All comics by alanej

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by alanej
3-24-03
And the world begins to change...
wenuuynt vvrrrrt FFFT!
What the fuck is wrong with her?
SMOKE.
OMG
BEHOLD MY NECK!!!!!111
...fuck.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
And so, the endless cycle begins...
Well, hey there little girl.
I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
That's ok, just get in the fucking van.
ok.
I'll save you, childly citizen!!!1
Fuck dude, you do know there's a cock on your shirt, right?

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Right, whatever cockmilker, move or be moved, I got kids to please.
...because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh-darnit, paople like me...
Heha! That guy sure is wierd, huh?
I'll say, hahaha.
Seriously though, get in the fucking van.
ok.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Haha! Lay your...hands...off of her!
...no. You think this is big enough?
Ok, that guy ain't doing shit.
What the fuck is that ass-miner's problem?
Are we there yet?
Shut the fuck up.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Welcome to my underground lair!
What's that on the ground?
:INSERT GROIN STRIKING SOUND EFFECT HERE:
Oh, Jesus, my fucking balls!
Eat it, bitch! Freedom!
The pain...why...
The door...locked? Well played, my Nemesis Psycho Shit-Fucker.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Captain
Ok, what is that smell?
Here I come to save the day!
Witness my perfection! No, witness lower.
Singing in the rain...
Hmm, you'd think fourteen stabs would've done it.
At least he can fit in a suitcase now.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
OMFGFYMWJOAFB
My Godly Fuck upon a stencil-ASS, why aren't you dead?!
...for I hold the power of Gen-FU!
Hold this, reem-accepter!
BEHOLD THE OLD!
Pity?

 

by alanej
3-24-03
...so you come here often?
Dood, FAWK off, Homoplasmic Reticulum.
Somewhere...peace reigns supreme.
HOLY FUCK why the spatulas! You're SICK! FUCK!
Mr. Duck need legs don't he? Prepare for Chloro-fuck Procedure X!

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Ok, you are not a duck WTF!!!1
SADNESS
Ok, sorry about the legs, but the spatulas should work fine, whatever. Or I could just Kill you.
ANGST
Ok, fourteen worked that time. Plus Fag-Stack was lookin at it wierd.
What? You mean like this?

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Geoffry? Who's down there with you?
No one, mother.
In the Kitchen...
Sometimes I worry about little Geoffry. Do you get the feeling that he's hiding something?
Yeah, he's molesting children in your basement, oh yeah, fuck you.
I AM NOT SPEAKING TO YOU. GET BACK TO YOUR FUTILE SQUIRMINGS!
Jesus officially hates you.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Jesus fucking christ on a bicycle with no seat orphin!!!!1
What's up mah Shniggies?
Umm...we're playing a game. yeah.
Read the Bible, Cock-Bag. Your nuts will burn, painfully!
I like the part where you die.
Ok, no one's actually supposed to read that shit.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Save me Jesus!
IRONY! FUck my ball are flaming, like Cock-Shirt over there! Fawk!
Jesus just burst into flames!
HOLY NutLog-Siren!
meh.
ehh.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Now you DIE, Infant-Waxer...waxoffer!
Try it, bitch. Eat FLAMING Sharp Codpiece of DOOM!!!!1
Tis but a scratch.
Ok, keep that dialogue up and I will chemically castrate you.
Castrate THIS!!1
umm, ok.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Christ with carpel-tunnel! WTF is that Sheeat on the floor?
A petophile, his arm, and a gay super hero, why?
Let's fight.
Ok.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
FIGHT SCENE BACKGROUND SWIRL LIKE GAY MERRYGOROUNDS HELL_THING!!!!111
CARPET-ABILITY!!!111
Exclaimation points then ones ATTACK!!!!11
Fawk.
Joo suxxors...joo.
My ash pile is larger than yours, smaller by comparison ash pile fuck.
Eat my ash-like sexual organs chum-torso.

 

by alanej
3-24-03
Thank Gawd I was re-assembled at a local hospitol.
I poisoned your colostomy bag, shithole peddler.
Oh, god.
Let's play.
Sure, why not.

 

by alanej
3-26-03
After a tiring day of sacrifices and summonings, a return to home.
Hi mom, I'm home.
Stop calling me that and let me go you sick fuck.
You're gonna play mom and you're gonna like it, or you're gonna play dead.
Ok just don't hurt me again.
...
That's right, take it Cock Matron. I ownxxors joo!!!!1

 

by alanej
3-26-03
How could she have escaped? I locked the door for Fuck's sake.
Maybe a confessional would be in order! This book says STUFF..GNAA (spasm) Satan.
I'm your conscience. Go to church, you Fuckaegis assprone, Cockreloader.
Hey revrened, I've been reading this book, see?
Dammit Frankie Nunez is sexlicous, fawk.

 

by alanej
3-26-03
So, this one here, do not covet thy neighboor's wife...uh it's ok if they're not married right?
Well, I guess, I mean adultry is bad.
Ok, so replace covet with rape horribly and ingeniously with no mercy...FAWK GNAA/
Uhhh
...ok now replace wife with small children...uhh im not picky.
FAWK DOOD OMG IM PROJECTILE VOMITING AS IM SAYING THIS LOUD-LIKE. Hell will accept you with open Flaming Unholy spikey vagina of cutting!!!!1

 

by alanej
3-26-03
Excuse me for a second I gotta...fawk im not even gonna make an excuse.
Hey father, so why'd ya call me here...is it dark or is it just me?
INSERT RANDOM CHURM-BOY FUCKING NOISES HERE
...fawk
OMG DOOD I am so turned on right now, here, read me the part about when Jesus dies while I fuck this psalms packet...wicked.
Soulmate?

 

by alanej
3-26-03
An innocent and not at all rape-inducing knock sounds at the door.
x-treme knock!
Coming.
H-hello little girl, I'm not being sent by a fellow child-prodder dans la coup to lure you into X-TREME spider fawk sexxxors!!!1
ok.
Just a little further until nothing including rape happens.
Lalala

 

by alanej
3-26-03
Stop right there you m-
waaa?
So attracted to priest...must..resist...
What is it, my child?
OHHHH GOOOOOD!!!1 My secret weakness!1
WTF My eye! FAWK My eye You Jizzsprinkler fagstrattler.

 

by alanej
3-26-03
Since when did I have a fucking conscience?
Since you do this fuckhandler, stop the priest andyourself before it's too late and I drive this nail into my goddammed headfactory!!!4
I wonder if the priest will bring that little boy drool.
I'm leaving.
:POUND POUND POUND:

 

by alanej
3-26-03
OH GOD I'm BLIND!!!89
Like that biatach!!
Damn zipper.
Ok I'm done being a figment, APESHIT GO YOUR ON I ASS WILL!!!!1
Holy Step Mother's exroommate pigstiker of FUCK! I've never seen so much blood!!!
Shut up bioch! You're Next! DISCRETION IS FOR the weak!!!1

 

by alanej
3-26-03
So she's warmed up I'm guess-WTFFFOFMGF!?
Very dead
Prepare your bowels for IMMINENT RELEASE!!!1 I will soon roxxor your cockxxor but not in good way\\
Dood, you understand how stick like you are...Dr. Laura is fawked by me at nite LOL
Ok, WTF is wrong with that guy?
I am seriously grossed out...and it like serious.

 

by alanej
3-26-03
GRION GRABBING ATTACK OF TEETHING FURY
PUND NAIL IN OWN HEAD ATTACK111!
I own all behold for bow me to!!1
Now you're safe little girl, after long last!
What do you mean? My origonal antagonist is still alive and well? Have you even been paying attention to the stupid and nonsensical plaot. Fuck, someone should shooot you in front of your own mother.
Gawd even kids say that to me now.

 

by alanej
3-26-03
You killed my friend cunt-slave! I AM masturbating in ANGER!!!1
Dood, realize that you fucked, yo.
Not if I switch weapons for no reason!!
Ridiculousingitdue move of pain evolving!
Oh god! the pain is evolving!!! in my SCROTUM!!!

 

by alanej
3-26-03
Oh, right he died, yeah. Now he's gone for fucking good.
FATALITY!
Fucking Dead
I own all
Now I here now.
At the exact FUcking time and fucking place.
U DIE FOR NO REASON, Where's you dickSAck Now, DickSAckless fuck who has no DickSACK?!
wordless cry of pain using words()

 

by alanej
3-26-03
FRIENDSHIP!!
Way OverDEAD
Pan Back.
Yeah, there used to be people but i FUCKING killed them all...repeatedly.

 

by alanej
3-26-03
Where's your god now?
Right here.
GET THE FUCK OTTA HERE.
The End.
ok.
Yeah, don't forget to sponaneously combust...faggot.

 

by alanej
4-25-03
Sheat, why did I park in those handicapped spots?
Nice park job, Fuckparcel. You scored yourself a ticket. Bow.
Dood 1 j- I just w-
What's your handicap? Speak correctly, nutslapper.
M- M- (Projectile vomits, violently)
Fucking sick, my shit is grossed out.

 

by alanej
4-25-03
'Lo Klantel, whtz up wif u?
Word.
Yea I no, thsi cop yelld at em for parkigna in handicaped sopt adn I got all upset and it happend agian!!1
How he be duin 'at?
What the fukc idi you jst say?
...word.

 

by alanej
4-25-03
Oh hey Wndey, fnancy m33tin u here, it being teh store andall.
Shit it's that fucknut, greg or something.
Shit! she's m0t sayingnothing! wht fi hse doesn't no who I is!?
Hmm he expects me to say something back...well better give him the old "I'm being polite but you're not my type."
Leave the vacinity and avoid castration, scrotal savage.
...smoove.

 

by alanej
4-25-03
Fawk dood did u jsut see taht? She licked me und sheet.
You just got blow off, foo. Are you blinded? Bettuh kno yo sheat, bro.
Everything si encouragement when i dnot no whut tha fuck u sayin.
Same here, white assed drywall racial slur remark prelude.
Wait dnid u jsut say she dint leik me?
And I speak to you why? Fo' sho'

 

by alanej
4-25-03
She's gettin away, go get hu 'fore she does some shit to do ...fuck im wasted.
Ooo, a black man! Better get out "Old Red"
Harsh, but no one could misinterpret that one.
Wendy, wait! I found out a way to completely misinterpret your undeniably certain disleik of me. Idiocy!
Hate does not this situation justify.
...b3cause 1 of the tings oyu sadi was tat when teh guy refrerering 2 me was in teh buldig...

 

by alanej
5-02-03
This is horse fucking shit, I did nothing wrong.
That's for a jury of your inept peers to decide. Fingerprint these or face the consequences.
Imma stand up fo my rights, take your ink stamps and shuv them up your phallac...thing.
When Big Ron is tearin you a new one, I'll be there laughing and selling tickets and laughing and making money off your pain. And laughing.
Don't make me stick my rape whistle into Mrs. Va-jay-jay.
Clearly you want the consequences, dick twig.

 

by alanej
5-02-03
Later...in JAIL!!!1
...so I says to him, "Hey man, I'm not gay...you're the one with the
Bwahahaha...he said "ass".
Must approach them calm non-hreatending like.
Yeah so then I said, "I swear, officer. He told me he was 15!...and a she!" Which, unbeknownst to me at the time wouldn't have mattered.
Whaddup?
There's a twenty in my fly...how bout you get it for me.

 

by alanej
5-02-03
Lo Im ehre ta bail my frend out, his nam3 iz Klantel.
I can't understand a goddammed word you're saying.
Don't make me bust yo shit, son.
I'll bust in your shit.
Hey Klantel Im hree to get u out.
Your ass apolstry is cum drenched, fuckawl! wagE!!!111

 

by alanej
5-02-03
YEah, that gay guy...yeah he's FUCKING DEAD.
J3ZUZ! Dood U PWNed himxxorz!
...word.
...
...
...so you gonna wage or what?
...yeah, sounds good.

 

by alanej
5-02-03
Ten minutes later...
NeonFUckSequence! So THIS is the dreaded GO TIME!
**Totally Screaming in Pain**
Four hours later...
So tired...must continue wage...
**X-Treme Pain Sounding**
Seventy eight hours later...
I can't feel my fuck...
Ok I've been burning for like 3 days now...this is old.

 

by alanej
5-02-03
Klantel has dreaming with many much meaning forks of happyness.
Is this the end then...all my strength gone in one, massive GO TIME?
Seems like it, fuckbolt.
Who be you?
Who gives a fuck you are hallucinating, cockrazor.
Fuck, don't leave...I'm so lonely and i even switched places with you to make you happy and...
Get used to it, cockstunt, I'm otta this sheat.

 

by alanej
5-02-03
Woah where am I?
Ow, my head.
What the fawk are you doing here fappler?
Ooo...it's a Lady...
You're fucking sick dood, does evry person ever want to rpe me or whut?
Have you ever heard the term, "Rape-Whistle?"

 

by alanej
5-02-03
The children meet PDNF...the lod of the void realm of infinite voidness.
I am the keeper of the void!!
Wow, you are should not be.
Sweet step mother of Gawd.
Look, I know what I look like ok? Just drop it, I have important things that I have no reason to tell you to tell you.

 

by alanej
5-02-03
You are the Wageful. In all of history I have gathered Those Who Wage and kept them in this dimension so they couldn't harm anyone.
Like, so they couldn't harm a fly?
See, I thought it was a good pun. heh.
Eject your pneumatic fuck larva now before I kill you.
Does she ever make sence?

 

by alanej
6-21-03
Listen. You fuck. No one gives this story a plot, ok? You DIE NOW.!
Can you see my crossed arms of determination?!
W...a.....g.....e......
...fuck.
My supremeness in relation to you is obvious, plot-maker.
I'll make your plot, fuckslut. I spent so long thinking of a reason for all this to happen, and you fucked it

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