All comics by Lauden_Clear

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-14-09
Oh, man this guy is cute!
Whoa! Is this guy actually thinking of talking to me?
'Course, he's probably not into chunky guys... he's so hot.
Man, he's hot! Maybe I should turn around and make the first move.
Man, I knew it! He just isn't into skinny guys!

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-14-09
Months after the election...
Man! It still doesn't seem real to have a black president!
I know! I still remember seeing the throngs crying and cheering out here in front of the White House.
Coulda easily turned into a lynchin, if the other guy had won.

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-15-09
My mom keeps asking me why kids in my generation always seem so depressed...
...but I mean... climate change; sinking economy; fewer opportunities; the rise in hate crimes; natural disasters...
It's the End Times, dude. For real!
For Chrissake, Jim! Just get to mowin' the lawn like I told you!

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-15-09
Man! All that hype about digital signals being better'n analog, but I still can't even get in Public Television!
I got the converter box months ago, I got an indoor and an outdoor intenna, I scanned for my channels... and it's still not working!
Well, enough of that. Suppose I'll go read a book, or something.

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-15-09
???
That's it! Rumspringa is officially over for me. It's back to the farm. This be the devil's work!

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-15-09
So, since we talked last week, what is it that seems to be troubling you today?
Well, doc... I can't seem to shake this feeling of impending doom... as if my whole world is gonna end some time soon.
Perhaps the fact that the farmer is going to chop off your head and feed his family with you has something to do with it.
Soooo... I won't be able to make it to next week's session?

 

Jon faces Joe with some tough love...
Bro, I only say this cuz you're my brother and I care... but you smoke too many cigarettes!
I dunno what else to do with them.
by Lauden_Clear, 6-15-09

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-16-09
In other news, today, the Bunny Man stalker is still on a killing spree within the Tri-State Area...
Who is this guy? How the hell did he manage to steal all of my acclaim?
...now, back to our Mexican correspondant in the field, Juan Herohito Fernandez.
Whoops! There's the cukoo clock! Time to head off to work!
Well, if ya wanna make it in this world, you gotta work extra hard to get ahead of the competition.
Hello, Sir. I'm from the Church of Perpetual Angst. Could I have a moment of your time?

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-16-09
Say, Phil... what the hell are you doing in that get-up? You reduced to "bunny-grams" since I fired you?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
He'll never tell ME, again, that I don't know how to finish a job.

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-16-09
It says here that Matisse was an "Expressionist" painter...
*Sigh* You're not enjoying this, are you, Junior?
Are we gonna kill somebody today or not, Pops?
Well, I guess we could, but today is Daddy's day off, son.

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-16-09
So, YOU'RE the creep who's been mucking about and stealing my business.
While we're on the subject, I just killed your grandmother about a half an hour ago.
Dude... you are seriously $#%&ed in the head.
What time does your son get out of school?

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-16-09
Steve, what the hell are you doing in this section of the park? Isn't this where guys go to cruise other guys?
I guess so. I'm just out here to feed the pigions with these day-old bread rolls.
Yeah, right. Good cover. That's right up there with guys who walk their dogs out here to meet other guys.
So, what the heck are YOU doing out here?
My web browser is down, so I can't get on the chat sites to meet up with tricks.

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-16-09
Somewhere in the Caribean...
These gay cruises are such a damned bore.
I think they're rather nice.
Just a big boat full of old queens who don't seem to understand the Sexual Revolution is over...
Say, that's a beautiful song playing in the ballroom!
Really, it's just a large, floating bath house / gay cruise bar. Tisk.
That reminds me... I have a date to meet in the steam room.

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-16-09
Helloooo! I am the Prime Minister of this planet. Who are you and what are you doing here?
Wow! I can't believe we've finally achieved space travel to the point of galactic tourism.
Right. If you will not answer when spoken to by my Excellene, then I've no choice but to have you arrested.
It's so peaceful here... with nobody else to be seen for light years!
Almost makes me wish I could stay here forever.

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-17-09
Man, it's been slow, today! Even hangin' out by the meat wagons, you don't find much in the way of good victims.
What ho? Methinks there might be viable prey afoot.
BINGO!
Pardon me, sir. I'm from the Church of Latter Day Shmucks and I wonder if you'd let me tell you how Jesus cured me of being gay.

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-17-09
Gary... I thought you told me this was a gay and lesbian church!
No, Trevor. I said this was a church that CURES gays and lesbians.
You also said that it was friendly to pets, like cats!
No, Trevor, I said that this church will teach you to love p***y.
I'm outie, Gary. And, by the way, don't call me again, you f***ing closet queen!
Wait, Trevor! You haven't been loboto... er... I mean blessed by the congrigation, yet!

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-17-09
Somewhere, in a hidden torture chamber...
So, you claim you have no remorse, what-so-ever, and you'll axe anyone who comes your way?
Anything that's movin', buddy!
...and you have noooo limitations as to whom you murder?
Well... there was that one guy. I call him "Zipper Head."
Who? That "ex-gay" Jesus freak who's always running about?
Yeah, man. That dude totally creeps me out!

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-18-09
Oh, God! Why do they always make sucha fuss?
SCREAM!
Lady, this is really most unprofessional... how can I do my job if...
SCREAM!
Look... really! I am a professional. This will be over quite quickly, as long as I have your cooperation!
Screa... what?

 

by Lauden_Clear
6-29-09
A'right, man... gimme all your money.
What are ya deaf, ya fuzzy freak? I said gimme all your cash!
That's some nerve, calling ME a freak!

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