All comics by MrFlibble

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by MrFlibble
3-06-08
I'm wearing a Nike Swooshstika shirt.
I know. Kids like me make those in Nike's Indonesian sweatshops
I bought it at The Gap because I'm an ignorant douche nozzle.
We sit at sowing machines twelve hours or more a day, getting only one bathroom break(if we're lucky), and making less than two dollars a day. Sometimes the guards sexually assault us.
That's horrible! Somebody should write to Phil Knight and report this!
He is well aware that this is STILL going on, even though he may pretend he's not.

 

by MrFlibble
3-06-08
I don't believe in evolution!
I want to send more troops to Iraq!
Gay people are ruining Amerca!
I support NAFTA!
Bloogldy Blop Glop Glip!
Frobbly looble!

 

by MrFlibble
3-06-08
I offer hope for america by promising to keep things exactly the same.
I offer hope for america by promising to keep things exactly the same.
This is truly a historical election even though we're both corporate puppets.
This is truly a historical election even though we're both corporate puppets.
I agree with everything my opponent says.
I agree with everything my opponent says.

 

by MrFlibble
3-06-08
Choo choo choo! My ass is on fire!
I cut myself while listening to emo rock. I'm so uniquie.
If you really want to be an individual try smoking me!
I guess since my non-conformist friends all smoke, I will too.
Don't pay attention to anyone who tries to tell you that cigarettes are made by huge corporations that manipulate millions of people into becoming a slave to thier product! Light up and be a rebel!
I huffed too much paint to understand what you just said.

 

by MrFlibble
3-06-08
Grrr! Bacon-man here to tell you to eat more pork!
I don't eat ANY pork.
Why not? Bacon is a delicious traditional breakfast food! It's served in millions of homes across the country!
It also causes heart problems, weight gain, and decreased sexual performance.
Shit...I've got to change my diet.
I've got some tofu in my pocket.

 

by MrFlibble
3-06-08
I'm wearing a Nike Swooshstika shirt.
I know. Kids like me make those in Nike's Indonesian sweatshops.
Really? I had no idea!
We sit at sowing machines twelve hours or more a day, getting only one bathroom break(if we're lucky), and making less than two dollars a day. Sometimes the guards sexually assault us.
*Joke being that The Gap is no better.
Shit! I guess from now on I'll be shopping at The Gap!
Dude...*

 

by MrFlibble
3-06-08
The photoelectric effect tells us...to DANCE DANCE DANCE!!! And ride like a rodeo show!
Particles are waves and waves are particles! And I'm here to kill you!
I, Louis de Broglie, propose that this horse consists of waves!
My incontinent watermelon has a wavelength equal to Planck's constant divided by its momentum.
The next day...
So I was way too high in physics class yesterday. I hope that stuff won't be on the test.
Want to go drink some Robotussin before Trig 101?

 

by MrFlibble
3-07-08
I am the machine. I control all you see, hear, and read.
Never question my authority. I am the self-appointed final judge of right and wrong.
Al that I do is justified by my infallible wisdom.
Who's Al?

 

by MrFlibble
3-07-08
Do you know WHY I pulled you over?
Because you're an asshole who hates your job?
You were the Hall Monitor in high school who dreamed of attaining a position of authority in society, but you ended up with a beer gut and a mid-life crisis? Is that why?
Actually, it's because you're black.
Damn...I should've gone with the obvious ansewer.

 

by MrFlibble
3-07-08
I'm bored. I guess I could watch coverage of the 2008 presidential race...
...or I could hammer nails into my cranium. Hmm...which is less objectionable?

 

by MrFlibble
3-13-08
I'm going to kill you.
What?
I'm going to kill you.
Why?
I dunno.

 

by MrFlibble
3-13-08
Hello Mr.Spitzer. How are you today?
Who are you?
I'm that horse you called about. I haven't had a bath in weeks.
I think there was a miscommunication.
You did say you wanted to ride a filthy horse all night long, didn't you?

 

by MrFlibble
3-14-08
Stop staring at my junk.
People get raped in here, you know.
Nice tits.

 

I'm stoned and disoriented.
Nice tits!
by MrFlibble, 3-16-08

 

by MrFlibble
3-24-08
It's comming. I know it's comming.
Hello everybody, we're back with our 58,923rd installment of "Broken Borders".
I'm your host, Lou Dobbs. Did you know that there are currently five-thousand mexicans living in your backyard?
It's only a matter of time before he slips and says "wetbacks."
Now these beaners think they can come over here and take our jobs...

 

by MrFlibble
4-15-08
It's three A.M...The phone is ringing...
It's Hillary Clinton...
She wants to know what you're wearing.

 

by MrFlibble
4-15-08
John McCain's most recent comments have had many people worried, and have cost him a great number of supporters.
In a recent interview, he was quoted as saying: "We should send more troops to Iraq."
He also is reported to have said: "Wah gran nizzy nobble" and "My waffles are wearing diapers." More on the ineptness of this cycle's candidates as the race for the whitehouse continues to unfold.

 

by MrFlibble
4-15-08
John McCain's most recent comments have had many people worried, and have cost him a great number of supporters.
In a recent interview, he was quoted as saying: "We should send more troops to Iraq."
He also is reported to have said: "Wah gran nizzy nobble" and "My waffles are wearing diapers." More on the ineptitude of this cycle's candidates as the race for the whitehouse continues to unfold.

 

by MrFlibble
5-17-08
I'm a republican! I hate gays, ethnic minorities, and logic!
I'm a democrat. I basically agree with what you said, but I put it in nicer words.
Let's lynch gay people!
Let's just prevent them from having the RIGHTS of "real" people.
Let's send more troops to Iraq!
Let's just PRETEND like we don't want to but we have to.

 

by MrFlibble
5-29-08
Sometime in the year 2000...
Blah blah blah blah blah...This could be the most important election in our country's history.
Two corporate candidates that are exactly the same?
Four years later...
Blah blah blah blah blah...This could be the most important election our nation has ever seen.
I've heard this before.
Today...
Blah blah blah blah blah...This election could be the most important in American history.
Every four years.

 

by MrFlibble
5-29-08
Come on, you have to admit he was better than his son.
In the same way that herpes is better than AIDS.
Well...hypothetically speaking, right? If you were on a sinking ship with both of them...
And you only had one extra life preserver...would you give it to the first George Bush or the second George Bush?
No.

 

by MrFlibble
5-29-08
Hey, see that guy over there?
The one in the "O'Reilly Factor" t-shirt?
Yeah. Should I pull over for him?
Sure.
AAAARRRRRGGGGGG!!!
Driving is fun.

 

by MrFlibble
5-30-08
Holy shit! I got this new cell phone yesterday. It can do anything!
It can like take pictures and text message my friends and download cool ringtones and-
Can it make phone calls?
No. It can't do that.
Well, that's just fucking great.

 

by MrFlibble
6-09-08
Would you like to sign my petition to make homosexuality a crime punishable by death?
I see absolutely no reason to deny gay people the same rights as us.
My religion says it's wrong.
Well, church and state are supposed to be seperate in this country.
Fuck you.
How concise.

 

by MrFlibble
6-28-08
"Given this regime's blatant disregard for democracy, I am calling for sanctions to be drawn up against this illegitimate government and it's supporters."
That was U.S. president George W. Bush's statement regarding the recent Zimbabwe presidential election which reuslted in the disputed victory of Robert Mugabe.
Later when asked by reporters to define irony, Bush responded with "That's when my clothes are all wrinkly and my wife gets to irony...so i look good. Heh heh."

 

by MrFlibble
7-09-08

 

by MrFlibble
7-26-08
Hello. My name is James Dobson. I'm here to tell you that homosexuality is the cause of everything bad that has ever happened and gay people will burn in Hell.
OK son. I think our work here is done. Let's go shower together.

 

by MrFlibble
8-14-08
In a speech today, President Bush made some strong statements regarding Russia's military operations in Georgia.
"Russia's behavior is unacceptable. I know Georgia has some good peaches...I know that. But deliciousness is never an excuse for acts of aggression."
He went on adding: "The Allman Brothers have been transported to an undisclosed location until things settle down."

 

by MrFlibble
8-29-08
I'm going to rape you in the butt.
I'm going to violate your anus.
I really think there is a difference!

 

by MrFlibble
8-29-08
I CAN YELL LOUDER THAN YOU!
NO YOU CAN'T!
YES I CAN!!! LISTEN TO THIS: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
OH YEAH?! CHECK THIS OUT: RRRRRAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!
AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAARRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRR!!!

 

by MrFlibble
9-06-08
So Mrs.Palin, is it true that you're again'st teaching teenagers about proper condom use?
I believe in abstenince only sex education.
Hmm...not really sex education now, is it?
What?
So how's that been working out for you?
Just fine...I mean my teenage daughter is pregnant, but that's the liberal media's fault!

 

by MrFlibble
9-06-08
So Sarah, you regulary engage in hunting animals for fun, true?
Yes. I'm a real outdoorsy type. Animals fight each other all the time. I don't see what the problem is.
They don't use guns.
What?
So what's your stand on abortion rights?
I'm extremely pro-life!

 

by MrFlibble
9-07-08
So...you're against birth control AND abortion...
You consider yourself "pro-life" BUT you murder woodland creatures for fun...
Are you familiar with the phrase "Does not compute"?
Sounds like liberal hyperbole to me.

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