All comics by crabby

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by crabby
3-31-02
With this china cabinet from hell we of the StripCreator nation shall rise up and kill all who shall rise up against us!
We shall start by killing all of Canada and then end by pissing on the rotting corpses of all the Canadians we killed at the beginning!
Fuck China Cabinets! Fuck Canada! Fuck all who oppose us! We are the few the strong the punny!

 

by crabby
4-02-02
In a world where Yankees and Dixies still do battle................
The war never ended...................it's just starting to heat up!
On July 6th be prepared for................CIVIL WAR IN HELL

 

by crabby
4-02-02
In a world where sequels are released without hesitation.........
We have everything right? I just keep feeling like we forgot something.
Don't worry I double checked we didn't forget a thing!
Many are released but only one can be king...............
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!! WHERE'S KEVIN DID THAT PIECE OF SHIT GET ON THE WRONG PLANE AGAIN WE ALREADY DID THAT STORY IN PART TWO!!!!!!!!!!!
DAMMIT!
June 12th join us for the next release in an American tradition.............HOME ALONE 29: LOST IN LONDON
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm all alone in London.
Jolly good show old chap!

 

by crabby
4-02-02
In a world where flames run rampant.........
These two feel right at home......................
Join us on July_3rd for..............FLAMERS: THE MOTION PICTURE

 

by crabby
4-06-02
Sarcastic Man! I am CAPTAIN UTERUS! We must team up to destroy the ovarian cancer that is threatening to destroy the Uterus of a young woman.
Saving Uterus's well I can't possible think of anything that needs saving more than that.
Now that Prof. Funkenstein has shruken us down we can save the Uterus from inside of her!
Great! We saved a Uterus now I can retire a happy man.
Thank you so much for saving my Uterus CAPTAIN UTERUS. But I have bad news I've been impregnated by either you or Sarcastic Man!
It couldn't have possibly been me, I'm Queer!

 

by crabby
4-06-02
Sarcastic Man! You've impregnated the woman we saved. I know it wasn't me because I'm QUEER!
Oh right and I'm the straightest arrow in the bow.
Are you saying you gay?
Gee, how did you manage to solve that one?.
SThen who impregnated that woman?
It TWAS' I Monsieur Ovarian cancer. I knew you would run off to save her Uterus and I impregnated her after you saved her! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

by crabby
4-06-02
It was monsieur Ovarian Cancer who impregnated you!
Fantastic thanks for the great news! Now can you please move out of the doctors way I'm giving birth as we speak!
Alright now push! I can see the head! It's a boy!
He's marvelous!
12 years later........
Hey you saved my moms Uterus 12 years ago and I just wanted to say thanks.
Your welcome and I graciously accept your lucious young ass as a reward!

 

by crabby
4-16-02
CUT! Where the hell is the cast?

 

by crabby
4-19-02
My mom told me Elvis is still alive.
WHO TOLD THAT BITCH THAT I SHRUNK ELVIS DOWN TO BABY SIZE AND AM NOW CARING FOR HIM AS IF HE WERE MY CHILD!
I think she read it in a magazine or something.
Well go tell her it isn't true.

 

by crabby
4-20-02
What's the meaning of life?
I shouldn't tell you but these next two panels should explain it.

 

by crabby
4-23-02
Are you two the only hoes this site has to offer?

 

by crabby
4-23-02
My dream of climbing the priest ladder all the way to Pope is over before it ever began. I feel so useless and unloved.
Hey Cough&Choke why don't you come work for the cuntitchy family. Your good people and I gots a job for you.
Meanwhile at the Cuntitchy family home.........
You telling me the Don is bringing in that worthless punk Cough&Choke to work for the family?
I've been working my ass for for years to earn my bones in this family and now Cough&Choke can;t be a priest so he's gonna take my spot?
That shit ain't gonna happen! The Stretchedbooty family approached me looking for help in destroying the Cuntitchy empire. Why don't you and me take him up on that offer?
It's time we put the Don in his place. He's getting old and weak and if we don't take him now the other family's will have us under their thumb anyways. I say we do it!

 

by crabby
4-23-02
If you don't let Cough&Choke be a priest I'm gonna shoot you with this water pistol filled with Kangaroo piss!
Look bitch Cough&Choke will never pray in this town again as long as I'm a priest you got that! You and your hired goons go tell that to the Don. He can eat my ass!
The Don went on vacation. I'm in charge now!
Ok, then hows about you lick my ass til the Don gets back!
Meanwhile in Boston..........
Dear God, this place is worse then I remember!

 

by crabby
4-23-02
Oh my God! The Don choked on my big ass balls my nizzle! Fo sho' !
The Don could be back any day. Who knows whats going on in Boston? I'm gonna have to shoot you so I won't have to worry about anyone getting power hungry.
Alas, I have been shot and am now dying!
With my partner dead I just have to wait and see if the Don comes back.
Yo, those cuntitchys think they can muscle me outta my territory? Looks like it's time to get the crew back together!

 

by crabby
4-23-02
Did you eat his flesh Harold?
No, actually I skinned him with the precision of a mad man and I plan on wearing his hide as a means for sneaking into the Cuntitchy headquarters and killing the lot of them!
Elmwood your going to have to die as a ritual sacrifice! Perhaps you'll see some old friends in hell!
Fantastic!
When the Don returns I will make love to him one more time before killing and disposing of his corpse.
This body is way to tight in the crotch!

 

by crabby
4-23-02
That wasn't the Don at all! It was just someone wearing his flesh!
Did you really think you could get away with roughing up a Catholic without a robot getting involved?
I've killed Satan and now I'm running things down here!
Who in the hell are you!?!?
I['m Hitler! Satan liked my style so he gave me a body with great abs! Then when his back was turned I killed him! Now I plan on invading the Earth!
Groovy! Count me in!

 

by crabby
4-23-02
Silence mortal! We'll just blitzkrieg right through the gates and straight into Earth. I hope it isn't winter up there, I have a bad track record when it comes to winter invasions.
Your killer Catholic-Bot works for me now!
You think I don't have a back up plan?
Something just penetrated me! I HAVE BEEN KILLED BY A SHADOW MENACE!!
RAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE CUNTITCHYS!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
4-23-02
Hitler smells!
Things haven't changed up here at all! I'm going back to hell where I get some respect.
As the sole Cuntitchy I feel it is my responsibility to explain this whole series to everyone. The meaning of this series is...........

 

by crabby
4-25-02
That fucks always gotta talk shit about my eye! His wife aint dead, I ate her and now she lives in my stomach.
Why you looking all crazy now. Is it because I made fun of your eye? You have to admit you have alot of them and they really make you look like a cocksucker!
I'm gonna puke his wife up right on top of him.
Yeah so anyways I miss my wife.
Here take her back she's been giving me gas for four years and four months now!
Dear God, you've regurgitated my wife up all over me!

 

by crabby
4-27-02
I don't get it one minute you love me and wanna start a family and then the next your running off with another man! I just don't understand you.
It's buisness you have to understand that.
What I don't understand is why you have to leave me now right when I was going to impregnate you with my sperm so you may carry my child!
I have to lead the sleigh jorge!
It's June!
I must never let him know my secret shame.

 

by crabby
4-27-02
That dirty Anti-Santa continues to mock me! Many years ago before the dark days of June when Anti-Santa was still known simply as Stan he killed his father in a duel and I swore revenge!
Now he's stolen my new found wife. My one true love! I must destroy him! He thinks he knows it all with that list of his but he still doesn't realize........
I'M HIS GRAND DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
4-27-02
Darlin' I don't want any secrets between us why don't you give it to me straight.
I'm already pregnant with Anit-Santa's child.
NO!!!!!!!!!! Again this Anti-Santa continues to mock me! The heavens have truly sided with the devil in this situation.
That's not the worst of it.
What could be worse than finding out that the love of my life has been impregnated tih the bastard seed of my grandson and arch-enemy?
The child within me is growing at a rapid rate. I was impregnated last week and the birth is right around the corner. I fear that truly the spawn of all that is evil is dwelling inside of me!

 

by crabby
4-27-02
That whore! She just used me to get to that know good grandson of mine.
Son, you must return to her!
Egad! A ghostly figure vaguely resembling my son who was killed a duel by my arch nemesis and grandson!
The child she is carrying is powerful! The child is the answer! Return to her and meet your destiny!
I will avenge your death father! This I swear! I shall slay Anti-Santa, wed my true love, and raise the demon spawn as if he were my own!
The demon spawn is not what you belive it to be my son! Return to your love and await the birth! The time for revenge will come but for now Love is the quest you must take!

 

by crabby
4-28-02

 

by crabby
4-28-02

 

by crabby
4-30-02

 

by crabby
5-01-02
Doctor, I'm unhappy with my body. I want to look like a whole new person!
Step in the machine and let it do it's thing!
It's wprking! I'm sure you'll love your new body!
Can I reverse the experiment?
I'm afraid not!

 

by crabby
5-01-02
I'm a finger...........
I'm an ass.........
Put us together...........
But not to fast..............
I think you will like...........
FINGER-ASS.........

 

by crabby
5-02-02
Why would anyone use you? Your just a skull and I'm a whole skeleton! I'm drawn by DexX and your drawn by skagg, there's no reason for you to be here!.
Dude, You know how many Hamlet strips you can make with me? You can completely recreate one of the best fucking soliloquies ever!
Your future seems sketchy at best!
You realize that was awful don't you?

 

by crabby
5-02-02

 

by crabby
5-02-02
Anti-Santa demands satisfaction whore! Land here so I can kill my grandpappy and reclaim the family throne!
I'm here to kill you! With you out of the way I will be the last member of the family left and then the name and fortune will die with me!
Didn't your whore lover tell you that she's pregnant and the demon seed is growing at an inhuman rate?
But........but..........but.....I'M IMPOTENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
5-02-02
Anti-Santa demands satisfaction whore! Land here so I can kill my grandpappy and reclaim the family throne!
I'm here to kill you! With you out of the way I will be the last member of the family left and then the name and fortune will die with me!
Didn't your whore lover tell you that she's pregnant and the demon seed is growing at an inhuman rate?
But........but..........but.....I'M IMPOTENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
5-03-02
Hey pal, we don't need any of your kind in here!
What do you have against my people?
Tears come in here and get in the way of everything and make everyone look like a bitch! So take your buisness somewhere else.
Hey, I think I have a reason to be here. What if someone loses a finger? Your gonna need some tears in here. Are you telling me you never shed a single tear?
There's no crying allowed in here! I never cry it's not very donkey-like.
I killed your dog.

 

by crabby
5-06-02
Hey buddy! What's going on?
I'm just reading this letter from my girlfriend. I don't know what she's trying to say.
It says she doesn't love you and wishes you'd die. That's a little bit harsh if you ask me.
WoW!
So what are you going to do?
I'M GONNA GIVE THE BITCH WHAT SHE WANTS!

 

by crabby
5-07-02
Alright where going to go to this Strip Creator Conference and just act cool, ok. We might be new but were not punks!
I feel ya! Just play it cool, no problem.
All the gangs are gonna be at this thing. All of them!
We got the three reasons, diesel sweeties, all those muthafuckers from DexX and those pesky forum users!
The leaders gonna give a big speech to rally us all up.
I dig it!

 

by crabby
5-07-02
My brothers! We are here today to usher in a new age! A golden Age! An age of comics the likes of which has never been seen!
Were all united here today because we all hold the keys to that golden age! The golden age will not be ushered in by just the Penny arcades, or the goats!
Together, we shall all rise from the unfunny graves we have dug for ourselves and redeem ourselves with the funny!
It's important that we all stick together for this dream to come true! We can't have any traders we must all stick together!
Brad's been shot!

 

by crabby
5-07-02
Who would shoot Brad?
It was Bear and Horse I saw them! Bear and Horse shot Brad!
Put out the word brothers Bear and Horse don't get home alive! I want all the gangs to be on the look out!
HOLY FUCK!
I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT!

 

by crabby
5-07-02
Alright lets just calm down. Were Bear and Horse were two bad muthafuckers! We can make it home with no trouble.
Fuck yeah!
I aint scared of none of those pussies were two bonafide hard asses!
Fuck yeah!
Looks like a gangs waiting for us up ahead. Lets go fuck them up!
Fuck yeah!

 

by crabby
5-07-02
Look we don't want no trouble threereasons. Were just trying to make our way home!
Fuck yeah! We just wanna go home!
You can't get threw we got orders to kill you!
You kill Brad and he love me long time!
Tell you what girls, why don't you take this here ten dollars and blow me and my friend here.
Fuck yeah! Suck my dick!

 

by crabby
5-07-02
Wasn't that a good idea to choke those two bitches with our big cocks?
Fuck yeah!
You two bitche's might have been able to sweet talk those threereasons hoes but you ain't gonna get past the deisel sweeties!
RAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE BEAR AND HORSE FOR SHOOTING BRAD!!!!!!!!!
Tell you what. Why don't you cornhole my friend here?
What!

 

by crabby
5-07-02
Alright! Your tight young ass got us pass those two. Lets keep going now.
Fuck you! I ain't following you anywhere! You can't just be offering people my ass like that!
You can't leave me! Those gangs will slaughter me!
I don't care! I don't care what happens to you!
But......... I love you!
Oh my god! These new feelings I didn't even know I had our being awaken within me!

 

by crabby
5-07-02
Where do we go from here?
We go where all lovers go.
I've been waiting to test out that sweet ass ever since I saw you with that robot!
You make me feel pretty.
And so the warriors made love all threw the night. And nine months later horse gave birth to twenty beautiful mutants!

 

by crabby
5-07-02
Where do we go from here?
We go where all lovers go.
I've been waiting to test out that sweet ass ever since I saw you with that robot!
You make me feel pretty.
And so the warriors made love all threw the night. And nine months later horse gave birth to twenty beautiful mutants!

 

by crabby
5-08-02
Our ratings are in the crapper! Your the worst sidekick ever!
Hey you know what I don't need this! I'm going to another network to do a variety show and my new sidekick and I are going to kill you in the ratings!
Ha go ahead and try it but I'm a living legend!
And so starts the beginning of a partnership that should be most profitable...........
Hello everyone! It's good to be back on the air and it's good to have a real sidekick!
Hey ya'll. I got a tap dance number planned that will blow your socks off!

 

by crabby
5-08-02
I'm sorry bear but your ratings are awful! If you don't do something huge soon were going to have to cancel the show!
Damn!
Your ratings are awesome baby! AWESOME! You owe it all to that sidekick of yours! Where did you find that guy?
I discovered him around the time I sold my soul to the devil. He was lurking around in the fiery pits of hell looking for acting work.
If I want ratings I need that horse! But how can I get him?

 

by crabby
5-08-02
I beat that lame ass Pablo within an inch of his life, but I think he stole my journal.
I've stolen that talentless hacks journal He'll pay millions to get this back!
Horse! Glad to meet you. How would you feel about leaving the Pablo Variety Hour and coming to my show?
Sorry Mr. Bear but Pablo rescued me from the fiery pits of hell. He owns my soul!
I didn't want it to come to this but it looks like I'm going to have to take drastic measures! Horse made a big mistake turning me down!

 

by crabby
5-08-02
I'm up for anything!
You must impregnate horse and then you must bring the child to me! He shall inherit the throne and become the newest devil to reign over hell.
That sounds a little crazy. But you promise you'll get horse to join my show and give me good ratings?
Absolutely.
Then I have no choice I know what I must do. I must impregnate that man and bring our child to hell!

 

by crabby
5-08-02
Here it comes! Keep pushing I see a head!
The prophecies say that when the child emerges from my nether regions it will eat your face. I apologize in advance.
Awwwwwwww it's a ............blob of some sort.
Good evening fathers. I am fully aware of the prophecies and I would like to inform you all that I have no intentions of fulfilling them.
The ancient prophecies were wrong. How can this be?
The prophecies were written by a demon. They hold no truths in the mortal world but once we return to hell they shall all come true. If you wish to save the earth do not return me to hell!

 

by crabby
5-08-02
Well I got rid of Pablo and my ratings are slightly higher. But they could be better!
Horse refuses to do any more TV work he says he has to take care of our love child.
So I only have one option now. I must kill horse and wear his hide on National TV!
I'll retitle the show "The horse show" and noone will ever know!
Hello everyone. Welcome to the first episode of The horse show! I have big plans for this show. Hopefully it will make all my dreams come true!

 

by crabby
5-09-02
Where is that little prick?
What are they fighting for?
THOSE YANKEES ARE BOGARTING ALL THE LIQUIDS!!!!!!!!!! AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK TO YOUR LEMONADE STAND THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

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