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| Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene. | |
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| I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started? | |
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| Science has failed us! No one predicted there'd be mutant alligators in the sewers! And now, after years of feeding on human waste, they've decided to go after the source! | |
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| They feed on human excrement, eh? Guess we should tell [insert name of political figure / institution here] to stay out of town! Ha ha ha! | |
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