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| If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly. If you have multiple personalities, press 2,3 & 4. If you are paranoid, we know who you are, stay on the line so we can trace your call. | |
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| If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you what to do. If you are delusional, press 6 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. | |
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| If you have post traumatic stress, press 8 very gently, slowly and carefully. If you have low self esteem, please hang up, our operators are too busy to talk to you anyway. | |
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