All comics by attitudechicka

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In case you were thinking "Finally, a neighbor who won't stare down my blouse while we are conversing!", don't.
by attitudechicka, 11-21-08

 

by attitudechicka
11-27-08
Chicka_____________________Choad
Should I bring my own paparazzi?
No, the publicist takes care of that.
Chicka_____________________Choad
I've always been waiting for the day I could call my mom and tell her "Don't watch the news tomorrow".

 

by attitudechicka
12-18-08
So, how'd I do on the test?
I have to be honest, kid, you didn't do so good.
But I'm compelled to ask: Why did you keep shaking the steering wheel?
That's how to do a special move.
I see. So your only formal driving training came from Mario Kart?

 

by attitudechicka
1-14-09
Let's see... desperately seeking roommates.
FREE RENT!
Hmm, free, eh?
...SHARE HOME... MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL ARRANGEMENT, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...
EWWWWWW! I touched the ad. I touched the ad! Will the creepiness rub off on me?
WAIT, DON'T CLICK THE BACK BUTTON!

 

by attitudechicka
1-15-09
*scritch, scritch tumble*
?
Knock it off, squirrel! I'm warning you, there's still a gun in this house that was used to shoot several of your brethren!

 

by attitudechicka
1-15-09
Dear aquaintance I have used slash neglected in the past, it has come to my attention that I need to rectify our current friendship.
Are you reading from cue cards?
It's a lot easier than trying to remember what it was that I actually did to you to make you stop talking to me.
Dude, you threw a pitcher of beer on me and caught me on fire with your cigarette after losing in a game of charades.
So does that mean you want to hang out Thursday? If Thursday's no good, maybe we can go out Saturday. Sunday's good for me.
*Dial tone*

 

by attitudechicka
1-16-09
Guess it's time to set all my social networking sites to single...
You have 3 new messages!
Hey, I saw you were single and in my area, how do you like this picture of me on my Harley?
Th...There's a motorcycle under there?

 

by attitudechicka
1-26-09
What should I title this comic? "An Unfortunate Truth" what a great name. Saved.
Oh shit, what if Nate reads this. But then he'd be stalking me. But I did make it public.
Worry thoughts overloaded. Delete.

 

by attitudechicka
1-27-09
So how are things going?
Uh, okay I guess. My therapist said...
Therapist? You're seeing a therapist?
Yeah, now I really am as crazy as you all thought.
So what is the therapist telling you?
Oh, nothing I didn't already know, but now I have someone to blame when it all goes horribly wrong.

 

by attitudechicka
1-27-09
So that's what that was about.
I see. Hey, guess what?
Chicken butt.
I'm officially moved in!
So this isn't the right time to tell you that I made an appointment to sign a lease on an apartment with you tomorrow?

 

by attitudechicka
2-12-09
So you want to go to That Totally Cool Place sometime, then? You said you were interested in checking it out.
Maybe. I have therapy on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and then I've got to do some stuff this weekend, but maybe sometime.
Why are you going to therapy so much?
Well, I haven't gone in ten years, so I probably have a lot of problems.
You are accumulating problems?
At an accelerated rate since I started talking to you.

 

by attitudechicka
2-26-09
In Therapy...
...since we're divorcing...
Separated.
...while we're divorcing...
Separated.
Is there a reason you keep correcting the word "divorcing" with "separated"?
I don't think you should settle on divorcing until you've paid me enough to take a four week vacation.

 

by attitudechicka
6-30-09
You were in my dream last night.
You tried to eat me alive.
Can I please have my cell phone back?

 

by attitudechicka
8-16-09
And then Emily said that Roger said that babies really DO come from storks!
Well, what do you think, Mommy?
That I spent entirely too much on all that baby stuff that was supposed to make you smarter.
What exactly is DHA anyway?

 

by attitudechicka
8-18-09
I think I could stay right here forever.
What time is it, anyway?
Uh, a little after 4.
Shit, the game's on. Later.

 

by attitudechicka
8-19-09
I'll take a big bubba burger with curly fries.
Would you like to gigantasorize that for only 29 and 1/2 cents more?
I think I would.
YES! FINALLY! I just sold the last gigantasorized meal to have enough to go to the strip club! I'm out of here, good luck getting your food.
Good luck getting in the strip club, as I haven't paid you yet.

 

by attitudechicka
8-19-09
No, I haven't eaten yet. I'm waiting until I'm really hungry.
So you can eat the whole restaurant?
Perhaps. I might leave a little behind so I can come back later.
Ah, the wonder that is the midnight snack.
I'm glad we are on the same page.
Well, I hate people who read ahead.

 

by attitudechicka
8-22-09
Chicka, have you heard from your uncle? I haven't heard from him all morning.
Uh, did you try calling him?
No. Last time I called this early, he got really cranky with me.
That's ironic.
What is?
Now you know why we never call you any time.

 

by attitudechicka
11-20-09
Give me a hug!
Uh, chicka, are you feeling okay?
Maybe. Feel like taking a chance?
You've got a knife in your pocket or something right?
As soon as you get your arms around me, you're going to stab me in the lumbar region, am I right?

 

I'm semi retired from competitive drinking.
Awesome! I was going broke taking you out.
by attitudechicka, 11-30-09

 

I just got back from the eye doctor and I have 20/20 vision!
Gran, were you wearing your glasses when you took the exam?
by attitudechicka, 11-30-09

 

by attitudechicka
12-11-09
The new guy. Perhaps I'll wave to him...
Why didn't you wave at me?
Well, you have a perfectly good RIGHT hand, at least.

 

by attitudechicka
2-09-10
So, I was watching this episode of Bonnie Hunt where they had an autistic kid on
And it turns out he just had strep throat!
That's amazing!
Bonnie Hunt has a talk show now?!?

 

by attitudechicka
3-27-10
So what do you want to do today?
I don't know, let's construct a brilliant plan to pass a drug test. Then, when we're caught because we told everyone in school about it, let's claim that everyone we told was in on it.
I sure hope that all those people who we mentioned will be rewarded for their silence with their own drug tests.
Oh wait, you already did that.

 

by attitudechicka
4-07-10
...And over here is our four leaf clover garden...
uh-huh...
Hey, I hate to interupt the tour, but could I use your restroom?
Sure, but be sure to use the guest toilet paper. We don't want just anyone using our solid gold two ply.

 

by attitudechicka
4-07-10
Oh my gosh, you should totally attend this charity thing. It's $50 a plate and you get two hours worth of entertainment!
Uh... on a good day, you could probably get an hour of my attention span and $15 of my money.
And I wouldn't define today as a good day.

 

by attitudechicka
4-07-10
Tomorrow, we're going on a field trip to meet Dr. Thunder at MultipleChoice Care, a home infusion pharmacy!
*snicker* Dr. Thunder...
Is there something amusing, Chicka?
Is the pharmacist's name really Dr. Thunder?
Yes, it is.
Then yes, there is something amusing.

 

by attitudechicka
4-12-10
Did you finish the tasks?
Yes. The floor is vacuumed, the laundry is done and folded, and the dishes have been washed and put away.
Awarded 23000 EXP!
attitudechicka lvl up!
You have achieved Level 7 Housewife!

 

by attitudechicka
5-01-10
Doctor, take note of my heavy side! Dost thou perpend stones of thy kidney?
An honor it is to have thou in my office, as at last we were matched were in a courtroom where thou made the delation of my practice.
I beg of you, doctor, some meperidine might ease this heaviness! I beg your pardon for my past misdeeds!
I was able to inherit that thou would'st be most deserving of a kidney stone, given thy testimony against me.
What dost thou mean?
The honest acid thou spewed to the awaiting jury was absolute to separate and crystalize in thou kidney!

 

by attitudechicka
5-01-10
Doctor, there is a terrible pain in my side! Do you think it could be kidney stones?
Wow, I haven't seen you since you sued me for malpractice
I'm in a lot of pain, could you please give me some Demorol. I am sorry for what I did, but please help me!
I could tell that you would end up with kidney stones when you made those accusations against me.
How do you mean?
Well, given all the acid you spewed to the jury about my practice habits, I was sure eventually that acid would find its way to your kidney and crystalize there.

 

by attitudechicka
5-01-10
Hey, what's going-
On the phone.
Ok I'll wait.
Psst. Why are you closing all the windows in your house? It's hot in here.
I'm on the phone with tech support. They told me to close all my windows.

 

by attitudechicka
5-05-10
Hi, this is Chicka. I'm calling because you raised my car insurance rates $20 this month and I'd like to know why.
Our records indicate that you were in a motor vehicle accident on the 20th.
Oh, that douchebag. He failed to stop at a stop sign and I was coming around a blind corner.
In the state of Missouri, the officer at the scene must assign a percentage of fault. You were deemed 10% at fault, so we had to raise your rates.
I shouldn't have to pay for his stupidity! From now on send your additional $20/month bill to his parents!

 

by attitudechicka
5-16-10
I mean, I keep telling myself that I'll have more time for everything soon.
The worst part is when I started, I actually believed myself.
Did they remove a couple hours from the day and tell everyone but me?
I think listening to this conversation has certainly ruined some of the time remaining in my life.

 

by attitudechicka
5-31-10
So how did tooth fairy duty go?
Well...
ButUncleDansaidthe toothfairycan'tbeseen byparentsandDaddy saidthatthetoothfairy onlyleavesfiftycents soIdon'tknowhowyou knowIonlygotadollar!
Um, well, I was friends with the toothfairy before I had you?
I've discovered that when using a cover story, you should be sure everyone is telling the same one.

 

by attitudechicka
6-28-10
Pie is yum!
That's great.
But what does it have to do with juggling?
Tentacle rape!

 

by attitudechicka
6-30-10
Want to play doctor?
Sure!
I've got this huge boil on my butt, would you mind taking a look at it?
And telling me if you see any more pus coming out of it?

 

by attitudechicka
8-09-10
Happy Birthday, TYS!
Thanks!
Uh... was that it?
Yeah, but I was distracted because I was watching Percy Jackson on DVD when I was making this comic.

 

by attitudechicka
9-01-10
Welcome to Human Relations!
Will you be teaching me how to relate to humans?
I've gotten really good at relating to fish...
Get. Out.

 

by attitudechicka
9-01-10
Good morning, this is a new student starting in your class today. He's not on your roster yet, but you can find a place for him, I'm sure.
Hey, come sit by me.
No. Do not, under any circumstances, talk to chicka.

 

by attitudechicka
10-05-10
So I'm trying to talk Travis out of being an army man for Halloween. He only wants to do it for the gun.
I can help.
You could go as a banana with a gun! Or Superman with a gun!
Or, you know, a gun with a gun. Double shot.

 

by attitudechicka
5-12-11
I was all mismatched at the game today, but I managed to get some killer Js in and the team was riding me while I was hot.
I'd like to ride you while you're hot. Do ya think I'm sexy?
Rod Stewart?!? Uh... yes
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
I'm not a woman, but I like small cottages on the beach.

 

Race ya for pinks?
by attitudechicka, 10-05-11

 

by attitudechicka
11-02-11
I don't understand why people get so offended by the phrase "Merry Christmas".
We live in a country that has a diverse culture. Hard to believe as it is, not everyone is Christian.
I don't see why not, and besides, people are just being friendly.
No one wants someone else's religion shoved down their throat. And I don't recall anyone wishing me a happy Yom Kippur.
What's a 'yum capper'?
Though, I'm not entirely sure that my love of food would make the holiday very pleasant for me.

 

by attitudechicka
9-21-12
I've got an order here for Lovenox.
Um, this is an order for Levemir & Novolog, Betty.
That's what I said!
So two diabetes medications equal an anticoagulant?
Exactly. Now you get it.

 

by attitudechicka
11-01-12
Do you think you can read this script? Does that say one tablespoon?
Yup, that's what it looks like to me.
Did you notice we were both wrong about that order? It was a teaspoon.
Yeah, I just didn't want to embarass you.
I don't know if I'm more touched you would respect my ego or afraid you'll start shopping other pharmacists to aid your script illiteracy.

 

...So basically the memories you recall most often are the most changed from their original form.
Do you just go home and read encyclopedias?
by attitudechicka, 11-01-12

 

by attitudechicka
11-01-12
Oh man, I wore a vest for Freshman AND Sophomore pictures!
Haha! You were vest guy!
WAS. As in past tense.
I am a recovering vest user. Hold me.
Hold on, I'm looking up a support group.

 

by attitudechicka
11-01-12
Now what was I doing?
Oh yeah, I was looking up scripts!
Were you just talking to yourself... and did you ANSWER yourself in a different voice?

 

by attitudechicka
11-03-12
I think people should read more.
We could entice them by pasting a photo of Robert Pattinson on the cover of books?
Or better yet, paste the same picture of him in the corner of each page and call it a free flipbook of his many facial expressions.
I swear, if you're about to tell me you like Twilight, I'm going to have to ask you to get off my lawn.

 

by attitudechicka
11-06-12
Bring me a pizza.
What do I look like to you?
Sexy.
Sexier if you're in my house holding a pizza.

Showing page 9.

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