All comics by SassyOphelia

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by SassyOphelia
11-17-03
Why must society focus on violence so much nowadays?
I know, just look at those pigeons. They live life in perfect peace and happiness.
Exactly. Now I'm going to go step on them.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-17-03
I hate that Newlyweds show. Jessica Simpson gives blondes a bad name.
I don't know anyone who would say such stupid and insensitive things.
If I was Nick, I would beat her EVRY DAY.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-17-03
Giggle....magwonna wogboopwal
garg bobdomp poomp
toonce vaw GIGGLE quaasz!
I....love you....man....
Drunk: the universal language
And simplist of mating rituals.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-17-03
I heard your girlfriend got a job as a department store elf.
Yeah, because she loves little kids.
She told me it was for the mall employee discount
I was being sarcastic anyway, Sassy eats little kids for breakfast, and flosses with their kittens.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-20-03
My grades are my future...I'm constantly scared that I'll fail something and not be able to get into Med school.
I worry sometimes too.
We need jobs that don't depend on grades.
But what?
PIRATES!
PIRATES!

 

by SassyOphelia
11-20-03
...............
Of all the trash chutes in all the world, he had to come to mine...

 

by SassyOphelia
11-21-03
Oh aren't you adoreable!
C'mere lil guy...I won't hurt you.
I just want to catch you and steal whatever you have in your mouth.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-21-03
You know, Tim, you never wear a tie in real life, but you alwasy do here. What's up with that?
Is it because Sassy's too lazy to actually draw her own strip? Or do you just not care about your looks in real life?
Joe, you don't have any pupils...
AAAAAAAAAA!

 

by SassyOphelia
11-22-03
Hey WhartonKid, are you going home for Thanksgiving?
No, I don't have anyone.
What about your mom? I bet she'd be happy to see you.
No, I turned her in to the IRS in exchange for certain favors.
...that's terrible...
What? It's not like she had stock options.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-23-03
Who to exploit today....
Save a cow, eat a businessman
So we meet again, arch nemesis...

 

by SassyOphelia
11-23-03
You beurocratic fat cats are raping the environment, polluting our resources, and taking advantage of the unknowing american!
I bet we could get a great price for your kidneys.
I'm in.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-23-03
If we had met while in high school, would we have gone out?
Please?
ew!
Nope.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-24-03
As Sassy stays up for nights on end to work on her paper, strange things start happening.
Hello.
I think it's finally time for sleep.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-26-03
TIM! I'm having a baby!
WHAT? HOW are you having a baby???
Well, the usual way, I guess...
But you're a virgin!
The usual way meaning fried and in a light cream sauce.

 

by SassyOphelia
12-01-03
I missed you so much.
I missed you more.
I missed you the most.
No, I did.
I missed my N64.
I missed it more.

 

by SassyOphelia
12-11-03
Thanks for the coffee. It's sweet of you.
Welcome.
Since when do you room with a T-Rex?
Huh?
And where's Brittni?
Apparantly it's a Penn rule, if you eat a student you get their room. Survival of the fittest and all that.

 

by SassyOphelia
12-16-03
Christmas! Christmas! I can't wait!
We all get PRESENTS!
Well, we actually celebrate it because it's Jesus' birthday, you know.
Wait, so I have to get him TWO gifts then?

 

by SassyOphelia
12-17-03
Stop that!
Stop what?
I just saw you check that guy out!
I was looking straight ahead! I swear!
You weren't looking 'straight' at anything, Mister!

 

by SassyOphelia
12-19-03
I figured out how I'm going to make my first million: greeting cards!
Cards?
Yeah, people buy them for all occasions, especially if it's cute. And I've discovered the secret to cuteness.
There's a secret?
Animals riding other animals: ADOREABLE

 

by SassyOphelia
12-22-03
Sometimes it's nice to be alone with my thoughts. Stroll down memory lane, remember old friends and good times.
Sometimes I miss people I haven't talked to in a while, but have no idea how to start a rapport again.
I guess I just shouldn't let this happen to the ones I love now, like Tim. I love him so much.
I hope she isn't plotting to kill me again.

 

by SassyOphelia
12-23-03
I find this pencil thing awfully ironic. After all, this strip is obviously not hand drawn.
Still, there's a lot of trouble gone through to find the perfect character to mirror each person. It would be almost easier to draw them for real and find a site to host them.
And YOU need bigger boobs...
Ah. Attention to detail and congruence in reality. That's why I like you.

 

by SassyOphelia
1-07-04
I envy Gilda Radner.
Envy? Admire I could see, but envy?
She's pretty and funny and successful. It's not fair.
She's dead!
I never get to marry Gene Wilder!

 

by SassyOphelia
1-13-04
What a horrible accident. It makes me think about death.
I'm not worried, I have a will.
What a You don't have anything to leave anyone yet.
No, it's more of how i want my funeral to be.
I want to be buried in a suit sewn of money.

 

by SassyOphelia
1-27-04
The good news is, my girlfriend says I'm a perfect ten.
The bad news is, I asked her to rate me from 1 to 100.

 

by SassyOphelia
2-01-04
First everyone got all excited about the Madonna and Britney kiss.
Not there's all this hype about Janet Jackson's boob.
I'm waiting for Madonna to kiss Janet jackson's boob.

 

by SassyOphelia
4-30-04
You haven't written a comic lately.
I know.
Is it because I'm your muse?
I hate you.

 

by SassyOphelia
5-11-04
That guy in Weekend at Bernie's was so underappreciated. He deserved an Oscar.
For playing a corpse? No way.
You think they should have used a real corpse?
Heck yeah. A real corpse would have deserved an Oscar for that. Dead people can't act.
Humphrey Bogart couldn't act his way out of a paper bag anymore, much less a coffin.

 

by SassyOphelia
6-21-04
My boyfriend thought I should give you guys a little PSA.
I'm not dead.

 

by SassyOphelia
7-05-04
If you were Spiderman, don't you think that damn "Spidey-sense" would get annoying after a while?
I suppose it would depend how sensative it was.
My Spidey sense is tingling: that old woman is getting robbed!
Convenient.
My Spidey-sense is tingling: someone is doing Tae bo.
Annoying.

 

by SassyOphelia
9-10-04
Why do I have to be a kid?
Because you're Asian, Dianna.
How offensive.
All your people are small.
Are you floating?

 

by SassyOphelia
9-10-04
Now, to look good, you need to press really really hard with the make up.
Is that eyeliner, or are you bleeding black?
I haven't found a way to tell yet.

 

by SassyOphelia
9-15-04
What's the difference between my boyfriend and the Clapper?
What?
Even a woman with no arms can turn him on.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-10-04
My roommate is Mexican.
So I moved into her room and declared "Manifest Destiny".

 

by SassyOphelia
11-01-04
Everything cool in this world was invented by someone crazy or depressed.
In fact, the only person who ever made anything new and cool that WASN'T, is Jesus.
Jesus was never depressed.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-01-04
I've come to the point in my college life where I've figured out one little thing about fashion.
If you pop your collar, I'll pop a cap.
In your ass.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-01-04
If I was my age, but in the 80's,
I'd totally be the girl with the crush on Anthony Michael Hall.

 

by SassyOphelia
1-24-05
My shoes are hetero-lifemates!
My shoes are gay!
I don't feel that my footwear has a sexual identity.
Loser.

 

by SassyOphelia
3-20-05
Sweetie, do you remember how we met?
of course I do! We were in high school and you visited my traveling faith healing tent.
YOU ARE HEALED!
To be Continued...
I am healed. I love you.
I am victorious, huzzah!

 

by SassyOphelia
3-20-05
And the Continuation...
I shall love you, for you are pleasing to me.
I am eternially greatful.
I also promise to buy you lots of soda and jewelry.
You sure are big on remembering whatever you want to remember, aren't you?
are you calling me a liar?

 

by SassyOphelia
3-21-05
I feel really bad for making fun of people for the way they look.
You know? You can't judge someone based on thier hairstyle
I lost all respect for Captain Planet once I realized he had a mullet.

 

by SassyOphelia
4-05-05
This is where I want my grave. Right here.
Got it.
And I want the biggest, most ass kicken grave ever. Pull out all the stops. Truck bed, horn that plays La Cucaracha, everything.
Oh, and my girlie mags.
I need more coffee.

 

by SassyOphelia
4-20-05
Do you think anyone actually reads this anymore?
Reads this?
Yeah, like...reads this comic.
COMIC?
If you can't handle reality, you can always pretend this is all a dream.
I think I fell asleep in the bathtub again.

 

by SassyOphelia
4-24-05
It's nice to be out with just the girls
Yeah, no boys burping or making rude comments
We can be civilized ladies.
Exactly! Now let's order our food.
I don't know about you guys, but I want BEEF!

 

by SassyOphelia
5-01-05
So...i got pretty drunk the other day.
I really didn't like it. It made me feel really sick and gross.
At least you learned your lesson.
Nah, i just drank more. You're not really a robot, you know.
I know.

 

by SassyOphelia
6-10-05
With the lack of anything funny, I'm bringing you a public service message:
I haven't written anything in a while, humor is on summer vacation.
So remember, this summer, kids; falling off balconies doesn't kill people.
Michelle's vagina kills people.

 

by SassyOphelia
6-15-05
So, with an MCAT score of 35, my boyfriend is pretty much definitely going to become a doctor.
And work in hospitals.
I'm gonna steal me lots of sweet sweet babies!

 

by SassyOphelia
6-20-05
We've been going out too long, nothing is new or surprising about eachother anymore.
After two years, there should be a mandatory break up period of six months.
You mean like Joe and Dianna?

 

by SassyOphelia
8-24-05
If Batman lived in today's world, do you think he would collect Batman stuff?
Well, it would be pretty suspicious if he hated all things Batman.
I just hope he wouldn't get obsessive, collecting everything Batman. He could give himself away.
He refuses to throw anything away because "Batman used it"

 

by SassyOphelia
8-29-05
My apartment is HUGE!
Are you going to use the space to have lots of friends over and parties and stuff?
No. I'm selfish.

 

by SassyOphelia
8-29-05
I love this song. It was THE song of 1991.
What about Smells Like Teen Spirit?
Fuck you, I LIKE Savage Garden!

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