All comics by Aluminum_Guy

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by Aluminum_Guy
12-09-03
Hmmm, I thought forklifts were only used in silverware factories. Maybe we should do some training on this...
Hey, Skittles. I noticed you stacked all of next week's orders on top of this week's. Now we can't ship what we need to.
It's like my old boss always said: Training, Training, Training!
Maybe I should say that too, since I'm about to be your old boss.
If I worked for the railroad I could get some train traning. Whoa...

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-09-03
...so leave the safety gaurds on the machines, even if you did drop a sandwich in there. Anyway, thanks to Recordable Injury Guy's dedication, this won't be a lost-time accident.
I'm..........okay..........gurgle.
Hang in there, buddy. We'll get you some ice for that.

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-10-03
Unfortunately, downward trends in the construction industry are forcing us to cut the workforce here at The Aluminum Factory.
As per the terms of the current union contract, those of you who are bright and work hard, but have beenn here only a short time will be laid off.
Those who have been here forever, hardly ever move and are functionally illiterate will receive raises and coupons for 50% off any skillet breakfast at Denny's.

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-10-03
Wow, Rascal. For a forklift driver you sure do dress in some fancy, hig-dollar clothes. How can you afford it?
It's all about the O.T., baby. Overtime! Time and a half after the first eight hours, double time on Sundays, triple time on holidays, shift premiums.
Hell, man. On Thanksgiving I made $3000.
That's it. I'm going home tonight and burning my college diploma.

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-10-03
Hey, Production Planner Guy, why does it seem like no matter how well things go for us here at the Aluminum Factory we can still never complete all of our sheduled orders, let alone get ahead?
Basic rule of production planning, Dave. No matter how much you schedule, the workers will pace themselves to get only 80% of it done. So I figure out how much we really need and add 20% to it.
Oh. Is that also why you're such a smarmy jackass? You figure we only notice 80% of it?
That reminds me, Dave, how many pounds of aluminum can fit in your million-pound warehouse? 'Cause I just ordered 1.2 million pounds.

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-10-03
Well, since we stopped hearing the tapping an hour ago, we're going to wrap up another wildly unsuccessful bring-your-daughter-to-work day and call off the search for little Suzie Johnson.
Given the circumstances, Russ Johnson has been granted an extra bereavement day.
Don't just stand there, Russ. That bereavement time request form isn't going to fill itself out!

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-10-03
Recordable Injury Guy, it's time for the annual sweeping of the rafters above the caustic tanks. Grab a broom.
Afraid.......of hieghts.....gurgle.....
Yeah, you mumbled something like that last year. Don't forget your safety harness. It's in the old tool shed out back.
.....um.....okay.....
But watch out, a family of racoons has been living in it.
.....rabies?.....gurgle.

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-11-03
Some top executives from the corporate office will be touring the plant tomorrow. So please don't wear your T-shirts from this year's company picnic.
We don't want to have to explain where we came up with the money for shirts and a picnic on such a tight budget.
In fact, if anyone speaks to you tomorrow, just say your name is Juan and you don't remember how you got here, but you really like it. We can explain that.

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-11-03
Skittles, Recordable Injury Guy was attacked by racoons in the tool shed and now he can't drive. I need you to go get him. If he at least punches in we won't have to report it as a lost-time accident.
Oh, I don't think I've been properly trained on that procedure.
What procedure?
Driving!
I'm pretty sure you have been trained on that, Skittles. You showed us your driver's license when we hired you.
Driver's license? I thought that was my MENSA membership card. No wonder all the questions on the test were about cars and road signs.

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-12-03
Hey, High Seniority Guy, when you get a chance I need you to put up some banners featuring the ridiculous new company motto.
Okay. What is the new motto?
"On time, every time, no excuses."
Hmmm. Different from our original motto: "We bring you Aluminum, the newly-discovered wonder metal of the future!"
Man, this guy has been here a long time! I'll bet he gets about 6 months of vacation a year.

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-17-03
...anyway, after rolling over six or seven times the forklift burst into flames.
Fortunately, the driver, Rascal, was thrown clear of the lift and landed gracefully on his feet, looking fabulous. Unfortunately, the lift landed on Recordable Injury Guy.
We've installed a time clock next to his bed in the intensive care unit, so it shouldn't have to go down as a lost-time accident.

 

by Aluminum_Guy
12-17-03
We'll be handing out the annual Christmas turkeys tomorrow, High Seniority Guy.
Oh, good. I've saved all of my Christmas turkeys. I plan to eat them after I retire, starting with the very first one I ever got.
'Course back then we didn't call 'em turkeys, we called 'em fancy land geese and they were only about the size of a crow...
No...friggin'...way.

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