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"John got a full football scholarship to sunny Rutgers College. Sadly, he was injured permanently in his freshman year during the first day of practice."
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"John went on to sell tractors and is fairly well-known today in Topeka, Kansas at Honest John’s John Deeres."
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| I have the finest tractors in the state of Kansas. | |
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| Fuck this, I can walk faster than these things. | |
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"Edward died of his injuries incurred in the game. He had lived a long happy life of 47 years. Yes, 47 years. Junior year proved to be immensely difficult for Edward."
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| Ah Edward...he could hardly ever catch the ball. | |
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