All comics by Violator

 

by Violator
1-18-01
Give me the panties.
An unconventional pickup line!
Come on, help out a vengeful spirit of the netherworld.
But surely you meet plenty of chicks in your line of work, why do you need the Panties of Potence?
The girls are all dead, and this isn't THL, dumbass.
True, true.

 

by Violator
1-18-01
Jesus was pinned up in front of a mirror. These were his last words, thought forever lost.
Ow, ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Hey, keep that fucking lance to your self. Squid poke pro, bastard!
Hours in the hot sun have their effect.
Bitchin.
Oh, hey, is that me. Let me wave my hand. Oh, hi there! Yeah, so how are you doing.
Memory is lost, as is lucidity. Finally, death.
Hey, can you get us down from here man. I, like, hurt in the hands here.
Nah, i want to see my father. Hey...do you know who our father is. My Dad, is this sun hot....

 

by Violator
1-18-01
Hey Lowtax, 'sup? My nali plants have shown me the secret of red and green lighting!
Heya Cliffy B. you need to take waaay less nali plants, man! Just got back from Cancun with the ole tequila. Shit am I poor. Hey man, can you Hax0r the Gamefan assholes?
I scan my cat because my genitals are too small to fit onto the plate.
Yeah...riiight...whatever. Gamefan? Kill, kill, kill? Come on, Cliffy, open up your L337 HaX0ring on thair ass.
Ten bucks, yeah, I got that from that Oil of ulan add on Planetquake. Say, do you do nali fruit?
Rar. I am the Gamefan whore! Phear m3! Rar. I cost only $29.95 a month, all you can eat buffet. Bow to my power, Cliffary B!

 

by Violator
1-18-01
D&D the movie has created controversy. Was it a PC sell-out? Lets hear what people say...
Hurro and relcome to Dungeon and Dragon. The movie. We invite you to take seatand enjoy felicitous use of arm rest while not mobile phone on. Thank you.
Y'all realise this is some gawd-dang tawdry puhlitcil...plotitifical...drat. Its a damn PC piece of tree huggin hippie shit.
Politically correct, yet incorrect to its legions of loyal zombie-fans.
My zulu ancestors approve of any pathetically PC attempts by gaming industry hacks like Wizards to paste a thin veneer of equality and civility over a game played by mastubatory white 13 y/o guys.
Yeah, I'm like "Oh my god, they didn't even swear!" and my boyfriend is like, "And what's with this no backstabbing, the guys a frikkin' thief?" And man, that guy must be AC Zero!"
Even industry movers thought it sucked dogs asses. Gary is misquoted here, BTW. He's to senile to say this stuff.
Ja, ve vill get onto zee PC. Ziss is zee last straw! Die black man is zee only one to die, is this not wrong? Vhat is ziss eqvality for all scheiss that zee Empress voss schpitting?
Hi. I'm Gary Gygax and I'm f**ing unimpressed. I wanted a Boris Valejo tittyfest and all i got was a pre-pubescent empress, a moronic mage and an elf in a titplate! My geeky fans demand gore and sex!

 

by Violator
1-18-01
Ok. Its numbed.Time to write the letter.
Goodbye cruel world. Miss me not, for I was but a smallish man and hardly known amongst those I wished to know. Signed...
OK, here goes nothing.
Percy Bobbit Jr.
GAAAAA !AAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAA!!! AAAAArghhh....

 

by Violator
1-18-01
Starship Enterprise, Stardate 23.12.4 5
When humanity...reached for...the stars, little...did we know...the challenges that...awaited us.
Captains Log: Crewmembers in distress from failure of gravity generator.
Short of breath...as lungs weakening. Muscles atrophy...in low gravity. Heart..arythmic...blood...thinning...voice faltering.
Some...contemplating suicide...as only way out.
Must do exercises...must not...sound like..William Shatner! Damn you, evolutions end!

 

by Violator
1-19-01
Our two heroes are caught orbiting Besphin with a load of dodgy tax records.
Quick, Phil, get rid of the tax receipts! The IRD battlecruiser is almost upon us!
Fuck! I knew KY wasn't a proper tax deductible expense in our line of work!
Meanwhile on the IRS cruiser, our heroes have been ratted out be a business associate.
You'd better be right about this!
I tell you, Darth Spigot, they didn't use the KY for automotive purposes. They have no use for it at all.
Like Han Solo, our heroes find a place to hide the tax receipts...
You know, that was an ingenious use for that KY and a good hiding place to boot.
Yeah...well thank God for the Ky is all I can say.

 

by Violator
1-19-01
Idealism
The web was supposed to revolutionise communications, educate the masses and bring the world closer.
Altruism
Instead we got porno and $2.95 cam whores a billion.
Realism
Guess I'd better get in front of the camera.

 

by Violator
1-19-01
3a.m. in the morning, Death finds a quiet moment to watch the tube
Fucking DemTel...
But wait! there's still more! For only $29.95 you get the Slaymorr motorised scythe if you buy now!
The informercials psychic assault finally wears him down...
Bleeaaargh! I'm going for a shower, this shit mkes me feel dirty....
Hes, you too can learn the secret of fitness and self defence with TaeBo!
Death's shower is interrupted by a chance at some work...
Oh, hey, what was that? I think I might be in luck!
There are rumours that any president elected on a year ending in zero will be assassinated....

 

by Violator
1-24-01
Hello filthy capitalist dogs. this is Lei Chin Wook, of the people's republic of China. We no like your yankee missile defence.
Yes, we do not like threatening intitiative to shoot down our missiles which are NOT aimed at USA! No, they are aimed at...baby seals!
This report was brought to you by East Asia News
Dang, ah guess its tahm to outlaw abortion so's we can have us selves moh cannon-fodder.
So now you know, Billy Bob, why I'm your momma, and we's livin in this heah trailer park, and why that thar cruise missile has your name written all ovah it. And you've got Dubyah to thank fo it all.
Yeah, fucking sweet mom. My life is fully fucking explained you fucking whore and now I guess you'll tell me Dick Cheney is my dad?

 

by Violator
1-24-01
Where are you off to, man?
Vegas. I have a new contract in an upcoming dotcom company which promises high returns!
Yeah, well I run this exclusive little website myself, you know?
Yeah? Really, what's it called?
Yeah...its called goatse.cx. Hey...where are you going?
You are a sick flog bag, Toothgnip. I'm outta here before I become an unwilling "receiver". Aughh.

 

by Violator
1-24-01
This week on the East Wing, watch as the president deals with stick issues.
I think the letterhead is all wrong, Cheney-o. I want that dubyah printed in 24 point font. I'm not mah daddy!
I'll get right onto it, George Bush, sir. Uh, dubyah, sir! The leader of the free world is not his daddy's boy, I'm right on it, sir!
Watch our loved characters as they battle life's ups and downs.
That fucking flogbag Cheney... going and having another fucking stroke. He's had more strokes than Clinton got from Monica.
I heard that you sissy cowboy...aaauh! My heart, my heart!
Meanwhile, back in China
I show Dubyah impressive missile. No yankee Star Wars mess me up. Unless it Ken Star. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Cause i'm TNT Oi! Oi!

 

by Violator
1-24-01
The year is 2002. Pokemon has grossed $34 billion for Nintendo. Time, however is running out for the franchise, as new Pokemon concepts are hard to find.
Hey kids! Meet ANUSMON, whose power over bad smells gives him mastery over Earth!
Poofa poofaaaaaa!!! I fart in your general direction!!!
Inspiration has run out for all but a few mindless Nintendo wages slave programmers.
Hey, they wouldn't allow Pussychew or Choadymion or Felchikon, so our creative team had to settle for Anusmon. Of course, I really like Rectimax here...
Brrrt. I am your l337 5h1T. Brrrt, my rhoids pain me. Take me to Pokecentral.
Meet the plot line developers, circa 2002. Do the maths on how Spigot gets his food. Food + Ass = Doc. Doc - food = into Spigot.
Oh, i like the work conditions. The padding is good, and that sloppy gruel they feed me anally, it feels pleasurably gooey.
Yes, my black artistic muse has flourished anew! The conditions are terrible, but I do like it when Doc here feeds me via regurgitation.

 

by Violator
1-24-01
As the microscope focuses we will be able to see the true extend of genetic damage suffered by this subject.
We shall also be able to see any foreign organisms such as viruses, bacteria and mutated cells like cancerous lesions.
Errr...who put the scene from Inner Space in the microscope.

 

by Violator
1-24-01
So, what is the best thing about chickens? Is it their willingness to suck your spam roll for $10?
Yeah, just swipe the card and it'll come right out of your account. Now zip down, beyatch.
Do you take American Express? I mean, I'm all outta cash, and all I have is plastic.
Is it their huge throat capacity or their over-riding lust for your man-meat?
Mmmmph...Mmmppphtt! *choke* Wow, you are a big man, Jon. Mmmm, let me lube it up with the Astorglide Cherry flavour. Oohhh yeahhhh.
Oh baby, yeah, take it you bitch. you know you like it. C'mon, give me the sausage sizzle you feathered slut. Ohhhh...yeaaahhh.
Teeth marks: rare as hen's teeth.
GACHOKE-AHHH! *gargle* *spit*. Hmm, do you eat Asparagus, Jon, you really oughta try the lemon tea. Your spuzz tastes like week old socks.
Holy shit, that was awesome. I didn't feel a god damn tooth the whole time. You are the best cock slut I ever did see this side of Alabama. See you next week.

 

by Violator
1-25-01
Meanwhile, in the bad side of the psychic vortex, two would-be allies have a falling out.
My psychic assault on the world will triumph before YOU can get the souls of these fleshless beings!! Your power over their lusts has turned them from you, they no longer fear you, nor I.
Shaddup or I'll bitchslap you.
Threats are made...
Well, foolish icon of a dead religion, my space-based mind rays will crush your mind and show you the true visage of Yog Sothoth. Dagon will claim you! Now I go to devour the sanity of mortals! Ha ha!
Yeah, yeah, I'm quivering in my boots already.
Actions taken.
I want him dead before midnight. No witnesses, no cops, no flashy matrial-arts kung-fu bullshit. Just dead, as in dead. Then we'll see about Dagon.
It shall be done as it is ordained. Swipe your visa card and I'll bill your account.

 

by Violator
1-27-01
Say, are you interested in starring in my tentacle porn movie?
Yeah, okay.

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