All comics by Killborg

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by Killborg
9-06-03
Hi,I'm Carple, and this is my evil brother, Janus.
NOBODY CARES! YOU SUCK!! I HATE YOU!!!
Oh my, it's Kirsten, How can I tell her how I feel?
Do stickmen have penises?
MY BROTHER'S A DICK!! YOU HAVE A HUGE ASS!!!

 

by Killborg
9-06-03
Oh! A letter from Kirsten! She's coming over for dinner!
WAIT, I CAN MAKE OUT SOMETHING ELSE...YOU SUCK MONKEY COCK!!
Please Tell me you'll try to behave. please?
I'LL BRING A MAGGOT RIDDEN CORPSE!! CHICKS DIG CORPSES!!!!
Agh! what do I do, Burt? Janus is Bringing a filthy rotting CORPSE!!
well, it's gotta be more impressive than the pizza you ordered.

 

by Killborg
9-08-03
Uhh...Hi Kirsten! Umm...Things aren't quite ready...would you wait out here for a bit?
Why am I hanging out with stickmen? surely I could make other friends??
HUH...IT'S NOT QUITE WHAT I WANTED... GUESS I'LL HAVE TO BURN IT!
You just closed the door in her FACE!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
Janus brought a corpse! The pizza isn't here yet! this is Kirsten's second appearance and she hasn't spoken yet! MY WORLS IS INSANE!

 

by Killborg
9-08-03
I NEVER NOTICED, BUT WHY IS IT SOO TEMPTING TO PISS ON A BURNING CORPSE??
What's that smell?
Uhhh...ummm...Burt farted! midget T-rex farts smell like burning cadavers!
WOW! YOURE GORGEOUS!! WANNA COME TO DINNER??

 

by Killborg
9-08-03
HEY FATASS! GUESS WHO'S WAY HOTTER THAN YOU!!
Janus...... shut up.
MEET MY NEW GIRLFREIND!! EMBERLY!!!!
Do you ever wonder why girls like us can only attract STICKmen?

 

by Killborg
9-08-03
I'm going out to see what's happening with that pizza. Burt, can you hold the fort while I'm gone?
No prob. consider it done.
HOW COME MY BROTHER ACTS LIKE YOU CAN TALK?? YOU DON'T TALK!!!
I talk in speech bubbles...like Garfeild...BUT THERE THE SIMILARITY ENDS!!
GARFEILD IS YO MOMMA!!!!!
I could eat you, you know.

 

by Killborg
9-08-03
Heh...Lemme guess... You want some bread sticks, right?
Um, actually, I ordered a Pizza here...
oh, really? Please, tell me all about you're current situation.
It was a "Mighty Meat feast" ...you see, there's this girl...
Heh, you want some girl to chow down on your MIGHTY MEAT, huh?
Exactly! and without a pizza, there isn't much chance of that happening!

 

by Killborg
9-09-03
the following typos have recently come to our attention... back in "dinnnertime comlpications" I declared that my "worls" was insane, I meant "world", sorry.
OW!! I HAVE A HANGOVER!!! SHOUTING MAKES IT HURT!!!
Also, in "The Burt show" he said he spoke in speech bubbles, he clearly speaks in THOUGHT bubbles, again, we apologise.
LOUD THINGS HURT ME!! AGH!!!! MY FRICK'IN HEAD!!!
The mis-spelling of Garfeild, also in "the burt show", was there so that we cannot be sued. anything to add, Janus?
I MADE A HOLE TO LET THE PAIN OUT, BUT IT JUST MADE IT WORSE!! OWWWWWW!!

 

by Killborg
9-09-03
Well...That makes sense...I mean, we're all a LITTLE scared of being eaten by cockroaches...
WHY THE HELL DO YOU HANG OUT WITH MY BROTHER!?? HE'S A TOTAL LAME-WAD-JERKOFF!!!!!
He saved me from a life in jurrasic park, straight-to-video Spin offs... I owe him.
I don't understand how Janus' mind works...and I hope I never do.
Burp!

 

by Killborg
9-09-03
Waaait... How do I know you even ORDERED a pizza? huh, stickboy?
I 'Phoned through my order in the usual manner.
HAH!! You have no PROOF!! I don't have to do SQUAT!!
Actually, I also faxed through my order to your manager...and got this reply. that should be enough proof.
UGH. You're just not gonna be happy until I do some WORK, are you?
If my pizza isn't ready for pickup, then I'll pay for it when it's delivered. bye.

 

by Killborg
9-09-03
Hey! You're back! Don't worry, I kept Janus distracted while you were gone.
Umm...what about Kirsten?
Threesomes? ..well, yeah, I do find the idea appealing...
Click-ick ick?
"me, you, and a bucket of donkey crap" was NOT the kind of scenario I had in mind.
click.

 

by Killborg
9-09-03
KNOCK KNOCK!
hey! that must be the Pizza! finnaly!
It is I!! Angst E. teen!! I ate your pizza, farted in the box, then threw it at a homeless man!
I don't think you even MADE the pizza, you probably got fired then came here to steal the TV.
HEY! that's an unfair assumption!! I didn't make the pizza, got fired, then came here to crash for a coupla' months!
Hmmm... Burt could always use a new chew-toy....

 

by Killborg
9-09-03
I see you're making yourself at home in Burt's room...I'll leave you to it.
Yeah, whatever you said...I'm checking my E-mails.
Enlarge your penis...delete. U wan More cOCK?..delete Bigger, Mightier erections.... GAHH! HOW DO THEY KNOW???!?
Heh heh, That webcam was SO totally worth it.
...HOW DO THEY KNOW???!?

 

by Killborg
9-10-03
WHAT the HELL are you doing in MY room!??!
Telling you to buzz off.
Hope you're enjoying the security tazers in that seat!
Actually, I am.
WooOOHAAAaaH!! My asshairs are melting! Yummy!!

 

by Killborg
9-10-03
I am SO sorry I had to go like that... Listen, to make up for it, how about we go out for dinner?
Umm...Are we going to bring Janus and Emberly along?
EMBERLY!??? WHAT..... I MEAN.... I AM LOVING THAT SLEEK NEW LOOK!!!!!!
Click ick?
Ummm....NO, I think we'd better let them relax...
well... I definately don't want to see how Janus relaxes, with a hammer.... again.... before I eat....

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
Ah! Y'know, it feels good to get out of that house every so often.
So, what's the name of the resturaunt we're going to?
Oh... well.... I've heard the food is out of this worls!
You have got to work on that speech impediment... say it with me..."WORLD"
...I am SO sorry....
Of all the crappy word-plays they could have chosen...

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
Do you hear something?
Shut it, lizard boy, I just got onto the sailor moon porn ring!!!
that was somewhat unexpected.
AGH!! gack...I'm Dying!! agh......HELP!!

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
AGH...you go ahead...I'm leaking vital fluids....Gack!!
It's just a bit further to the lab...Hang in there...
Agh! it hurts!
c'mon...this way... just step over Janus and the cockroach having sex on the floor...
Ugh.... sorry....I got a little...um... "excited"
And your life is worth saving,why?

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
AGH!!!! let me DIE!
Don't worry, Angst.E.Teen, just let the Nanomachines do their work..
WAAaaaaAAGH!
That's just your DNA re-intergrating....
this sucks.
Um... maybe you have superpowers now?

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
Youre RIGHT! let's unleash the power of SUPER-MECHA-ANGST.E.TEEN on the world!!
this won't end well!
AHA! there is a worthy opponent!!
YOU! fight me KICK-ASS-KUNG-FU STYLE!!!
Ummm...okay....

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
ULTRA UBER MEGA MEGA ROBOT PUNCH!!!! YAAAAAGH!!!!
ACTIVATION!!! WHOO-TAH!!
...um....
you're ASS is MINE, you tinfoil peins breath!!

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
ow ow ow...
FLAMING.....
ow ow ow...
CHICKEN.....
ow ow...ooh! Washington!
DEMOCRACY!!!

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
oh yeah? Well.... FINAL!!!!
ELECTROLYSIS....
ow....
HANGOVER CURE!!!
hey...thanks! I feel a lot better...

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
so..are you ready to order?
Hmmm....give us a few minutes...
Kirsten...I don't know waht any of this food IS!
and how is that different from Mcdonalds? I'll order.
We'll have the groonak with a side of noog, and I'll have the Perfdang to drink, just bring the bottle.
uh... give me a sec, I'm catching flies here!

 

by Killborg
9-11-03
OK! DO WE BOTH HAVE OUR HAMMERS?? READY??!
This can't be good...
DRAW!!!!!!!
uh oh...
HAH! I WIN!!!
Explain the rules, again?

 

by Killborg
9-12-03
Uh...Hello?
Burt? This is Mecha-Angst.E.Teen, I was hoping you could help...
...I'm in washington D.C, with no money to get back, and the only superpower I have is being able to talk through a Phone without picking up!
Um...It's called a speakerphone.
I hate you.

 

by Killborg
9-12-03
Allright, Get in the truck.
TRUCK!? why the hell should I ride in the back of a goddamn TRUCK!?!
Please! you're a highly advanced Nano-mechanical cyborg! can you imagine how the government would react?
Hmmm... allow me to sum up my feelings in L33T...
J00 C|24ZY, F00!!!1!
Slowly... slowly...Damn, this would be easier without this horse...

 

by Killborg
9-12-03
Hey buddy! Did you see us snag that crazy Nanomechanical cyborg just now? it was CAKE!!
Oooh Dammit...
MR PRESIDENT!! You can't be out here! there a press hearing!!!
OOOooooh Double Dammit....
What THE HELL is going on here??
Hello...I'm doctor Monochrome... I'll be hacking you apart to see how you work.

 

by Killborg
9-12-03
I'm sorry...what I meant to say was that the press outside, could hear anything you said...nerves, I guess.
I'm not the president. I AM A MIDGET T-REX!!!!!
Meanwhile...in a secret lab...
Wait you mean, like, you're gonna Hack into my system?
Yeah... And copy your software.
HAH!! I'm a CYBORG!!! the only software I got is in my ORGANIC BRAIN!!
OH GOODY! that means I get to fire up the CHAINSAW!!!

 

by Killborg
9-24-03
this one goes out to all my fans... he knows who he is.
so, Doc, are you a guy, or a chick?
Uh, I mean, are you a guy with foofy hair, or a really flat chested girl?
uhhhhh.....
y'know, In my proffesion, that question rarely comes up.

 

by Killborg
9-24-03
You know, that wasn't half bad!
Well, it's always good to try new things, I mean...
**UuuUUURRRHhhhhRR**
Whoah! what's the matter? stomach ache?
Umm...kind of...it...it kicked.
the management accepts no responsibility for people who are impregnated by our food!!

 

by Killborg
9-26-03
Uh, what are you doing?
I'M PROVING THAT ONLY 10% OF THE BRAIN IS USED BY DRIVING NAILS THROUGH THE OTHER 90%!!!!!
ummm.....
AGH!! DAMMIT!!!
Did you hurt yourself?
NO, I JUST AWOKE THE UNUSED PARTS OF MY BRAIN!! DAMN TRIPANNING!!!

 

by Killborg
9-26-03
I found the president!
Great! just in time! let me tell him what's going on!
Ummm...hi?
.........
that is a midget tyrannosaurus. not the president.
meh, it's not like he can do any worse.

 

by Killborg
9-29-03
There is no way anyone will fall for this!
relax, america has been crying out for a new president, and now it will have one!
BURN THE HOMELESS! EAT THE CRIPPLES!!
.....
you're right! this is the president America deserves!
ouch!

 

by Killborg
9-29-03
Well, no matter what happens... I'm here for you.
Thanks, most women would freak out if they found out their boyfreind was made pregnant by an alien meal.
WHOAH! Boyfreind??
and so, I die a little inside.
Maybe I should take you to a doctor..
there is no point to this torment called "life"

 

by Killborg
9-29-03
"goodbye, cruel world..."...yeah, that's a good start...
ok, your Doctor's office should be just through here, I'll wait outside.
*sigh* hi Doc. I...I'm Pregnant.
Uh-huh...I'm kinda in the middle of some secret government shennanigins, Mr. Carple
IT IS I!! Super mecha Angst E. Teen!! ...the doc was about to kill me, but I guess I'll let you skip ahead.
oh....thanks.

 

by Killborg
9-30-03
DEAR SWEET LORD! IT APPEARS THAT MY RAISED INTELLECT WAS MORE THAN A MERE THROWAWAY JOKE!! NO LONGER AM I A MERE THUG, I CAN NOW UNLEASH PSYCHOLOGICAL TORMENT ON MY FOES!!
Does 'foes' still mean everyone but you?
OH MY, YES!
including me?
MY TRUSTY SIDEKICK, A FOE?...BAH! WE MUST TRAVEL TO WASHINGTON, THERE WE WILL FIND THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO TORMENT THOSE FOOLS WHO QUESTION ME! BY KILLING THE PRESIDENT!!!
So, Mr. Genius...is flooding the bedroom an integral part of your plan?

 

by Killborg
10-09-03
so, you claim to have thought this through?
SILENCE! IT IS INCONVENIENT ENOUGH THAT I ORDERED A TOP HAT AND CURLY MOUSTACHE AND GOT THIS TRAVESTY!!!
Do you even know where we're going?
TO THE SECRET LABORATORY! THERE WE SHALL FIND THE TOOL OF THE PRESIDENT'S DOWNFALL!
Isn't this your BROTHERS laboratory?
I JUST SAID "THE" SECRET LABORATORY, NOT "MY" SECRET LABORATORY.

 

by Killborg
10-09-03
Look at all this stuff! ...it's almost like Carple had some repressed supervillainous streak that Janus is taking advantage of...
Maybe this is the hobby that Janus needs, y'know...he does seem happier...
...perimeter secure...
THE COSTUME SHOP MESSED UP AGAIN! AT LEAST I HACE THIS TRUNCHEON WITH WHICH I CAN DESTROY MY FOES!!
Hey, hot stuff! how about you chain me up and beat me! 'raoches are almost impossible to kil...beacause we like it rough!!!

 

by Killborg
10-09-03
Hey, are you okay in there? I cant hang around to walk you home, I have an appointment.
oh...I... I guess I'll be okay...
so..What exactly is the problem?
well..I'm Pregnant...but that kinda pales next to my girlfreind...not even being my girlfreind...
Uhh...have you considered dangerous untested DNA resequencing?
Hmmm...kill or cure, plus you meet your evil experiment quota! it's a win-win!!

 

by Killborg
10-09-03
meanwhile...
so... You're ready for the surgery?
Yeah, I put it off long enough...it needs to happen NOW. lets do this.
elsewhere...
So... you're ready for the dangerous DNA resequencing?
Yeah, with a chance of death... hey, why don't you wear that black labcoat more often? looks good.
in another part of town...
so, you're ready for the evening of evil kinky nasty love?
JUST REMIND ME...YOU WANT ME TO SHOVE THE TRUNCHEON WHERE!??!

 

by Killborg
10-10-03
Thank you, doc! Too long have I been a hot cat-chick trapped in a moderatly attractive brunette's body!
I love my work.
yeah...that reminds me...weren't you touching me as I was waking up from anaesthetic?
Well, that dangerous DNA resequnceing is done...you still alive?
Yeah... but I can't feel the alien Phoetus anymore...
SHOULD I CLEAN THE TRUNCHEON, OR THROW IT AWAY? I SURE AS HELL AIN'T SNIFFING IT.

 

by Killborg
10-10-03
Hey, check it out, Mecha Angst E. Teen! I can shapeshift!
Pah! it's so pathetic when people think they have super powers!
this doesn't seem cool anymore.
Woah! It's totally cool! What else can you turn into??!
I think that's it.
Lame, Dude, lame.

 

by Killborg
10-10-03
It seems that elements of Your Alien phoetus have merged with you new form. Try destroying something.
Umm...
Okey dokey!
Huh?
Slime frag OF DOOM!
Wait, wait, Is something digesting me?

 

by Killborg
10-10-03
Thanks doc! this is great! You hybridised me with my alien phoetus! I'm probably IRRESISTABLE to women!
Well, now I can go back to doing what I love..taking things apart to see how they work, C'mere, Mecha Teen!!
Um, Hey, have you seen a highly advanced Nanomechanical Cyborg around?
No, but I did find the Synthetic skin formula! Later, Buttwipe!!
C'mon, we can go! All this crap is back to normal!!
I seem to remember Burt the Midget T-rex becoming president.

 

by Killborg
10-13-03
KIRSTEN!!?!
CARPLE!?!?!
BOIOIOINNG!
WOAH! I-I'm sorry, my god, I didn't know that I had tentacles! ...that get aroused... SORRY!!!
....!
.....!!
Um.... did you hear me complain about the tentacles ...can I get a CLOSER look? *Purrrr*

 

by Killborg
10-13-03
*pant...Purrr* Hoo yeah... Uh, Janus, do you have any whipped cream?
SILENCE, YOU FLIRTATIOUS FELINE FLOOZIE! YOU AND MY BROTHER ARE TO HELP ME CONQUER THE UNIVERSE!!
OOooohh Kirsten...
Well, gotta go! Hee hee!!!
*KNOCK KNOCK* HELLO? UNIVERSAL CONQEUST?? I'LL BE YOUR FREIND!
Janus...I think they're busy...In fact, I think they're Gettin' Busy!

 

by Killborg
10-13-03
...and so, I was hybridised with the pheotus!
I have to confess...Ive been a cat-chick since birth, I was teased in school, so I had surgery to look normal...
..did I tell you I can shapeshift? look, here I go!
...Eye reductions, ear pinning...but I could never forget what I was inside... that's why I couldn't let you fall in love with a lie...
...Look! ...uh wait, so now you can love me?!
Mmmm...*purr* I-I'm sorry...I just can't concentrate with that big, wriggling slimy tentacle pointed at me....

 

by Killborg
10-13-03
SORROW!! SORROW FLOODS MY SOUL!! EVERYONE HAS SUPERPOWERS BUT ME!!
But you're smart, and loud and...Wait, what powers does kirsten have? I don't have superpowers either!
OH,PLEASE, SHE'S AN ANIME CATGIRL! SHE'S BOUND TO HAVE MAGICAL ABILITIES, AT THE VERY LEAST!!
So, you'd rather be with HER, is that it? *sniff* Why don't you go to her right now??! *sob*
WHAT?? NO! NO AMOUNT OF HOT CAT-CHICKS COULD COMPETE WITH YOU! YOU CAN WITHSTAND A DIRECT NUCLEAR BLAST!!
Oh Janus...*sniff* you always know just the right thing to say...

 

by Killborg
10-15-03
AHEM! YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING WHY I HAVE CALLED YOU ALL HERE...WE ARE TO BECOME A SUPERHERO TEAM! I HAVE JUST RECEIVED THE GO-AHEAD FROM OUR GOVERNMENT, AND I AM NOW... "DR.SMARTLOUD"!! ROLL CALL!
The amazing "Slimer-man"! let's get Stickaaay!!!
"Pretty Kitty princess"! and in the name of the moon, I'll punish you!
"Mecha Angst.E.Teen" w00t!!!!1! I can put the synthetic skin back on later, right?
The Invulnerable "Roach Queen"!! pain is something that happenes to other people!
And so, we witness the birth of a new group of Extarordinary Gentl...damn ...Super Frien...Damn ..."People with powers and crap"! damned copyright laws...

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