All comics by Boritom

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by Boritom
4-08-05
Fine... at the top of your program, please click "Tools," then click "Accounts"
You stupid fuck, there is no "Accounts," All I have is "File," "Edit," "View," "tools," "Messages" and "Help"
If you click on "Tools," a menu will drop down, and "Accounts" will be the second to last option.
How did you know that? Have you been hacking into my computer, you sick fuckbag?
No, sir. The menu is the same on all copies of Outlook Express. Now, please just click...
You're lying! I know you're the one who put all that child porn on my computer! My dad swears it wasn't him, so I'm reporting you to the FAA!

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
I assure you, I am not hacking into your computer, but I cannot help you if you are unwilling to follow my instructions...
Instructions?!? You haven't given me any instructions! All you've done is steal my bank account number and fill my hard drive with pictures of naked 8 year olds
Now LOOK, you insipid neanderthal, YOU CALLED ME FOR TECH SUPPORT! Now do you WANT my Help, or should I just hang up on you right HERE AND NOW?!?
*gasp*
CLICK!
I'm sorry... I shouldn't have yelled... I humbly apologize.
It's not that... Some of these kids are kinda Hot!

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
Later that night...
All right you stupid fuck, I'm gonna blow your fucking nuts off!
Holy Shit! You're that guy from tech support I spoke to today!
That's right. You got my ass fired today for hanging up on you after you started saying shit about liking child porn! I tried to help you, and you ruined my life!
Uhhh... well... I... Oh! Ha-ha... well, guess what, I'm Aston Kutcher, and You've just been Punk'd!
I don't care if your Ed McMahon and I've just won ten million dollars! I'm still gonna waste your pedophile ass!
Damn, I knew I shouldn't have actually masturbated to that shit!

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
I hope you enjoyed today's dramatization of something that almost really kind of happened to me when I worked Tech Support.
It brings up an interesting point. When you call into a support line, you should always remember that they need you to help them to help you!
Yes. Please have your account information handy, try to be helpful when we ask about your operating system, and don't be whackin' it to kiddie porn while we talk to you.
Uhhh... 'bout that porn thing... did that really happen?
No, he was really just complaining about pop-ups, but I thought the other idea was more exciting for the StripCreator audience.
I can't believe I actually had sex with this jerk!

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
I can't believe how depressed I'm getting over this, Boritom.
What's wrong, Gabe?
Penny Arcade appears to be on the verge of absolute financial ruin. We're all going to be out of a job soon if something isn't done fast!
How can you be so sure the financial situation there is so dire?
Sucky-Sucky Five Dollah!

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
RAAARRR!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU NOW! RAAR!!!
You have GOT to be kidding!
*sigh* Budgetary cutbacks at the StripCreator!
Word!

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
I don't get it... Months go by, and you don't make any StripCreator strips, then suddenly, you run out of ideas for Boritom, and then come back here and make like a dozen strips in two days...
Yeah, well... I...
I mean, if you're so out of ideas, why come back here and make strips when you could be making fresh Boritom strips, huh?
Well... errr...
Come on, Adam... What have you got to say for yourself?
Uhhh... well... RARRR!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU NOW! RAAARRR!

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
I just added Darth_Freeman to my list of favorite fellow StripCreator members.
...and you should too!
I'll let you peek up my skirt!
Oh, you did NOT just go there!

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
The Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore.
GENTLEMEN! BEHOLD!!! I have created the Six Million Dollar Alarm Clock!
Okay... What time is it?
It's gotta be pretty close to 8:30.
Six Million Dollars, and the cocksucker has to GUESS?!?

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring... Banana-Phone...
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring... Banana-Phone...
Ring ring ring ring...
I'm gonna rip your uterus out and smother you to death with it if you don't Shut the FUCK UP!

 

by Boritom
4-08-05
Would you please roll over? Your knee is in my cunt!

 

by Boritom
4-13-05
Why are you crying, honey? Are you hungry? Do you need to be fed?
Whaaaaaa aaaaaahaaaaha haaaaahhhhh!
No? Okay... uhhh... do you have a wet diaper? Do you need to be changed?
Whaaaaaa aaaaaahaaaaha haaaaahhhhh!
Ummmm... okay... Do you wanna watch "Buffy" with daddy?
Now you're talkin'

 

by Boritom
4-13-05
Wow... after all this time, Inflatable_Man still lists me among his favorite Strip Creator authors.
Really?
That's right.
I guess he must prefer to view inferior, crappy artists, then.
I haven't eviscerated you lately, have I?

 

by Boritom
4-20-05
You have freed me from the bottle, and i am now your Genie! What is your first wish, my Master?
Well, first, let's get those sultry cans out of that restrictive little top of yours!
Wait... You're not Major Nelson!
Well, you're not exactly Barbara Eden yourself, but I'm willing to settle for jerkin' off on your B cups if there's nothing else handy!

 

by Boritom
4-21-05
Oh God... it's that hot chick who works at Burger King... the one who looks over 18 and isn't 80 pounds overweight... Jeez... what to do...?
I wonder if she has a boyfriend... I wonder if she'd go out with me... I wonder if her boobs are firm or soft and mushy... I wonder if she'd let me lick her thighs...
I wonder if he realizes he has a piece of toilet paper sticking out of the back of his pants?

 

by Boritom
4-21-05
Welcome to Burger King, would you like to try a value meal today?
Ummm... yeah, I mean.. No, all I want is a Whopper with no chocolate and a Tomato shake.
Excuse me?
I mean... Forget that... I'll have two pickle faery toes and a jiggle nipple poo... I mean...
Are you feeling okay?
I wanna burger marry you cheese fuck monkey moist tube sock... SHIT! Can I just have a glass of water and a handgun to shoot myself with?

 

by Boritom
4-21-05
DAY 2
Welcome back... You feeling better today?
He he... Yeah... I don't know what got into me yesterday... I guess I was a little nervous...
Nervous about what... your lunch?
Well, I... uhhh... y'see, I was kinda... uhhh...
Look, it's okay... That lady who found the finger in her chili was at a different restaurant.
*ULP*

 

by Boritom
4-21-05
Actually... the only reason I came in yesterday... and today, for that matter was to ask you out.
You... want to ask Me... Out...
Ummmm.... Yep!
Please tell me that look is saying "Wow, that's really sweet," and NOT, "Are you fucking out of your MIND?"

 

by Boritom
4-21-05
I'm gonna chop you into little bits nd eat your brains!
I'm gonna tear all your skin off and wear your eyeballs as ear rings!
I'm gonna tear your liver out and serve it to the new Pope with a bottle of fine Ciante!
I'm gonna scoop your genitals off and use them to assrape the Olsen twins while Charlie Sheen is forced to bite his own nuts off at gunpoint!
I'm gonna vote REPUBLICAN in the 2008 Presidential election!
Holy Shit! You are ONE SICK FUCK!

 

by Boritom
4-22-05
I can't really say that we dolphins were dealt a bad hand from an evolutionary standpoint.
I mean, on the one hand, it does kinda suck that we have all this intelligence, and because of our physiological form, we're incapable of buildin or creating anything substantial...
...On the other hand, we can't be blamed for electing a redneck president or a nazi pope!

 

by Boritom
5-04-05
RAAAWWWRRR! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
Hmmm... *tsk*
I have a feeling this is going to end badly for me...
Well, at least someone still reads my strip!

 

by Boritom
5-04-05
Hey, Man, are you going to be at the Peace rally this week over at the Berkley Campus?
I hadn't really planned on it... Why do you ask
'Cause you look like the kinda guy who'd get off on watching a bunch of skinny hippies getting the shit beat out of them by riot police!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
So, you killed him?
You bet your disease-spreading ass I did.
he he... hehehe...
What?
You said, "Spreading Ass." heheheee!
You're a fucktard!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Welcome to tonight's Earth Day Poetry Slam-fest.
Poetry.... slam-fest...??? What complete and utter bullshit!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
oobie kaka nagoo
Yeah, I'd like a double cheeseburger with no pickles and extra onions.
maba kageeno gluugh
I'll have one of your spicy chicken combos with the curly fries and a Dr. Pepper.
gchooooo...
Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Oh Christ... maybe if I ignore him, he'll go away!
Oh no... I hear my bus coming... I'll have to turn around!
Oh shit!
Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
*Sigh* I'm bored shitless. There's nobody around... noone to talk to... nothing to do... Just me and the cold emptiness of solitude, forcing me to look within myself...
And what do I see? A totally pathetic, worthless beast, with no cause to even exist. I have no ambition, no passion, no drive to succeed... I have utterly wasted my life in my perverse search for...
For Christ's sake, can't he just die or something?
Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Heeyyy... You're that floating dismembered arm I've heard so much about! So, how's it going?
*tsk*
Ya know, sometimes trying to come up with something funny using the "Random Layout" tool is a real pain in the ass!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Wow, Billy... That is a big one!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
One would think I could come up with something witty or amusing about a witch and Rudolf appearing on stage together...
Maybe a joke about them being in a musical version of The Exorcist, or guest Hosting The Late Show with David Letterman...
As things stand, I need to go take a shit right now, anyway, and I really don't give a fuck. Yes, I cursed! Just fucking deal with it, okay?

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Oh yeah... this is good... Half a bench and a computer in front of a house!
Maybe I could make a clever beaumonde about a yard sale or something.
Or maybe I could do us all a favor and blow my fucking brains out!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
RAAARRRRR! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
I Say, ol' Chap, that was a most uncivilized outburst!
Wha...?
That's right, a most outrageous display of purile carnal desire in a most disreputable fashion!
I... I'm sorry.
Think nothing of it my lad... Now, get over here and bugger me up the ol' crumpet shooter, you randy little blighter!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
It's five o'clock somewhere, you know!
What the fuck does that mean?
It means that somewhere, some drunk redneck is hitting on a cardboard cut-out of Pamela Anderson.
End. Scene.

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Let's see... if you take any progressive series, it can be converted into binary notation.
Now, if you take the sum of the integrants and express the result as a power series, then the indices show the basic binary blocks!
Which means, I think I just over-tipped that bitch at Denny's!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Hello, Danny.
Come play with us, Danny!
Auuuuggh! Mommy! Mooommmmyyy!
I think you were right...
Yup... We're gonna need rohipnol for this one!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Hi there... I'm Brenda... Are you Jon, my blind date for tonight!
I guess so! Would you like a drink?
Sure... I'll take a dry martini.
No Prob... Bartender; Two Martinis and a gallon drum of Ox Feces!
Oh shit... not another one...
Yippeee... Can I make a plaster cast of your nipples and wear it on my butt?

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
...then, she ran out of the bar, screaming her ass off!
Go figure...
I just don't understand it... why is it so hard for me to find a woman?
Let's see... you like to wallow in Ox shit, make plaster casts of their privates, and you let a family of live beetles live in your pubic hair!
...uhhh... your point?
Sometimes, I wish my mom could've had half an abortion!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Yup... this is where I grew up... out here in the country... I remember when your mommy was just a puppy herself.
God... I loved that dog so much...
I swear to God... if this in any way can turn into a Skywalker metaphor, I'm biting his nuts off!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
It never ceases to amaze me...
What would that be?
Nancy Kerrigan gets her knee whacked to shit, and still takes a medal in the Olympics, yet Tanya Harding still has endorsement deals out the ass!
You realize nobody even remembers that shit anymore. Can you be any more of an asshat-fucktard-shitforbrains-douchebag?

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Good evening folks. Welcome to the charity benefit show. I'm your host, Randy Lipschitz.
I'd like to start off with a little joke... What do you get when you try to fuck a cat while drunk on your friends 4th floor balcony?
Crippled!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Dead Flea is in heaven now, and he hasn't a care in the world...
As for that other guy... I haven't a fucking clue what his deal is!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Where the fuck is she? She was supposed to be here an hour and a half ago so she could buy me dinner and let me fuck her in the ass!
...or was that guy on TV joking about Hell having frozen over?

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
...and THIS, Miss Carruthers, is the Hall of Ultimate Destiny!
Fascinating... So if I go down this hall, I'm supposed to discover what my true purpose in life really is?
Nope. It's just an ordinary hall with one Hell of a pretentious fucking name!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
I want you to slit my throat from ear to ear, and beat me to a bloody pulp with a huge monkey wrench, until I cry for mercy like a wretched little girl.
You really take the joy out of pointless slaughter, Y'know that?

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Got any cans that need opening?
...'cause... You know... it doubles as a can opener...
......Right!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Hey mister... you gonna kill yourself or something?
I haven't decided yet...
Tickety-Tock!Tickety-Tock!
Lay off me, will ya?

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Cock!
Cock?
*sigh*

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
Now, come over here and show mama how sorry you are!
Come on, Boy... I haven't got all d...
Jada Pinkett Smith
Damn!

 

by Boritom
5-19-05
So... do you live around here?
Just a few blocks north, yeah!
And, uhhh... You, uh... you're single?
Is this your way of trying to ask me out or something?
Actually, I just wanna know where you live so I can sneak over to your house in the middle of the night and rub my penis against your bedroom window!
Oooh! Neat!

 

by Boritom
5-20-05
Wow... I can't believe it... I get shipwrecked, and I end up on an island where I find another castaway, just like me!
Yeah...
So... Been here long?
What was your first clue, Asshat?

Showing page 9.

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