All comics by Viper911

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by Viper911
2-08-04
So what do I do after I chopped her breasts off?
Did you fuck her before you did that?
Umm..no, she was already dead and..
So what, not like you are going to get laid by a LIVE woman.
You know what, I think I'm into breast-less women anyways.
You sick fuck.

 

by Viper911
2-08-04
Wonderful! Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers!
That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend!
Why, don't you have a vase?

 

by Viper911
2-08-04
Hey, buddy, can ya spare $2?
If I give you money, are you going to spend it on beer?
Um, no...
Will you gamble it away?
No.
Then will you come home with me so my girlfriend can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?

 

by Viper911
2-08-04
Stu dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates awaiting...
Have you ever done a good deed in your life?
Sure, once I came across 3 rapists who were threating a woman, so I punched one in the face...
Wow, very brave, when did this happen?
About 5 seconds ago.

 

by Viper911
2-08-04
So, Agnus, have you made any New Years' wishes yet?
Just one, Plumber Bill.
And it's for you to stop groping on me all the time.
Hey, not bad. I made one wish also. And it was that your new wheelchair wasn't under my truck right now. Oh well, maybe they'll come true next year.

 

by Viper911
2-09-04
I got beat up by these guys last week and then shoved into a dumpster. So I bought me a costume and figured out super powers for me.
Yesterday, I went back and found them same guys behind that same alleyway behind the bus station and taught them a little lesson.
And that lesson is: "Don't ever beat up a guy whose super powers are running you over with an idling Greyhound bus while the driver is takin a smoke break."

 

by Viper911
2-09-04
It's true...no man is an island.
But if you take a bunch of dead guys and tie 'em together, they make a pretty good raft.

 

by Viper911
2-09-04
Hey, Plumber Bill. I just wanted to thank you for those little snack cakes you brought over yesterday.
Oh really? How'd you like them?
I don't know, they tasted kind of odd, but I guess they were okay.
I hate you, Plumber Bill.
Glad you enjoyed them, granny. Personally, I don't understand why they call them "sanitizing deodorant cakes". I just can't imagine them tasting anything like cake.

 

by Viper911
2-09-04
One of my co-workers told me a joke so funny today that it made cottage cheese shoot out of my nose.
Eww...that's sick.
Yes, it is, granny. More disturbingly though, I wasn't eating cottage cheese at the time.
{ULP!}
Whoops. Sorry, granny. I forgot you were recovering from stomach flu.
BLEH--R-RETCH!

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