All comics by christopher7murphy

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A REAL book store would have a copy of Nietzsche!
Yes, sir. We have a copy. It sells for $16.95.
Um...ahh..er..
I don't really want it, I just didn't think you really had it.
-sigh-

 

So, I hear your job as a Talent Agent isn't going so well.
Tell me about it! I got repromanded! My boss told me, I "Lacked common sence!"
Just because I booked Michael Richards at the Apollo Theater!
I tell you, it was worse than when I booked Mel Gibson to preform at that Bar Mitzvah!

 

We are gathered here to honor the recently departed: Dolly Parton...and her HALF sister.
by christopher7murphy, 11-25-06

 

Hey, Jimbo! I notice you're favoring your left leg. Hurt yourself?
A little. I was practicing my trapeze act, and I slipped. I did a fantastic triple somersault in FULL clown gear...
...and I "landed funny!"

 

Bahhh! For this year's company Thanksgiving Dinner...YOU are responsible for for the turkey!
But I absolutely FORBID you to STUFF THE TURKEY! I hear it promotes bacteria if any part of it is undercooked!
The day after the holiday dinner...
Hey...why's Hootman walking funny?
I "stuffed the turkey."

 

It really is unfortunate that your last name is "Butthole."
-sigh- I'm use to it.
I could shoot you?
Wouldn't matter. I'm married and have a bunch of little Buttholes at home.

 

So, what seems to be the problem?
My BooBEES hurt.
The one on the right really STINGS!

 

Let me get this right. Your last name is Butthole, and you met a woman who actually wanted to TAKE your name?
Yep...married seven years!
Her name is Ima.
Her maiden name was Doofus.

 

Miss Jones, you now have an English to Spanish Dictionary stuck inside your rectum!
But Doc, it is SOUTH of the border!
That's not the point. There is yet ANOTHER reference book filed away deep inside you.
What?
But there is some good news. You can now CRAP in two languages!
Que?

 

Miss Jones! We have found a number of reference books stuffed up your rectum.
It is neccessary that we remove the obsructing volumes as soon as we can. But we can only do it a little at a time.
-gasp- Will you have to operate?
Yes. And we will start by removing the appendix!

 

Arrrg! What's that horrific smell?
The Ship.
MMmm? Are you telling me my ship stinks, matey?
The Ship!
You got it all over your feep!

 

Stand at the counter and give away the endings of any books that are purchased.
Oooo! In that one, the lawyer did it.
ARRRRRG!!!!!!!
In that one the wizard dies.
ARRRRRG!!!!!!!
In this one, Sam eats the green eggs & ham.
Waaaahh!!!!

 

Look through dictionaries and giggle at dirty words.
heheh..."penal code."
by christopher7murphy, 11-29-06

 

Tell any kids left in the children's section that board books taste just like graham crackers.
ewwww. The pages are all soggy.
by christopher7murphy, 11-29-06

 

Haggle.
I'll give you a stick of gum, and two puppies....and I get an "Educators Discount."
by christopher7murphy, 11-29-06

 

Ask the clerk for a "Dickens," "Longfellow," and a Harry Potter.
heh heh. Sloooower.
Jerk!
by christopher7murphy, 11-29-06

 

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?
I wish for firm boobies, a rock hard ass, and a million dollars!
Ohhh, Grams! Maybe you'll get that wish if you behave yourself at the party tonight. -wink-
Then FUCK...I'm screwed!

 

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?
Oh, Honey! I wish I could experience motherhood all over again! You know, I suckled twelve children with these breasts when I was your age.
...and Ulysses S. Grant.

 

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?
I wish I had the body of a twenty year old again!
...and I wish you would get the hell out of here, cuz he'll be here any minute!

 

Hey Elmer? Have you seen Porky around lately?
Porky Pig burns my ass!
Eh...what do ya mean Doc?
Porky Pig burnt my ass!
I was frying bacon in the nude. Heh heh heh heh.

 

Heh Heh! Tonight's the night I find out if my new girlfriend is a "natural" red head!
What do you mean by that?
Duh! I'm gonna see her naked! And I'll be able to tell what color her hair is by...you know... checking "down there!!"
-GASP-
Whats wrong?
I just realized...MY WIFE IS BALD!!!

 

This just in: Controversy reigns!Are Vagina Jokes more humorous than Butthole Jokes?
Here's field reporter, Bob Tailring with Joke Analysis expert, Dr. Ubetcha.
Dr. Ubetcha, Are you telling our viewers that there is NO difference between the jokes?
Really..a funny joke is a funny joke. Vagina vs Butthole is irrelevent.
It's what you "put into them" and what you "get out of them" that is important.

 

So, you're in the School's Marching Band?
Yep.
I play the trumpet, the tuba, the trombone, and if the need arises...the cornett.
Sheesh..you men! Always HORNY!

 

My six year old niece got detention for belching in the hallway...AFTER school none the less!
Actually, it's kind of reasuring. With all the trouble in schools about bullies, guns, and what not. Now days, a burp is so mundane.
heh heh!
Are you...smirking?
She got the WHOLE alphabet out...TWICE!

 

Are you proud of yourself?
heh heh
Your niece got in trouble at school because you taught her to belch the alphabet!
Proud? I'm beaming!
She's even better at it than her mom!

 

Well, Ned. As much as I would like to stand here and discuss the Butthole Family Tree...
I've got a special delivery for some buttheads across town.
Oh...The Buttheads are distant realatives!
How far removed?
About three feet.

 

Actually, my Uncle Jon Butthole married Betty Butthead.
Uncle Jon and Aunt Betty worked at the same Law Firm.
Butthole, Butthead, and Cox.

 

Of course when Betty Butthead married my Uncle Jon Butthole, she chose to hyphenate her name. You know..because she's a lawyer.
Now the name of the firm is: Butthole, Butthead-Butthole, and Cox.
I'm about ready to shoot you!
...Esquire.

 

So, Chum! I think you are addicted to creating Comic Strips.
I know...best stress reliever ever.
But your jokes are like vomit encrusted bites of warm chocolate!
EXACTLY!
Brad...this is all your fault!
And I just can never stop at just one. Yumm!

 

Milton? Whats wrong?
Mom and Dad keep tossing blankets over me at night, then I hear all these squishy sounds.
Dude! That's way scarry!
Tell me about it! I hear both of them scream and moan. I'm too frightened to peek out from under my blanky.
Do you think -gulp- they are ALIENS?
No way! They're playing Dirty Scrabble...but I think they are doing it wrong. Dad keeps challenging any Double Word Scores and Mom keeps yelling Yahtzee!

 

ZOINKS!
I better get Scooby and the gang. This may be the answer to the Case of the Creepy Cruds!
...Or I could smoke it myself.

 

Let me check my Official Super-Hero Type Handbook and....
Vroom. Vroom!
Hiii Yaaa!

 

Go ahead, say it. No one's around.
Go on! Say it! Who would know?
SHAZAM!!
Now don't you feel foolish?

 

Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my ASS!
Again? That trick never works.
PRESTO! TOOT!
Tune in next time for: Richard Gear, I'm Not. (or) I Think I Better Finda New Shtick!
How'd the Hell did I get here?
I think it's time to get a new carrot!

 

Arrrg! I need you to determine the best way to organize my record collection.
Wouldn't the best way to organize it be alphabeticly?
Arrrg! I've tried that...but I always get lost at "C!"

 

-ehem- So is the cornhole fresh? I....
Excuse me...My name is Gladys Knight and I'm here fo....
Mam! You just interupted a comic strip. You just can't barge in at StripCreator.com like this!
I beg your pardon....
I thought this was "PIP"creator.com!

 

911. Please state the nature of your emergency.
Hurry! Hurry! It's the BROWNIES! They're ruined!
Calm down. Tell me, are your brownies burning? Are they on fire?
No...No....
They are having SEX with the Cub Scouts!!!!

 

Can we have sex now?
No! No! We must finish making the cookies!
How about now?
Stop thinking about sex...and mix the batter!
And when we are done, MAYBE I'll let you lick the beater.

 

-High Payed Movie Star ruining his/her carreer.
-Snarky remarks and sight gags played against Multi-Million Dollar Score!
STRIPCREATOR.COM: The Movie! Starring Ashton Kutcher and Owen Wilson. Music by John Williams (Love song duet by Madonna and Willie Nelson). A George Lucas Production!
Arrrg! TOBOR cornhole!
Dude! Them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!
-Television premire one year later to promote former movie star's new television series (mid-season replacement).
-Walmart movie bin. Two for a dollar.

 

Well? How long do you think we will be here? I've been stuck on this island for weeks now!
It's you own fault. Every time someone arrives to rescue me, you cannibalize them!
Not all of them. Remember that BILLIONARE that washed up last week?
Hello? He's still dead! You stabbed him, choked him, hit him, and ripped his arms off.
heheh...Yaaa! Hey, you wanna eat him now?
Nahhh, I can't stomach RICH food.

 

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? Say...how old are you anyway?
Oh, Sonny! In my day, the orgasm hadn't been invented yet! Back then, if you had sex....you really could go blind because your eyeballs bulged at climax!
So....how old are you?
I'm older than SQUIRT!

 

OMYGAWD! OMYGAWD! You're Rod Idita. DOG SLED champion!
Yes, yes I am.
You have won every dog sled race you ever entered.
Really, all the credit should go to my dogs.
I find that if you cut thier legs off, they glide better in the snow.

 

OMYGAWD! You cut the legs off little doggies to race them?
Yep. Down hill dog sleding.
How can you cut the poor widdle puppies legs off?
Dont worry...they were all orphans.
Orphans?
They had no PAW's.

 

911. Please state the nature of your emergency.
...um...I have poop on my shoe, and...
Sir. 911 is for emergencies only. If you have poop on your shoe...just wipe it off.
Well..I..um...I can't.
It's still up the other guy's ass.

 

No! I won't do it with CHEESE! I won't do it with LITTLE WEENIES! And I will especially not do it with CRAB CAKES!
?
Hey! What kind of establishment is this? My Hooker left me, man!
In the Kitchen:
Did you hear that?
Yeh...Sounds like table seven is out of Whore-Derves.

 

Wow...nice kitchen! Is it new?
Yep. The whole house has been redone.
It sure looks sharp. Wanna break it in?
Do you mean it? Can I?
Sure. Silly away!
OoOoOohhhhh..... Someone's in the kitchen with DINO, someones in the kitchen I Know-oOOoOoOo. Some one's in the kitchen with DINO...Strummin' the ol banjo!

 

Say? Did you bring a dinosaur into my brand new kitchen?
-gulp-
How did you know?
There's T-Rex tracks in the chocolate pudding.

 

Spock? What is this place?
It appears to be a twenty first century arcade. Complete with the latest games of skill and chance.
Primitives used these structures as a form of recreation? How?
Apparently, citizens would insert a "token" into a slot located on each machine.
A "token?" You mean Uhura?

 

Carumba! It's a bat!
It's an omen! I will strike terror into the hearts of evil.
I will be known as... THE BATADOR!

 
Hey! No one ever PLANS on taking a dump in the new kitchen. It just happens!

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