All comics by christopher7murphy

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You're not playing right! You can't form alliances!
Yes you can! It's just hard to play Risk with only three people!
mmm? I think the Mayor is stalling me.
Ma! Mugsy's Cheating...and not in the good way!
Now, boys! Don't forget we have a guest. Always cheat your guest first! (You have a lifetime to cheat family.)

 

As Mugsy n' Andrew continue to distract our hero, BATador pursues a thought.
Okay! NEW rule! No more alliances! And to catch up...Ma says Andrew gets to roll twice.
Carumba! They ARE trying to stall me! They want to keep me from cleaning up crime!
Andrew pouted! The big baby!
I have to use your bathroom! Right now!
Sheesh! And I bet he's not even the Mayor, too!

 

Carumba! I need to get help! I know...I'll use the Pipe Line to call Captain B.S. back at the cave.
Um....I need to make a call.
Sorry. Can't do that. We...um...The phone lines are down.
Um...can I have a burrito?

 

A deadly game of Risk, indeed!
Hey Andrew, I think there's something wrong with BATador! I think he's sick or somethin'? ...or... you don't suppose he's on to us, do ya?
HAH! He's just chicken..cuz I'm about to invade his countries with my blue armies!
Hey BAT's! Get out here and play. I'm gonna wipe ALL of Canada off of ya!
Roll for me!

 

Honey? Are you okay in there? Did you mess your undies?
Go away! You're the villian, you're mean!
Now, now. Why don't you come on out and we can all have some tea and toast. Does that sound nice?
-snif- with jam?

 

After hours of fortifying his position, our hero is finally cohersed out of the facilities.
HAH! Gotcha now...you little whipper-snapper!
Ahhhh!
Mugsy, you 'n Andrew keep him here so he will never be able to stop crime from running AMUCK! Bwahahaha!
What should we do with him?
Hey, Let's lock him in the bathroom!

 

We interupt this broadcast for this important uprising in downtown Audass City.
Here's Bob Tailring with an on the spot report. Bob?
It's mayhem in the streets! An Army of Amputated Limbs is storming the city. Ohhh, the humanity!
To Arms! To Arms!
Two Arms! Two Arms!

 

Meanwhile, back at the cave, Captain B.S. heads off legal procedures thrown at BATador by the Justice League.
Listen BATMAN! BATador is just a nice guy that wants to help out. He idolizes you. You should be flattered.
Stiffle it, B.S. He named himself after MY fear of bats. BATador stole my schtick!
He has the PIPE Line, I have a HOT Line! I have a bat cave, HE has a bat cave. The post office even mixes our mail up, for petes sake!
You cant blame him for the mail.
I certainly can! This isn't MY issue of Tiger Beat I'm looking at!

 

CAN Captain B.S. reason with a man dressed as a bat?
If BATador does not cease and desist this nonsence, he will find himself sweeping cells in Arkham.
AND YOU...You will be pulling a plow for the X-Men! GOOD DAY! -click-
At least BATador wears his Fruits-of-the-Looms on the INSIDE of his costume.

 

Captain B.S. just had his balls served to him by a Dark Knight.
Like he's the only man that had a bat scare him into peeing his pants, and then goes out and fights crime.
It's not like BATador copied EVERYTHING the Batman has in his arsenal of crime.
Master B.S. The toilet seems to be plugged again, Sir.
Thanks Alfred, I'll get right on that.

 

The toilet seems to be plugged, Sir.
Did you jiggle the handle?
No, Sir. That is NOT in my Job discription, Sir.
If you don't pay a little more attention to incoming and outgoing messages, I will be forced to cut your pay!
There does seem to be little red and yellow army men scattered through out the fecal material, Sir.
Alfred? Just what did you put INTO those burritos, man?

 

Back at the Legion of Gloom, the Amuck brothers play a two-man game of Risk, as they gaurd thier prisoner.
Okay...but no alliances this time.
Idiot! There are only two of us play...HEY! Some of the armies are missing.
Hey you...did you swipe some of the pieces to the Risk game?
It's too late! I flushed them down the stool!
You...didn't EAT them first...did ya?
Of course not! THAT would be just silly!

 

I met some old friends at the bar last night. Al Roker, Al Pacino, Al Gore, Al Jolson, "Weird Al" Yankovic, and of course Al....
STOP!
Listen, man! You need to admit it. You are an ALoholic!
Were YOU in on the intervention, too?

 

Greetings, True Believers! We have recieved thousands of letters asking us just HOW does BATador's Pipe Line work!
"Dear T.P. Comics, For year's, I've tried to send my friends messages using my toilet. I can never seem to get my point across. What gives?"
It's quite simple. Because of the unique placement of our hero's Super-Secret Headquarters at the bottom of the valley near Audass City,
...signed, T. Stark, New York City, U.S.A.
all sewage trickles down the drain STRAIGHT to BATador's very own "receiver." Anyone in the city can contact our hero with a well crafted code system and a rich source of fiber!
So...it's kind of like the "Shit rolls downhill theory" at work, huh?
EXCELSIOR!

 

The Mayor of Audass City and his assistant, Harvey Bent.
Your Honor, I'm worried. BATador should have been here by now. What should I do?
I say, Screw him!
But Sir, what would the voters think?
Okay, okay. Have the police keep an eye out for him, and call his partner. That should show the voters I am a compassionate man.
Then I say, Screw him!

 

Well, I called BATador's partner, Captain B.S. and told him we still have not heard from him.
You CALLED him?
You mean we could have picked up a phone at the very beggining and just called BATador? Why use the Pipe Line?
Well..if YOUR Super-Secret Headquarters had a toilet that plugged every time the city ate burritos, wouldn't YOU want to spin it as a POSITIVE?
Get that boy on my staff!

 

Concerned, Captain B.S. calls BATador's mother to try to locate his partner.
Mam? We can't seem to find BATador. Have you heard from him?
Oh, yes! I dropped him off in the city, and then Mrs. Amuck called to say he was playing with little Andrew and Mugsy (Strange boys, those two.)
Mother Amuck? You know her?
Oh, yes! We play cards every Thursday.
Mother Amuck is the most vile Super-Villian in the city. She and her entire family are responsible for ninty percent of all crime!
Well, I know she cheats at bridge.

 

Red army man, yellow army man, two red, three yellow...what could it mean?
Obviously, BATador flushed us a message using pieces from a Risk Game. If we could only decipher his message on the Pipe Line!
Perhaps, you could find someone to reverse the unique properties of the Pipe Line?
Hello? I need a someone familiar with toilets and crappers. Can you help me?
We specialize in ALL aspects of poop disposal. I will be right over!
You're the specialist?
Flushit, Flingit, and Wipe at your service!

 

We are highly trained in Poo-Engineering. I am confident I can improve your Pipe Line by installing a digital pressure valve & ballcock.
Thier prices are too good to be true!
As a bonus, I will alter the incoming message alert from annoying plug to a ringing jingle of the handle. (For a small monthly fee, you can choose one of seven popular ring tones.)
AHH! It's the added features that GET ya!
The toilet will no longer plug up and overflow with incoming sewage and fecal waste when you get an incoming call.
Good! I was getting sick of sales calls!

 

Lets see if this works. Hello? BATador! Are you there?
BATador? Come in BATador!
um...hello? Captain B.S. Is that you?
BATador! We finally found you! Do you need help?
Hey,Captain! You'll never guess what I'm talking to you in!

 

Thanks to the new improved Pipe Line, Captain B.S. can communicate FROM the cave!
BATador! I need to know where you are. Tell me.
I'm being held prisoner in... (silence)
Did I lose him?
...an you hear me now?

 

Could this be the mark of a new Silver Age?
No fear, BATador! Help is on the way!
Oh, thank you! But would you mind hanging up now?
I've gotta make.

 

Happy 2007, Chum! So, how did you celebrate the new year?
Bahh! I sat in the dark weaving poop jokes and puns into comic strips on Stripcreator. Watching Seinfeld on television and eating three day old chilli.
You have cable now?
Yep. Happy New Year!

 

Ohhhh, Reader! I would NOT want to be a priceless china cup in a room with Mother Amuck AND a bull fight! - - -the editor
-knock-knock-
Who's there?
Moo.
Moo, who?
Moooove aside because I'm one bull you DON'T want to underestimate!
MUGSY! ANDREW! Flush all the paperwork! It's a bunch of BULL!

 

Mother Amuck warns her boys that Captain B.S. has raided the house.
Watta we do? Watta we do?
Quick...flush all the evidence! Hide, Hide!
What about the boss? It sounds like a bull in a china shop upstairs!
Do what you're told! Get any incriminating evidence, and destroy it!
Amuck, amuck, amuck, amuck!
Now DON'T bring that old joke back out. -sheesh-

 

Hey. He locked the door from the inside! BATador, let me in.
No. You're just gonna flush all the evidence!
um...NO! I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really need to go pee!
Really?

 

Okay. I'll let you in. But if you don't go pee, you'll be sorry!
AHA! Gotcha!
AHAHA! I GOT YOU!
Good taste forbids the editors to show you, the readers, the melee that follows behind this bathroom door.
BATador? BATador, put that down. Don't you dare!

 

BATador! You're okay! Where's Mugsy Amuck?
I wiped my butt with him!
You beat him?
I gave him a swirlee he'll NEVER forget!
Did he get away?
Well, kinda. I accidently flushed once too often.

 

Well, Mother Amuck! I hoped you learned a lesson today! Crime doesn't pay.
Curse you BATador! You'll pay for this, someday!
I'll skin you alive and pour salt water all over your raw open sores! I'll make you pay!
Oh...and give your mother my love, the poor, sweet, dear! I still want her recipe for those delicious butter cookies.

 

Andrew Amuck in a prison cell with his sweet dear ol' crime boss mother.
Ma! Where did Mugsy go? How did he get away? Who will I play Risk with now?
Shut up, Andrew! You'll learn to play Cribbage and Bridge...and like it!
Back in the Bat-Room at The Super-Secret Headquarters of BATador.
-glub- -glub-
I can't believe I got away! And I found BATador's secret headquarters by swimming through the sewer and floating to the surface! I must be a...a...GENIUS!
I believe the word you're looking for is "Epilogue."

 

It's good to have you back, Master B.S.
Thank you Alfred. But, it's too bad Mugsy Amuck got away.
Oh, heavens no! Mister Amuck made like the slippery turd he is and slipped up through the Pipe Line. I took care of him.
Good job, Alfred! I'll call for the paddy wagon. You better go buy some more bathroom cleaner before BATador sees him.
amuck- amuck -amuck even.
Captain! Come quick! There's Amuckin' mess all over the Bathroom!

 

So Mary, how did the blind date go?
Okay. Better than my date with Sammy last week.
Ewwww! You went out with Sammy the Sponge?
Yep! .....look there he is now!
I hate how he is soooo into himself!
Yea. He is totally SELF ABSORBED!

 

Hey! Question: Does your wife get all pissy when you fart under the covers in bed?
She gets down right MEAN when I do that!.
That funny.....
When I do it, she giggles.

 

What can I get you?
BEER! BEER, and more BEER!
Did you want anything to eat with that?
Yes! Some BEER, BEER, and some more BEER!
You sure do drink a lot of beer.
I wanna go "wee weee weee, all the way home!"

 

My hamster ran away and now I've been banned from the mall! FOR NO REASON!
You took your hamster to the mall and let it loose in the dressing rooms. At that point you tried to coherse your pet by waving a carrot under customer's skirts and said, "come and get it, Snickers."
You say Po-TAY-to. I say Po-TAH-To.

 

How's your love life?
Awkward...but rewarding.
How so?
Well, last night, my boy friend swallowed my birth control sponge.
Are you going to tell me that he's now SELF ABSORBED?
Yep! But I LIKE IT! I LIKE IT!

 

Did you get the Christmas present I sent ya?
You gift wrapped a five dollar bill in a huge box and had it shipped over night. It must have cost sixty dollars just to deliver it!
I live across the street!
What? You already have one?

 

Hey. Did you get the Christmas present I sent ya?
You sent over a twenty dollar skanky prostitute with hairy armpits!
And she told me I was getting your sloppy seconds!
What? You already have one?
-sigh- It was just what I always wanted.

 

Now, Honey! I said I was sorry. So, I stopped at the strip bar after I finished delivering the presents. I still love you!
You look pretty. New hairdo? What's for dinner? It surrre smells delicious! I wonder what my little snookums is fixing?
Venison!

 

The BOOK STORE is ON FIRE! The BOOK STORE is ON FIRE!
Relax. That's the smell of the furnace. We turned it on for the first time this year.
I know. I just needed some service! Now gets me some books!

 

My HAIR is ON FIRE! My HAIR is ON FIRE!
Relax. Your hair isn't on fire.
I know. I just wanted to buy your fire hat. Wet your pants for twenty bucks?

 

Might as well change my name!
I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke, please.
That would be $8.25. Would you like...Say! Dont you work in the book store?
Yes.
Do you still have a copy of "Toasted Buns, Sunbathing in the New Millinium?"
I don't know. Who's the author? When I go into work....
You don't know? You're a BOOK STORE, AINTCHA?

 

Can I just have my meal, please?
I CAN'T believe you won't help me! The book I want was reviewed in today's paper!
Sir, I didn't see today's paper yet.
Why list the book in the paper if you're not going to carry it?
Newspapers review books independently of OUR stock. I'll order the damn book for you when I go to work TOMORROW! ------------------------------NOW, CAN I HAVE MY BURGER and COKE!
Oh...I'm sorry. The Coke machine is busted. How about a shake?

 

Thank you for coming to my office, Ms Roberts. Do you know why you are here?
Yes. My Great Grandfather died and left me his estate.
Yes. However there are certain conditions. As you are aware, he wanted you to follow the family business and become a gardener like the rest of the family.
I can not stand nature! I will not screw myself by giving up my carreer as an actress!
His estate is worth Seventy Seven Million dollars.
Stick a garden utensial up my ass and call me a HOE!

 

Hey, Chuck! I just heard that humans eat fish balls!
What? But fish don't HAVE balls!
I know!
Maybe it's processed from fish PARTS!
Just how would you make a Fish Ball?
Take away his toys?

 

"Take away his toys!" -snort! -ha ha-
Sir? I'm the Pun Police. I'm afraid I will have to cite you for that last comic. "How do you make a Fish Ball?" was crossing the line.
How about "How do you start a Policeman's Ball?"
Kick him in the NUTS! HA! -snort-
Sir? Step away from the computer! NOW!

 

Ladies and Gentelmen, Stripcreator.com does not have a "Wedge of Cheese" as part of thier Prop Selection.
Consequently, the part of Marlon Brando will be played by Jesus, in a WEDGE OF CHEESE PRODUCTION:
-----------------On The Waterfront --------------
I 'Gouda' been a contender!

 

Ladies and Gentelmen, Stripcreator.com does not have a "Wedge of Cheese" as part of thier Prop Selection.
Consequently, the part of Clark Gable will be played by Jesus, in a WEDGE OF CHEESE PRODUCTION:
---------------Gone With the Wind----------
Frankly, my dear Scarlett, I don't give 'Edam!'

 

Ladies and Gentelmen, Stripcreator.com does not have a "Wedge of Cheese" as part of thier Prop Selection.
Consequently, the voice of James Earl Jones will be played by Jesus, in a WEDGE OF CHEESE PRODUCTION:
--Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back--
Luke, I am your 'Feta!'

 

-achoo- gaff-gaff-gaff! I'm sorry, I am sick and I won't be in for work today. -gaff-gaff-sniff-
You sound terrible! Are you taking anything for it?
Duh! The day off!

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