All comics by baba

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by baba
3-04-02
Blessed be the goats!
I am the home for your soul in the time between lives!
Blessed be the goats!
When the goats mate, new souls for humans are born!
What the fuck are they talking about?
Alas, the infidel!

 

by baba
3-04-02
I am Baba, Allah's messenger on Earth. Because there is no character for me, the pimp will be used to represent me.
I am Allah. Because there is no character for me, Jesus will be used to represent me.
Sucks for you.
Word.

 

by baba
3-04-02
Oh, wise Baba! I wish to learn about the greatness of Allah! Teach me!
Listen, child, and I will tell you of how our souls pass from life to life through the middleworld of goats!
Goats? Middlelife? Reincarnation? This doesn't sound like it came from the Koran!
We follow the New Revised American International Alternative Standard King James Koran...
There's a King James Koran?
...Version 2.5!

 

by baba
3-04-02
Woman! Come learn about the greatness of Allah from his messenger, Baba!
So, you're this Baba I've been hearing about! *giggle* Okay, what's the message?
Woman, before you can hear the message, you must show respect by covering your face!
I don't have a veil. *tee hee* How can I cover my face?
Hmmm... Why don't you take off your shirt and use that?
Oh, Baba, you're so wise! *giggle*

 

by baba
3-06-02
You summoned me, Allah?
Baba, my messenger! I cannot abide using this Jesus character. You must find me a more suitable one.
Yes, Allah! How about... THIS?
I think it sends thre wrong message. Try again.
Here's one! And a handsome character, if I do say so myself!
I can always find a new messenger, Baba.

 

by baba
3-06-02
Oh, come on Allah, that is a great character for you!
Sorry, Baba. I'll find a character for myself.
You know best, my lord!
KER-TRANS-FORM!
Decepticons!
Damn, I was supposed to turn into a gaint red robot. What the hell...?

 

by baba
3-06-02
Ok, Allah, you've transformed yourself into a robot. Now what?
Allah? Are you okay?
Ah, I've got it!
Allah?
Shit.
I wonder if the Mormons are recruiting...

 

by baba
3-06-02
I am Allah! Come, praise me!
Yikes! A giant bug!
I am Allah! Come, praise me!
Noooo! It can't be! A giant bug! Aiieeeeee!!!!
I am Allah! Come, praise me!
Hey, cutie, I'll praise you all you want!

 

by baba
3-06-02
Get away! Get away! A giant bug! Nooooo!
I must find worshipers! They must see that Allah is God!
Oh, my God...
Finally!
...a giant bug!
*Gck*

 

by baba
3-07-02
Having a problem, Allah?
Jesus! How have you been? Yeah, I don't have a character, so somehow I ended up as this bug!
Ah, let me see if I can help...
OW!
Better?
Dude, you are so dead.

 

by baba
3-08-02
I am Allah! Come praise me!
Hey, Allah!
Baba! My Messenger! You have returned!
This whole, "character" thing is getting in the way of the message. Please hurry up and pick a good one so we can return to preaching.
Right! And the message was...?
I forget. Something about goats.

 

by baba
3-08-02
I am Allah! My messenger and I shall now teach you about the Sacred Transcendental Universal Penticostal Islamic Denomination.
I am Baba, Allah's messenger. I made up the name for our religion, the only TRUE form of Islam.
S.T.U.P.I.D?
Just flows right off the tounge, eh?

 

by baba
3-08-02
"The turnips must be sorted, lest the good be discarded with the spoiled."
Wise, Allah, very wise!
"The asparagus nestled to your bosom is warmed, losing essential vitamins. Therefore, hold nothing too close."
Ah, yes, Allah! I understand!
"A cucumber, well-lubricated with vegatable oil--
Whoah, whoah, whoah! Let's quit while we're ahead.

 

by baba
3-08-02
"The flesh of the peach is sweet, but the core is bitter. So it is with us. We must shrink our pits and expand our flesh."
Ah, Allah... You are so wise!
"I like asparagus."
Say what?
No, really. I like asparagus. Can't get enough of it.
Man, you just ain't getting the hang of the God thing, are you?

 

by baba
3-09-02
I am Allah! Let my great wisdom flow upon you!
You aren't Allah! You look like DexX.
I am merely using his character. But I really am Allah! I know all! I know everything about you, in fact!
Prove it.
You do not suck dick.
Oh, like that's a revelation.

 

by baba
3-09-02
"The onion has many layers. All are edible, except the skin. Shed your skin and show your true onion."
Oh, Allah! I revel in your wisdom!
"The skin of the pineapple protects it from harm. The face you show the world protects your fleshy insides. Never lose your skin, lest you be open to harm."
Wait a second... Don't those two pearls of wisdom contradict each other?
"Pity the poor mango. It asked it's master too many questions, and was soon unemployed."
Oh, Allah! I revel in your wisdom!

 

by baba
3-11-02
So Allah, explain to me how goats fit into our religion.
Between incarnations, our souls reside in the bodies of goats. The goats mate, and when a baby goat is born a new soul for a human baby is released.
What would happen if a human mated with a goat?
The offspring would be an abomination with only half a soul! It would be a terrible, evil, spreading darkness across the Earth! Why do you ask?
Oh... uh... No reason.
Mating with goats, eh? Well, it might explain why he smells like that.

 

by baba
3-11-02
I'm your private dancer... dancing for money... do what do want me to do...
*snort*
Huh?
Papa!
*gck*

 

by baba
3-12-02
Papa!
So you're the result of my mating with a goat, eh? The one who will spread an awful evil across the world? I think I'll name you "Halla."
Papa is funny!
You don't seem evil. I mean, you look scary but you seem harmelsss otherwise, and... *sniff* What in Allah's name is is that SMELL?
Halla make poopy!
Anybody got a shovel?

 

by baba
3-12-02
Allah... What are the implications of Halla only having half a soul? If she mates with someone, will her offspring have 75% of a soul?
"The seed of life is like that of a pumpkin. When roasted and salted, it is very tasty."
Could you run that by me again?
"Do not fling your bananas at the redwood tree. The redwood will not care, and your bananas will get mushy."
You have idea, do you?
"An idea is like a watermelon. Remove the water, and you have only melon."

 

by baba
3-13-02
Allah... I'm having a crisis of faith.
"A crisis is like a crab apple. Despite the name, it does not taste like a crustacean."
You make no sense! And you sound more like Confucius than Allah!
"Sense is like dried cannabis rolled in paper and inhaled deeply. That is, verily, some good shit."
Whoah! Allah smokes weed?
How do you think I come up with these sayings?

 

by baba
3-13-02
So your wisdom has been nothing but drug-induced babbling?
I'm afraid so.
And the way you changed from character to character? My mating with a goat? My demon-daugher, Halla?
Just a pot-inspired fantasy.
What about the New Revised American International Alternative Standard King James Koran?
Four hundred pages of fruit and vegatable aphorisms... in my head.

 

by baba
3-13-02
Funny, it all seemed so real.
Ultimately, who can say what is real and what is fantasy?
Zoroaster said, "If you wish to strengthen a lie, mix a little truth in with it. "
Zen Buddhists would say, "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world."
Yeah, and you would say something like, "The prune of Love is wrinkly, but sweet, and as an added bonus, it makes you regular."
Man, why didn't I think of that?

 

by baba
3-13-02
Well, Allah... What's next?
Next? Next you come down from your high, and I go away. Goodbye, Baba.
Wait! Where are you going?
Who says what is real, Baba? I'm just another part of your hallucination. Farewell!
Shit.

 

by baba
6-15-02
So Allah was just a drug-induced dream. I'm not his Messenger. I'm just a poor man living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Man, how could this get any worse?
Moh!
I had to ask.

 

by baba
6-15-02
Wait! Maybe Allah was real. Maybe he communicates with me through my drug dreams! Maybe I'm meant to be his Messenger in *this* world!
But why? Why would he choose a regular guy like me? And why now, after the nuclear apocalypse? Wouldn't he want to prevent it?
And why am I talking to myself?
I was beginning to wonder.

 

by baba
6-15-02
Damn! I'm just not sure what to do! I wish I had more time with Allah so I could understand!
Uhh.... sure, man. Whatever.
Well, there's only one thing to do.
What's that?
I must have another hit of the Holy Weed.
Dude, you've had more than your share already!

 

by baba
6-15-02
Okay, here goes.... Phhhhhttttt!!!
Awww, man! You finished it off!
WHOAH!
Feeling anything?
Allah!
The carrot of contentment must be washed thoroughly before consumption. Welcome back, Baba.

 

by baba
3-14-05
Allah, it's so good to be back with you! My real life is a burned out post-apocalyptic Hell!
"The grapefruit of life is juicy, but when you least expect it, it squirts you in the eye."
You know, only a few seconds have passed, and yet it feels like almost three years.
"The tomato must ripen on the vine, but don't let it ripen too long, or add an E to the end like Dan Quayle would."
You've been in the produce aisle all this time, haven't you?
"The cucumber, though supple, is no substitute for a date on a Friday night."

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