All comics by wirthling

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by wirthling
7-19-02

 

by wirthling
7-26-02

 

by wirthling
7-30-02

 

by wirthling
8-05-02

 

by wirthling
8-13-02

 

by wirthling
8-18-02

 

by wirthling
8-21-02
Inna su ah fucking drib blibbledy jabble rotor fucking turbines kanna himdingly fucking gravitons gadda zimble fucking gug!
Heh, heh!
Wudda fuginyuuu togidabuh?

 

by wirthling
8-23-02
I'm so depressed. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all. I am going to kill myself.
Hmmm... Let's try it this way: "I will take proactive measures to end these troubling times if it's the last thing I do! There's a great, white light at the end of the tunnel, my friends!"
You are a medical doctor, right?
Heavens no--I'm a spin doctor.

 

by wirthling
8-26-02
You're all a bunch of jerks. I'm a high school graduate and I know what puns are! All you know is how to attack newbies!
Should I jump in here and say something or just take the high road?
Now I'm going to prove how smart and righteous I am by psychoanalyzing you all! You're obviously all just blah blah blah blah...
Oh, I suppose I should just take the high road...
Ow!
It's much easier to drop big rocks on him from up here!

 

by wirthling
9-22-02
RAAAAARRR!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!
TOBOR WILL... Ah, I can't do this any more. If I have to utter that stupid line one more time I will most assuredly lose my mind...
I mean, I went to Juilliard for THIS?!

 

by wirthling
10-25-02
Ha ha! Your fraternity's making you run around with no pants on for Hell Week, right?
I'm not pledging a fraternity.

 

by wirthling
1-30-03
I have come to take you away!
No, I am taking you away!
Neither of them are taking anybody away because I am taking you ALL away!
?!
Who the hell does he think he is?! I AM DEATH! I AM TAKING YOU AWAY! AND YOU! AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU!
OH YEAH?!

 

by wirthling
2-04-03
SUCKY SUCKY FIVE DOLLA!
ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!

 

by wirthling
2-13-03
Was there a reason for hammering a nail into your head?
Because I couldn't find a stapler?

 

by wirthling
9-27-03
He was being groomed for one of the top slots of the corporation. IT Director, CIO, anything. In 2003, he was finishing up an IT degree when things started to slip. He applied to the University of MD.
Physics? He was 36 years old. They must have thought he was some far-out old man graphing those equations. I did it when I was 19 and it damn near wasted me.
He could have gone for Webmaster, but he went for himself instead...
...the vector...the vector...

 

by wirthling
9-27-03
That whole hippie thing went out in the '80s, wirthling. You should put away that tie-dye and those birkies and come with me to Barney's.
Nah.
You want to burn your wardrobe. You want me to help you find something tasteful and modern.
Your queer-eye mind tricks won't work on me.

 

by wirthling
12-18-03
I can't believe you suggested that retarded babies should be used as crash test dummies!
I didn't! All I said was, "hi!" What's your problem?!
Oh, I'm a new one-note character named Ms. Construe.
Ms. Construe?! Wow, that's a lame one-note character concept! Who's responsible for that?
That would be me, the Lack-of-Creativity Pencil.

 

by wirthling
2-11-04
One day at the assisted living center...
Back in my day, them rotor turbines had to generate gravitons by themselves! THROUGH 3 FEET OF SNOW! BOTH WAYS!
Ha, ha!
Back in my day, them rotor turbines had to generate gravitons by themselves! THROUGH 3 FEET OF SNOW! BOTH WAYS!
Ha, ha!

 

by wirthling
12-30-04
Mmmph, mmmph, unnnnh, mmmph...
OH YEAH! YES! OH YEAH, BIG DADDY!
Oops, I...I'm already done...
That's OK--it's not your fault there weren't enough panels.

 

by wirthling
4-06-05
Holy crap, I think she likes me! Don't fart...don't fart... don't fart... don't fart... don't fart... don't fart... don't fart... don't fart...
Don't fart!

 

by wirthling
7-25-05
Eat my unwashed, puke-stained panties, Mandingo!

 

by wirthling
8-25-05
Are you experiencing writer's block, wirthling?

 

SHOW US YOUR TITS, KATRINA!
by wirthling, 8-30-05

 

Sucky sucky fitteen dolla!
Blame OPEC!
by wirthling, 8-31-05

 

by wirthling
9-01-05
The search for clues about Natalee Holloway's disappearance continue. Asked for comment, Paris Hilton stated, "Aruba is totally HAWT!"
Wait -- this just in: New Orleans has been wiped off the face of the earth by hurricane Katrina!
Tune in at 11 for a special report on how this development may affect the Natalee Holloway case ...

 

by wirthling
9-05-05
We have a plan to combat future hurricanes -- we have determined that releasing a billion killer bees into the storm can dissipate much of its energy.
But then won't the killer bees attack people, Mr. President?
Yes, we thought of that. We have genetically engineered a billion killer-bee-killer wasps that will take out the bees.
And then how will the killer-bee-killer wasps be eradicated?
Genetically engineered bat-snake-shark-scorpions! Dude!!!
But then how... ah, fuck it.

 

by wirthling
10-18-05
I, THE GREAT AND MIGHTY FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER, AM THY FATHER! I NEED YOU TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR THE SAKE OF MANKIND.
Fuck no.
BUT YAHWEH'S BOY DID IT AND NOW LOOK HOW FAMOUS THEY ARE!
Hey, I saw "The Passion." I got three words for ya: Nuh. Fucking. Uh.
I'LL LET YOU BANG MILLA JOVOVICH.
Deal.

 

I understand you went on quite a bender.
Yeah, I've been out of it for a little while. Tell me, did Kerry win?
by wirthling, 3-05-07

 

Is it true you're now sober?
Yeah, and I feel great. As it turns out, I don't have to be drunk to enjoy killing hookers.
by wirthling, 3-05-07

 

by wirthling
3-05-07
Why did the chicken cross the road?
THE JEWS!
*BA-DUM-DUM*

 

by wirthling
3-05-07
A jew and a negro walk into a bar. The bartender says, "How can I help you?"
The jew says, "You can't -- I just bought this bar AND I'M GIVING YOUR JOB TO THIS NEGRO!"
*BA-DUM-DUM*

 

by wirthling
3-05-07
THEY'RE TAKING ALL THE WHITE MAN'S JOBS!
*BA-DUM-DUM*

 

by wirthling
3-05-07
What's the difference between five million dead jews and five million dead negroes?
HELL IF I...um...
jews

 

Boo!
No, YOU suck.
by wirthling, 5-16-15

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