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Cancer: This week you will discover you have a terminal illness. But it's actually AIDS! You might not think that's funny now, but in years to come you'll laugh and laugh! Oh wait....
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Leo: I hope you're not afraid of Werewolf's, cause they sure aren't afraid of you
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Virgo: Today, the world of politics will be stunned and outraged when North Korea declares war on your hair. So you might want to invest in a few hats
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