All comics by BigJoker69

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by BigJoker69
11-20-06
Hi little girl! I lost my money!Want to help me find it?Come with me to my car.
I'll help you find it.
I think it's over in that bush! Come with me!
Nice try Pedophile! I'm not that easily tricked!
That really hurt, but on the plus side, I saw up your skirt.
Well...you won't again. Eat shit!

 

by BigJoker69
11-20-06
I hate that dumb Statue! I should burn it!
There that's better! uh...what's that noise?
You destroyed our statue, so now we must destroy you!
haha. What statue?

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
Honey I'm breaking up with you. I love someone else.
Good cause who really wants to date a guy in a skirt?
This skirt is called a skort! She didn't care when we had sex.
Man, I'm gonna miss his big personality. If you know what I mean.
Hi! Want to go out?
Sure!

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
wow! This porno site makes me horny! Uh oh someone's coming! Exit! Come on! Work!
Hi! haha!
Hey! What are you looking at?
Uh...Your 11 now. I think It's time to tell you about Hormones!
Uh yeah! Wow! I feel wierd! My pants are pointy!

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
Turns on the tv to see what's on.
I wonder what's on Nick
Oh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?!
2 minutes later
Spongebob is stupid!
I will steal the Krusty Crab recipe! Muhahaha!
15 minutes later
Go! Spongebob Go!
I'm Ready! I'm Ready!

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
Hi! My name is Rick and this is my first day as a Mailman.I thought it would be easy, but it really was harder then I thought.The first person I delivered to was John Mason.
Is that mail for me?
No sir. I'm giving it to you because it's someone else's.
He was pretty dumb.
oh really? Cool! Who am I giving it too?
George Bush.
I had to shoot him. The World can't have stupid idiots like him walking the streets of America.
Cool! I can meet the president!
I'm gonna put you out of your misorey now.

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
It was my second day on my mailman job. After yesterday's incident with the guy I shot, I was expecting anything. Today I had to go to a little condo downtown.
We just got a letter! We just got a letter! I wonder who it's from.
It says It's from Joe Blue from the tv series Blue's Clues. You should give this to your kid right away. I'm sure your kid wants it.
This man surprised me. He looked to be in his mid 20s. Normally at that age, you go to bars and look for hot women to bone, but this guy was a loner. He loved Blue's Clues.
oh no. It's for me! I'm a huge fan of Blue's Clues. I have all 100 episodes in my room. Want to come in and watch it with me?
Haha! Thanks, but I have other places to be right now. Bye.
Your probably wondering why I didn't just shoot the guy. I didn't shoot him because he was a young rich man who still had a chance to pull his life around. The guy I shot yesterday did not die.
A clue!
Now that we have a clue we have to get our handy dandy Notebook!

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
I'ts another day and I delivered mail to this nice guy, Simon.
Hi sir. I have some mail for you.
Thanks! Can I ask you for a favor?
I was shocked that he asked a complete stranger.
sure. What can I do for you?
My wife is out of town visiting her parents and I don't have anyone to watch my little baby. I have to go to a buisness meeting for two days. Could you watch her?
So I was for it. TO BE CONTINUED IN PART TWO.
Uh Sure sir. I'll come by tomorrow morning. I don't have work for the next two days.
ok great. Come by around 8am please.

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
It was the day I babysat Simon's little daughter Peggy. Simon, a complete stranger to me, is paying me 100 dollars to babysit her.
Hi There! Little Peggy! Your so cute!
Ga ga!
Everything was great, until the room started to spin and the baby morphed and we were surrounded by colorful bright lights.
What's happening!?
I'm going to kill you.
I was scared to death. I thought maybe I should shoot the thing, but I then just decided to run for my life! TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 3!
ahhhhhhhhh!!!!
Ga ga!

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
I was nervous to deliver the mail to Simon's house after the baby incident.
uh...uh...h-here y-o-o-u g-g-go.
I came home and my baby was alone!Why did you leave him alone?
I had to make up something. I knew he wouldn't believe that his baby had amazing powers and that she was evil, so the only thing I could say was...
I was with her all the time. When I saw your car pull up, I left cause I had to go visit my ill grandmother right away and so I went through the back door.
oh ok sir. Here's your 100 dollars. Bye. Thanks.
It was one crazy adventure!
Wow! He bought it. People these days will believe anything.
Hey Peggy what do you say I leave you alone with someone else and you can scare them?!

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
The day after I got the 100 dollars from Simon, I went on vacation to Chile by cruise ship with my hot wife Shelly.
This is great. Two weeks without crazy people and that semi itchy mail uniform.
Yeah baby! Let's enjoy our time together.
The past couple of weeks have been crazy for me. There was the shooting incident, the Blue's Clues addict, and the homicidal baby, so my wife and I spent our first evening on the ship watching the sun
Wow! Look at that beautiful sunset!
I know. It just doesn't get any better then this.
Little did I know, the homicidal baby and her dad was on the ship with us.
Excuse me miss. Could you babysit my little daughter while I swim in the ship's pool for 15 minutes?
Sure. Got nothing better to do.

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
Welcome to Starbucks! What can I get for you?
A Double Mocha Expresso Please.
That will be 4.75
That will be a no cause I'm not paying that much for coffee I could get at a Doughnut place.
A Double Mocha Expresso Please
That will be 1.50

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
Ok Gabe. Please share something about yourself with your fellow 9th graders.
my dick is 6 inches
oh really?
Yeah my ex girlfriend said I was the best in bed.
Gabe, you can sit back down now, but please stay in here after Lunch.
ok

 

by BigJoker69
11-21-06
At Lunch
Thanks for staying after. Your ex girlfriend was right. You are the best in bed.
Yeah, You were pretty good to.
You should go to the doctor after school.
Why?
I just gave you Herpies
Figures

 

by BigJoker69
11-22-06
I had to go to the doctor for a physical.
I'm here for my first physical. I need it to play Football next year in 10th grade.
Ok please remove your shirt and pants and leave your boxers on.
The nurse was hot, so I kissed her and then things went on from there
ok
wow! Is it me or has this room gotten hotter?
It was fun.
wow! That was fun! If this is how you do the physical, I'll come by more often!
ok,You should come by tomorrow around noon.

 

by BigJoker69
11-22-06
Today I had to go downtown to deliver mail to a man at the "Star Trek Of America Club" Building
Hi sir. I have mail for you.
ahhh! He's gonna attack me! I must shoot you and transport you to our land.
Apparently the old mailman who had my job before used the word,"spaceage" for mail cause in there world Mail means to attack and this guy shot me with his transport gun.
No! Wait!
Too Late!
I got transported to the moon.TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2.
Greetings Earthling.
If this is a dream, wake me up now!

 

by BigJoker69
11-22-06
After I got transported to the moon, The alien took me on the spaceship where I met another crazy Star Trek clone
Hi Earthling! We are placing you in our human prison until we figure out what to do with you.
I got thrown in the prison with this hot women.
Hi. My name is Rick and I am very unsure if this is real or not. Maybe I'm dreaming.
Hi. My name is Kimberly and this is very real. We need to get the help of the other human prisoners in here.
TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 3.
Why are you in here?
I called them Star Trek Wanna Be's.

 

by BigJoker69
11-22-06
Me and Kimberly got the other prisoners and talked to them about how we could escape and get back to Earth.
Ok Everyone! How should we get out of here? We need a good plan.
These ideas would have never worked
I say we yell and Beg until they let us out.
I think we should just stay here. I'm getting old. I don't have alot of life left to live.
These ideas were the best.
I say we use the Osama Bin Laden look alike here behind me to blow this place up, while we make a quick escape.
I can do it. I've gone to lots of training camps. I have expierience

 

by BigJoker69
11-22-06
So after our meeting our plan to blow up the spaceship began.
Alright now Rick is destrating the Star Trek wanna be's so we can do this.
He's then gonna grab the gun off of one of them
and use it to zap us out of here while Osama over here is gonna blow this spaceship up so it doesn't happen to anyone else.
Did you set it to go off in 30 minutes?
TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 5
Yeah It's already.

 

by BigJoker69
11-22-06
I finally snatched the transport gun off of one of of the space guards and zapped everyone in the prison back home.
Alright! Back to where you came from!
Zap went Granny and that one guy. I don't know his name.
Then zap went the school girl and Osama look alike. I zapped me and Kimberly after everyone else got zapped. The bomb was set to go off in 10 minutes. TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 6

 

by BigJoker69
11-24-06
Everyone got zapped back to Earth and I decided to keep the tansport gun.
Well I just want to say thanks.
No problem and if the bomb just went off now. Those "Star Trek Wanna Be's" are goners.
ha ha. I guess the bomb missed them.
That's what he thinks. Muhahahaha!
Well, I guess It could have been worse.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 

by BigJoker69
11-24-06
Hi!
I'm so happy my brother set me up on this blind date.
I need help to the restroom.
um okay?
I'm sorry you had to have the embarrasment of helping me go the restroom, but I'm blind so I had no other way of getting there.
Don't be sorry, I had a nice view. Wait your blind? Wow! This is really a blind date.

 

by BigJoker69
11-24-06
I love winter. There's the snowmen....
and the Christmas trees....
and the amazingly small, annoying elfs, that I like to call snow midgets.

 

by BigJoker69
12-01-06
I've decided to quit my mailman job. I know I've only been a mailman for 3 months, but it was the longest three months of my life.
Goodbye Crazy Guy
Goodbye Blue's Clue's Addict
For now, I'm going to spend some much needed time with my 15 year old son and my wife.
Both those guys were crazier then Michael Jackson on steroids.
Goodbye, man with the homicidle baby
Maybe you'll see me around again. Possibly real soon. If not then have a great life and don't forget me.
That baby was going to kill me, I'm sure glad I don't have to deal with that again
Goodbye Everyone.

 

by BigJoker69
12-01-06
It's the first day of 9th grde for these very anxious 14 year olds at Greenburg High School. Jeff and Alison stand in there first period Biology classroom.
Wow. She's as beautiful as she was in 8th grade, but more beautiful.
Does he realize he's been standing there staring at me for 5 minutes?
Jeff loved Alison. Alison thought he was cute, but only liked him as a friend.
I would take her home in a minute.
He's still staring at me.
So beautiful
What?

 

by BigJoker69
12-30-06
Where did all these papers come from?
These are all my 2007 New Years Resoulutions
That's alot of Resoulutions. Are you sure you can keep them all?
No, but it's better then working all day. With this I can say, I was working hard.
Okay good now all your resoulutions are organized
Thanks, but I was planning on selling them.

 

by BigJoker69
12-30-06
Hey! Your not allowed in the kitchen. Please get out.
Sorry sir. I'm looking for something.
Tell me what your looking for and either me or one of the other chefs will look for it and give it to you when we find it.
Thanks, but It's too late.
How so?
That Chef over there is cooking the deer I shot this morning.

 

by BigJoker69
2-19-07
Hi! It's Rick's Son Daniel. I'm 19 Years Old.I Was 15 Years Old When My Dad Was A Mailman.He Wanted Me To Be One Also, But I didn't Want Too Instead I'm......
An Unemployed Loser Looking For A Job. I Refuse To Be A Mailman After Everything I Heard About It From My Dad.So I Walk and Drive around Town Looking For Possible Jobs.
Hmm...A Lifeguard? Nah...Don't Like Swimming.

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
Game Over?!?! This is lame!
Let me try son.
I don't think you know how to play
Yes I do!
Game Over!?!? This is lame!
told ya so

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
3 days ago
Don't ya just love the snow?
uh I guess. Yeah, It's nice.
1 day ago
Don't ya just love working?
not reall, but hey, it pays my bills
3 days ago
Don't ya just love jail?
no

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
HOT! HOT! FIRE! FIRE!
hmm a fire truck outside? Must check this out!
somebody heard you yell fire so they called 911! Is everything okay?
oh yeah. I put too many red peppers on my turkey sandwich.

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
One day at the office.....
Jeff, what happened?
There's a hole in the floor! I fell through! Help me out.
How did that happen?
I cut a hole in the floor to look into the women's restroom and I got stuck. oh crap! Gotta Go!
What was that for?
for cutting a hole in the flooor and spying on me! Pervert!

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
Today at the office....
Ted, Go get Frank now! He's outside.
ok boss
Why are you here?
The Boss sent me. He wants to talk to you.
Woohoo! I hope I get a pay raise!
Doubt it

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
I don't wanna die!
God, rest his soul!
That would have been better then this craphole jail!

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
One day in the basement of the office...
So find any drugs down here?
No Why? Did you put drugs down here?
uh no! Of course not!
ok
where did my stash go?!?
whoa man. Is that a flying hat?

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
One November morning at the office....
I'll pick you up at 7:00pm . Be ready
So you got a date with Linda huh? She's a looker.
yeah, I've been wanting to take her out for a lonng time now and now I finally am.
Good Luck! I hear she's waiting until marriage
crap.

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
One hot November afternoon....
100 dollars for a new pencil sharpener for your desk?
that's correct. Is that so hard to believe?
Actually, it is. That's expensive.
You know what's expensive?
what?
the hospital bill your going to have to pay to get my foot out of your ass if you don't shut it

 

by BigJoker69
5-10-08
Christmastime at the office. A wonderful time of year. Don't ya think?
No
why? You get to spend part of your Christmas with your friends here at work.
well I wouldn't really call them friends...
I'm not your friend?
no

 

by BigJoker69
11-10-08
Hello. I am here to tell you to vote for Barack Obama this November.
Ok. I'll think about it.
Hello. I am here to tell you to vote for Barack Obama this November.
No. I'm voting for McCain!
Hello. I am here to tell you to vote for Barack Obama this November.
Uh...I'm not even old enough to vote. I'm only 16.

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