All comics by monkeyknifefight

Profile

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-08-09
Hey Abe, did you put that thing in my inbox?
That's what she said!
I fucking hate you.

 

You know, we Canadians love our country so much we call it "The True North Strong and Free"
Cool. Americans call it Snow Mexico.
by monkeyknifefight, 12-08-09

 

I should be everyone's favorite dinosaur. Because let's face it folks, I'm the only one with a viable defense against a T-Rex attack. Am I right? I'm right.
by monkeyknifefight, 12-08-09

 

I'm the best dinosaur and I can support my claim with three main points.
by monkeyknifefight, 12-08-09

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-08-09
...and another thing. The way the media portrays us is bullshit. Land Before Time? The triceratops is the bitchy one, Sarah.
Jurassic Park? The Trike is sick, and looks like shit.
And Baby Bop? Don't even get me started. Fuck Baby Bop.

 

My anagrams include "Carrot Spite", "A Crisp Otter", and "Spare Orc Tit." HOW CAN YOU DENY MY GREATNESS?
by monkeyknifefight, 12-08-09

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-09-09
I mean, come on. Velociraptors? Bunch of Hollywood posers.
T-Rex? Psh, that's a dog's name.
Stegosaurus? That dude NEVER gets laid!

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-09-09
I mean, come on. Velociraptors? Bunch of Hollywood posers.
T-Rex? Psh, that's a dog's name.
Stegosaurus? That dude NEVER gets laid!

 

At the U.S-Canada border...
WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?!?
by monkeyknifefight, 12-09-09

 

I've had a lot of relationship problems. People say I get attached too easily.
Ooh, not me. I always have to keep moving or I feel like I can't breathe.
by monkeyknifefight, 12-09-09

 

I've had some relationship problems. People say I get attached too easily.
Ooh, not me. I always have to keep moving or it feels like I can't breathe.
by monkeyknifefight, 12-09-09

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-09-09
Do I get the ladies? Hell yes I do.
And not just in my own herd either. I've been with an Anklyosaurus, a Pterodactyl...even a Brachiosaurus once.
You know they can breathe out of the top of their head? Man, that came in handy...

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-09-09
Woah, sorry I'm late folks...they re-tarred the parking lot out there and I was kinda scared to--
Heheh...I said retard.

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-09-09
TONIIIIIGHT!!! Larry King faces his toughest interview yet: an all-access exclusive with PREACHING TRICERATOPS!
Man, fuck that guy.
Rick? Hey, Rex here. Yeah. This Triceratops douche is killing my ratings! You're my fucking agent, do something!
Ok, Rexy. Just relax. I'll come up with something.
How about we get you some horns too, you know? But MORE of them. Like, five!
Ok. Go suck the triceratops' three-pronged dick, ok? You're fired.

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-09-09
In the year 2014...
Jason?
Stay away from me Pussyhammer! I'm...different now.
Oh my God, what happened? Did Katy leave you? Did Mike finally protest to your homosexual advances?
No, it wasn't Katy or Mike, it was, it was...
...Donnie.

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-09-09
I loooove grammar. I mean, I'm passionate about it.
I had a fling with a noun once. She became possessive.
I was also with a conditional statement for a while, but things were iffy from the start.

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-10-09
Yeah, finding the perfect match is tough. Imperatives are too bossy, clauses can become dependent all of a sudden....
Prepositions often form tense relationships, and apostrophes never seem to know where they belong.
You want my advice, little ninjas? Don't fall in love with grammar.

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-10-09
And how about you, young ninja, who is your favorite subject of the grammar empire?
The semicolon!
Ah, yes, a period and comma humping. A somewhat...inexperienced choice.
Inexperienced how, sensei?
Well, you see young ninja, semicolon is latin for "half ass." Do you understand?
...forgive me master...

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-10-09
8====D (|)
8==)
8====D (|)

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-15-09
Dude, question: would you rather have a super-religious christian bible-thumper son, or a gay son?
Depends...has my gay son come out?
Uh, sure.
Gay son then. He's at least being honest with himself. The christian son is telling himself a lie every day.
What if your gay son tells you he believes in God?
I tell him God hates him and work from there.

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-15-09
Hey weirdo! Where's Mr. Miagi at?
Ah ah! To end a sentence in a preposition is most unwise, Chen-san.
Oohh, sooorry! Where's Mr. Miagi at, jerkoff? Hahaha!
.....
Seconds later...
...nnnnhhhnhh
Finish your sentences wisely, lest they finish you.

 

by monkeyknifefight
12-19-09
Hey baby, I bet you're like the most checked out item in here.
I mean, you're the subject and I'm the predicate: you usually come before me.
I suppose I would like to hear an ejaculatory phrase...or two.
Oh...my...god...

 

Hey, um, God? You know, everything up here in heaven is just perfect. But, um...
What is it, Dan?
Well, it's almost like stuff is too perfect...like maybe a litte, uh, boring?
I see. What do you want me to do?
Well, I was thinking maybe today I could like get in an argument with a hot chick or something. But then we'll talk through it, you know? And maybe have make-up sex.
Dan, this is heaven...the hot chicks never talk.

 

Tonight at 7...
I'm here with the Good Fairy Peaseblossom, who is retiring after years of service.
That's right. I've had enough! It's the same shit all the time.
Ex--excuse me? What do you mean?
"More wishes, Good Fairy! I wish for more wishes!" Total bullshit.
Tonight at 7...
Well to be fair, that is the smartest thing to--
No! Just because I'm a fairy doesn't mean I have to take it in the ass my whole life. I'm nobody's wishbitch now!

 

Tonight at 7...
I'm here with Good Fairy Peaseblossom, who is retiring after years of service.
That's right. I've had enough! It's the same shit all the time.
Ex--excuse me? What do you mean?
"More wishes, Good Fairy! I Wish for more wishes, neeagh!" Total bullshit.
Well to be fair, that is the smartest thing to--
No! Just because I'm a fairy doesn't mean I have to take it in the ass from you people. I'm nobody's wishbitch now!

Showing page 1.