All comics by alanaldaismydad

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by alanaldaismydad
9-15-03
Goddamn, this shit sucks.
Damn, Jeez, you don't look so great.
I'm nailed to a fukkin cross, Ray. I don't feel 100%, either.
Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to smoke some pot with me, but if you're going to get an attitude.... I guess I'll see you later.
And so Humanity's saviour still hangs...
Wait. Ray? RAY! SOMEONE GET ME OFF THIS FUKKING CROSS! *sigh* Fukk it.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-15-03
1,200 innocent people died in Iraq, today, when US troops accidently bombed a village near a Iraqi militia training camp.
Oh, God...
Plus, deadly new form of the Bubonic Plague has sprung up in 615 US and Canadian cities. Scientists are searching for a vaccine but say there may not be one.
Jesus! I should make sure my parents are ok.
Also, Ben and J Lo's shocking honeymoon video! This hour on CNN Headline News.
Ben and J Lo!

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-15-03
Jesus, can I ask you a question?
christ, not another one. Go ahead.
Well, it's just that, we're in heaven, and you're still nailed to the cross.
...
God hates me.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-15-03
Dripping Custards African Albino I'll be fine in a minute. Just give me time. give me TIME! DAMMIT! YOU NEVER GIVE ME ANY TIME!!! I HATE YOU, DADDY!
shit. I dropped it on my foot.
Gee, Mr. Bub, what'd you do that for?
I was tired of hearing him bitch.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-16-03
Wanna get together sometime?
Well...I never!
Mmkay...
N-n-no. Wait!
Hehehe.
St. Andrew's confessional. 9:00.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-18-03
My life is so empty.
I took this job 'cos I thought it would be fulfilling. But it's so mundane and dreary. And lonley. I want a puppy and flowers and sunshine. I WANT TO DANCE! *sigh*
Hey, Sa....
Deal with it.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-22-03
An English Lesson for Alanis...
I wish I was dead.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-23-03
The Internet really is shit.
How so?
It's a mecca for misinformation. Not to mention all the stupid people smothering themselves with mindless entertainment and simple distraction from life pretending to be intellectuals.
Wow. I guess you're right.
Later that night....
Hold on, mom! I'm in the middle of something important. "ROTFL! So, lustdragon69, I'll show you my homepage, if you'll show me yours."
Honey, Dinner!

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-24-03
You want to know a good way to impress chicks? Big words. Man, using big words makes you look smart and chicks dig a smart guy.
What do you mean big words?
Like, instead of say,"Damn, that's fast fukkin' car." Say,"My, the acceleration and velocity of that particular vehical was most impressive." See?
Wow. Y-y-you're smart.
I know, right?
Wow.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-24-03
Hey, baby, wanna go fukk in the park?
What?!?
Er, I mean, pardon me, beautiful woman, would you find it acceptable to copulate with me underneath the wide, wonderous heavens?
Sure.
Dammit, I forgot my rubbers. Looks like we barebackin' it tonight, sweet tits. God Damn, you gotta fine ass.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-24-03
Those weren't MY bodies underneath the stairs officer.
Shit! I can't believe my oil bin's just busted! This hasn't happened since I was a boy.
Woah! That's the last time I'm mixing tequila, acid and heroin.
No more spiked dildos. No more spiked dildos. No more spiked dildos. No more spiked dildos.
Behold, Moses, I am the one true God. I am...I am... ON FIRE! SHIT, I'M ON FUKKING FIRE! I'M GOD, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! SOMEONE PUT ME OUT!
ok. that's all. supa funny strip. yeah? mega mega funny! you go now. bye bye. you go.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-24-03
I saw him first.
He's mine.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-24-03
I am God.
I am Man.
I am the Universe

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-24-03
You're kind of a strange person, Logan. You crave attention, yet deny it. You yearn for love, while wanting nothing but apathy. You are a cynic with dreams. A contradiction in terms.
I'll tell you the one thing that will solve all of your problems. The only thing you need to know to be happy for the rest of your life.
Hey, check out my hand and arm when I move my fingers. Hehehe. That's so weird.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-24-03
You're kind of a strange person, Logan. You crave attention, yet deny it. You yearn for love, while wanting nothing but apathy. You are a cynic with dreams. A contradiction in terms.
I'll tell you the one thing that will solve all of your problems. The only thing you need to know to be happy for the rest of your life.
You need some fukking pussy, my friend.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-24-03
You're kind of a strange person, Logan. You crave attention, yet deny it. You yearn for love, while wanting nothing but apathy. You are a cynic with dreams. A contradiction in terms.
I'll tell you the one thing that will solve all of your problems. The only thing you need to know to be happy for the rest of your life.
You're life means nothing.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-25-03
Hey, Universe? Why can't I see you?
Well, speck of all specks, it is because I am everything and nothing. My true form would cause you very soul to implode with the impossibility of what I am.
Come on. Just a peek. I'll give $10.
Well, ok, just a peek.
You're a chair?!?
BEHOLD THE MIGHTY IMAGE OF THE UNIVERSE. GAZE AT THE WONDER OF EXISTENCE! REVEL IN THE IMAGE OF ONE WHO DECIDES ALL LIFE AND DEATH! The plush seat's really comfortable, too. Now, pay up.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-25-03
Father?
Jesus! I haven't seen you since you were this high!
Father? Why hast though forsaken me?
Wow! You look rough. I guess that whole crucifixion thing didn't work out too good, eh?
Father, aren't you listening? Why won't you let me down? I've been up here for 2,000 years!
Oh, stop bitching. When I was your age, I hung from a cross for 4,000 years. My nieghbor, Billy, hung for 5. And niether of us complained. You young folks, all soft in the middle. Well, have fun, son!

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-25-03
So, how does this so called Time Machine work?
Well, Sherman, I just press this button and our consciousnesseses into whatever mammalian being may be closest to our present location, but not in the present, in the past. Get it?
er, OkAAAYYY!! SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...
Gee, where are we Mr. Peabody.
Quiet, you!

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-26-03
Holy Shit! Done found me a little squaw. What up there, little Indian princess?
Ooooo, cowboy. Knees in Air likes cowboys.
10 Minutes Later
DAMN! That ws some good...Holy shit. MY DICK'S BURNING! AHHHHH!!!!
Wah-Fa. Choosha, Naholo.
Hey, it's no sneakier than pox infested blankets.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-28-03
Hi! I'm Logan, author of Infamous, Blasfamous and, uh, that other shit, too. This is my friend, Lucienda Walkingbird of the Sauk and Fox tribe. She played little Knees in Air in the previous strip.
Hello. We just felt that we owed an apology to those who may been offended by it. We are not advocates of racism and encourage harmony among all mankind.
As long as their mothers weren't mexican prostitues, right, Luce?
Fukk you, you a halfbreed, too, honkey ass, white bread motherfukker.
Go drink a 40 and make some more babies, fukkin' rez rat.
Thanks for tuning in. Till then.

 

by alanaldaismydad
9-28-03
Well, it all started a coupla years ago when me and Danni, we decides we wanna go to Disney World. So, we go and I say to Danni, I says, HEY, DANNI, YOU WANNA RIDE SPACE MOUNTAIN?
and then I says SURE RICH, WHATEVA YOU WANT DOOD.
So, we're standin in line and there's this girl ahead with a perfect body. So, I turns to Danni and ova there wackin' it in fronta everyone.
Yeah, and then you..you know, started kissin' in it. Then the security guards rushed us.
Long story short, me and Danni got married by Warden Beefheart last week in the yard. Loc Dawg looked magnificent in his bride's maid gown.-------> Aw, I love you, too, ya big lummox.
I love you, Rich.

 

by alanaldaismydad
10-01-03
"SHE FUKKING HATES ME! LALALALA!"
Oh, no! Puddle of Mudd's come to town! Something needs to be done about this.
"TRUST SHE FUKKING HATES ME!"
HEY! SHUT THE FUKK UP! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A DIME STORE VERSION OF NIRVANA! YOUR MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE SHIT THAT KURT MIGHT'VE WROTE IF HE'D HAD FETAL ALCOHOL SYNDROME!
You're right. I'm going to go back to my dressing room and hang myself with my studded leather belt that makes me look so fukking cool.
"YOU TRY SO HARD TO PRETEND YOU GOT TALENT, BUT YOU HAVE NONE! GO THE FUKK AWAY!"

 

by alanaldaismydad
10-01-03
So, are you going to the punk show at the Underground tonight?
Hell no! The only bands they'll have there are shitty emo bands that all sound the same. Sorry, but I don't want to hear about how sad some little fag is about his girlfriend leaving him and shit.
There are still some good punk bands around. What about Sum 41?
Sum 41 might play music that half-way resembles true punk, but it's sad when they're all that's left of punk. You know what? Fukk punk. Punk's dead.
Yeah, I see your point. Anyway, how're we going to get out of this ravine.
We're not. We're going to die here

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