All comics by TobyMoore

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by TobyMoore
12-02-22
Nick, do you have any idea how hard it is to teach my kids about Christ with you around every December? You’ve got that chocolate egg-laying rodent tied for “Biggest Phony Ever”.
Hooooo ho ho hahahaha! Come now. You know my historical roots are legit. Was it YOU who slapped an Arian heretic in the face at a church council in 325 AD? I didn’t think so.
Touché, I guess. But why are you trying so hard to turn a holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus into something it clearly isn’t?
So, how many Christmas gifts did you say you’ve bought your kids so far this year…?
… we’re talking about you, not me.
Oh, I can see that.

 

by TobyMoore
12-03-22
Sunday morning.
Oh no... I met this guy last week, but I cannot remember his freakin' name. Don't panic... think! Was it Terry? Trevor? No—Theodore. Yeah, that's gotta be it!
Good morning! How's it going, Theodore?
Yeah, my name is actually Brad...
"Theodore"... Ha! That's almost the exact opposite of my name. Way, way off! I hope it doesn't take long for you to forget this innocent but deeply embarrassing mistake, if ever.
Time to find a new church.

 

by TobyMoore
12-04-22
Germany, 1517.
Yo, Marty. Peep this dope rhyme: "As soon as the coin in the coffer rings, the soul from Purgatory springs."
Do you work for the sanitation department? 'Cause that is some garbage theology. I proved it in my 95 theses.
You know what rhymes with theses? Feces. Which is what they are. Your theses, I mean. Recant or be... excommunicated!
Oh. I thought you were gonna say "recant or DIE".
Yes, we've tried that before. But it turns out "the coffers start a-runnin' low when the congregation ain't no mo'."

 

by TobyMoore
12-04-22
That bird in Cage 3 got out again. Have you seen him anywhere?
That's the fifth time this week! Next thing you know he'll be blowing apart the gates to the zoo. Good thing he's just a bird.
On a seemingly unrelated note, the grounds crew says several bags of fertilizer have gone missing. Seen those lying around?
THIS IS NOT GOOD

 

by TobyMoore
12-04-22
Oh my Allah! Someone has stolen the nuclear codes! They can't arm the weapon remotely, can they?!
Not without the retinal scans you provided, sir.
Actually I scanned Muzaffar, my bird. That should keep the infidels second guessing. By the way, have you seen him? He's due for a de-clawing.
THIS IS NOT GOOD

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