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| Our top story, a man, dubbed "The Dong-Art Bandit" is lose is UBCS writing giant penises on walls. For having graphic pictures on his wall, CP, the owner of UBCS, was arrest. | |
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| Also, there are reports of a ninja that will appear out of nowhere, kill you, chop you up into little pieces and disappear into the night. There have been five such cases so far. | |
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| This just in. Make that six cases. | |
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