All comics by Trey_Suckabeefio

 

Uh... What do the letters T.O.M.B.O.T. stand for?
Well, Norman, as you know, my name was Tom. We were astronauts together on the same ill-fated mission to the Robot Planet, rescued from the wreckage by well-meaning but ill-informed medic-bots.
Uh...Yeah. That sounds familiar.
Aside from some minor brain damage due to a concussion, you ended up more or less as you were before. I, however, had to be spead between two circuit boards like a god-damned smoked salmon pate!
I see... So what do the letters T.O.M.B.O.T. stand for?
I think the periods between the letters look like little rivets. The rest is all what you call smooooth exposition, baby.

 

So you're telling me that the Robot High Council has designed living quarters for us with a built-in Earth Simulator?
That's right, Normal Boy! We'll feel right at home from now on!
That's swell. But...uh... has anyone on the Council ever BEEN to Earth before? How will they know what it's like?
Oh, shit! There was a meeting about that!
Wow, those guys have high-powered telescopes.

 

I'm hungry.
Well, good luck with that. As far as I know, nothing much grows on the Robot Planet.
Yeah... I guess that means no farm-fresh produce, no homemade pumpkin soup...
Sounds about right, what with no pumpkins and all.
I've stopped caring.

 

This SO sucks. Am I the only one on the whole planet what needs to eat sometime?
Oh, wait. What's that in the distance?
Remember those space suit things? That you need to wear?

 

What the crap were you THINKING? If you just go DIE by yourself, who will reconstitute your components into a form that can stand here talking to me all day?
Yeah... didn't think of that.
See, while you have kept your BODY and lost your MIND, I have done the opposite!
Yeah... didn't think of that either. Cool.
So you guys see what I did there, huh? Our theme music should be along any second.

 

>UN5UR3 >A80U7 >R3C3N7 >HUMAN >ACQU151710N5
>BU7 >PAP3RW0RK >1NCR3A53 >= >3XH1l1RA710N >1NCR3A53
>0H >H3Y >R1GHT >Y0U >AR3 >C0RR3C7 >S1R
>DAMN >57RA1GH7 >BUDDY >AND >W3 >R0B075 >D0 >N07 >U5UALLY >3V3N >G37 >3M0710N5 >0F >ANY >K1ND
>0H >H3Y >Y0U >AR3 >AL50 >C0RR3C7 >S1R >7H3R3 >A5 >W3LL / >15 >7H15 >MAYB3 >A >BAD >7H1NG
>C0ULD >B3 / >W3 >5H0ULD >D3V3L0P >50M3 >K1ND >0F >R3PR35510N >ALG0R17HM

 

>W3 >MAY >G37 >1N >7R0UBLE
>Y0U >N33D >70 >U53 >7H3 >NUM3RAL >3 >1N573AD >0F >"E" >0R >7H3 >C0UNC1L >MAY >5U5P3C7 >0UR >3M0710N5
>0H >H3Y >R1GH7 / >AL50 >W3 >MU57 >5AY >0UR >NAM35
>C0RR3C7 / >3XP051710N >DU7135 >N3ARLY >N3GL3C73D
>7HA7 >W0ULD >B3 >BAD
>AL50 >FUN >PAP3RW0RK1 / >Y0U >533 >WHA7 >1 >D1D >7H3R3 >H3LP1NG >Y0U >0U7 >A7 >MY >0WN >3XP3N53

 

*greetings* *paperwork 2*
>GR3371NG5 >R3GUL0N / >70DAY >C0ULD >N07 >B3 >M0R3 >N3U7RAL >W0ULDN7 >Y0U >5AY
*might*
*if* *chatty*

 

>0H >5CRAP / >H3 >MU57 >7H1NK >1 >B3HAV3D >1N >AN >UN70WARD >MANN3R
>H3Y >1 >D1D >N07 >3M17 >50UND >WAV35 >7H3R3 / >MY >V01C3 >57AY3D >1N >MY >H3AD >M0DUL3
I am feeling like an exceptionally dangerous kind of super-being.

 

Meanwhile...
I could die of hunger any second. I'm so dizzy...
And yet you're still here with me. You're a real pal, you know?
Uh... yeah. Staying is what a pal would do. Does time pass when we're not in an episode? Because I'm starting to realize something about myself...
Well, use those vocal cords you've still got, Mister Keepbody, and lay that shit down for me right here and now!
Oh Yeah... That reminds me. I'm starting to get hungry.
Much as I've LOVED this game for the past week or so, you guys look like you could use some "adventures".

 

All suited up, walking along, etc.
Planet Sand really in front of elbow, walking along, etc.
I hear you, T.O.M.B.O.T., and so I stepped around that Sand Outcropping back there.
Keep watching so you don't bump into this next one. Planet Sand may be dangerous the way it sticks out like that. Hey - I see a building in the distance!
I see it too... Omigod, what happened to your elbow? Hey, ouch! What was that?
I don't know, but hey, the building went away!

 

I'm sorry. Let's go to the building. I shouldn't be playing mind games with your respiratory system.
I may have brain damage, but that was a mixed metaphor. And where's my helmet?
Omigod! You really DO need a breathing helmet out here or you'll get MORE brain damage! Hurry! And watch out for ALL THAT INVISIBLE SAND!
Sand's not invisible. And you said I have brain damage when I DON'T.
GET IN! GET IN!

 

Couldn't we just ask the Robot Council for something edible? I'm getting hungry.
Omigod yes! How insensitive of me not to have brought it up at the meeting I wasn't at during which.. I mean during the has been when.. it was being had?! AAA!!
pglpppth...
Okay, okay... just be calm. It'll only be a coma. People wake from comas.
*greetings* *cyborg1*
THIRD DEGREE BURNS NOT SO MUCH!!

 

>D1D >Y0U >R3C31V3 >N0T1C3 >R3: >VAR1ANC3 >1N >C0ND1710N >0F >R3C3N7 >ACQU151710N
>AFF1RMA71V3 / >N071C3 >HA5 >MAD3 >M3 >F33L >ALL >VAR137135 >0F >5AD
>1 >35P3C1ALLY >W1LL >R3QU1R3 >7HA7 >ALG0R17HM >0R >MY >V1S10N >M0DUL35 >W1LL >RU57 >C0N5P1CU0U5LY
We have to keep this under control. My new abilities seem to include a keen sense of, well, I'll call it "doubt", about the reliability of my outward expressions.
?!
Just to be sure.

 

Charlston, South Carolina (US), 1989.
Stuttgart, Germany, 1994.
Gaborone, Botswana, RIGHT NOW.
Huh? Who said that?

 

At Work...
Huh? Did that bird say my name?
SQUAAAAWK
At Play...
He DID! That's TWICE!
HEEP HEEP HEEEEEEP
AND NOTHING HELPED! HA HA HA!
(YOUR NAME HERE)

 

MINDLESS PUTREFACTION OF THE BODY POLITIC
BAD APPLES IN THE... AH... BELLY OF GOVERNANCE POISONING THIS... COUNTRY OF OURS, COUPLED WITH A PLAGUE OF... INDIFFERENT POPULACE
YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO WAKE UP AND BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING HERE

 

>PAP3RW0RK2 >D1D >A >5M1L3 >AF73R >1 >70LD >H1M >AB0U7 >MY >5AD >3M0710N
>A5 >A >R35UL7 >MY >3M0710N >HA5 >1NCR3A53D >R3ALLY >MUCH/ >0H >5CRAP
*greetings* *paperwork1*
>WHA75 >WR0NG >REGUL0N >Y0U >L00K >L1KE >Y0U >ARE >DY1NG >0F >5ADNE55

 

My genitals are tingling!
Don't worry! I'm using my force field!
Okay! That's good, because I drank a LOT of beer this morning at breakfast!
I've been practising every day with the Professor! I can keep it up!
But for how long?

 

In the following sentence, guess which word doesn't belong:
I was impressed sad that those secret service men kicked you in the nuts.
Impressed?
No.

 

Back there when you were swapping "distance pee" stories with President Bush, you made me feel repelido totalmente.
Do you know what that means?
Impressed?
No.

 

Mulder! We found him!
Shhh... Stand back.
I think he's sleeping. We'll just...
OH MY GOD WHAT A SUCKER PUNCH!
OW!
Grr! wa WAA waa wAAA!

 

How do I change the date on this thing? I hate leap year.
Maybe if I hold down two buttons at once...
Hey, cool, that turns it into a banana!

 

Hey, same tie!
Hey, same mug!
Hey, you ate my girlfriend!

 

98..99..100! Ready or not, here I come!
Ha! Ha! Eat me, you loser!
Later...
Ooh.

 

Venn yoo vake up...yoo vill go Kukoo for Koko Puffs!
*Yawn* So, what's for breakfast?
Koko Puffs?
AIEEE!!!
Komm sie back hier!

 
?
You're the man now, dog.

 

...and with no end to the writer's strike in sight, networks are now digging through their archives for outtakes. I'm Tucker Carlson. Good night.
R.I.P. Earl Hindman
Heads up, Allen! Hee! Hee!

 

Paul! How did your sermon go? Did you offer the hope of Jesus' salvation to those of both faiths?
Well, I tried. It didn't go over so great with my Jewish parishoners, but...
...my Gentiles are tingling.

 

 

I got this end, O'Malley. You got that one?
Yep. Nobody's grabbing our booty today, that's for damn sure.
What's going on down there, Mike?
Looks like someone could use some help.
O'Malley? That you? You sure smell good.
He's over there, cutie.

 
OM NOM NOM

 

His pyjamas were way too small.

 

 

 

Spock! You beamed me down to a desert island by mistake. Can we try that again?
Spock? Are you there?
Sorry, Captain. The reception up there is terrible. You were saying?

 

John Stossel interviews Dr. D:
I'll ask you the standard question.
Standard question?
I think this is fake.
You think it's fake?
Yes I do.
Sorry, I'm a little hard of hearing. Could you repeat the question?

 

or: "The Man Who Knew Too Much"
OW!
That was an open-hand slap! You think this is fake?
Easy! Easy... Huh?
Let's see what you think NOW, tough guy!
Decepticons!

 

or: "The Truth About Kayfabe"
I think this is fake.
You think it's fake?
Easy, ea--whoa!
*ahem* 7HA7 WA5 AN 0P3N HAND 5LAP.

 

What's in the sack?
Oh, not much, old man. 11 or so herbs and spices.
That so?
Yep. 11 or so heeeeeerbs and spices.

 

Oh, dear. Where am I now? My Magic Tricycle must be malfunctioning once again! But wait, little cow - what have I here?
Yes, a nice shiny watch to look at! Yes... look at it! You are feeling tired now, getting verrrry sleeeeepy...
...zzz...
God damn it, sir, with all due respect, these reckless binges have got to stop.

 

This issue: "To Regret is Human"
Look at those children, playing with their dog. Could I, who once menaced the world as TOBOR, ever truly know such happiness?
Sir?
Sorry. I was... daydreaming.
Your order. I asked if you wanted a half corndog or a whole.
Father, you don't understand what I'm going through. You can't understand.
There, there, my son. We all have sinned.

 

Hello? Is this Elliot Meth's Speedball Painting and Auto Body? How much would you charge to do an area around 6 by
I dunno, t-th-thirty-five dollars?

 

Duck season!
Rabbit theathon!
Sorry, pal, but my friend here says it's duck season.
I'm telling you it's Rabbit th-AAAGH!
You knew I was at home, you fuckin' wiar.
It was wabbit season, doc - license violation.

 

shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle sh
Coming!
DING! DONG!
uffle shuffle shuffle sh-
I'll be right th-
DING! DONG!

 

Last week your partner suffered a humiliating defeat, and tonight you're looking to settle the score. Do you have anything to say?
I sure do, Mike. Somebody thought he could just take out The Ranger's tag team partner. Well, that somebody should have been warned...
THE RANGER IS NOT GONNA LIKE THIS, YOGI!
Powerful words. Any response?
Just this: YOU COME HERE LOOKING FOR A PIC-A-NIC BASKET?! WHEN YOU AND I STEP INTO THAT RING...

 

 

HULK HOGAN vs. COLONEL KLANK...
"SHORTY" ROSWELL vs. ABE "THE BABE" VIGODA...
PLUS THE MIGHTY TOBOR! DON'T MISS IT!
...und did I hear zumvon ask for ze Colonel?

 

re: nragemachine/416264
Hey, gramma. Remember that story about the duck from the nursing home that could sense when people were going to die?
Vaguely.
Well anyway this is the very same nursery home! I hope you like it here.
Wait, so if the duck follows you around and won't leave you alone that means you're going to die?
Yes. But don't worry, gramma. You'll be safe here.
I've been looking all over for you. We're out of onions.

 

re: pheryx/418557/
My mom used to make us 14-inch pancakes every weekend, with eggs and sausage and O.J.
That's ironic.
What, that my mom dated O.J.?
That your eyes still look like 14-inch pancakes.

Showing page 1.

Next »