All comics by boloboffin

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by boloboffin
7-02-07
Am I doing anything cute, Grandma?
Don't worry, Ma'am. No jury in the world would convict you.

 

by boloboffin
7-06-07
In this comic, the part of Britney Spears is played by asiangirl1, the reporter by asiangirl2, and the part of whoosh by whoosh2.
OK, so like, the reason I was bashing K-Fed's truck with an umbrella? Was that I was preparing to audition for a movie roll.
A movie "roll".
Uh-huh. The roll was a young mother who the father isn't doing his part and then they switch places. So really I was playing the daddy roll there.
It's too bad you didn't get the part. So any "rolls" you'll be preparing for in the future?
Yes. I'm auditioning for a young pop star who's secretly a serial killer, chopping up the bodies of reporters that bug the living shit out of her.

 

by boloboffin
7-08-07
As assistant manager of the Target T-Shirt Design Department, I'm happy to welcome to the staff, Ted!
Thanks, Chuck. Glad to be here.
I wasn't able to check your application. What was your relevant work history?
Oh, I traveled the country doing interior design for new Appleby's franchises.
Sweet Jesus. You're a ringer.
So, does your office have a window, Chuckie boy?

 

by boloboffin
7-08-07
So, Sanderson, what about that new guy, huh? Crap ideas, right?
I'll say. Warhol print tees with durable barcodes that give weekly discounts on Campbell's products?
Crazy, isn't it? That rookie better settle down before he gets shitcanned.
Are you kidding? That guy's going to make Target a fortune!
!

 

by boloboffin
7-08-07
My new idea? Well, don't tell anyone, but I'm working on a Burma Shave series.
Get this. The gimmick is they have to buy five different T-shirts and wear them consecutively to complete the message.
*snicker*

 

by boloboffin
7-08-07
Burma Shave! Five T-shirts on each sale. It's brilliant!
It's craptacular, Chuck. Our primary demographic has never heard of Burma Shave.
But it's retro...
And besides, they wouldn't put down the bong long enough to figure out which friggin shirt to wear next. Forget it.
I kinda ordered 5000 sets for each Target already.
Fired.

 

by boloboffin
7-08-07
Jesus Christ, Willy! I gave the best years of my LIFE to that department!
Willy dinks dat's a damn shame, Mr. Mulhooney.
Who drove up to Matt Groening's house with a dumptruck full of money? Who held Trey Parker's head up out of the toilet so he could sign the contract?
Willy dinks you did, Mr. Mulhooney.
Who vacationed at Kuala Lumpur and brought back the first tribal tattoo on his ass? ME -- ME -- CHUCK FUCKING MULHOONEY!
Willy dinks Willy gon hafta kick yo ass for dat'un.

 

by boloboffin
7-08-07
Sweet! A VOTE FOR PEDRO T-shirt.
I cannot BELIEVE they are still milking Napoleon Dynamite like this.
What's wrong with VOTE FOR PEDRO T-shirts?
Wouldn't you honor the film more by buying a blank t-shirt and ironing the letters on yourself?
But this one comes with a mini Tina.
*sigh*

 

by boloboffin
7-13-07
Willy dinks Ripple is de finest tasty beverage dey ever did make.
Willy dinks if a tasty beverage taste better dan Ripple, de devil could use it to get ya soul.
Dat's what Willy dinks.

 

by boloboffin
7-14-07
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19587389
We call them treatment effects - that's a signal for you that you're not staying in the guidelines.
No pun intended, but I'm very anal about it.
I've pooped my pants 3 times today, and sorry to get descriptive, but it even leaked onto the couch at one point!
I'm thinking that infant diapers might be a cheaper way to go, just use them as a large pad.
Ya know how when you start moving around in the morning ya pass a little gas. Well, I did and then...
...went into the bathroom and to my horror I had an orange river of grease running down my leg.

 

by boloboffin
7-17-07
Can't you pretend you're Grandma just once and give us whatever we want?
Old Lady!!! What the Fuck?!
Remember my curse, dear - four just like you.

 

by boloboffin
7-17-07
Who broke the new lamp?
Not Me!
Listen, you fucking asshole. Rat me out one more time and I'll rip out your heart and eat it while you watch!
WHAAAAA- HAAAAAAA- HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

 

by boloboffin
7-17-07
How do you get a Decepticon off of your planet?
Pay for the pizza!

 

by boloboffin
7-17-07
Why did the Decepticon cross the road?
I dunno.
** Transformers! Robots In Disguise! **
The chicken had his remote!

 

by boloboffin
7-23-07
A nice thing about global warming is the birds could stay here all winter instead of flying south.
How do you talk with Bush's cock that far down your throat?
I've got a double larnyx.

 

by boloboffin
7-24-07
Dr. Douglas Schwarz GASTROENTEROLOGIST
I don't want to be one of them. It's too hard to spell.
Dr. Douglas Schwarz GASTROENTEROLOGIST
Are you sure? They get to fiddle with rectal bleeding, anal cysts, polyps, hemmoroids, diarrhea...
Stick in a fist and call me Dr. Billy!

 

by boloboffin
7-25-07
Is this what it's like to be on a date, Daddy?
It depends. How much am I going to have to spend before you put out?

 

by boloboffin
7-25-07
Willy dinks Willy could go for a big ol' bag of Funyuns right about now.
Willy dinks two dollars could keep Willy floatin' in de Funyuns all day long.
Dat's what Willy dinks.

 

by boloboffin
7-25-07
George, we'll let you stay in the Oval Office as long as you don't touch anything.
Thanks, Uncle Dick.
Hey, what's this button?

 

Damn Nazis.
by boloboffin, 7-27-07

 

Sometimes Vaughn would go ahead and change into his Gothman costume, in case Commissioner Gordon would need to fend off villians with emo buttrock. Sadly, the call never came.
by boloboffin, 7-27-07

 

by boloboffin
7-28-07
TRICK R STAB!!!!
Trick, please!
*nom nom nom*
Ahhh...
I'm going to wear out my jaw at this rate.

 

by boloboffin
7-29-07
Instead of watchin' "How I Met Your Mother," tonight I'll tell you how I met YOUR mother!
It all started at Tijuana...
...where Mom took on the University of Texas football team and managed to convince you that she'd only slept with you that night. Gimme the damn remote.

 

by boloboffin
8-06-07
Why do you call it the Golden Years when your hair is silver, Grandma?
You know, a better punchline would have been, "Because the carpets don't match the drapes."

 

Jesus always wins the dozens.
Um, your mama... um...
Say what?
by boloboffin, 8-06-07

 

I know I saw a chain on this guy!
Someone's comin'!
by boloboffin, 8-16-07

 

by boloboffin
8-20-07
Yes?
Is your house adequately covered by Wolf's Breath Insurance?
Why, no! Sign me up posthaste!
Later
That was no wolf. That was a dingo, baby.

 

by boloboffin
8-25-07
Yes?
Is your house adequately covered by Wolf's Breath Insurance?
All yours!

 

by boloboffin
8-26-07
Bruce! A little further out in the desert, please!
Leave him alone. That was my mother-in-law's hut.

 

by boloboffin
9-04-07
Oh, Mr. Cow, you seem to be struggling. Are you all right?
Moop!
Poor cow.
Mr. Farmer, you seem to be struggling. Are you all right?
I feel fine...

 

by boloboffin
9-18-07
Mr. President, the plans are set and we are ready to invade Iran.
Neat!
Send out the initial assault right away!
Oh, shit!
Motherfuckers! Think you can take my shit?

 

by boloboffin
9-19-07

 

by boloboffin
9-20-07
All hail, Macbeth! hail to thee, thane of Glamis!
All hail, Macbeth, hail to thee, thane of Cawdor!
All hail, Macbeth, thou shalt be king hereafter!
Good sir, why do you start; and seem to fear things that do sound so fair?

 

by boloboffin
9-21-07
Dum-te-dum-te-dum...
Sweetie, if you're done with the hairless ape, you need to clean this mess up!
Aw, crap, honey, I'm sorry.

 

by boloboffin
9-22-07
Rule #1 about Clown Club is: you do not talk about Clown Club.
Clown Club
Rule #2 about Clown Club is: You Do Not Talk About Clown Club.
Clown Club
This new group, I don't think they're getting it.
HONK HONK

 

In Reno, I once saw a hooker. OMG!
by boloboffin, 9-24-07

 

by boloboffin
9-24-07
Santa, why are you so cold hearted?
Because you asked me so nicely, Timmy, come with me through the pages of time...
See this man, twisted and bleeding, gasping out for one tiny drop of mercy in this cold, dark world?
Oh, no! Is this your -- your daddy?
No, Timmy, this is you in Iran in twenty years. HO-HO-HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

 

by boloboffin
10-06-07
And that's when I felt Him! God reached out and touched me!
Show us on the doll exactly where God touched you.

 

by boloboffin
10-08-07
So you wanna be a clown?
Yeah, yeah, I do.
Trust me, kid. You don't want to be a clown. The whiteface, the endless practice sessions, the long nights of drinking and unbridled perverted sex...
Hey, I know the score. I worked at Home Depot during the holidays last year.
Home Depot?
I can do things with a leaf blower and a ball peen hammer that you don't even want to think about.

 

by boloboffin
10-08-07
Jesus, kid. How old are you?
27.
Good genes.
Yeah, the cheekbones are from my mom.
What'd you get from your dad?
Herpes.

 

by boloboffin
10-08-07
All right, all right. So you've never been to Clown Club before, huh?
Not unless we're counting my family reunion.
OK, we don't really do verbal humor here.
One time my grandma farted and killed a small Pomeranian.
Oh, Jesus. Don't...
All Granddad could say was "Doggone."

 

by boloboffin
10-08-07
It does bad puns and it gets the Taser again. Now what do we say?
HONK HONK

 

I really could use a handjob.
by boloboffin, 10-11-07

 

by boloboffin
10-19-07

 

by boloboffin
10-20-07
So all this time, when you've been giving me the Sword of Griffindor...
Sometimes a sword is just a sword, Harry.
Admit it. You've been perving on me.
For God's sake, Harry, you just aren't my type!
How do you think the Weasleys have made Head Boy all these years?

 

by boloboffin
10-21-07
So.. how does it look like.
Luke.
What?
Luke. My name is Luke.
I know that! So.. how does it look like.
I'm sorry, are you asking a question? Your grammar sucks worse than your hair.

 

by boloboffin
10-21-07
So.. how does it look like.
Like what?
What?
How does it look like what?
I'm not asking you who it looks like...
THIRD BASE!

 

by boloboffin
10-21-07
So.. how does it look like.
OMG!! That's the most brilliant phrase I've ever heard in my life!
Soon the entire world was saying the phrase!
So.. how does it look like.
So.. how does it look like.
So.. how does it look like.
Excuse me? Where won't you answer my question as?

 

by boloboffin
10-21-07
So.. how does it look like.
How does it look, or what does it look like.
Is there a damn echo in.
You're dangling your prepositions.
I'd love some private help with a preposition.
Oh, good, you got that fixed.

 

by boloboffin
10-30-07
Hi. I'm Ray-Ray. I'm an ex-gay.
A what?
An ex-gay. That means I used to submit to same sex attraction, but through the power of Jesus, I have been liberated from my sin! Praise Jesus!
So, Ray-Ray, do you not want to suck cock at all, or do you still get that itch in the back of your throat?
I... Uh... I confess that Satan can still tempt me, but that just means I'm --
Gay.

Showing page 7.

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