/
CHAMPION OF DOOM. GOTTA GO BOOM. TOUCH ME AGAIN AND I'LL MAKE YA ZOOM!!
Oh James...

 

by possums
3-27-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what I can do about it.
What was I thinking... Rotor turbines?

 

by possums
3-29-04
Ey, mac. I'mna take a leak.
I can tell that I'm close.... so close...
Aha! It is you, Jesus!
Aha! It is me...
Aww crap.

 

by possums
3-29-04
Der he is, mac! Da severed 'ead o' Mastamala... ah, you know the drill.
The severed head of Francis Ford Coppola! I assume you have some sort of Sicilian vendetta against this fat scum!
Don't move, pastry boy! Your two-time pyramid schemes aren't going to help you this time, according to my left eyebrow!
Muahahaha! Have you ever seen One From the Heart? The toilets on the set were fully functional! MWAHAHAH!!!
Didn't Dean Tavoularis do those sets?
Yes! And the songs were by Tom Waits! Cinematography by Vittorio Storarro!! MWAHAHAHA!!! ALL SHALL BOW TO ITALIANS!!!

 

by possums
3-30-04
The Last Tycoon?
More like, the Last Thai-Coon! It's about Tiger Woods.
Terminator?
They trashed the original, "nigger Terminator."
Canadian Bacon?
Whoa! They made a movie about boinky?

 

by possums
3-30-04
The highway man rides up to the inn.
Here I am at the inn!
The Highway man meets his love.
Oh, inkeeper's daughter, my love...
Oh, The Highwayman, my love...
But Tim is watching!
Holy heck! It's the Highwayman!

 

by possums
3-30-04
The highway man rides up to the inn.
Here I am at the inn!
The Highway man meets his love.
Oh, inkeeper's daughter, my love...
Oh, The Highwayman, my love...
But Tim is watching!
Holy heck! It's the Highwayman!

 

by possums
3-30-04
I will be back tommorow night!
Oh... I will wait for you...
Tim called the cops!
...the Highwayman was HERE! You oughta come here tommorow night and catch him!
Rightie-o, Timothy! We'll be there in a snap.
Holy crimson heck! It's the police coming for my love!
o/ We're the police! o/

 

by possums
3-30-04
Oh no!
Don't worry, lass! We're just gonna tie you up with a musket next to you! BWAHAHAHA!!!!
I'll shoot myself to warn my love!

 

by possums
3-30-04
WHAT?! Bess! You're nothing but a bloody pulp now! *sob* *sob* etc.
Aie!!! It's the cops!
Aie!!! We're the cops!
Bang!

 

by possums
3-30-04
Jesus and a bearded Mary are at the Cannibal Orgy...
Wow... Judas tastes good. Say Mary... How do I taste?
*mglorp* *mglorp* Only time I ever got pleasure from giving head!
Oh, hey, dad! I'm just getting blown and eating Judas at the cannibal orgy!
Oh, awesome! I'll be there!
Whoo! This is awesome! CANNIBAL ORGIES!!!!!!
So... I just pour this hot candlewax all over your crotch and then eat it off?

 

by possums
3-30-04
You know what I like about you, Carl?
That I'm always dressed for the ball?

 

by possums
3-30-04
You're hung like a mouse!
Your point?

 

by possums
3-30-04
The acid really enhances the experience.
Are you kidding me!? It sucks trying to do it while you're surrounded by bats!

 

by possums
3-30-04
Wow! You roXXors!
Thx!

 

by possums
3-30-04
111000101000110 101110101 101010101 1111 0101011
001010000 101010111 01010100000 0001101010 010101

 

by possums
3-30-04
Top story tonight: Bill has a flaccid, microscopic member.
Fuck you, Sheila.

 

by possums
3-30-04
This never happened.

 

by possums
3-31-04
*glorp, glorp*
Aww yeah... just like that.
*glorp, glorp*
Damn! Don't you need to come up for air?
AHH! Much better!

 

by possums
3-31-04
[insert 2001: A Space Oddessy music]
I SHALL MAKE A FIRE!!!
BLANG... BLANG... BLAAAANG....DUN DUNNNNNNN!!!!! (ding dong ding dong ding dong...)
JESUS!!!! JEEEEESUS!!!!
Thaaaaaaaaat's me!!!
AND GOD CREATED... THE ASIAN GIRLS!!!
Oh, Ceciria, you ale so FAT.
*gong*

 

by possums
4-01-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what I can do about it.
Aha! It is me! Jesus!

 

by possums
4-01-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what I can do about it.
April Fool's.

 

by possums
4-01-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what I can do about it.
You have ridiculously large breasts for a pixie...

 

by possums
4-01-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what I can do about it.
I seriously had no idea he was a naked 5 year-old when I cast the transformation spell!
That's what they ALL say.

 

by possums
4-01-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what I can do about it.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Agh!!!

 

by possums
4-01-04
Help!
What's the problem little mouse?
I'm a handsome prince turned into a mouse by an evil spell
I'll see what I can do about it.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Agh!!!

 

by possums
4-01-04
Jesus Christ, sir! It's a pack of wild Fandango!
Mother Mary! We'd best be scramblin'!
GLEEEE GOOOOORT. GLEEE GOOOOORT.
WAKKA WAKKA DING DONG!!! WAKKA WAKKA DING-DONG!!!
We're.... gonna have to postpone that battle. Don't you think, Jimmy? Jimmy?
FANNA NANNA FEEE GORT!!!!

 

by possums
4-02-04
EASTER EASTER EASTER EASTER EASTER EASTER EASTER EASTER EASTER.
EASTER?
EASTER!?
EASTER EASTER EASTER EASTER.
EASTER!!
EASTER EASTER.

 

by possums
4-02-04
I am sorry, Asian girl, but I have come to take your soul.
But it's a holiday!
Yes, I know, Easter is the day Christ rose from the dead... but I have to do it any-
And the Asian girl was saved by none other than...
Rats! Foiled again! And I would have got away with it too if it weren't for God and that pesky Christ of his!
JESUS'D!!!

 

by possums
4-02-04
I know he thinks it's a transperancy problem... how am I supposed to tell him that his wang really is 0.0 cm wide and long?

 

by possums
4-02-04
Well, Cletus, that wang aint' gonna suck itself!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by possums
4-02-04
Was that sex or masturbation?

 

by possums
4-02-04
HOO HAVES THA DOLLA?!
NOT I!

 

by possums
4-02-04
How was that?

 

by possums
4-02-04
I grant you the power to say two words.
JINGOL BELLS.

 

by possums
4-03-04
GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS, YOU BASTARD!!!

 

by possums
4-04-04
Welcome to round three of the Rabbits V.S. Rabbis cup... this match is the schizophrenia match.
GIMMAH ALL YO MONAH.
Meshuggah! I haven't a shekel!
STOP LYAN.

 

by possums
4-04-04
Gimme the best punchline you can think of.
*processing*
That's no tax exemption! That's my wife! *beep, beep*
SUH-WEEET!!!

 

by possums
4-04-04
Gimme a blowjob and I'll give you a buck!
It's a friggin' deal!
Have fun with your buck! Ho, ho, ho...
SWEET!!!!
GOD DAMN IT!!!

 

by possums
4-04-04
I'm INVISIBLE!!!!

 

by possums
4-04-04
I AM TEH WINNER!!!
I AM TEH WINNER!!!
I AM TEH WINNER!!!
I AM TEH WINNER!!!
Yes, 300 comics later, and there's STILL nothing going on.
I AM TEH WINNER!!!
I AM TEH WINNER!!!

Showing page 6.

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