All comics by MrQwerty

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by MrQwerty
1-07-03
And so, we journey to hell to visit with Ryan and Cthulhu
Boy, isn't this surreal Cthulhu?
INDEED IT IS, RYAN
Ryan takes an impossible challenge from Cthulhu in disguise...
I wirr pray Dance Dance Revorution wif roo
YOU'RE ON FATTY
This comic sucks.
FUCK. ALL I GOT WAS A C AND SHE GOT A PERFECT STEP FOR EVERY STEP. WHAT IS HER SECRET.
HAHAHAHA BOY I BET HE DOESN'T SUSPECT A THING

 

by MrQwerty
1-07-03
Another normal day in hell...
So Cthulhu, what are you going to do to me today?
I SHALL TEST YOUR STRENGHT OF CHARACTER BY TURNING INTO...
JOAN RIVERS
TO BE CONTINUED
Huh
CAN WE TALK

 

by MrQwerty
1-07-03
WE RETURN
This truly is hell
YOU NEED A FASHION MAKEOVER
this situation is getting hairy!
...
I GET BOTOX TREATMENTS EVERY 3 DAYS FROM THIS GREAT PLASTIC SURGEO-
and that wraps up that awful story arc
FUCK OFF YOU STUPID BITCH. CAN WE TALK?
VERY WELL

 

by MrQwerty
1-07-03
And now, a public service announcement from Ryan
Hi. I'd like to discuss a few things with you. Like why hell sucks, and why living with Cthulhu is a punishment I don't deserve, and quite a lot of other things.
Also, before you think "Oh he's bitching," you don't live here you silly bitch. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE oh hey Jessi- WAIT YOU'RE NOT IN HELL WHAT THE FUCK.
eh. I'm not sure how I got here.
Turns out Jessi is just Cthulhu.
Thank you for brightening my day and then fucking it in the ass without any consideration of lube and tearing it so bad it bleeds and gets infected. Bitch.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA god its so easy to fuck with you. Oh yeah, I figured out how to put you in front of any background at will.

 

by MrQwerty
1-08-03
Cthulhu, seeing as how you're the master of reality and all, can you reincarnate me for 1 goddamn year so I can get laid? I haven't had sex in 18,754 years, 2 months, 4 days, 2 hours and 15 minutes
hmmm let me think no
things aren't looking up for Ryan
You can, however, be violated for the next 3,000 years by my pet Barry. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA shit. I'm so good.
GOD MOTHERFUCKING DAMMIT I HATE THIS PLACE WHY DID I HAVE TO GO TO HELL
woof

 

by MrQwerty
1-10-03
Et ainsi nous venons en France, où le clone a été né.
Je suis votre clone.
Oui en effet vous êtes.
Le garçon, ce comique suce encore plus en français.
Pourquoi les français sont-ils si gais?
Je ne sais pas. Peut-être parce que nous aimons nous baiser dans l'âne?
Quelqu'un me tuent.
Je sens du fromage et du lait aigre. Et je suis extrêmement velu et je déteste chacun qui n'est pas français.
Vous êtes mini-je.

 

by MrQwerty
1-23-03
Another regular day in hell.
Cthulhu, why did I go to hell when I died?
THAT, SIR, IS QUITE A GOOD QUESTION. LET ME CONSULT THE RECORDS.
Oh, uh, shit. Heh. Filing error. You were supposed to go to limbo for half the time you've been here and then get reincarnated 15 times. Well, off to limbo you go.
WWHHAATT? Oh yeah, why am I not in this integral scene?
What an interesting turn of events.
Why am I still a skeleton? And why is Cthulhu still here?
You think they'd just dump me? HAH

 

by MrQwerty
1-23-03
And here we are, Ryan's first day in limbo.
Dammit, its even worse looking at this explosion all day than the bleak redness of hell. Who woulda known that limbo is a cartoon explosion?
HEY THERE!
What in the hell are you. Why are you bugging me. Limbo isn't much better than Hell, is it?
I, too, was in hell due to a filing error. I wanna be your buddy.
THE THRILLS NEVER STOP!
So what's your name?
The last mortal name I was given was Mohandas Ghandi.

 

by MrQwerty
2-02-03
http://www.wio.leg.pl/obrazki/7191vision.swf
http://www.wio.leg.pl/obrazki/7191vision.swf
http://www.wio.leg.pl/obrazki/7191vision.swf
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http://www.wio.leg.pl/obrazki/7191vision.swf
http://www.wio.leg.pl/obrazki/7191vision.swf

 

by MrQwerty
2-02-03
And now, I have officially hit a slump
Cthulhu, you never answered me. Why am I still a skeleton?
Are you fucking kidding me? Ask yourself that question, fatty.
So Ryan buys a round-trip ticket and takes the bus to heaven, where he finds God, who is preoccupied trying to pull a nail out of his forehead
Wow, heaven is piss yellow. So, God, why am I still a skeleton? Couldn't I be something cool? Also, are you retarded?
Nope on both counts. Anyway, Cthulhu requested I keep you like that. Can't argue with Cthulhu.
Defeated, Ryan returns home.
I JUST CAN'T WIN, GHANDI, I JUST CAN'T WIN.
Maybe we could start a revolution, Che Guevara style?

 

by MrQwerty
2-09-03
FLASHBACK TIME
Hi, uh, will you go out with me?
Fuck off, asshole!
Things are looking down...
What'd I do wrong?
You looked at me. Don't talk to me anymore.
Well, that wasn't fun.
...and THAT was the 18th time in a row. Next, there was this really h-
I'm going to kill myself if I have to listen to another 5 minutes of this crap.

 

by MrQwerty
2-09-03
fuck

 

by MrQwerty
2-14-03
A TRICKY SITUATION IN-DEEEEED
HELLO I AM JESSI
HELLO I AM ARMANDO
I HATE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART
LOL OMG WTF
EL ENDO
DIE
I'M SEEING NEW AND EXCITING PARTS OF YOUR ANATOMY. OH NO WHY ARE YOU PEEING ON ME?!?!

 

by MrQwerty
2-15-03
And now... a special announcement.
Hi, Ryan here.
On this day, I would like to announce a new direction for this comic.
It has come to my attention that this comic grew slightly unfunny for the longest time.
WELL NO MORE.
I'm taking this comic in a new direction. A visionary direction. FROM NOW ON, THIS COMIC IS ALL NUD-
I'd like to apologize for that. It was uncalled for.

 

by MrQwerty
2-15-03
Mary Coon Teng Fatt finds out she is pregnant with the love child of Jerry Garcia, Jimi Hendrix, or both.
I AM PREGNANT
Her husband, Dave Coon Teng Fatt, finds out about the affair.
I AM FURIOUS
I MUST HAVE THIS CHILD
Dave accepts the child as his own son. Yes, he was born as a full grown man.
I SHALL CALL YOU... JAMES.
WAHHHH WAHHHH

 

by MrQwerty
2-16-03
James Coon Teng Fatt enters grade school.
HELLO. MY NAME IS JAMES.
HI I'M GABE.
It was here that James met his best friend, Gabe. They both shared the same disorder, being born as fully grown 25 year old men.
DO YOU LIKE TRANSFORMERS.
YES
It was here, in grade school, with his best friend Gabe, that James Coon Teng Fatt would begin his journey.
I BELIEVE THIS FEELING I HAVE IS A SENSE OF FOREBODING. AS IF MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE AN AMAZING STORY.
QUITE POSSIBLY, JAMES, QUITE POSSIBLY.

 

by MrQwerty
2-16-03
And now, we interrupt the ongoing story of James Coon Teng Fatt to bring you this special announcement.
I'M BACK IN HELL.
hahahahahahahah ahahahahahahah ahahaha hahaha haha hah ha ahhhh oh my
(for your reference, Cthulhu sounds like Sean Connery)
As it turns out, God saw the sharp downturn the comic took when I went to limbo and decided it was best for me to stay down here.
Yeah. Thats about the gist of it. Also, I haven't managed to get the nail outta my head yet.
If you haven't realized it yet, God is a retarded asshole.
You know, I'll fucking smite you, you little shit. Now help me with this nail.

 

by MrQwerty
2-16-03
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HEROINE...
DIE
I'M SEEING NEW AND EXCITING PARTS OF YOUR ANATOMY. OH NO WHY ARE YOU PEEING ON ME?!?!
TAKE THAT, YOU FATTY.
IS IT OK THAT I ENJOYED THAT?
The End... OR IS IT?*
*Its not
YOU ARE A HORRIFIC PERVERT.
ALL THIS TALK OF PERVERTS IS MAKING ME HOT.

 

by MrQwerty
3-18-03
Why? Why is existence? Woe is me.
Dude I'm totally high.
IS THIS NOT CREEPY? IS THIS NOT ENOUGH OF AN EXPLORATION OF SURREALITY FOR YOU?
Dude I'm totally high.
THIS BEDROOM, THIS BEDROOM IS QUITE POSSIBLY A METAPHOR FOR SEX. DON'T YOU SEE IT, MAN?
Dude I'm totally high.

 

by MrQwerty
3-23-03
A new, disturbing chain of events
So I got reanimated by a 2 dimensional, black and white voodoo magician who talks like a homie.
WHAT WHAT RUFF RYDAS 4 LYFE
I swear to christ this is Cthulhu's fault. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
MAN, THIS BITCH GOT HIM A SWEEEEEEEEEEEET ASS.
MEANWHILE
DAMMIT. He's so observant. COME, CHIN CHAN.
woof

 

by MrQwerty
3-23-03
THE STORY CONTINUES...
CHIN CHAN, MY PET, I'VE A JOB FOR YOU.
woof?
STOP IT. STOP TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME. I'M A SKELETON.
NAW BITCH
I need you to fetch me God, Chin Chan. I've important matters to discuss with him over tea.
WOOF!

 

by MrQwerty
3-23-03
and Chin Chan begins his journey
woof woof Armando woof
DUDE, LIKE, NO WAR. INDY ROCK FOREVER!
Thats because you are, idiot.
woof woof woof woof woof Cthulhu woof God woof
DUDE, LIKE, GOD IS TOTALLY OVER THERE. I'M TRIPPING SO HARDCORE RIGHT NOW I'M TOTALLY IN HEAVEN.
woof woof Cthulhu woof Hell woof woof Teatime
oh GOD DAMMIT I hate teatime with Cthulhu. Every time its, "Smite this person or I'll eat you," or, "it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." I'M SICK OF IT.

 

by MrQwerty
3-23-03
The story featuring me got funny again when it was revealed that I got resurrected...
...resurrected and chased around by a horny voodoo magician who wants to have sex with a skeleton while Cthulhu and God have tea. What in the fuck.
Thanks to this horribly embarassing turn of events, this comic is once again funny.
Fuck you. Fuck you very much Cthulhu.
What was my PSA about again? Oh yeah, the state of my storyline.
Rest assured it will remain funny and have absolutely no topical humor. Goodnight.

 

by MrQwerty
3-24-03
Ryan is still getting chased.
STOP IT.
SHITTTTTTT YO ASS IS FINE.
Meanwhile, in hell.
So, God, how's it going?
DON'T FUCKING PUT ME ANYWHERE NEAR THAT GOD DAMNED PIT AGAIN.
pfhfhfhfhfhfhf, I;ve no reason for that. We've an important matter to discuss. That matter is Ryan and his Voodoo Prince.
ahahahahaahahaha are you as entertained as I am by that whole situation?

 

by MrQwerty
3-24-03
No. No I am not. He was an integral part of my plans.
Hey, cool, the nail dissapeared. So anyway, what the hell am I supposed to do.
I NEED YOU TO SMITE THE BOTH OF THEM. And you can have the voodo guy.
So, how's that sound? Please don't say you want to negotiate, Chinny Chan is sicky wicky.
These conditions all look good. You get Ryan , I get voodoo guy... WAIT NO. I DON'T WANT THAT ASSHOLE. TIME TO NEGOTIATE.

 

by MrQwerty
3-24-03
* - See Strips "Poor Ryan" from 01/08/03 and "Disturbing Chain of Events 1"
I know what you're thinking. What ever happened to Barry, Cthulhu's first pet? Why did he get tiny and turn into Chin Chan?*
The answer is very simple.
Barry was a girl.
Barry had demon pet sex with another demon pet, got pregnant and died in labor.
Chin Chan was the only baby that survived. Hearbroken, Cthulhu adopted him, and Chin Chan replaced Barry. Eventually, Chin Chan will be that big. I dread that day.

 

by MrQwerty
3-30-03
Well, right as my comic gets funny again, I get horribly depressed. I will not make any more comics until I can actually think of something funny to say.
...
That could take a really long while.

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