All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

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I haven't seen him all week...
Can you go make sure he's still alive?
Yes, my Lord...
Good man!
What the hell kind of name is "Chuckaduck"?

 

Oops!
I missed!

 

Hello?
Hey, Tard Boy... Is Finkelman around?
Nope! I killed that stoopid sumbitch!
You WHAT?
I mean... He's still at work!
You need help!

 

OUCH!
What's wrong?
My nuts hurt!
You're probably feeling the effects of gamma radiation eating away at your gonads, effectively making you sterile!
Dude... I became sterile long ago when I was nailed in the nuts for the hundreth time!

 

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
What's Pokey doing NOW, Gumby?
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

 

AAAAAAAAAAA!!
I think I'm dying...
*gasp*
Anyone else want to fuck with me?

 

Keep your eyes closed, TOBOR...
Okay, but...
KEEP THEM CLOSED, GODDAMMIT!!
Okay, okay!
This is gonna be GREAT!
TOBOR think he hear semi approaching at a rapid pace!

 

Hey, Jed...
Hey, Wilbur... Whatcha up to?
Just got done slaughtering Bossie for tonight's supper...
Ewww! That's gross!
I know... What are you playing?
"Grand Theft Auto: Blood, Guts, Limbs, and Brain Matter"...

 

Okay, Gabe... You dragged me down to your cave-basement. What's going on?
I need your advice...
Fire away!
Well... I'm starting college this fall, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life! Can you give me any insight?
I find that when I'm on the cusp of a major life decision, it's best that I first drink a savory cup of my world -famous, fresh-brewed coffee! Let me pour you a cup...
Dude... You have GOT to get off this coffee rant of yours!

 

TOBOR's side of the story: TOBOR just want to take a pee, but TOBOR can't 'cuz Tiki feels that he has to coach TOBOR. As if TOBOR didn't already fucking know how!
Okay, TOBOR... Just relax and let it flow. Relax, TOBOR. RELAX!! Relax and and let it flow! RELAX AND FLOW, GODDAMMIT!!
TOBOR can't when you're yelling at TOBOR!
Just picture a meadow with babbling brook and a cascading waterfall. Off in the distance you hear a goat saying, "Baa-aa-aa!" Okay? NOW, RE-FUCKING-LAX!!
TOBOR telling you dude,,, TOBOR CAN'T FUCKING PEE WITH YOU FUCKING STANDING THERE AND FUCKING YAMMERING AT TOBOR!!
My side of the story: TOBOR is un-fucking-coachable!

 

Okayyy... I'm not going to say anything. Just go ahead and pee...
Pretend like I'm not even here. Just relax and let it flow...
Clear you mind, relax, and think-
WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!

 

How does look?
Nice and shiny!
Coo'!
Is there ANY OTHER part of your body you want me to "polish" with my tongue?
Well, there is one area... But, you swear you're a FEMALE, right?
Oh, yeah. Sure. Whatever.

 

You're a clown!
Thank yoooouuu, Captain Obvious!
De nada, limonada!

 

...so, then I tell me mateys (arrrggh) "We attack them puss-balls at dawn!" To wit they chimed back, "Who gives a rat's ass?!"
The next thing I knew, the other ship- Frank? Frank? Are you even listening?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Now's me chance to steal that cup of his world's-famous coffee! AARRRRGGHH!!

 

Cool! My owner's on vacation, and I've got the house all to myself!
What to do...What to do... There's so many things, I don't know where to begin!
I know... I'll go stare out the living room window for the next eight hours!

 

AAAAAAAAAAA!
WHY DON'T YOU WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, ASSHOLE!!
Sorry...
*gasp*

 

Yes, she is a sinning, skanky WHORE!
But, any of you who think you're free of sin, go ahead and throw the first stone!
Oh...my...GOD...
INCOMING!!

 

Look at that poor sap there, waiting for the train to arrive and start yet another work week. Talk about being on a never-ending treadmill!
Thank God I made the decision ten years ago to put a stop to that madness, and get in touch with what's really important in my life...
Yes! I've really got the world by the BALLS, don't I?

 

Reporting live from New Orleans...
*glub* *glub* *glub* *glub* *glub*...
...*glub* *glub* *glub* *glub*...
...*glub* *glub* *glub *glub* *glub*!

 

Ah-HA! TOBOR find Osama Bin Laden!
TOBOR can either turn him in for a FAT reward, or CORNHOLE the shit out of him!
[TOBOR Directive #14a: Always look for the win-win in any given situation.]
TOBOR will cornhole the shit out of Osama, THEN turn him in for a fat reward!YAY!

 

[ring, ring]
[ring, ring]
"ANSWER THE GODDAMN PHONE, MELTY!"
I have no arms!
[ring, ring]

 

Boy! I am really COLD out here!
Yeah... I can tell!
You can..?
Yessum!
How?
Because your bones a chattering like a pair of castanets!

 

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
I really hate these jamoaks that feel it's necessary to just talk, talk, talk- especially when I'm trying to enjoy my morning in peace!
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
I think I'll finish this freshly-brewed cup of my world-famous coffee...
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
...and eat this motherfucker!

 

Hey, guys!
Over here...
It looks like the Abominable Snowman has been in this area recently!

 

This is ho-ho-horrible!
You're telling me!
My pussy's all wet!
?

 

I know what you're all anticipating!
That Stick-boy here his going to hammer a couple of nails into my nuts!
Well, I've read today's script, and it ain't happening! Ha, ha!
I guess he didn't see the last minute re-write...

 

So... Am I going to Heaven when I die?
Hell, NO!!
Why not?
WHY NOT??
Earth to Spankling!

 

My "pussy" is wet!
So's my "butt"!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [*cough*]

 

Wow!
That palm tree must be extremely horny!

 

I'd like to give a shout out to alcoac14! He wrote his 600th comic yesterday!
And, it was so good, that I masturbated after reading it!
Irony abounds!

 

Oh, yes! Yesssss! Right there! Don't STOP!!
[mmpffm]
Oh, my GOD! Yes, baby, YES!
[mlfpmfmp]
Keep going! I'm almost there! Don't stop! DON'T STOP!!
[mmplfmmmplpf] WILL YOU PLEASE GET OFF MY FACE, LADY!

 

Can I open them now?
Keep your eyes closed, TOBOR!
But... But...
KEEP THEM CLOSED, GODDAMMIT!!
Okayyy... But, I do hear what sounds like an oncoming avalanche!
This is gonna be great!

 

Wow! You're hair is really wavy!
Thank you, Captain Obvious!
Wanna screw?

 

***ZAP!***
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
HONEY! COME PULL THE PLUG ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS!
HURRY!!

 

M-m-maybe...
...I sh-sh-should have w-w-worn a...
...ja-ja-ja-ja-jacket!

 

So, what does Santa do with the other 364 nights of the year..?
...then, I said, "Shelves? Honey, I thought you told me to hang the ELVES!"
Ho! Ho! Ho!
I'll be here all week!

 

Well...
Ain't THIS the shit!

 

...so, then I says, "Them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons all by themselves!"
Once and for all... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

 

"Dear Fellow American... As you know, we were maliciously attacked on September 11, 2001, by a band of terrorists. As your President, I am doing everyting I can to defeat these scumbags...
"But, I cannot do it alone. I need your halp! Please, donate to my party, and I will make sure we blow up the entire Middle East! Sincerely, Dubya.
"P.S. Please, give before it is TOO LATE!"
*sigh*

 

HELP ME, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS...
...I'M GETTING MY ASS KICKED!!
I can see that!
They don't call me "Captain Obvious" for nothing!

 

Hi! I'm Captain Obvious...
...and, this is my sidekick, Whatever!
Hmmm... It's twelve o'clock, so it must be lunch time. How 'bout we go grab a bite to eat?
Whatever...

 

Wow!
Either that palm tree is really horny...
...or Shaq is incognito!

 

I was... BORN IN THE U.S.A.!
BORN IN THE U.S.A.! BORN IN THE- C'mon, Melty...
Put your hands together!
I have no arms!

 

So, what you're saying is you came to Earth thirty-three years ago...
...and impregnated my mother?
Yessum!
I guess I can see a resemblance...
Welcome to the family, son!

 

Ha, ha!
You missed me!

 

Take me to your leader!
Sure... AFTER I'm done drinking this freshly-brewed cup of my world-famous coffee!
I SAID TAKE ME TO YOUR- huh? World-famous? Say... How 'bout pouring me a cup?
It's brewing as we speak!
Can you toss in a shot of espresso? After traveling three million light years, I sure could use a pick-me-up!

 

Okay, TOBOR...
When you're done extinguishing the fire...
...I'll start the rebuild process!

 

Bad Kitty!
How many times do I gotta tell you..?
This is NOT a scratching post!
Meow?

 

Ouch!
What's wrong, Gabe?
My nuts hurt!
Are you sure you're qualified to do scrotum piercings?
Uh, yeah. Sure. Whatever...

 

Oh, God! That's really beginning to stink!
And, the worst part is...
...I can't wipe my ass!

Showing page 7.

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