All comics by daddydoright

 

by daddydoright
3-25-06
drinking at bar
I hate that fuckin PARIS HILTON! Fuck that rich cunt!
EASY! Easy there bro! Wow. Such hostility. She doesn't piss me off. Here's my secret. I just picture me and her alone in a bedroom and............
In his dream
Hey Paris. I hear behind closed doors your really a hot little skank who'se down for any thing new! And I heard about this new nasty sex act called "A Strawberry Short Cake!" Are you down for it??
New?? Oh yah! I Love Hot, Dirty, Sex!! The nastier, the better!
In his dream
Ok! Here's what we do. First you blow me and I come all over your mouth, nose and chin, everything! And then I punch you in nose! Then the blood from your nose mixes with the cum on your face.
Sounds extra-special! You really know how to treat a girl, dont you! Your just a old smoothy aren't you? And I can tell your also a hopeless romantic! Of course I'll do it!!

 

by daddydoright
3-25-06
drinking with sister in laws brother
Hey man! Thanks for taking me out to the bar and paying for all the beer! I'll catch you the next time and I'll pay for everything! Cool?
No problem man. Your brother said you were 'all in all' pretty cool! But after you get drunk you can be pretty obnoxious.
Three hours and four pitchers later
Hey man! Your sister is pretty hot! You ever think about....? YOU KNOW ..?? When you were growing up together.
YOU DIDN'T JUST ASK ME if I ever thought about fucking MY OWN SISTER when I was growing up???!!! DID YOU??
BRRRRPPP!!! Well..........????? She does have a nice ass!
And nice tits!!!!! Don't forget her perkey little mouthsize titties!!!!! But that's beside the point!!!!!!!! THAT'S MY FUCKIN SISTER!!

 

by daddydoright
3-25-06
greeting his brother's wife
(fake) "Hi there! How'z it going?"
Bitchy look on my face! Purposely avoiding eye contact with him at all costs! Mouth contorted into a hateful jib! Check! check! check! Okay I got my game face on now for this asshole!
opening the floodgates
Alright! That's about enough! Everytime I come over here you gotta be a cunt! I try to be nice but NOOOO! You can't even give me the fuckin common courtesy of being 'fake nice' anymore!
You might have my brother fooled but you don't have me! I fucked many a chick like you! Your just a stupid slut Metallica whore! Who'se now pretending to be some kind of debutante hostess, soccer mom!
I see how you 'eye fuck' any guy who eats you up and plays the nicetty nice talk game with you! Your just a whore who'se pretending to be a housewife! I'd bet ten to one that your fuckin someone else!
(crying hysterically) "YOUR RIGHT!! YOUR RIGHT!! I KNEW YOU COULD SEE RIGHT THRU ME!! That's why I hated you and avoided looking at you! And talking to you! PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR BROTHER! PLEASE!!!!

 

by daddydoright
3-29-06
Hey I was thinking. What if...
(interupts) "WHAT IF I quit my job? And just played videogames all fuckin day? And I just stayed fuckin drunk twenty-four seven? And I stop caring about everybody except myself?
WHAT IF???? !!! I tell my boss to FUCK OFF?! I QUIT!! And go home and tell my wife FUCK YOU?? GET OUT!! I DIVORCE YOU!! AND TAKE THE DAMM KID WITH YOU!!
Wow! I can't get a word in edgewise!
WHAT IF???!!! I sell my fuckin house and take all that money? And I take all the money out of my savings that I worked so fuckin hard to save? And I just said FUCK IT!! And I just pissed it all away!
Jeez! All I wanted to say was...What if I try a PILSNER instead of the usual STOUT? What beer would you recommend?

 

by daddydoright
3-29-06
Hi I'm George Norey. Your listening to the ART BELL SHOW. Let's go to our 'coast to coast' first caller line. Hello Mark in California.
Hi George! I've been trying to get thru for fourteen years! There's something I really wanna tell everyone!
Well..you waited fourteen years it must be fate that I pressed your button tonight. So what's that Mark that you wanted to say?
I am the reincarnation of George Washington. I was the reincarnation of Muhatma Ghandi in a previous life. But I didn't call to talk about my reincarnations!
I called to tell everyone that me and my grandma are going to be the embodyment of the second coming of the Christ conciousness! Jesus is coming back in body form but thru me as his conciousness!
There you go folks! That's all the time we have for tonight! You call us back Mark when the second coming is underway! We'd love to talk to you! This is George Norey for ART BELL saying goodnight!

 

by daddydoright
3-29-06
ZZZzzzzzz!!!!
I so do want to be an American citizen! If you take me for your mail order bride I can be your willing sex slave! There is nothing I would not do to satisfy you!
Really???!!! Like what would you do?? I have quite an active imagination you know??
snore!!! ZZZzzzZZZZ!!
Any-thing you want! Day or night! As much as you want! When you want it! And How You Want It!
I'll Marry You!! I'LL MARY YOU!!!
He wakes up!
Wake up! You were dreaming! You were yelling that you would marry me! I'm calling mother right now to tell her the good news! She won't even care that it's one AM! And she said you'd never marry me!
Uhh??? Uhhh?? yah.

 

by daddydoright
3-29-06
YOU are so beautiful! I LOVE YOU! Let's go do it in my car!
YOU are so hot! I LOVE YOU too! Let's hurry! I can't wait!
afterward back in the bar
Hey babe! I'm flat broke. You got any money to buy me a drink?
Get lost you fuckin loser!
FUCK YOU! You ugly slut! I HATE YOU!
FUCK YOU too! You ugly asshole! I HATE YOU too!

 

by daddydoright
3-29-06
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be the world's biggest bitch!
I want to be a huge control freak! I'll want everything my way! And I'll put everyone around me thru hell to get it!
But what if you still don't get what you want? What will you do then?
I'll use tactical emotional outbursts timed to manipulate the men around me! And if that doesn't work. There's always sex! The promise of or threat of denial of will get men to do my bidding!
You've been talking to my wife haven't you?? Haven't you??!!

 

by daddydoright
3-29-06
Oh no! There's that chick I picked up in the bar and fucked and didn't call her back! Shit, I hope see don't see me?
Too late. She's looking right at you and she's coming over your way!
So?? Don't you know how to use a telephone? What was I just a booty-call to you??
No. No! I wanted to call you. I just... lost your number. I really had a good time that night though.
two weeks later
Oh shit! There's that chick that I fucked again! I didn't call her just like last time! Man I hope she doesn't see me!!
Dude! Here she comes! And does she look pissed!

 

by daddydoright
3-29-06
Hi welcome to MCDONALD'S! Can I take you order?
I'd like the number three meal! Supersized! For here!
(seductively) " Is there anything else I can get for you?" (direct flirting eye contact)
Yes. I would like you to lick my sweaty balls. Give me deep throat head action. I'd also like to fuck the hell out of you right there on the counter. And cum all over your sweet smiling face.
(eyes down) "No thankyou."
I thought he liked me!! What does a girl have to say around here to get laid?

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
The other day I wrote this song. It's a true story. You see I was drunk and depressed. So I picked up this really fat girl at the bar. I took her home. She hardly fit thru the door!
Horny. She immediately tore off all her clothes. I lay back on the bed looking at the ceiling. Resigned to my upcoming fate. And I sang her these words. Knowing they would be last!
singing
COME SIT ON MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TILL I'M DEAD!!! CAUSE I DON'T WANNA LIVE.....ANYMORE!!!
JUST SIT ON MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TILL I'M DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO I DON'T HAVE TO THINK.............. ANYMORE!!

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
Hey? Nurse!
Yes doctor?
I've been working with you for a good many years and....? Well...? I...watched all those medical shows: MASH, E.R. SAINT ELSEWHERE, GREY'S ANATOMY, SCRUBS. And all the doctors and nurses are...?? Ah??
Always doing it?? Getting it on?? Hooking up?? Getting freakey?? Having frequent 'booty-calls' with multiple willing partners!
Yah! YAH! How come that doesn't go on around here???!!
It sure does!! Like all the time!! I'm actually late for another booty-call in the broom closet now!! You really should try changeing your scrubs once in awhile and you might find out!

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
RAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
raaaaahhh!
Hey you kids in the other room! SHUT UP!!!
shut up!
Can we fix it?? YES WE CAN!!!
blah, blah, gah, blah? yes we can!

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
And after three days in the cold pouring rainnnn!!!!!! I heard him sayyy!!! My promise shall not be broken!!!
Hey! That's pretty good ad libbing! I think this kid just might be able to pull off this Christian rock act after all!
And...??? And...?? Uh...?? Uh? Blah, blah, blah, Blah! Blah! Something! Something! Yah! God loves you man!! And so do I! Especially all you girls out there!
Aw shit! He really blew it!!
afterwards backstage
Sorry man! Like..?? I just didn't know what to say?? I just don't know the material! Yet!! But it will come! I was good there for a minute! Right?
Here's a frickin Bible! And here's a DVD of "The Passion of The Christ!" READ IT!! WATCH IT!! KNOW IT!! Then you can 'ad lib' from it! Otherwise you'll be back playing "FREE BIRD" for bikers and beer!

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
Hi! Are you the 'head' nurse?
I..... 'could be'. For the right fella.
I .....'think'. I'm that fella!
I 'think' so too! Follow me.
from behind the door
HEY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!!!!!!!! I thought I was going to get some head?!
I thought you were here for the blood test!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait a minute??!! HEAD???!!! DID YOU SAY HEAD???!!!

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
we join them in mid conversation
...and that is the universal mind. Do you see now? Grasshopper?
Yes. Seifu! But what of our own actions?? Do they 'too' affect the world?
Picture... a valley way up high in The Himalayas. A greedy boy who does not respect life wishes to catch a butterfly. The boy violently struggles to capture the delicate insect.
The butterfly in a last ditch effort to save itself. Stops being true to it's butterfly form. And makes one last powerful thrust of his wings. Before being clumbsily torn apart by the unknowing hands.
That small wind you might think of having no concequence 'evolved!' Recruiting and joining forces with the mere power of it's intent into a catergory five hurricane. Killing thousands of lives.
I'M SO SORRY!! SOOO!! SORRY!!!!!!!! I killed that butterfly last year!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will the victims of KATRINA ever forgive me?? Seifu?!! Seifu??!!

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
Seifu! I have a question.
You may ask. My student.
If a writer writes a comic and no one reads it. Does it really exist?
That is truly a sad question. What would make you ponder such terrible happenings in the universe?
Uh??? I..ii..?? I don't know??
Yes. I read your comics yesterday. They are slowly getting better. Keep practicing grasshopper.

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
years pass
the faces change
but the game remains the same

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
years pass
I can't beleive my wife left me for a short order cook working at a greasy spoon!
Here Mac! This 'one' is on the house!
the faces change
My damm kids are growing up so fuckin fast! It just seems like yesterday when they were little. I wish they would at least call me once in a fuckin while!
Yah! Me too!! Since I been workin' in tha States I haven't heard from my kiddies either! 'Ave ah-nudder on me mate!
but the game remains the same
Geez! I can't beleive it! I was getting a physical! The doc checks my balls for a hernia like usual. He says go get an ultrasound! And now they say I got huge mysterious cysts growing inside my nutz!
Wow Man! That like really sucks!! Here have another shot on the house! I'll pay for it out of my tips!

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
Do you Love me?
I Love you for having my son. I Love you for all the things you do. I Love you for Loving me.
But do 'you' Love 'me'?
I Love you for your warmth at night. I Love you for your smile when I first walk thru the door. I Love your happy eyes, your laugh, your clean hair.
BUT DO 'YOU' LOVE "ME"???!!! You keep saying you 'Love' you! Ha,ha,ha!
Ha,ha! Ok. Alright I get it! I! Love! "ME!!!" and I! Love! YOU!!!

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
At his ex-wife's house
Thanks for letting me get my daughter early for this weekend's visitation! I sure miss her! A lot can happen in a week! I know! It's best she lives with her Mom! But it's still hard not seeing her!
She misses you too. But me and TED make sure she gets lots of love during the week. Now you better go! She's waiting in the van. I put her backpack with clothes and schoolwork in there. Bye!
at his house
We're home!! Daddy sure misses his little girl. But after working all week. And driving all the way out to the country and back to get your Dad sure is tired.
RINGG!! RINGG!! Daddy! Don't worry! I'll get the phone! Hello? No she's not here! Who am I?? I'm "TED'S" daughter! Alright. I tell her you called. Bye.
at his house
HEY YOU!! YOUR "MY!" DAUGHTER!! Not Teds'!! He's not even your step dad! He's just one of your Mom's new live in boyfriends! I'M YOUR DAD!!
I know Daddy! But I don't know your name Daddy?

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
We saved all our money while our kids were growing up. We had to be 'save nazis' though to do it. Meaning we had to be constantly strict with the kids to save money. We ruled with an iron fist!
Yep! For over twenty years we did! Leavin a light 'on' in an empty room was a beating. We ate MAC 'N CHEEZ and hotdogs four times a week. We even made the kids only take one bath a week!
We went to 'extreme' lengths to 'save a penny.' Putting Our children thru hell in the process.
Now the kids are raised and gone. We are retired and we live practically in a mansion all by ourselves. No more crowded city slum. It's the Best of everything! We worked for it!!
Just one thing we don't get??
Why are our kids so damm mean and bitchy towards us??!! And why do they act like they don't hate us when we can tell they do??!! And why in the world do they keep asking us about our WILL??

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
How did you become a witch??
Well..? I gues it all started after I had sex for the first time with my high school band teacher. After that I just couldn't get enough sex. I had as much sex as possible with as many men as I could!
After awhile 'it' just wasn't enough. I experimented with bigger and bigger dildos. Trying to satisfy my lust. Which left me so stretched out no man wanted me vaginally.
I continued to want man attention and gave countless blowjobs. After contracting several STD's and growing bitter of men who only wanted me for sex not for love. I forsaken all men for vibrators!
But I don't get it? How did that make you a witch?
Oh...!!! I thought you said, "How did I become a bitch!" Sorry. That's a completely different story.

 

by daddydoright
3-30-06
Ok! I think I sent out invitations to my Mom's funeral to everybody. Did I forget anybody?
YAH! What about my brother? He had this huge vase of flowers delivered with a sympathy card to our house! The least we can do is invite him and his family.
NO! I TOLD YOU!! I DON'T WANT THAT ASSHOLE at my Mom's funeral!
But honey?? I already talked to him and told him that we would call him to tell him where and what time it is on Saturday!
IF YOU EVER WANT ANY PUSSY EVER AGAIN! DO NOT!! I REPEAT! DO NOT call your fuckin brother!
My brother is right! She's a control freak! He is going to be pissed I didn't call! Oh well, I'll just let him drink my beer. Pussy is my priority to me! More so than unwanted family! Hey that rhymes!

 

by daddydoright
3-31-06
I been thinkin. Maybe we should drink at each others house. This drinking at the bars everynight is costing me a fortune!
Yah your right there. In my twenty years of going out I coulda' bought two houses with all the money I spent!
So why don't we drink at each others' houses instead?
Two reasons.
What are they?
ONE: the wife! TWO: the kids!

 

by daddydoright
3-31-06
What's he doing?!! I'm going to ask! HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!
I'm air jamming to HENDRIX's "STAR SPANGLED BANNER!"
BUT WE DON'T HEAR ANYTHING!!!
YAH WHERE IS THE MUSIC??!! WHERE IS THE RECORDING OF JIMI THAT YOUR AIR JAMMING TO??
IT'S IN MY HEAD!!

 

by daddydoright
3-31-06
Wow! I haven't seen you in a long time! Your still looking good!
It has been along time.
Why isn't she telling me I'm looking good too??!!
long pause
Soooo! I look THAT bad huh??!!!
I'm sorry. Did you say something? I was just watching reruns of "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES" in my head. The new episodes aren't as good anymore. So I'm making up the time I lost!

 

by daddydoright
3-31-06
Hey dude. I lost sixteen pounds since I last saw yah. I had a stomach virus couldn't keep nothin down. Can you tell?
By your silence I'll take 'that' as a NO! I hate when 'people' do that shit. Not saying nothin. Just have the balls to 'say it!'
YOUR STILL FUCKIN DOING IT??!!
Did you say something? I was just watching reruns of "SOPRANOS" in my head. The new episode sucks! So I'm making up for that time by replaying a good episode in my head.

 

by daddydoright
3-31-06
So what do you invest in?
My sanity! gulp!
Your sanity??!! How do you 'invest' in that??
I'll show you!
BARTENDER!! I'D LIKE ANOTHER DRINK OVER HERE!! AND PUT IT ON MY TAB!!

 

by daddydoright
3-31-06
Were 'LIVE' in South Central L.A.! Where tens of thousands of Mexican children are skipping school and joing peaceful street demonstrations! Here's one of the students here! Why are you doing this?!
Doing what?!
Skipping out of school and walking in the streets!
I didn't skip man! I walked out!
Why are you not in school?!
Because! It's school! Duh?!

 

by daddydoright
3-31-06
Wow! This sure is an impressive farm! You must have a thousand acres!
Pretty close. It's thirteen-hundred.
And look at all that new heavy duty farm machinery! Mind if I ask you a question?
Sure. Fire away.
All I see is corn! Corn don't pay worth a shit these days! How do you afford such a nice farm and all that fancy new machinery!
Should I tell him every other row is marijuana?? No. Those city types can't keep their mouths shut for the life of them! I'll tell him 'clever farming!'

 

by daddydoright
3-31-06
Using my new nuclear metabolic transformation ionizer machine I will be able to give SUPER MODELS SUPER POWERS!!
LADIES! Just step in the machine one at a time! After you hear a loud buzz walk out of the machine. And state your new Super Power and 'IT WILL BE SO' !!!!
MY SUPER POWER IS.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TO ALWAYS HAVE PERFECT HAIR!!!!!
MY SUPER POWER IS........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TO ALWAYS HAVE PERFECT MAKEUP!!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
We're here today with world famous actor Johnny Depp. Johnny I understand your shooting EDWARD SCISSORHANDS 2 rightnow. What's it like exploring a character you've done so long ago?
Johnny? Redoing same role...?? Uh..? Umm..? Hello?!!
Oh! I get it folks! He is in character right now! He can't talk! Edward Scissorhands didn't talk! That's brilliant! That's right your a Method Actor! Kind of hard to do a interview though.

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
SPEAKING IN SPANISH
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Is this is a metaphor for a racist joke! Because if it is...!! Me and My People will be very angry! And because there are so many of us here now! We are no longer a minority who can be made fun of!
SPEAKING IN SPANISH
We took your racial slurs! Your puns! The butt of your jokes for too long! No longer will we be treated like second class citizens! We are proud of our ethnicticity and our heritage!!!
SPEAKING IN SPANISH
Holy Shit! Geez, I just wanted to tell a chicken joke! You people are so salty right now! I'm moving to Canada till this shit gets straightened out!
Vaya Con Dios!

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
I'M NOT A TUNA!
Yes you is! You sushi!
NO I'M NOT!
YES YOU IS!!

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
somewhere in the outback
Tie me kangaroo down sport!
Tie me kangaroo down!
Shut the fuck up!!
RATT-AH-TATT-TATT!!!
Ahhhhhhh!!
TAKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I always hated that fuckin song.

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
Hehe.
Now where did that paperclip go!
You didn't happen to see a paperclip around here did you?
I thought I saw one yesterday. But then I couldn't find it.
Hehe.
I can never find a paperclip when I need one!

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
I know why you sit there!
Reading! Searching! Waiting! Wanting To Be Entertained!
But I'm not gonna tell yah. Ain't I the little prick! Hahahahaha!

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
So I went to the public restroom.
I had to go pretty bad. So I didn't wipe the toilet seat.
And that's how I caught crabs.
Am I buying this shit or what?

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
Dammit Janet!
ockkkkkkk!
The damm Emu got into the bathroom again!
Occkkkkkk!
He was drinking from the toilet and ate that stuff that turns the water blue!
Ockkk! Ockkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
argument in progress unbeknowst to them their kid was listening
No you're wrong! Your family are the 'ASSHOLES'! My family is just 'PATHETIC'!
Yah. I guess you're right. My family 'really' are assholes. And yes your family 'really' is pathetic.
at the wedding
Hi Uncle Steve. I'm the usher. You get to sit on the left side. That is the 'asshole side'. Thankyou. Enjoy the wedding.
Asshole?! They must be talking about me infront of their kid. I'll show them. Their getting the wedding card but minus the cash!
Hi Aunt Phillis. I'm the usher today. You get to sit on the right side. That is the 'pathetic side'. Thankyou. Enjoy the wedding.
Pathetic! Why I never! Who knows what else they said about me around their daughter! I'm not even going to stay for the reception!

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
I tawt I twaah! A pooty-tat!
What the hell??
I DEEED! I DEEED!! I DEEED SAW A POOTY-TAT!!
What's wrong with you? Why do you talk like that? Is that some kind of speech impediment or...?
Works everytime!
Wait a minute?! He could have the Avian Bird Flu they've been talking about in the news! I'm not taking any chances! I'm not eating him! I'm outta here!!

 

by daddydoright
4-01-06
Hey Dad! I think it's about time we had 'that talk'. I really want to know about women. You see there's this girl at school I like.
No problem son! I'll tell you everything you need to know about women!
Act like an angel in public
Can I get your seat for you my lady?
Why yes kind sir. hehehe.
And act like a devil in the bedroom!
Get on the bed and take off all your clothes! I want your legs open and a pillow under your ass when I turn around!
Oh yes! Fuck me like the freak I am!

 

by daddydoright
4-02-06
Where's that noise coming from?
Alright!!!! Already!!!!!!!!
click! click! click! click! e! e! e! eee!
Happy??
E!

 

by daddydoright
4-02-06

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
NO SMOKING!
Ever?
NO SMOKING!
Feel like?
NO SMOKING!
Your unwanted anymore?

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
Oh no it's the end of the world. Oh well at least now I can smoke.
HEY! YOU KNOW THE LAW! NO SMOKING!
Oh no I'm dead. At least now I can smoke.
HEY! YOU KNOW THERES NO SMOKING IN HEAVEN!
Oh no I'm in Hell. At least now I can smoke.
HEY! YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T SMOKE HERE! YOUR IN HELL! HAHA!

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
I'm lactose intolerant. I expressly asked for a non-dairy product to be used in my Latte.
Actually sir. If you must know that is breast milk in your Latte. Sorry but we were all out of LACTAID.
Ummm. That tastes really good. Thankyou.
No problem. I'm glad you like it.
The next day
Hi. I'd like a Latte with breast milk instead of Dairy please.
LARRY!! COULD YOU COME UP HERE NOW! WE GOT A PERV AT THE REGISTER!

 
by daddydoright, 4-03-06

 

by daddydoright
4-03-06
Hi welcome to McDonalds can I take your order?
Father OReilly I just feel weird having a McDonalds in the church.
Well don't Clairisia. Our attendance as been way down. And when McDonald's approached us it seemed like a match made in heaven.
Oh okay father. As long as it's good for the church. Can I have a number three value meal.
Yes of course my child. Would you like a side order of absolution with that?
Oh yes father of course.

Showing page 9.

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