All comics by Crowbar

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by Crowbar
3-02-01
In an unsafe world... With the blink of an eye, cities can crumble to dust. Someone has to watch out for the city... And that someone is...
Max Paine, ultra badass! With his trusty powers of mirror images and 16-bit backgrounds, he is ready to save the day!
Please note that if you are not satisfied with our ultra badass, you may not return your ultra badass in replacement of one for your needs.
Damn you narrators to hell! Just because I got both the voice *and* the looks for the job...

 

by Crowbar
6-08-01
When we last left our hero, Max Paine: Ultra Badass, he was using his ULTRA MAD SKILLZ to interrogate a local suspect (And occasional artist)...
Alright, I'm onto to you, Rainbow Bright. You can't keep your secrets locked forever!
I assure you, I haven't done anything wrong!
Oh, really? Then who was it that replaced works in the local art museum with another by an artist that somehow got a hold your signature?
That was someone using my excellent name to frame me! That's the truth!
Then why are you so pale? Afraid of the truth, pal?
Hey, look! You sit in a dim room painting all day, and you'd be in bad shape too!

 

by Crowbar
1-12-02
Max Paine, ultra badass, has just uncovered a secret conspiracy that depicted his ultra badass life as a video game! Thus, he has traveled to a certain game company to find out...
It's YOU!
Yeah. I'm me. What the hell do you want?
Depicting *my* life in a video game... How dare you mock my asskicking ways! For this, you're going in the slammer, kid!
Oh, yeah. Nice impression. Fine, you want a personal look at our fine product, have at thee.
Five minute later...
... Wow. So, you can do that bullet time thingamajig *and* kickass at the same time? Gimme one... No, make that two... And maybe one for my badass car...
I'm glad you see it my way.

 

by Crowbar
1-14-02
Five months later after the game company incident...
Yo, Max. Where the hell have you been?
Me? Ahh... I've been... Ah, UNDERCOVER! Yeah!
Right. We had two riots break out in the past month, a 12-car pileup and Mrs. Whaley's cat got stuck in a tree. Aren't you supposed to stop these things, Mr. Ultra Badass!
I'm afraid I'm much too busy. The world of crime awaits me! Armed with my AMD-K6 processor, NOTHING can stand in my way...
Processor... Wait, you got addicted to one of those kooky cop games again, didn't you?
Hey, look, don't make me go all bulletimey on your ass. I've got the skills!

 

by Crowbar
1-15-02
Hey, kids. I'm Max Paine, ultra badass. You may be wondering why I haven't been an ultra badass as of late.
Despite my vast popularity, I have only been given two frames to work with. So, to simplify matters, I'm bringing a new object to the show: The pointy finger of death!
Yes, now you can see an act of God without being God! Look out world, the ultra badass is on the loose!
Umm... Sir? Can I have my fake nails back? I gotta show them to a friend.

 

by Crowbar
1-15-02
When we last left our hero...
Okay, listen. For the last time, my pointy finger of death is important for my undercover work! Now, let me HAVE THEM!
No! Mine! Go away! I wouldn't let you have them even if you *were* an all-powerful demi-god!
Suddenly...
AHHHHHHHH!!
Umm.. Wow. What the *hell* do they put in these nail things nowadays?

 

by Crowbar
1-15-02
After our hero's messy "Pointy Finger of Death Incident"...
Okay, I think I broke about 10 codes of honor that I was supposed to uphold... So I better run pretty quickly. Hey, Taxi!
Yeah?--AHHHHHHHHH!!
.... I don't know what I should be more impressed with. The ultra badass explosion or the English-recognizing cabdriver.

 

by Crowbar
1-15-02
And thus began a long, harsh journey for our hero... One that would bring suffering to anyone he met.
Hey, you know where I can get a burger 'round here?
AHHHH!
Cities emptied when his name was here.The name of "Pyroman Max" went around from those who witnessed his attacks... Yes, it would seem the Earth would die for one cop who wanted to be cool...
Until....
Hey, sir! Neo-Tokyo's been wiped out! Twice!
Not *AGAIN*! Dammit, Max is messing up my schedule again! He must PAY FOR HIS ACTIONS.

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