All comics by Drakonius

 

But Will He Make It to E3? by Drakonius 1-09-02
...and then she told me that beer costs extra. Something doesn't seem right. Talking chickens... a plane that's going to crash...	So... umm... do you always travel with a demonic chicken and wreck other people's chances of getting to E3 unscathed? Well, to tell you the truth, it wasn't his doing this time.	Hey, who's that guy who just took the last parachute? Damned if I know.

 

Confessions by Drakonius 1-09-02
You know, before the chicken blew up the plane, my life was stable. It was only bad games, and Star Wars, and beating Tycho up... but I can't anymore. That's why I'm suing.	While the plane crash was tragic, I already told Gabe that I wasn't responsible. However, I must admit, the coprses will make a great apple pie store chain.	I don't know why he's suing him. I did it. But hey, I can't help it if the pilot, copilot, navigator, and just about every other woman on the plane wants me. I'm a piece of meat, not a flyer of planes

 

The Game's Afoot by Drakonius 1-09-02
I can't believe I lost the suit. Sure, the goat MAY have been the actual criminal, but... ...	I HAD THE POWER OF THE ATTORNEY! ...	... All your base are belong to us.

 

Even Conspirators Have Odds To Be At. by Drakonius 1-09-02
They had everything worked out beforehand... You got the nuts? Yeah... I sure do got the nuts.	But sometimes, even between housepets and wild animals... No, no... I meant the other nuts... Yes, I do have two nuts. Look, I told you. I'm only into women.	The messages get crossed. Look, I thought you wanted Kara... but I guess I'll just have to return her... Oh! You mean THOSE nuts! Yeah, I got them... You just gotta lick them first!

 

Complete unoriginality by Drakonius 1-10-02
So, Toothgnip, did you make the exchange? No, but I don't really mind.	What do you mean, you don't mind? Don't you think I might mind? I went through a lot of trouble to destroy a perfectly good plane! Hey... number one, I'm not in short supply of sexy and willing women. Number 2, you got a perfectly good batch of pies from the burning corpses left in the wreckage.	End Chapter 1 Hey... I did, didn't I? Wow... Tasty, yet morally ambiguous. You know, you can leave my bedroom anytime now... I AM expecting a *cough* friend. *cough*

 

Coyotes? by Drakonius 1-11-02
Jon, after killing hundreds of people by crashing a plane, and making ludicrous amounts of money off their corpses-turned-pies, I've decided that this is the point in my life where I hit the road. But... But... Why?	I need to discover myself and where I should go with my life. I long for something not unlike my time with Shazam Twix. Goodbye, Jon. Duh... Buh... Whu... dah... Wha?	So wait, Jon... you mean to tell me he just got up and left? Like the Wolf!

 

Thickening Chickens by Drakonius 1-11-02
...seriously, I'm telling you that the damned Diablo has finally left. You know he'll be back.	I know... That's why I must begin planning. I'll talk to you later, Phillip. Now, there's a call I have to make... So... umm... you aren't going to drink your Long Island Iced Tea, are you? I'll take that as a "Yes, Phillip, you can consume my drink." Why, Thank you Jon...	And thus, the planning did begin... So he's gone? I'll be right over. Hurry. Who knows how much time before he returns...

 

Light the Way by Drakonius 1-11-02
And so they planned... What about reporting him to the FDA? I'm sure that he violates one of their laws... after all, he IS satanic talking poultry. But, how are we to know if it will really work? We only have one chance, and who knows what horrific nightmare he'll resurrect from my past if we fail.	And planned... We could tar and feather him. Gabe, he's a chicken. All you'll be doing is adding another layer to his... umm... yeah.	But they felt like they were being watched. I knew you two were up to something! Gahh!

 

Diablo Brand (c) by Drakonius 1-14-02
Oh, Jon. There you are. I need your help carrying these Diablo Brand (c) flaming corpse pudding snacks. No way. I'm not touching those demonic concotions from the hands of Satan's chicken.	Fine, Jon... but you know you can't resist the temptation that is: A pudding snack! Pudding snack... mmm...	Jon, what do you think of my new pudding snacks? Tasty, yet morally ambiguous.

 

Plot Twist! by Drakonius 1-15-02
You know, I really didn't like it when you kidnapped my wife and tried to sell her to that goat Toothgnip.	In fact, ever since she returned, we've both had a craving for fried squirrel.	You have some cunning plan that negates my own, don't you? I'm poisonous.

 

Beer... It's What's For Dinner by Drakonius 1-17-02
Jon... I've been thinking. This'll be rich.	All this beer, all the years of being stone cold drunk... What has it been for? I've wasted so much of my life for nothing. Phillip. You're rich. You have a beautiful fiancee. You have an envied and intimate knowledge of alcoholic beverages.	You're right... you can't go wrong with beer. The Bible says, "Ask, and ye shall receieve." But does God deliver shotguns overnight?

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