All comics by edoggydog

 

by edoggydog
6-24-05
There's a new poll out showing that most Americans are against a return to the military draft, with the highest percentage opposed are men and women who are of draft age...
Groovy!
I have only one thing to say to those young adults surveyed...
What's that?
What a bunch of pussies!
Sounds like you're overdue for your daily ass-whoopin'!

 

by edoggydog
6-24-05
Groovy!
What a rad-looking mannequin!
If it could talk, I wonder what it would say?
What's with the stupid beret, fag-boy?!

 

by edoggydog
6-24-05
Groovy!
SHHHHHHHHH!!
I love how they've remodeled this library...
SHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
However, I think this "noise Nazi" behind me is a little over-the-top!
SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

 

by edoggydog
6-24-05
Dude... I just read in the L.A. Times about the so-called "elections" going on over in Iran...
Groovy!
What I find so [HAHA] funny is that those dumbasses at the Times actually believe [HAHAHA] that these elections are real, [HAHAHAHAHA] as if Iran is a democratic nation! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
For reals? That's [HAHA] friggin' [HAHAHA] hilarious! HAHAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA...

 

by edoggydog
6-25-05
You wanna hear the latest Bob Geldoff and the LIVE-8 concerts he's putting together?
Groovy!
Apparently, he's spent all the dough he made off the last-
Hey! You changed the color of your sweatshirt!
No, I didn't!
YOU DID IT AGAIN!!

 

by edoggydog
6-25-05
...so, then I told the LAPD officer that he better treat me like a "king". To wit he said, "One 'Rodney' coming up!" and preceded beat the shit out of me with his nightstick!
Groovy!
Damn! I get beat up by the "man", and all you can say is "groovy"! First the Fat Boys break up, and now this! I'm out...
Wanna go over to "Roscoe's" and eat some fried chicken and waffles? On me?
Now you're talking, cracker-boy!
Works every time!

 

by edoggydog
6-25-05
Groovy!
It's such a beautiful day out! This must be God's way of telling me to get out there and meet new people, and make new friends...
"CHECK OUT THE FRENCH-LOOKING, FAG-BOY STANDING IN THE DOOR- WAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Or not...

 

by edoggydog
6-25-05
Well... Here we are at the haunted house...
Groovy!
Now, are you sure you want to go through with the bet? Staying in that place all night could be very spooky!
I'm up for the challenge!
Y'know, dude... You're so pasty white, I think the ghosts will be more afraid of you!
That's the game plan!

 

by edoggydog
6-26-05
Dude... If, you go get me a dacquiri, I'll buy both our drinks...
Groovy!
Just make sure the bartender makes it with nuts. Any kind of nuts will do. But, I gotta have nuts!
Have you ever tried "deez"..?
"Deez" what?
Deez nuts! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [snort]

 

by edoggydog
6-26-05
...then, I ordered a B.L.T., and the waitress gave me a look like I was Jeffrey Dahmer, or someone like that!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I just finished putting together my portable basketball hoop. I figure two or three months of practice, and I'll be ready for the NBA...
Get real, dude... You're a pig!
(This went on for hours...)
Yeah? So? YEAH? SO? You're barely this side of gaydom, and you think you'll be cornholing Sandra Bullock someday...
Yeah? So? YEAH? SO? I hear you're a "ball hog", Porky...

 

by edoggydog
6-26-05
Groovy!
It worked! You are now under my spell! You will go to the supermarket and buy me three pounds of Guda cheese, and a forty of Old E...
I will go to the supermarket and buy you three pounds of Guda cheese, and a forty of Old E...
Then, you will stop by the bank, empty out your savings, and bring the money to me...
But, if I go to the supermarket and buy you three pounds of Guda cheese, and a forty of Old E, there won't be any money left in my account to bring you...
Man! This loser is one broke-ass motherfucker!

 

by edoggydog
6-26-05
Whew! I am finally done! I didn't realize an Amish barn-raising was such hard work...
Groovy!
Jebediah was nice enough to throw in a couple of extra zeroes on the check he wrote me. I can't wait to cash it and buy me a new toilet seat...
Dude... The Amish don't have bank accounts. I think you just got stiffed!
Really? Son-of-a-bitch! Say... You wanna go help me tip some of his cows!
Sure! Then, we can go have our way with his sheep!

 

by edoggydog
6-27-05
Groovy!
Um... Tonight, I, um, (heh, heh) just want to say, er, that... What I, uh, mean is... No, wait! I mean, um, I wish I'd brought my (heh, heh) notes with me 'cause I'm, uh, drawing a, um, blank...
Uh, could someone turn on the A.C.? I'm starting to burn up in here!

 

by edoggydog
6-27-05
Dude... Check out my neighbor's new wife! Rub-a-dub! Rub-a-dub!!
Groovy!
Speaking of wives... Did I ever tell you about my two wives? The first one died from eating poisoned mushrooms. And, the second from a gunshot to the head!
That's horrible! Who shot her?
I did! The bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms!
Um... I think I need to go home and, uh, shave my nuts, or something... (Just walk away and don't make eye contact!)

 

by edoggydog
6-27-05
Groovy!
[pshhhhh]
I've finally got the bathroom all to myself! Now, maybe I can take a dump in peace...
[gurgle]
*KNOCK* *KNOCK* "I hope you don't intend to use the toilet. It's busted again! Sorry..."
Shit!
Not in me you won't, fag-boy!

 

by edoggydog
6-27-05
Dude I just saw this cool movie on cable called, "One Hour Photo" starring Robin Williams...
Groovy!
It's about this wierd guy pushing forty who has no wife, no kids, not even a girlfriend! And, he works at a suck-ass job making minimum wage... I tell you. He was a real psycho!
Dude... You're 42, no wife, no kids, and no girlfriend. And, you don't even HAVE a job! Does that mean you're a psycho, too?
No... It's different in my case.
Really? Hmmm... So, tell me: what's the color of the sky in YOUR world?

 

by edoggydog
6-28-05
...then, I told that stoopid wabbit, "I'll show you 'what's up, Doc'!", and blew his clean head off...
Groovy!
But, I didn't buy this here twelve-guage to smoke vermin. I mainly use it to shoot 'cans...
Gee... That's seems a bit like overkill to me! Just what kind of "cans" are you shooting with that cannon?
Afri-CANS, Mexi-CANS, Jamai-CANS, Puerto Ri-CANS... Oh, and the occasional French-looking, Fag-boy type who ask WAY too many questions...
Well, I can take a hint! Sheeeeessshhh!

 

by edoggydog
6-28-05
Dude... I just heard the strangest news report on KFI AM 640...
Groovy!
It said that the Vatican wants to "beautify" John Paul II so he can become a saint! What does his looks have to do with it? Besides, he wasn't all that ugly of a guy to begin with...
Uh... They want to "beatify" him, not beautify, you moron!
Really? Never mind...
Bird brain!

 

by edoggydog
6-28-05
Here at "Kaufman's Fight Club", we teach a non-violent, yet highly effective form of self defense for young women. Let's go to the video...
Groovy!
"In this imaginary situation, Gabe decides he wants to work Holly's cootch six ways to Sunday. Not 'being in the mood', Holly lifts her leg to intitate the 'Qweef' technique..."
Get away from me, Gabe! I'm warning you, dickwad!
C'mon, Holly! You've already slept with everyone on the football team! Give up the poon, whore!
"As Holly cranks one off, Gabe is left completely immobilized! Holly just simply walks away unharmed. (It should be noted that this technique only works for women with unkempt snatches...)
Hi-YA! [BRRAAAPPPPP!!]
Oh, Jesus! Haven't you ever heard of "Summer's Eve", you stinky skank..?

 

by edoggydog
6-28-05
Okay... [scribble] I've got your side of the story. Now, I'll ask the dead guy on the floor his side...
Groovy!
Sir... Wanna tell me what happened here? Sir? Hello? Damn. Oh, well... Since, he ain't talking, I'll assume what you told me is true...
Cool.
Once more for accuracy... You say he "accidently" ran into your knife. Fifteen times. Backwards. [scribble, scribble]Got it. You're free to go...
Can I have my knife back..?

 

by edoggydog
6-28-05
Sure... I can do just about any type of surgery...
Groovy!
Just to make sure I heard you right... You say you want me to make you Polish by cutting out a third of you're brain? Okay! We can do the operation in the morning...
Cool!
Next day in the recovery room...
Um... There were some complications during your surgery, so instead of cutting out only a third of your brain, we ended up removing half of it!
Que?

 

by edoggydog
6-29-05
Dude... I just saw this movie about a boy who had to live in a plastic bubble his entire childhood because he had to avoid germs or die. It starred John Travolta, of all people...
Groovy!
In the final scene, he decides to leave his protective bubble, go out in the open air, and brave death to live a normal life. He then rides off on a horse with his childhood girlfriend... The End.
Wow! What an inspirational story! It shows me that if he's willing to risk dying to reach his dreams, then nothing can stop me from reaching mine! So, did they live happily ever after..?
Not really... What the film doesn't show is that in real life, he gets thrown from that horse, breaks his neck, and becomes a quadriplegic! Then, his girlfriend dumps him!
*sigh*

 

by edoggydog
6-29-05
Sho, let me [hic] tell you about my idea for a [burp] retirement plan. It's really shwell!
Groovy!
For exshample, if you had [burp] inveshted $1000 lasht year in [hic] WorldCom, Enron, or Nortel, your shtock would now [BURP!] be worth and average of $23.14. But, that shame money shpent on beer...
Yes? Yes?
...would be worth [HIC] $214 in reshycled cans! [BURP] I call it my "401-Keg" plan! [BRRAAAPPPPP!!]
You wanna here 'bout my "401-Gay" plan..?

 

by edoggydog
6-29-05
...then, the lifeguard had the gall to ask me to stop wearing Speedos because I was giving everyone on the beach the creeps...
Groovy!
"Groovy"? What kind of @%#$ up response is that?
It's what I do, man...
(This is where the conversation gets weird...)
So... Did I ever tell you that, y'know, you look kinda sexy in black..?
Really? Well, gee... Wanna take me back to your place and "bone" me..?

 

by edoggydog
6-29-05
Dude... Did I ever tell you the time I auditioned for the role of Darth Vader in the original "Star Wars" movie?
Groovy!
"I remember as if it were yesterday..."
What do you plan to do with me, Vader?
DARTH TOBOR WILL BLOW UP YOUR HOME PLANET, THEN CORNHOLE YOU UNTIL YOUR EYES POP, LEIA!!
"NEXT!"
What?

 

by edoggydog
6-29-05
Dude... I am your inner child. I'm you at the age of thirteen...
Groovy!
Do you have any issues from your past you'd like for me to help you resolve..?
Not really... I'm pretty content in my life today...
You've GOT to be kidding, fag-boy!
Hmmm... I don't remember being such an asshole at that age...

 

by edoggydog
6-29-05
...and, that's why it's called "Halloween", and not "Let's-dress-our-children-up-like-Satan-worshippers-and-teach-them-to-beg-for-candy-like-homeless-people Night"...
Groovy!
By the way... Have you noticed that not ONE of our four hundred and thirty some-odd comics has not made the "top rated comics" list? Well, I've done some research, and come up with the reason why...
What is it..?
JEALOUSY!
Don't hate us because we're beautiful!

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
Sure... I'll tell you how I got the monniker, "edoggydog"...
Groovy!
It was the nickname given to me by the brothers on my college basketball team...
Did they call you that because of your "mad dog" style of defense, or did you "dog out" all the women on campus?
No... It was because I like to lick my nuts in front of company!
Gee whiz! I'm I the ONLY one who can't like his own nuts?

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
Gooey!
Groovy!
GOOEY!!
Wrongo! Listen and learn... It's "GROOVY"!
Damn! My diaper is full of shit, and this dumbass can't take a hint!
I'll go grab the chalkboard, and spell it out for you...

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
Groovy!
I guess it was all a bad dream! There really ISN'T a giant octopus living in my closet...
MUWAHAHA!!
Oh, goody! "French Eye for the Black Guy" is on!

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
Dude... I'm tired from sleeping all day! Since, you say there isn't giant octopus in there, I'm going to go nap in the closet...
Groovy!
Come back and wake me in twenty...
Cool...
Twenty minutes later...
BURP!
Kitty?

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
That twenty minute nap was just what I needed! [*YAWN*] Now, I'm all rested up to go to bed...
Groovy!
Oh... Sorry about belching earlier. I guess it was the sardine sandwich I ate for lunch...
That's cool. I'm just glad that you're okay. For a minute there I thought you were eaten by the imaginary giant octopus in my closet, but, of course, it doesn't exist! Nighty-night...
Is he gone?
Dude... Keep it down! He might hear you...

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
Groovy!
You said, home-grown!
I hope this year's better than last!
I know what you mean... Last year's sucked ass!
Knock it off, guys! Let's stay in the gratitude with our attitude!
I'm so glad I'm ahead of all these losers!

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
Dude... I've got some great news about the new president-elect of Iran...
Groovy!
Despite accusations by the kidnappees, the new guy was NOT involved in anyway with the Iranian hostage situation back in 1979...
Thank God!
You said it! I guess he's not the radical, hardlining psychopath we all assumed he was!
I guess we all can sleep better at night now! Late...

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
I'm a cocksucker!
Groovy!
I mean I'm a REAL COCK SUCKER! I want to SUCK your COCK!!
Why didn't you say so! Wait right here...
?
Buh-GAWK!

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
Groovy!
Groovy!
Groovy!
Groovy!
Groovy!
I think I'm at the wrong convention...

 

by edoggydog
6-30-05
...and, then dad created the sun, and he said, "It was good."
Groovy!
Speaking of good, I think my front's dark enough... Please, turn me around so I can tan my backside, okay?
No problemo, Jaycee!
Speaking of tanning, you could use a little sun yourself. You're looking awfully pasty!
Don't hate!

 

by edoggydog
7-01-05
...but, between you and me, I'd put all your money in "Spam"! Americans just love the taste of pork by-products!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... Do you know what you tell a woman with TWO blacks eyes?
No...
Nothing! You've told her TWICE already!
Okaaayyyyy...

 

by edoggydog
7-01-05
...and, the "Abstract Poetry & Bongo Soloing" consorteum will be held in South Hall, room 432 this evening... Can I get a "groovy"?
Groovy!
Groovy!
Groovy!
Waffles!

 

by edoggydog
7-01-05
"Aruba, Jaimaca, ooooo I wanna take ya..."
Groovy!
"Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama..."
Hmmm...
"Key Largo, Montego, baby, why don't we go down to KOKOMOS..."
I better go call the FBI. I think I know where Natalee Holloway is!

 

by edoggydog
7-01-05
Groovy!
I finally figured out what this reminds me of...
The end of the bench where I spent the majority of my college basketball career!

 

by edoggydog
7-01-05
...and, also those diet pill ads in the back of magazines. You know the guy in the "after" pictures? That's me!
Groovy!
So... How do you like me now?
I didn't realize I was in the presence of such "greatness"!
Damn straight, home-grown! Late...
Gee... I was laying the sarcasm on pretty thick there, and he STILL didn't sense it! I must be getting slow...

 

by edoggydog
7-01-05
Dude... I want to address some of the more sensitive faggots- er, readers of "Groovy!"
Groovy!
Is there a fucking echo in here..? Anyhoo... Some objected to episode 444, which mentioned Natalee Holloway in it. For those of you who were offended, I have a suggestion...
Let's hear it...
Go down to your local Home Depot, and buy some wood, some nails, some bricks, and cement. Then, build yourself a little bridge, and GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!
*sniff, sniff* Damn! I think my tuna casserole is burning!

 

by edoggydog
7-01-05
Y'know... I've been doing a lot of thinking lately...
Groovy!
Now that I'm in my 40's, I'm beginning to ponder what life is all about. Why are we here? What's our purpose? There's got to be more to life than just eating, sleeping, and butt-fucking...
God, I hope not!
Me, neither! In fact, forget I even brought the whole stupid subject up! See ya...
Whew! For a minute there, I thought he was being serious...

 

by edoggydog
7-02-05
I had a fun time tonight, baby!
Groovy!
The restaurant was good, and the movie was great...
So... How was I in bed?
Not baaaaaaad!
Coo'! Call me...

 

by edoggydog
7-02-05
Groovy!
I don't know if that's the best way to describe this situation...
How would you describe it, then?
How the @#%$ would I know?
Well... What DO you know, butt-face?
I know that if I knew what you think I know, I'd know enough not to tell you what I knew while looking at you knowingly... Y'know?

 

by edoggydog
7-03-05
Thank you for letting Wong Wei in comic today! It been LONG TIME since I in "Groovy!"...
Groovy!
Okay! Enough with stereotypical gook-talk... Did you hear about the one thousand illegal alien women from South Korea who were arrested today? They were smuggled into the U.S. to be prostitutes!
That's horrible! Are they going to be deported?
Yes! But, they only came here to "do the jobs Americans won't do"!
Hmmm... I see you've bought into Bush's bullshit argument!

 

by edoggydog
7-03-05
Hey, folks! Welcome to our first ever "alternate ending" for a previous "Groovy!" comic. Today, we'll give a different punchline to episode number 449...
Groovy!
Not baaaaaaaad!
Thank ewe!
Stay tuned for more upcoming A.E.'s as needed...
And, if we forget to do an alternate ending as needed, then we'll give you an "A.E. I.O.U."! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA! Late...

 

by edoggydog
7-03-05
Dude... Thanks for taking me to see "War of the Worlds"! It was a fantastic movie!
Groovy!
Say... Before you go to sleep, tell me the part of the movie that scared you the most...
It was when that octopus arm-like camera was looking for the people in the basement... Spooky! Thank God it's not real! Well, good night, Clango...
MUWAHAHA!
Uh...

 

by edoggydog
7-04-05
Dude... Do me a favor, [heh, heh] and pull my finger!
Groovy!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
?
What the hell was that all about??

Showing page 9.

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