All comics by Mikes

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by Mikes
1-17-05
Jesus Conquers the Martians
So then I kept on drivin', man.
Right, but what does that have to do with the curse?
Okay, I think got him where I want him.
DIE YOU FUCKING PEACENIK!
And that's when I fucking stabbed Mikes in the face for sucking at non sequitor.
Basphomet, if you weren't such an ugly bastard, I'd do you quick.

 

by Mikes
1-17-05
Now if only I was a successful rapper.
I really don't like you.
You're one to talk. The circus owns your ass.
The honest truth is that dogs can't speak. I'm not sure why you're really hallucinating this. Surely you'd have a better imagination.
What a crazy dream! Now, I must continue this self-mutilation.

 

by Mikes
1-18-05
It's like this, Reverend...
Maybe if I cut him quick-like, he'll stop spewing from his mouth-hole.
You see, I wasn't always the dashing, young daggerman I am now. It's like you said, we've all got our demons on the inside.
If only stripcreator would allow me to show the intense amount of violence and gore that follows this panel, you'd be in for a treat.
Hah, foiled! Take some-a this, sucka!
Make it painful, pretty boy.

 

by Mikes
1-18-05
I've been lonely lately, but it's okay. Everybody is lonely.
Looks like you need a big can of HOMICIDE!
Fuck it, Sardenko. Is there any real need for you to kill?
Probably not. Maybe I should change my evil ways and live a normal life...
Three hours later we find our hero hiding from the man
Fucking A, there just had to be that lady with a cellular phone nearby. Oh well, at least I wasted his ass.
Ugly guy with skinny limbs, eh...

 

by Mikes
1-18-05
Ah, the freedom that is naturalism!
Shit, shit, that nudist better not come near here and blow my cover.
I say there boy, how is the life treating you?
I am a homeless man who turns tricks for drug money. It's almost certain I have the AIDS, and I'm literally pissed on every day.
So it turns out that "D+S+F+E+Z+V+W" was never funny. Aren't you special?
Nobody likes whiners. FUCKING DIE!

 

by Mikes
1-18-05
Hey kids, it's your old pal, Blind Jimmy Paedophile!
Snap dog!
Selling girl scout cookies, now? Well, the money's in my pocket, come and get it.
What!? No!
Look you horrible brat! The Scared Straight program is not a right; it's a privilege. Now get in there and talk to the nice sex offender.

 

by Mikes
1-18-05

 

by Mikes
1-18-05
For the last fucking time, I will not give you my children.
I know your secret, Mrs. Jennings. I know all about what you did three years ago. Nothing will stop me from letting this out.
Oh god.
Yes, Sally. I've got connections to very powerful people. The kind of people you don't want to have them know.
Too bad I'm a fucking dragon and I can fry your ass.
Shit.

 

by Mikes
1-21-05
Honey, please don't throw me out. I swear I'll quit the boozer.
I just can't trust you again, John. Not after the accident.
Oh c'mon now. You can't live in the past all your life.
You're right. I'm a grown hen. I shouldn't be so immature.
Deception.
TRICKED BITCH! I'VE GOT YOU NOW. IT'S OFF TO THE MCFOOD FACTORY WITH YOU!
FUCK YOU, RONALD!

 

by Mikes
1-21-05
omg shit1 mikes comxiz r da wurst eva! now hes doin a comic dat ever1s dun b4!
lol ya aol kid defmaation comix r a borin clichay
fuk ya letz stab da mothafucka adn eat his kids an tie up his family an shoot theyre feet
lol k btu we dotn kno him letz jus sned him ure dads dog pr0n.
With the obligatory aolspeak comic over, I think I can move on.
Woah, shit. Robot factory?
So, are you going to sell me the drugs, or what?

 

by Mikes
1-21-05
Ugh, it's a hardassed, gritty life being a detective in the city with the highest murder-rape rate in the world. I'm the only clean cop in this concrete jungle of greedy pigs.
Detective, I have a crime to report.
Yeah kid, what is it? Double-, no, triple-homicide?
You stole my heart.
You're dead
to me, Theo.
DEAD!



...come back later. i'll be waiting for you in the back room, hottie.
Score.

 

by Mikes
1-23-05
...and that concludes my story about the dangers of ugly creatures and goth dance parties.
You've kept me in your basement for three months now. I'd really like to go home now.
I'd rather you not go. It's lonely down here.
IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!
Bo-ner.

 

by Mikes
1-25-05
The plane's goin' down!
Alien powers go!
fzuzzzuzzuzzaazzuzz
fzuzzzuzzuzzaazzuzz
I don't think that worked.
Yeah, we're fucked.

 

by Mikes
3-10-05
Yarg.
I'm sick of your lies, Flying Dutchman. Mother was right! I should have never married you!
yaaarg...
Well, If you put that way... Oh, who am I kidding!? God knows I can't live without you hot loving, baby!
Yarg.

 

by Mikes
3-10-05
Twenty years ealier...
Umpf umpf umpf!
Umpf umpf!
Alright Marge, this is just going to be a clean operation, got it?
Yes, Brad. Whack the elves and stash 'em. Wait, Brad!! The elves are behind you! Oh shit! Santa!
Ugh, just tell the children that I died in a car accident.
Brad! No!!!

 

by Mikes
3-11-05
Hace Que Treinta Años
¿Si quires amor, entonces por qué matas duendes?
¿Por qué? Porque ellos son responsables para el muerte de mis padres.
¡Ay! Javier, no hagas esto a mí.
Tengo que hacerlo.
¡No! Esto termina hoy.
¿¡Marge, que estás haciendo!?

 

by Mikes
3-11-05
RAWR! SODOMY HAMMER DEATH METAL RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR is the best band ever.
Oh my god! There goes Danny! He's soooo hot.
Dag, yo. What up?
Oh, heh heh. Um... nothing. *OH GOD OH GOD THAT WAS SO LAAAAAAAAME!!!!*
Aiight girl. You're going to take this cone and ram it in my eye.
Yes! My dreams have come true!

 

by Mikes
3-11-05
Woah! Woaaaaaaah-oooooh-oooohh! 'Tis I! RAWR! SODOMY HAMMER DEATH METAL RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR's very own Wally Wankerschmit. Watch as a I dazzle your listening holes.
You suck!
Woah! Woaaaaaaah-oooooh-oooohh! You hate the rock!
What?
Woah! Woaaaaaaah-oooooh-oooohh! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Holy shit! I've become a giant zap polygon!

 

by Mikes
11-02-06
Yo. You know anything about Jean Jacques Rousseau?
No. I'm in fact a small child with none of that nonsense knowledge.
Guy's super-important. Ever heared of the SOCIAL CONTRACT THEORY?
No. I'm in fact a small child with none of that nonsense knowledge.
Yo. You know anything about Jean Jacques Rousseau?
No. I'm in fact a small child with none of that nonsense knowledge.

 

by Mikes
11-02-06
Yo. You know anything about Jean Jacques Rousseau?
No. I'm in fact a small child with none of that nonsense knowledge.
Guy's super-important. Ever heared of the SOCIAL CONTRACT THEORY?
No. As I said, I'm in fact a small child with none of that nonsense knowledge.
Let me enlighten.
Sweet.

 

by Mikes
11-02-06
In 1762, Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote his most famous tratise, "The Social Contract, Or Principles of Political Right."
I'll agree with a portion of Locke's consent of the governed, to a point. However, an effective and true social contract should not exist between man and government.
He reasoned that democracy was the best way to conduct society. The ideal society should be conducted through direct, participatory democracy, not representative.
Rather, it should be between man and his fellow man. If a government exists, it should respond to the people's general will. No, it actually should BE the general will.
*[The Social Contract, Book III, 15. DEPUTIES OR REPRESENTATIVES]
Each and every one needs to have input in government for it to be legit. Every law the people has not ratified in person is null and void — is, in fact, not a law.*

 

by Mikes
11-02-06
WORD. THAT'S WHAT THE SOCIAL CONTRACT IS ESSENTIALLY ABOUT.
INDEED, THOSE ARE INTERESTING TRUTHS.
WE OUT!
THANX d00d!

 

by Mikes
11-02-06
A guy with glasses tries to educate the youth.
YO. YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU?
NO. I'M IN FACT A SMALL CHILD WITH NONE OF THAT NONSENSE KNOWLEDGE.
GUY'S SUPER-IMPORTANT. EVER HEARD OF *THE SOCIAL CONTRACT THEORY*?
NO. AS I SAID, I'M IN FACT A SMALL CHILD WITH NONE OF THAT NONSENSE KNOWLEDGE.
LET ME ENLIGHTEN.
SWEET.

 

by Mikes
12-12-06
HEY WENDY, I AM PETER PAN, THE ETERNAL BOY. THANKS FOR SEWING MY SHADOW BACK ON. NOW, I HAVE TO KIDNAP YOU TO BE A MOTHER OF LOST BOYS IN THIS PLACE CALLED NEVERLAND.
K. I'LL BRING MY BROTHERS.
HE'S DRREEEEAAAMMY
THIS IS HOW TO FLY.
WOW. NEVERLAND APPEARS TO BE AMAZING. MY BROTHERS ARE LIKE THE OTHER LOST BOYS, AND I'VE ESSENTIALLY BECOME THE ADOPTED MOTHER OF ALL, MUCH TO THE IRE OF TINKERBELL, YOUR FAIRY COMPANION.
K. NOW WE GO SAVE THE INDIAN PRINCESS TIGER LILLY FROM THE MERMAIDS.

 

by Mikes
12-12-06
I AM OFF PUT BY YOUR CONFUSION TO MY ROMANTIC FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU. TIME TO GO BACK TO ENGLAND AGAIN.
k.
IN THE BACKGROUND WENDY AND HER BROS ARE CAPTURED BY PETER'S NEMESIS HOOK. HOOK TRIES TO POISON PETER'S MEDICINE, BUT TINKERBELL INTERVENES AND TAKES IT SO PETER DOESN'T.
WHY DID YOU TAKE MY MEDS!?!?!?!!?!?
PETER PAN MAKES AN APPEAL TO ALL DREAMING CHILDREN FOR TINKERBELLS HEALTH. HE THEN ASSAULTS THE HOOK COMPOUND.
OH NO. TINKER BELL IS POISONED.
IF YOU CLAP, AND BELIEVE IN FAIRIES, TINK'LL GET HEALTHY AGAIN, YO.

 

by Mikes
12-12-06
YARG. I HATE THIS CROCODILE WHICH EMINATES A PECULIAR TICKING SOUND. I CERTAINLY DESIRE IT IS NOT AROUND MY SHIP TODAY, YARG.
*The lost boys and Indians.
PETER PAN! O NO. I'M FINISHED!
UNITED AND STRONG!*
CAPTAIN HOOK LOST THE BATTLE AND WAS DEVOURED BY THE CROCODILE THAT HAPPENED TO BE NEARBY.
I HAVE TO GO BACK HOME.
NO... OH ALRIGHT, BUT I AM VERY RELUCTANT, AND I'LL VISIT OFTEN, EXCEPT NOT. OKAY, I'LL JUST ABDUCT YOUR DAUGHTER L8R.

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