All comics by areallystupidguy

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[on cell phone] yeah, i know. i totally have math homework and stuff. plus a science paper that was due munths ago, and a 500 word english essay. i think i failed that health exam too...
ah, to be young again.
man, that would suck.

 

so, you work in the maternity ward at the hospital huh?
sure do!
tell me, what's it like delivering a child?
it's fantastic. the feeling of doing god's work, of delivering a new life to this world... it's the most beautiful feeling most will ever experience.
no no, i mean give me all the gruesome details. i have my tape recorder ready.
...you fucking weirdo.

 

Wisdom Spaniard, what is the meaning of life?
jesus christ, this is like the 1000th time i've been asked that today! all you do is move around the damn board! it isn't that difficult! now leave me the fuck alone!
no no, the OTHER life.
oh...don't get me STARTED! that crap tastes terrible!

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY WIFE HAS LEFT ME!?!?
haha, only kidding wisdom spaniard! you've just been PUNK'D!
what the hell is Punk'd?
duh, everyone knows what Punk'd is! it's a show on MTV where I play pranks on famous people and they're being taped all the while. it's hilarious!
oh, kind of like candid camera?
what the hell is Candid Camera?

 

yesterday i read a thing about how most great writers in the past have been hallucinogen-addicts.
they have?
yep, and so i immediately got some shrooms, began tripping out, and set about trying to write a famous poem.
what'd you come up with?
alright, here it is: "Greedle greedle grog. Flaxie Maxie Washing Machines GoldenTwo Greatest Hits. fuccccckkkkkkk."

 

 

hi there! in an idea i almost certainly didn't steal from Denyer, i am going to now give some comments on the comments left for me. alright, first one!
'thanks for the ride lady'
no problem. show a little more leg next time.
...i'm already bored of this.

 

say there raindrop, here's a riddle! what has two legs and bleeds?
i dunno, skull! what?
a dog cut in half!
HAHAHA! that one gets funnier each time you tell it, skull!
I'm back!

 

man, that was a lot of fun. we should do this again sometime!
sorry, i don't date the customers.
wait, what?
that'll be 40 bucks.

 

RING RING
hello?
dude, you so aren't gonna believe this! i was hanging out in my room, minding my own business, when suddenly my ceiling just collapsed on me! it COLLAPSED! i can't feel my legs! get help!
alright alright, i'll be right over.
hurry, i don't think there's enough asbestos in these ceiling chunks to tide me over until you get here!

 

dude, there's so many lame videogame cliches.
i know. its stupid. where's the originality, people?
hm, i cant really think of any really important cliches at the moment.
me neither.
to get this comic's alternate ending, read through it again with the omega sword and the uldarig crystal.

 

man, i sure wish i could think of some videogame cliches.
there are a ton of them, i just can't think of any.
Fortunately, the interesting, plot-developing dialogue has been interrupted to bring you an explosion! people LOVE explosions!
we're not fitting into the 15-year old male demographic.
time for more explosions.

 

uh, where'd the other guy go?
forget that loser! i'm BADASSICAL FISH, i'm packed with 'tude, and i'm damn ready to start another lame platformer series!
i said damn! i'm edgy!

 

Badassical Fish, the numbers are in. your new game only sold 4 copies in it's first 2 months. you suck.
so, what's our profit?
we owe sony 600,000 dollars.
oh my god! quick, put "matrix" in the title!
we've sold 2 million copies already!
i love the videogame industry!

 

bad news, this comic can't hold the interest of the average viewer.
what's that mean?
well, we're keeping you on the air, but some serious changes are going to have to be made.
oh, anything! it's always been my dream to do this comic!
say, would you like me to slowly feed you strawberries while i rub tanning lotion all over your hot body?
okay, but don't miss a spot! *giggle*

 

dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?
what?
the viking costume. explain.
oh this? i'm being retro.
well, i think you're being stupid.
shut up, you conformist!

 

dude, being retro is gay. you're gay.
oh yeah? well you look stupid in your special fancy expensive armor, you dumb knight. how's it feel to be a sheep like all the other knights, following under the dictatorship of our cruel king?
dude, dont diss my $500 ye olde abercrombie and fitch armor. just because my parents can afford to buy me nice clothes is no reason for you to get pissed.
fuck the government.

 

OMG LAMO
excuse me, but are you spelling LMAO wrong on prupose? throughout this entire conversation you've been spelling it LAMO.
wtf r u saying?
well, LMAO stands for laughing my ass off. LMAO is the appropriate abbreviation. therefore, LAMO is an incorrect term, and utterly nonsensical.
omg ok thx d00d
no need to thank me, im just trying to make you a better person.

 

thanks again, dr. mario. i can't tell you how thankful i am that you called in to fill in for dr. connors. it isn't like him to take sick leave so long!
its no problem! i love to give the little children their physicals!
how's little timmy doing?
he's alright. think i found a scrotum abnormality, but i might have to *ahem* go back and check again.
Kids, Dr. Mario is NOT a real doctor! Do NOT let him touch your privates!

 

alright, so we're ready to go to the movies?
sure are!
wait, wasn't your friend coming with us?
oh, he's not coming. he's having his apartment fumigated. termite problems i think.
oh, so he's out of town then?
sort of. he forgot they were doing it today and they accidentally sealed him inside.

 

what's the matter?
it's...it's our friend! the compulsive internet addict! he... he killed himself this morning due to his addiction! maybe it was for the best... it was taking over his life.
thats terrible! do we know any more details about why he did it? like, what pushed him over the edge?
i...i have his suicide note here. i've been too afraid to read it... it'll probably explain everything though.
"gtg"

 

honey, guess what? i just WON A MILLION DOLLARS in the lottery! pack your bags!
holy cow, are you serious? this is incredible!
i sure am, now hurry and pack your bags!
awesome! where are we going? i bet it's disney land, right?
I'M not going anywhere. i'm getting a life now.

 

hey doctor clark.
*sigh* what is it this time, carl?
well, i was humping my television as usual, when suddenly....
hold up. humping your television? since when did this become a "usual" thing?
well, since i stopped humping my refrigerator. last time i tried that i caught a cold.
oh yeah, now i remember.

 

can i switch off the lights for a second?
what? oh, sure.
sorry, just needed to air myself out.
what the fuck is wrong with you?

 

wow, it really feels like i just dont care anymore. i mean, i even have no idea if im getting pms.
....thats pm in it's plural form, by the way.

 

what's the matter, carl? you seem angry.
because i am. i cut myself shaving this morning.
...you did? i don't see any cuts.
well duh, i'm wearing pants. dipshit.

 

wow, that was a long flight! it feels great to finally get the chance to stretch my legs. dude, your house looks great! whaddaya got to eat? i'm starving!
sorry man, i don't have anything really aside from the HUMAN FLESH.
*cue laugh track*

 

i'm sick and tired of our sexual experiences always ending with me getting your hairs caught in my teeth!
alright alright, i'll shave my...down there. if it'll make you happy.
i don't think that's the problem!
*cue laugh track*

 

hey raindrop, why did the little boy stare at the car radio?
i dunno skull! why DID the little boy stare at the car radio?
he wanted to watch a CAR-TUNE!
whoa...
....
the more i think about that joke, the deeper it gets...DUUUUDE...

 

hey raindrop, why did the bed join the police force?
i don't know, skull! why DID the bed join the police force?
so he could work UNDERCOVER!
HAHAHA! *giggle* oh skull, you're so funny! how do you come up with all these brilliant jokes?
ALRIGHT, I'LL ADMIT IT! I'VE BEEN STEALING MY JOKES OFF POPSICLE STICKS FOR THE PAST ELEVEN YEARS! I'M A FRAUD!
OH MY GOD!

 

Round 1: The only task that might be somewhat scary.... if it weren't completely safe.
alright, all 149 of your various required safety cords are in place! ready to dive?
i'm scared!
Round 2: Eating and/or bathing in disgusting things.
VEGGIEBURGER!
OH MY GOD!
Round 3. The lame endurance challenge.
stand still! for a really long time!
i'm scared!

 

great party, huh?
yep!
did you try the punch?
nah, i dont drink.
oh, it's non-alcoholic.
nono, i mean i don't drink at ALL. i get all my moisture from yogurt and applesauce.

 

they're driving in a car
that movie was great! so where are we going for dinner?
i know a really great place! great atmosphere, great food! you'll love it!
yay! i can't wait!
ok, here we are! oh, crap!
what? what is it?
just look at the line on the drive-thru!

 

dude, check out these weird little plants i found! what do you think they could be?
who cares? i'm out of cigs, so lets smoke 'em!
DUUUUUUUDE!
DUUUUUUUDE! DUDE!
...and that is how America came to be.

 

DUDE, I HAVE TO TAKE A HUGE FUCKING DUMP!
uh, i think there's a bathroom right over there.
*sounds of people screaming*
SHIT, IT'S OCCUPIED! I guess i'll just have to do it RIGHT HERE ON THE SIDEWALK! HOOOWAAAARRRRG!
DUDE! SICK!
...and that is how AmericaInAction came to be.

 

hey there, raindrop! what is the saddest tree of all?
i dunno skull? what IS the saddest tree of all?
the weeping willow!
.....raindrop, will you marry me?
oh, of course i will skull! of course i will!

 

mommy, i want to be a pedophile when i grow up.
*giggle* ah, the innocence of children. honey, i think you mean a PODIATRIST.
whatever, so long as i still get to screw little kids.

 

alright, i've told you for the last time. HANDS OFF MY WIFE. but now you're going to pay for it...IN BLOOD!
wait, can't we settle this like adults? without fighting?
are you nuts? fighting's how adults solve everything.
oh yeah.
BLAM!

 

I'm so glad you were able to find a babysitter at the last minute, darling.
Yes, we're really lucky that Stupid Joe was available.
STUPID JOE? Oh no! You left the baby with Stupid Joe?
Sure, why not? What could possibly go wrong?
....but yeah, as great as the older, more developed women are, the best ones to get are the elementary school girls. they scream REAL GOOD. are you writing this down?
of course, but could you explain the triple penetration part again? i'm afraid i don't quite understand how that would be possible if you sewed the girl's mouth shut.

 

wanna cyber? ASL
dude, i hate these cybering retards. i'm going to say in something totally random.
10/T/Uganda
wow, i'm a 10 year old transexual too! what part of uganda do you live in? i'm in the capital.
...

 

DUDE, i won a million dollars in the clearing house sweepstakes thing!
awesome, what are you going to do with it?
pay off all the magazine subscriptions they made me buy.

 

hey there, my name is sean. i'm half-polish.
uh, hi.
you look like you have some polish in you. do you?
no, i'm part german.
would you LIKE some polish in you?

 

dude, you're totally not gonna believe this! i FINALLY got laid! and i thought it would never happen! isn't that totally cool?
dude, i'm proud of you. who was the girl?
a chick named lucy easton.
oh, the syphilis chick?

 

by areallystupidguy
10-17-04
ALRIGHT! I GET TO DRIVE I GET TO DRIVE!
dude, no you don't you're the worst driver in the entire universe. i'm driving.
bullshit. i'm a perfectly fine driver so long as i don't have to parallel park!
or stop accelerating.

 

by areallystupidguy
10-17-04
bartender, i'll have a whiskey on the rocks.
coming right up.

 

by areallystupidguy
10-17-04
honey, i'm home!
THERE you are, skull! just where the heck have you been? i've been worried sick about you!
partyin'.
partyin'?! what about your wife at home who has to support this family?! aren't i enough fun for you?!
what do you call a frog's house?
QUIT TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!

 

by areallystupidguy
10-17-04
honey, don't be mad. if i tell a REALLY funny joke will you forgive me?
well...i guess so.
okay, what kind of guitars do whales play?
i dunno skull, what kind of guitars DO whales play?
eel-ectric guitars!
i think we need some time apart.

 

by areallystupidguy
10-21-04
....and so the retarded dutchman says to the schizophrenic midget rabbi: "oh YEAH, well i fucked your momma UP THE ASS!"
that was horrible. i mean, seriously. that was the worst ever.
yeah, well, i wouldn't expect you to understand that class of high brow humor.

 

by areallystupidguy
10-23-04
say there raindrop, how do billboards talk?
PAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S HILARIOUS!
sign language!
where are my clothes?

 

by areallystupidguy
11-19-04
hey there.
hi.
so, in your personals ad it said you were really into bondage and whatnot....
oh yeah, i totally am! pain, blood, it doesn't matter! it all turns me on!
ever tried rubbing your entire body with sandpaper?
nah, if i did that and my mom found out she'd get REALLY jealous.

Showing page 7.

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